Ever since I found out about my sexual orientation coming out became one of the most terrifying things to me. I was always pretty insecure about the way I looked and about the way people perceived me. I wanted everyone to like me but at the same time I was too afraid to show my true self to the world. In the end I got so confused that I didn't even know what I wanted.
Was it the freedom or was it the love and affection? Having them both was practically impossible.
After I spent all that time being so lonely I realized that not everyone was going to like me. I knew I shouldn't have let others define me but it was so hard to ignore their opinions because I once thought that those people were my friends and family. I didn't want to disappoint them and the only way of doing that would be by lying. But eventually I got tired of keeping secrets. Everything became really exhausting after a while. I didn't even know who I was anymore and as the time passed I was starting to become the person they wanted me to be. But at what cost?
I lost the sense of who I was. I got depressed because I realized that I had to choose.
I had to choose between them or me. I either had to put on an act for the rest of my life and pretend like I was normal or accept the fact that they would never understand me and leave all those people behind.
It was very hard for me to make that decision. Not only because I was afraid but also because this meant that I would have to sacrifice something else too. I would lose their love and even though I knew their feelings were fake I still wanted them. I wanted to feel like I was included. They made me believe that the only way to achieve true happiness was by obeying societal norms, otherwise you'd be considered an outcast, a person who was rejected by everyone. And people like that had a hard time surviving in today's world. of course to me being shunned and ostracized by everybody seemed like the most terrifying idea ever.
But once I finally left my hometown behind and met the people who actually liked me for who I really was, I became happy. I was happy because I didn't have to hide anymore. No one even cared if I was gay in my new school so I eventually felt the freedom I desired and it was so nice that I thought I was dreaming.
You know what that whole experience taught me? I finally realized that there wasn't anything wrong with me. I didn't have to change to fit into other people's ideals.
Those who didn't accept me in the past were the ones that I needed to erase from my life if I wanted to get rid of this burden. They were holding me back and because of them I wasted so much of my teenage years feeling left out and miserable. Obeying them was not a path that would lead me to anywhere nice. It was the road of destruction and I was done walking down that path once and for all.
I also realized that if I wanted to stay happy I had to surround myself with the people who supported and loved me. And that was exactly what I was planning on doing.
"Hey, Jesse, are you okay?" Tae-soo started waving his hand in front of my eyes to snap me out of my fantasy.
"Oh, sorry," I blinked and looked at him to concentrate on what he was saying. "Did you tell me something?"
"I wanted to introduce you to my girlfriend Allyson," Tae-soo smiled and looked at the girl who was sitting next to him. "Allyson, this is my childhood friend Jesse."
I was so deep in the thinking process a few seconds ago that I completely forgot that we were at the school cafeteria and I hadn't eaten anything yet.
I was really irritated ever since yesterday because of Violet's phone call but I didn't want my bad mood to ruin this otherwise joyful moment.
"It's very nice to meet you, Allyson." I said with a friendly smile and shook the girl's hand.
I won't lie, Tae-soo girlfriend was actually really cute. She seemed to be almost as tall as me and had brown eyes and darker skin but I couldn't tell if that was her natural skin color or a tan.
Even though she got a bit confused for a second she quickly shook my hand and smiled back.
"It's nice to meet you too." Allyson added with a soothing voice. "Did you guys go to the same school or something?"
"Yes, actually," Tae-soo replied before I was able to say anything. "When I first came here from Korea Jesse helped me out a lot. My English wasn't good at all but I learned a lot from him."
"Oh, really?" Allyson said enthusiastically. "That's so kind of you."
"No, it was nothing." I answered awkwardly and slightly blushed. "He's making it sound like it's a big deal but I didn't do anything special."
"He's just too shy to take the credit." Tae-soo couldn't resist teasing me.
I was about to respond when I saw Tiffany's friend Connor approaching our table. He was out of breath and it seemed like he ran a marathon or something.
Once he finally got closer to us he looked at me in the eyes and stated. "Hey, Jesse, can I speak with you for a moment?"
"Yeah," I didn't know what he would possibly want from me so I was hesitant for a few seconds. "What's up?"
"Um... Can we talk alone?" Connor seemed very nervous for some reason. "It's sort of private."
I got even more confused after that. He and I had practically nothing in common except for the fact that we were both gay but that couldn't have been the reason why he wanted to talk to me. Only other factor I could think of was Jay. Connor probably wanted to ask me to stay away from him, probably because he believed I was into him or something, which was not the case by the way. Since I had already decided not to contact Jay anyways I figured I'd let Connor know he had nothing to worry about.
"Alight..." I answered after a few moments of awkward silence. Then I turned to Tae-soo and his girlfriend to say goodbye. "I'll see you guys later."
Connor suddenly grabbed my wrist quite tightly and ran away from the cafeteria as I struggled to keep the pace. It was becoming pretty difficult to not fall because of this awkward position he was dragging me from so I used my body weight with a bit of help from my muscles to stop for a second as we were in a less crowded area which made Connor turn back.
"Why did you want to speak with me?" I asked once he let go of my wrist.
"Look... it's urgent. You'll find out when we get there." Connor replied anxiously.
"I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me what's going on right now." I crossed my arms and raised my eyebrow waiting for his response.
"Um... It's about your grandmother. She's here... and... Uh... she wants to see you." Connor started mumbling but I figured it must have been because he was tired from all the running so I didn't question his suspicious tone.
"Grandma's here?" My eyes widened and I got worried. "What happened to her? Is she okay? Why is she here?"
"No... She's fine." Connor sighed from annoyance. "Ugh, just follow me and you'll find out what's going on."
I was so nervous that I completely ignored all the red flags that otherwise I would have easily spotted if the situation hadn't been this tense. He was giving away some weird vibes but as soon as he mentioned grandma my mind went completely blank as I became worried that she was sick or something but Connor just didn't know how to break the bad news to me.
I followed him without much resistance as my heart raced quickly from the nervousness. All I wished was to see my grandmother's face and make sure she was healthy and safe.
"Are you sure this is the right place?" I asked once he opened the door of what seemed like an abandoned classroom. "Why is it so dark in here?"
"Just get inside!" Connor demanded but I hesitated and backed out instead of following his instructions. There was no way my grandma would have been in there so I had no intention of going in there.
He got angry and grabbed onto my hand to push me inside the dark room but I was still able to resist. His hands were slipping and I was about to escape from his grip when I felt someone's chest blocking my exit. I didn't get a chance to look at this stranger's face but he pushed me inside the room and closed the door.
Everything was pitch-black and I couldn't even see their faces at first but then Connor turned on the light and what I saw made my heart stop for a second.
Tiffany's boyfriend Mason was standing right in front of me. When the lights tuned on he started closing the distance between us so I backed out but he grabbed onto my sweatshirt and pulled me in with a spin. Then he held me from the back to prevent me from running away.
"What are you doing? Let me go!" I screamed but Mason put his hand on my mouth so no one could hear me.
In an instant Connor appeared right in front of me with an angry expression. He was full of rage and disgust. He then clenched his fist and hit me in the stomach.
I thought I would end up screaming but his punch wasn't even that painful. Actually I think his hand was more hurt than my stomach.
"Listen to me, new kid," Connor stated with a threatening tone which if anything made him sound more comical. "If you go near Jay ever again I swear I'll rip you into pieces. I saw him first so stay away from him, got that?"
"Why does everyone think that I'm some sort of boyfriend thief or something?" I replied with a laugh once Mason finally removed his hand from my lips. "I mean, seriously, you're making it sound like I'm going around stealing other people's men. I'm not exactly what you'd call a supermodel so even if I wanted to I doubt I'd be able to pull that off. And why are you blaming me at all? It's not like I was the one who approached your beloved Jay or whatever the hell his name is. I don't give a fuck about him so just leave me alone, okay?"
"What?" Connor got confused and backed out. "But I... I saw how he gave you his number..."
"Did you see how I called that number?" I responded sarcastically. "Yeah, me neither because I didn't. I wasn't going to call him, dumbass. Check your facts before you accuse someone of something they didn't even do."
"Then what were you going to do with his number?"
"Nothing. I threw it away." I lied because Connor seemed very unstable and the last thing I wanted was to upset him even more. Technically it wasn't a lie to be honest because I was certainly going to throw Jay's number away once I got out of this mess. That boy was definitely not worth this much trouble.
"Oh..." Connor finally calmed down a little bit. Then he looked at Mason and added. "You can let him go now."
Mason ignored his orders and instead he pulled my hair and pushed me face down on a dusty desk. I used my heel to step on his toes in order to somehow escape. He groaned and loosened his grip but unfortunately I wasn't able to slip away. This only turned him angrier and he used his palm to push my face even further. Inhaling the dust from the filthy desk made me cough as I struggled to breathe properly.
"What are you doing?" Connor marched towards Mason and tried to help me but he was way too weak to do any meaningful damage. "Are you crazy? What if someone sees you? We're going to get in so much trouble if he tells the principal. Let him go right now!"
Mason raised his left hand and slapped him in the face. Connor couldn't stand on his feet anymore so he fell down.
"It's so cute that you thought I would obey your orders. The only reason why I helped you was because I wanted something from him too. Don't worry though, you'll get your turn." Mason started talking to Connor at first but when I tried getting away he used his body to restrain me. "As for you, Jesse, I am not finished yet. You know, at first I wanted to be nice to you. I decided to wait for you to be ready but after what you did that day I think I've changed my mind."
"No!" I tried kicking him with my legs but the position I was in didn't allow me to do so. I could feel his bulge pressed against my butt and I got even more scared. There was no way I'd allow this sorry excuse of a guy to touch me like this. I just needed his hand to be a little lower, closer to my mouth so I could bite his finger then I'd surely make this pervert regret the day he decided to pick on me. "I'll kill you if you won't get off me right now!"
"Is this your first time?" I could hear how Mason was unbuckling his belt. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle..."
"Get your filthy hands off him!" A feminine voice interrupted.
Mason finally let me go and I quickly got away from the desk.
"Tiffany, this isn't what you think it is!" He tried to explain himself when he saw his girlfriend standing inside the classroom with us.
"Shut up you disgusting piece of human waste! I have had enough of your excuses." Tiffany walked towards me and stood between me and Mason. She then suddenly showed her phone to him and added. "I recorded everything so if you ever go near us or anyone else for the matter I'll show this to the cops and even your dad won't be able to save you from jail."
"Give me the phone!" Mason growled like an animal.
He then slowly walked towards Tiffany to take her phone away but as he was making steps she put the phone on the desk and calmly took a fighting stance. When he got close to her she kicked him skillfully with her leg and Mason fell on the floor without any resistance. It all happened so fast I even thought I was hallucinating or something.
Tiffany leaned down and softly added.
"I know Kung Fu."