Two ~ Truth
A/N: This chapter won't have a lot of narration but straight up, like question answers as Ziva is filming for a Podcast here. She will open up a lot about her life in One Direction, so there will be a lot of dark stuff here. Please be careful <3
Inspired by Liam's recent Podcast Interview on The Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett.
ZIVA MALIK TALKS ABOUT BEING A WOMAN ENTREPRNUER, DEALING WITH SOCIETY STANDARDS AND RELATIONSHIPS.
"Hello everyone! Welcome back to another episode of The Diary of a CEO. Today we have Ziva Malik here in the studio. This young girl has gone through a lot, with being risen to fame in an era where woman were not necessarily supported. There were a lot of restrictions and despite everything, she has risen to fame and proven all of the haters wrong. I had heard stories about who she is a very grounded and kind person and after meeting her, I have no doubt." Steven introduced.
"Hi Steven! Thank you so much for having me." Ziva smiled at the guy "I'm really glad to have you here. Are you ready to open up for things no one has ever heard before?" She was shaking, he could see that. "I'm really nervous. But I'm ready."
"We'll start off with a positive note. You have your second album coming up soon." Ziva smiled. "Yeah, crazy thing. It's been like an year since I released 'Mine' and I was just ready to get new music out, especially after the reactions my solo music got the first time, I felt really motivated." Steve nodded "You released an album the fastest. Like, none of your other band mates had a single out and you had a whole album ready and it had 12 songs. How did you have so much inspiration?" Ziva pushed back a strand of her hair "I had like, a lot of demos from years back from One Direction. They were songs I loved so much but they never got onto the albums. And moreover I went through a breakup a few months before the hiatus which explains the heartbreak songs. I wrote like three songs after the hiatus and the album was good to go since I had all the songs completely written from before."
"Now, Ziva it's kinda obvious that you had to deal with a lot of hate for being a woman, and being colored, a famous personality." Steve counted on his fingers. "Mhm. The hate never bothered me because I remember my mother's advice. She told me that not everyone's going to like what you do and agree with it. All that matters is that you believe in yourself and he people who actually matter, know who you actually are. So, the media could say I murdered someone for all I care, but I know I didn't, the people who matter know I didn't and at the end of the day, It's just a rumor." Steven nodded "So it doesn't affect you at all?" Ziva slowly shook her head "I mean, sometimes it does. Like if I get papped on a bad day, the mean articles do get to me but since I went solo, not really. The only thing that affects me, no it actually angers me is when people can just accuse me of something because I'm colored. Like, I remember that every time there is some kind of national threat or like a terrorist attack, I have to go through extra security because they believe me to be some kind of terrorist. That just hurts me, nothing more."
Steve looked over at a piece of paper and furrowed his eyebrows "So, you've talked about how you have a problem dealing with emotions in the past."
"Mhmm."
"Why's that?" "Well, I think that it's because.. Well, we know that your teen years, like from 16-19 years of age is when you figure yourself out. Like, your likes, dislikes, emotions and all become very distinct. You understand yourself, you explore. I was 17, when I auditioned for X-Factor with Zayn and the band was formed. All of a sudden there were so many people just telling me how to act, what to be, who to be that I didn't get time to figure who I really was. And I regret it. Till this day, I have no idea how I need to deal with my emotions, which is one of the biggest reasons I still do music. I don't regret that decision, but what I do regret is letting people tell me what to do and just, control me. I know many people are gonna come at me like 'Oh she's making it all about herself' or like 'It's not that hard'. It might not be for you, but it is for me. Everyone goes through their own struggle and everyone has a different reaction to every situation."
"I wanna dive into another topic.." Steve started. He pulled out two pictures, one from 2012 and one from around 2013. "These pictures are nearly five months apart." They were. The 2012 Ziva looked healthy, the 2013 Ziva looked malnourished. "We all know that the society has always had crazy beauty standards for both men, and women. Here, we can see that in 2012, You look happy and healthy but in the second picture, I can see your ribs. What happened here?" He questioned softly. The topic brought tears to Ziva's eyes, just thinking about it.
"So, I was a late bloomer. Usually, us girls go through puberty at like sixteen, but I went through it at eighteen. I think everyone knows that when you go through that stage of life, you grow. Like you develop more distinct features, your feminine parts grown and your body adapts to the changes. When I was going through puberty, I put on weight. It wasn't a lot, but like 10lbs which rough up to 5 kilograms. I didn't really pay attention to it cuz I understood that my body needs the change so I can be healthy in the future. I accepted it. There were a lot of articles like 'Did Ziva Malik have One too many burgers?' and 'What fame can buy you? Weight.' These were articles that really affected me. And I imagined how someone who actually struggled to have body positivity would get affected. Like if someone wats to become a model, it's their dream, articles like these would shatter their spirits! They would feel like just because they aren't a small or a medium, they can't become what they want and that's total bull! No reassurance and no courage could pull them up, it couldn't pull me up and it's coming from someone who's been in spotlight for long. I started working out and going on diets. There was change, but really low since ya know it was needed by my body and you can't get rid of the body requirements." She wiped her tears.
"I was a medium before going through puberty and my clothes became a large afterwards. That wasn't accepted by some people out there. Whenever there was a concert, which was like 8 months in a year, the managers were instructed to instruct everyone, the security and the preppers or like whoever was on food duty to not let me eat." There were so many tears in Ziva's eyes that she couldn't control them. Steven gasped "Don't tell me. No way." His face was pale, mouth opened in shock. "I am telling you. For example if there were two cartons of cookies, I was allowed to eat one cookie. That too so I don't faint. Which is why I had thinned a lot around 2013. I shared an apartment with Louis and we had someone go grocery shopping for us for the time we'd be home, and they were instructed not to let anything unhealthy in the house. Whenever I went out with the boys, If I ordered something like a pasta or something, the order would be cancelled. The waiter would come back with food for them and I'd be like, where is mine? And if you ask them, the waiter would say that my order had been cancelled. I didn't eat after that Who would want to? So, the boys would make sure that they order a lot of extra food that they obviously couldn't eat. So, they would have it as a takeaway and we'd all pile in one car, no driver nothing and then I'd eat while they drove back to the apartment. I remember, Niall was sitting in the front seat and Harry was driving and the blonde had so many tears in his eyes. He was biting in nails so he wouldn't break down in front of me. The system worked for like a few weeks when one of the people from the management caught us.." She clenched her eyes shut, not wanting to relive what had happened.
"You don't have to continue." Steven comforted but Ziva was persistent. "No no. Uh, so when they found out, the little bit of food I was allowed was cut off to nothing. So, I'd have only water before going on the stage and then coming off the stage, no matter how hungry I was. My meals were reduced to One, and that too was Salad and some almonds." Taking a tissue, she wiped dry her tears. "How did it stop?" Steven questioned further. Ziva took in a deep breath. "It was the Take Me Home tour. We were in Australia, Adelaide I think. So, I had gotten my periods that day and obviously, you can't cancel or just not show up on the concert. Usually, when we women go through our menstural cycles, your body's kinda weak the first two days since you have stomach cramps and all. I remember feeling so weak because I hadn't eaten properly, I hadn't gotten in that good seven or eight hours of sleep and my body was weak since I had stomach and leg cramps. My body was begging me to eat and I literally begged the crew and like actually begged. I got on my knees and folded my hands and just asked them to let me eat something." Ziva had her eyes closed, not wanting to see Steven's reaction.
"I had never felt so patheic in my life. I had everything yet nothing because I couldn't even move. We had ten minutes left before we went on stage and I spend almost Seven of those just on my knees. The boys weren't around and I was kind of grateful that they don't know of the incident, well didn't until now. Everyone around me was just looking at me as I sobbed. In the end, our makeup artist, Lou, she took me in the dressing room and got me apples so I could at least stand. I couldn't even walk properly and my legs were all jittery. I didn't think I could do it, but I just kinda pushed through. So, I went out and I did the concert halfway. When we came in during half time for a quick change, the last thing I remember was falling onto my knees and Zayn holding me up, and it just blacked." The brunette opened her eyes to look at the guy's reaction "You passed out." He stated. Ziva nodded "Yeah. That's why I didn't finish the show. The boys finished it and rushed to the local hospital. I think when they got there I was hooked onto IV and I had this tube inserted in my stomach which was sending all the minerals in my body. When I woke up, Liam was sitting in this seat near my bed and Zayn was sleeping with his hand holding mine. I looked at myself in a mirror and I was so pale and thin. That's when I decided I had enough. I requested a meeting with Simon and I told him that if this was how things were going to be, I didn't want to do this. I could not put my career or the beauty standards before my health." Steven rubbed his chin "So they just let you off the hook after that?" Ziva nodded. "I refused to listen to them anymore. It was either that they had me signed, or that I wasn't there in any form. I would have withdrawed all the agreements and left the band." Ziva wiped her face with a tissue, getting rid of all the tear streaks. "Should we take a five?" But Ziva shook her head "No no I'm okay."
"Thank you so much for opening up with me Ziva, I can only imagine how hard it would have been. Now, you have enterprises of your own." Ziva nodded "Yes. I own Interscope records and I have shares in both Columbia Records and Republic Records." Steven smiled "Is that even allowed?" Ziva laughed lightly "I don't know. I hope it is." "Alright Alright. Why did you decide to do that?" The girl shrugged "I don't know. As an artist, I feel like there are so many young ones that do not get the oppurtunity to showcase their talent because they aren't signed to some record. And I wanted to change that. Columbia and Republic are huge record labels and I wanted to give people an oppurtunity to be introduced to the world. So, I invested and today I own, what, like 80% of the company. Then I started Interscope to create even more of that." Steven nodded "How long did it take for Interscope to flourish?"
"Well, I didn't want anyone to want to sign themselves over to us just because it was started by Ziva Malik, so when we approached artisits, we used my manager's name for it. And then people liked it and today we are one of the top out there." Steven nodded "And if anyone's wondering, Ziva actually started the record label in 2014, while you were in the band." "Mhmm. Yeah. I felt like this was something I could do. The idea came to me as a joke at first. Obviosuly I wanted to give oppurtunities to everyone but I wasn't going to actually start one on my own, at least while I was with the boys. It was a joke, everyone encouraged me and here we are today."
"We're gonna talk about your love life next." Steven announced, causing the brunette in front of him to groan "Oh god please no." The man laughed out loud "Many had suspicions that you dated band member Louis Tomlinson throughout the five years. But then you had dated co-star Ian Somerhalder for two years before you broke up and then currently everyone has suspicions that you're dating Dylan O'Brien. Both of you have been spotted out and about a lot and it's stirring up some rumours." Ziva shied at the thought of her dating Dylan. Ian though... "I did date Ian for two years. Sometimes, you realise that your partner and you want different things in life and that's what happened. My solo career was just starting and he wanted to settle down, but I didn't want that just yet. I have all the love for him and we're still friends today. Dylan, as you said is a great friend. I'm not dating him. Again, he is a great man but just.... no. Even the thought is just stupid." Steven laughed as Ziva shuddered in disgust at the thought of dating him. Louis was a different story "Louis, we are friends. He's a great lad and I mean, he'd be a great boyfriend but we're just too opposite-" Steven cut her off "But don't they say that opposites attract?" Ziva scoffed, showing a small smile "Clearly not in our case. But no, I did not date Louis and the whole Liva thing is stupid."
"How has the whole thing changed since you went solo? Like the compositions and the lyrics. What changes have you faced? And what just sort of pushed you into continuing making music?"
"Hmm... The process, I'd say has changed A LOT. Mainly because I wrote all my songs now, earlier there were writers so it wasn't too worrisome. But now I just have to rely on myself for inspiration and that can get really hard sometimes. Changes, I'd say I travelled a lot. I went exploring, I went with friends, I went solo but I just really explored so you know, I could have that inspiration to write. And I honestly wasn't going to continue making music. As we all know that after I released the album, I had like quite a few acting roles. I did The Vampire Diaries, I did Peaky Blinders, then we got a two season show Fam. I had a lot of other acting things, all ready and I just needed to sign the contract. I was happy. I got to see new places and meet new people so it was good and I hadn't thought about a lot of music, which is why it took three years to come out with a new album. But then one day, outside the TVD set, there were a few fans and I talked to them and we took a few pictures and all. In the corner there was this one girl, I think she couldn't have been more than 15 and she was crying. So, naturally, I hugged her to comfort her. It was then, she told me that the music I made, like the album and the music in the band got her through a lot of hard times. She went like "Please don't stop making music. Because that will end me." And I was so shocked. I made music because I liked to and then I realised that there are so many others out there who probably feel the same. That just pushed me into making more music because I didn't want to take away something that gets someone through their life. I don't have the right to. So I just pushed myself and continued music."
"So you've supported your twin, Zayn, constantly on social media. New music release or accusation or whatever it be. Is it like an obligation you feel? Like what goes in your head, like you know, when you read that he got into a fight or something like that." Ziva took a sip of her tea, collecting her thoughts "Well, Zayn is a very angry person. Like he acts first and thinks later and easily gets ticked off. Supporting Zayn, it's not an obligation. It's just something I choose to do because let's be honest, we know he doesn't care what people think about him or if he's making himself look like a bad guy. He won't clarify for himself, I know what goes on behind his head and I've always been one to have an opinion. There have been times where he's been really wrong. I still support him, but I will rectify him and make sure he knows what he did was wrong. I've always had a strong say in his life because I'm the one out of us that thinks more rationally. I'm allowed to have an opinion and he respects mine and I try to take advantage of it so that he just knows what he's doing."
"Ziva, you smoke." Ziva nodded "Yes I do." "Why?" Ziva rubbed her nose "Clever one there. I see what you did." She lightly laughed "So I just kind of got into it. It's not an addiction because I can go without smoking for like weeks at a moment. It's just a hobby. I got into cigarettes when I was around... 19 I think? Yeah probably. So, I would see Zayn and Louis smoking and one day I was like, let's try t out. So, I did and it just kind of stick. I have a limit, like I currently try not to go more than 5 sticks a day, so a pack at least lasts me about three weeks easily. Sometimes even four. I do not condone it in any way. Like, kids, don't do it. It's not good for you. Just because I do it doesn't mean that you should either." Zach smiled almost knowingly "It seems as if you've talked about it before." Ziva nodded "I have. I just want to convey this to all my fans out there, all teens out there that do not listen and follow what you see on social media. As we talked about it, on social media you think i have a perfect life and a different leel of freedom. I don't. I do not get to plan anything on my own because like, right now, I have my schedule of next two months ready. I have the tour dates, interviews, places I have to be. It's stressful. But I don't post it on social media because knowing my fans, they get worried for me and I worry that they worry. So, just basically, I know it can be hard. So many people out there are gonna be like "Easy for them to say" And I know it's easier said than done, but please. Do not listen or follow what you see on social media. Be your own person. Just because I do something doesn't mean you should. If I jump off a building, you're obviously not gonna do that."
"What would you say gives you inspiration now? Like, to write music or just in general life, what makes you feel inspired?" Ziva thought about it for a minute "I'd say, just knowing that I have friends and family out there who truly care for me. I didn't have a lot of friends, when I was in school. I go back after auditioning and there are so many people who want to be friends with me. I was like 'Oh I'm cool now' but then I realised they didn't care for me. They cared for the fame and the advantages they got for being my friend. I lost a lot of those people, many of them used me so I cut off the contact and many just drifted away."
"I'd like to correct myself. You don't identify yourself as a muslim but you are... a muslim? Like what is the theory here?" Steven ask. Ziva took in a deep breath before explaining "There are a lot of things you have to follow in this religion and I had a hard time following through with them daily. I couldn't eat a lot of things and sometimes I'd have to restrict myself because there would be no other option I could choose. So, in around 2013 after I fainted actually, I told my family that I can not follow the practices anymore. Like it's hard for you to pray five times a day when you literally are not at a stable position throughout the day. Half time I'd be a t the studio, half I'd be at a concert or half I'd be on the bus. It just wasn't possible for me. So, I told them that I can't follow through with these things anymore and I smoked. So, I decided not to follow the practices anymore. I didn't want to be identified as a 'Muslim' anymore and with the hate that I would get, I just though it's better to leave it all behind. Told my parents, dad wasn't the happiest but he understood my position and that's it. When the news came out in an interview in 2014, I got so much hate that 'Oh my god. She's dissing the religion' NO! I'm not doing that. I'm just saying that everyone has practices and beliefs that they follow through. Just because I refuse to carry out the practices I would need to as a Muslim doesn't mean I'm hating on anyone or I'm saying they're not right. I'm saying it was hard for me, so I don't do them anymore. It's not like I was like 'Oh yeah it's shit.' No."
"So you didn't finish school." The man declared "Do you regret it or like do you think that you might go back someday?" Ziva thought about it for a moment "I was in my junior year if I'm not wrong, when I auditioned for the X Factor and then the band happened and I had to drop out. Today, I'm earning millions without a finished or proper education and there are many who spent so many years studying and are struggling to get by. I'm definitely grateful that I got such an opportunity but, I don't know. Maybe? I never really thought about it because I've had so much stuff going on that I didn't properly dwell on it. But sometimes, yes. It just has been in the back of mind and the thought just lingers around. I get ashamed when someone asks me whether I finished it or not, but many people tell me it's alright because I'm working hard and earning money better than a lot right now. But I think once my schedule kind of clears out, maybe in a few years, I'd love to go back. Not school of course, since I'm too old for a high schooler now but the idea of doing college doesn't sound too bad."
"Which course would you choose if you had to?"
"Uh, I'd say, maybe Law or a Business Management course. I wouldn't do music for sure, cuz I'd collide with the books very often." The duo laughed "So maybe that or maybe something that doesn't require me to study so ,ugh. I don't know it depends on when I'm going to college and what my mindset is then."
"To wrap up this interview, I need to ask, who is your biggest inspiration in life? Like, who is the person who has heavily influenced your music or your personality." Ziva knew the answer straight away "I'd say my father and my brother. I look at what type of person dad is and my heart just swells up. I aspire to be him in my life at some point because the way he handles things, I don't think I can right now. He's always given us freedom yet he knew where to draw the line which I think is the biggest thing that is important when raising a child. I'd say Zayn inspires me in the industry because I look at him and I don't see the young boy who's just going with the flow. I see a man who knows what he wants in his future which is something I don't and then the music he makes, he's genuinely happy with what he puts out there and that's what is important. They say quality over quantity, and I agree. As an artist, it's important to love what we put out there."
Ziva entered her home and hung the keys on her keychain then proceeded towards the kitchen. "Hi baby." She cooed at her dog, Maverick. "Were you a good girl today?" She scratched Maverick's ears "Yes she was. Got along with the others well today. They played in the backyard a bit, we went out for a hike." A male voice answered for Maverick causing Ziva to turn around, shocked "I thought you left?" The man opened his arms, hugging Ziva who snuggled her nose into his neck "I had the session shifted back to earlier today." He answered, smiling at the girl when she pulled away. Her arms went around his neck, intwining at the back "I'm glad you did." Connecting her lips to his, Ziva pulled back and smiled widely "I missed you today." He nodded "Clearly since you thought that dating me is a stupid idea. That one kinda hurt me." Ziva laughed, throwing her head back.
Billboard- Article
Ziva Malik opens up about her eating disorder, not following Muslim practices and being a girl of colour in a white dominated country.
Worldwide sensation, Ziva Malik, made an appearance on the latest episode of The Diary of a CEO with Steven Barnett. She opened up about how she was 'denied' food after she went through puberty. "I was a late bloomer. My body gained extra weight and I was fine with it because I knew my body needed that so I could be healthy in the long future. But that wasn't accepted by some people and everyone was told not to let me eat." She recalls. She further explained how whenever she would go out with then bandmates, her order would be cancelled if anything other than a salad. Her bandmates, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik would order 'extra food' to takeaway and she would eat that in the car. "But then one day someone from the management found out and I was like completely cut off." She quoted. She explains how she had fainted once due to the unavailability of energy and further threatened to leave the band, if those practices were not stopped.
Ziva, 26, talked about if she ever faced racism "I remembered my mother's advice that not everyone is going to agree with what you do and not everyone will like it." She spoke when asked if any hate affects her "The only thing that just angers me is when people think they can wrongly accuse me of something simply because I am not white." She further explained why she refused to practice Muslim beliefs "It was hard for me to follow them. I had a rough time following through with all of them so I just kind of stopped. I'm not dissing any religion here, I'm just saying that practicing those beliefs was hard for me, so I simply stopped."
The 'You broke me first' singer also put a stop to dating rumours around her new co-star Dylan O'Brien and ex bandmate Louis Tomlinson "He [Dylan] is a great man but the thought of dating him is just really stupid. And then Louis [Tomlinson] is a great guy and a great friend of mine and I'm sure he'd be a great boyfriend but just, no. We're too different." Steven further joked "But don't they say that opposites attract?" To which Ziva shook her head "Clearly not in this case."
A/N: I don't know? Like I'm really proud of how I got around the chapter but then I feel like I could've come up with better questions in the interview. AND Yes Ziva has a dog, Nina dobrev has one in real life so it was only fair I gave her one here.
Who do you all think is the man I mentioned at the end? Get used to the mystery since you'll be seeing quite a bit of him now.
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR READING!!!
Please vote/ comment. It makes my day to hear what y'all think.
- Sim :)