A LETTER TO MY MOTHER
***
Hi there Mama! So how's life? Didn't expect that our town changed so much no? Well you've been out for a while.
I spent my life with only a few years with you here at our side. I mean our whole family did but I know that we need it.
You needed to go away...to work for all of us.
For the sake of our future.
***
Ever since I was a kid, you were already a very hard worker.
I don't exactly remember how old I was that time but I'm sure that I was very young back then. Naalala ko na nagtrabaho ka noon sa isang karinderya. And there were instances na sinasama mo ko doon.
But then that wasn't always the case. When you and Daddy are both busy. I always end up staying at Lola's house in Labac.
If I remember correctly, I was in kindergarten back then when you first had a job abroad. You worked in Kuwait under one of their Princess there.
Leaving me and Dad behind. Dad and our other relatives took care of me that time. Then after two years, you finally came home.
Nakakatawa pa nga kapag naaalala ko yung nangyari noon.
Pumunta kami ng airport para sunduin ka pero nauna ka pa sa bayan kesa saming lahat. Talk about epic fail haha.
Tapos ayoko pang lumapit sayo that time. Typical reaction of a child separated from a parent. Ilag ganon. Lumapit lang yata ako sayo nung pinakita mo na sakin yung uwi mong chocolates at mga laruan noon haha. Sorry about that Mama. The kid version of me doesn't recognize you that time eh.
***
We even had memorable times such as...going home to Eastern Samar.
I remember the day that you were supposed to go. I cried and clinged to you. Binilhan niyo pa nga ko ng unan na winnie the pooh saka nagjollibee tayo pero humabol pa rin ako sa dulo. You ended up buying another ticket for me kasi nagwagi ang makulit na ako noon. Napasama ako sa paguwi mo papuntang Samar.
I remember seeing the Mayon while we pass by Albay with our bus. May nga stop over din tayo sa piyestahan ng ilang bario kung saan tayo pinakain ng nga taga ron. I even remember having to poop at their weird comfort room haha. It was one hilarious memory you see.
Aside from that, nung nasa port na tayo ng barko, naalala kong nahulog ako sa sa isang pathway. Masyado kasing mataas para sa batang tulad ko, ayon nagkasugat tuloy ako sa siko.
It felt amazing being able to ride a ship on my young age back then. Ang dami kong nakita for the first time. Ang ganda ng tubig. Malinaw at kitang kita mo yung malalaking jellyfish na parang kasing laki ng batyang ginagamit natin sa paglalaba ng damit. People from the ship also throw coins in the water tapos sinisisid yon para pulutin ng mga taong taga doon. Oh and meron ding bar sa loob ng ship na yon. In fact, I remember sleeping inside of it. Kumportable kasi sa loob ng bar na yon.
When we landed on Visayas, it took us a lot of time before reaching Oras—our destination. I even have one weird experience remember?
I saw a cat but not an ordinary one. Pusa yon na may baliktad na paa. And they said that the thing I saw back then was an "Aswang".
It's pretty creepy but I was never scared of stuffs like that so carry lang.
My time in Oras was short but fun. I remember complaining to some things like the bed being so hard and the people not being able to talk to me because I can't understand their dialect—I only speak with them in Tagalog and English.
I also remember being fascinated to the market there. Ang mura ng paninda! Lalo na yung fruits at vegetables! I saw them selling those like for five to ten pesos only. Grabe tuwang tuwa talaga ako doon.
May nakita din akong skeleton ng ulo ng kalabaw yata yon na may complete ng ngipin. Me being the naughty kid brought it home for my lola saying she can have that teeth haha. Kids can be really silly.
I used to take shells too sa may silong. May tubig kasi sa ilalim ng bahay nila lolo. Akala ko batis yon pero sabi mo ay parte ng dagat ang tubig na yon na tinambakan lang ng lupa ang lugar na yon para makapagtayo ng mga bahay.
Then there was also that snake. May pet na snake si Lolo Cino na mahilig tumambay sa pintuan. I was scared of it at first but then hindi niya naman ako inaano so nalalaktawan ko na din siya later on without being worried kapag nakatambay siya doon.
My lolo Cino was very fond of me so I was pretty spoiled that time. As in lahat ng gusto ko binibigay niya or nila which sometimes makes you frown kasi before when lolo raised you and my titos and titas he was very strict.
I'm glad I was able to go there with you. That trip to Samar was really a memorable one.
***
Aside from Samar, we also have fun memories here in Cavite. Particularly in Trece Martires and Imus.
When I was a kid, we used to go to Talipusngo in Trece. We always stayed at Tita's house. They have a lot of trees and plants there. Tabing bukid din kaya presko ang hangin.
Everytime we go there, we always go home with lots of stuff. Katulad na lang ng isang sakong mangga, balinghoy at saging. Nung minsan pa nga naguwi tayo ng pato at ng manok. Tapos nakakatawa pa nga kasi nung nakasakay na tayo sa jeep noon, nalaglag pa yung box na pinaglalagyan ng pato at manok. Kinailangan pa tuloy pahintuin yung jeep para makuha natin yung box. That memory was really hilarious!
Sa Imus naman, it was a memory with one of my Lola's. Si Lola M na mama ni Tita from Trece.
I loved going there when I was still young because Lola M loves to spoil us—her grandchildren. She always buys us the food we want. Lagi din tayong napunta sa SM Bacoor noon kung saan kami binilhan ni Lola M noon ng damit saka tsinelas.
I also remember playing games—specifically with claw machines and I always win before. Samantalang ngayon, kahit anong gawin ko hindi nako manalo sa larong yon haha.
You also asked me if I remember the swimsuit they bought me before. Sabi mo nagswimming kami dati sa taas ng puregold dahil may pool doon noong mga panahong yon. I remember the swimsuit part but not the swimming. I really can't recall it.
***
We also had a memory from Boulevard Mansion. A hotel located somewhere in Manila.
I remember meeting our other relatives there. My lolos and lolas and other titos and titas from your side. I remember two particular person tho it was Uncle Dan and Aunt Jess. Foreigner kasi sila. Half-Filipino and Half-Australian. Australian kasi yung napangasawa ng isa kong lola diba?
I barely talk to them that time tho. I was a kid and I was shy and honestly they didn't look friendly at all.
I also remember someone giving me 500 pesos. Hindi ko lang sure kung sino sa kanila doon. I also remember you saying hihiramin mo muna yung 500 ko but sadly hindi na bumalik sakin yon. Hanggang ngayon naalala ko pa rin yung utang mo na yon mama haha.
Ang daya kasi. Hindi na binalik hmp.
***
Then the time came for you to go again.
I was on my sixth grade when you left to go and work at Riyadh. You stayed there for nine years straight. Walang uwian. You can't go home for vacations because of your circumstances.
It was too long honestly. Imagine? I was still in Elementary when you left and then when you came back at 2019, I already graduated from college and was already working.
Time flew so fast.
2019 was a year where we finally became complete again and yet it lasted only for a moment.
***
2020 hit us so hard with everything and with Dad leaving the three of us.
I clearly remember that day. The day you woke me up in the middle of the twilight crying.
"Anak...si Daddy. Ang daddy mo."
I immediately stood up in my bed and went to your room. I was holding my tears back then. I wanted to be strong for everyone...for you Ma but in the end I still ended up crying.
Ang sakit kasi Ma...
Ang sakit marinig galing mismo kay Daddy na pagod na siya, na hirap na hirap na siya, na mas gusto niya pang mamatay kesa mahirapan, na gusto niyang magpadala sa ospital para turukan ng doktor para makatulog na siya habang buhay.
He calmed down when morning came. Umalis ka saglit para pumunta sa doktor para magpareseta ng gamot para makatulog si Daddy. Akala kasi natin, kaya pa niya. Na baka kailangan niya lang matulog para mamahinga. Para magkaroon ng lakas kaso hindi nangyari yon.
The moment you came back, it was too late. He already gave up on life.
He already left us...
***
It was like we were just given a moment to be happy.
Umuwi ka lang noon kasi namatay yung amo niyo. Kung hindi naman namatay yon baka nga nasa Riyadh ka pa ngayon eh.
We were given a chance to be completed even for a short time kasi mawawala na pala ang Daddy the next year.
Universe really has his own ways no?
It was like saying that Dad's time with us is already done and now it's time for us to be with you naman...our mom kasi you weren't there as we grow up.
I wanted to tell you how much we appreciate what you did for us. It's not easy for you to be away from us but you endured all of that so that we can have a better future. I was able to finish my studies because of your hard work.
You inspired me to do so.
Everytime I feel like giving up on College because it was too hard and stressing, I always remember you. I don't want your sacrifice to be for nothing kaya naman I pushed my way through and was able to graduate.
I love you Mama. We all do. So please don't cry na? Daddy will surely laugh at you for being a cry baby because he always do and he loves teasing you.
It feels kind of weird because Daddy is not here anymore but I know that even tho he's not here... physically he would always stay here in our heart and in our mind.
And of course, I'm very much sure he's watching us from afar and specially you...
So smile. Fighting lang, Mama! Kaya natin to. We survived 2020 so we can survive the following years too!
Your Fighting daughter,
Alyssa