Friday, November 6th- 5:40 p.m.
As the last practice of the week finally rounded out, I was so ready to just go home and pass out- actually this time. I'd mostly been avoiding Ashton as much as I could since earlier this week. With his ankle still messed up, he sat on the bench for practice. Something about team spirit?
But other than that, I never really ran into him. He'd been periodically texting me throughout the week, trying to figure out where I was mentally about Tuesday, but I didn't truly have an answer.
Having my distance gave me more time to process it fully but it didn't stop the fight between my trust issues and my body's cravings. So much of my brain was telling me no, but the rest of my body was saying yes. I didn't respond to anything he had asked about Tuesday because I still didn't truly know what to say.
I was slowly working towards accepting it and realizing I had to trust him a lot to have done that, but there was still a huge part of my brain telling me it wasn't safe.
So I just ignored it all. I figured whatever was supposed to happen would, right?
Luke drove me home when practice ended like every other day, Ashton texting me after he had made it home too. I think at this point he was just trying to talk to me in any way he could in hopes eventually we would fall back to normal.
ashton
are you coming tonight?
to what..?
the team thing at my house?
haven't we learned yet that something bad always
happens when i go to one of your parties?
yeah, but only when you walk away from me.
i'm not dealing with it tonight. i don't
have the mental energy to do it.
okay.
why are you having another party anyways?
i needed a good excuse to drink.
but you haven't drank in
a month...
yeah, but now i want to stop the thoughts again.
"Who are you texting?" Luke broke the silence filling the car.
I looked over to him, locking my phone, not knowing what to say back anyways.
"Uh, Ashton wanted to know if I was coming tonight or not," I admitted honestly, leaning back in the passenger seat as we got closer to home.
"Are you?" Luke asked.
"No," I laughed back, curious as to why he'd even think I would.
"Oh, I thought you would be," Luke shrugged, focusing back on the road.
"Why?" I asked confused. "Haven't we learned by now that nothing good happens to me at parties?"
"I don't know," he shrugged again. "You just seemed like you were getting better so I figured you and Ash worked it out."
"It's a lot more than just 'working it out'," I laughed, turning back to distract myself on my phone, not wanting to deal with this conversation anymore.
"I guess I just thought after he admitted he loved you that you were going to believe him," Luke continued.
"Why? Should I believe him? Do you know something I don't?" I fired back, slowly raising tension within the car.
"No, not really," he replied, refocusing on driving. "But Mikey was texting me about how Andrew was getting quite the kick out of Ashton... and how that girl came down after we left and Andrew paid her."
I sat silently for a moment, just taking in what he said. If that was true, it really was a setup. "Yeah, but how am I even supposed to trust you're not lying to me again?" I mumbled below my breath.
"What did you say?" he asked me to repeat it.
"How am I even supposed to trust you after you lied to my face just days ago?" I repeated louder this time.
I watched Luke's face drop, looking to me like he was treading lightly to figure out what I knew. "What are you talking about?"
"Sunday, when I woke up to screaming," I started, slowly watching as it clicked. "It wasn't you and mom, we had milk. It was Ashton."
"How much of that did you hear?" he whispered below his breath, refusing to look back at me.
"Apparently not enough... but enough to know you're lying about something," I said back, leaning to look away from him.
"I'm not lying about anything, Annie," Luke finally spoke. "Ashton told me not to tell you he was there."
"Yeah, because you wouldn't let him see me," I fired back.
"I was trying to make it better for you. You were broken the night before," Luke defended.
"I am, Luke, and he's the only thing that can put me back together," I admitted, not even knowing what to say after that.
The car fell back to silence, the tension between us at an all-time high.
"Why wouldn't you let him see me?" I spoke again, much quieter this time.
"I thought you didn't want him to!" Luke defended himself as he turned into our driveway. "You were practically begging me to take you home Saturday night. I didn't imagine anything changed in those few hours."
"Yeah, but that was before I found everyone but him was lying to me."
I quickly threw open my door to get out, leaving him to sit with my words as I went inside. I immediately turned for the stairs as I made it in, my mom catching my attention from downstairs.
I stopped on the landing, listening to what she was saying. "Oh, thank god you're home. Is your brother back too?"
I turned to motion towards the door to say yes when Luke finally walked in. "Yeah. I'm here," Luke spoke for himself.
I watched as our mom started grabbing stuff together, looking overly stressed. "Good. I have to go for work. Something went wrong and they need me."
We both shrugged. It wasn't weird for her to have to leave for work. It was actually weirder that she was home right now. "Okay," I mumbled, turning to go farther up the steps.
"You two both don't do anything stupid," she called after me, stopping me as I reached the top of the steps, turning to lean over the balcony so she still knew I was listening.
"I never do," I told her, emphasizing the fact I said I over we. Luke shot me a warning glance from the bottom step, making me send him a fake smile back.
"Okay. Well, just be careful. I should be back tomorrow, Sunday at the latest," she continued to explain, picking up her bags. "I got groceries so you guys have food and I left money if you need to order something."
We both nodded along, knowing this was a normal occurrence. "We know, mom," Luke spoke as he started farther up the steps. She sighed, obviously hating the idea of leaving us again.
"It's fine. Go do your work stuff. We'll be here when you get back," I told her, motioning for her to go out the door.
"I love you guys, you know that right?" she sighed again, sounding more upset than we were.
"Yes, we love you too. Now go do what you need to," Luke responded, flagging her off.
She started to say something else when her phone began ringing. She frantically dug for it, reading the name and rolling her eyes before saying bye to us one last time. She finally answered it, pacing out towards the front door as she explained what to do to the person on the phone. Eventually, her voice died out and the front door latched so I turned to my room without another word to Luke.
I shut the door behind me unlike my usual leaving it cracked so he knew this time he wasn't invited. I threw all my stuff down, starting through my normal night routine.
I wasn't going to that party no matter who tried to convince me. For the first time in a week, I was going to distract myself completely from everything that had happened. I wanted just one hour to forget how my whole world was crashing down around me.
At least that was what I thought I was getting.