I want to show you something, like joy in my heart. Seems I've been living in the temple of the dog.
October, 1990
"Look what Stoney gave me." Sydney giggled as she and Chris settled on the couch for the evening.
When she pulled out a joint, he looked up at her with raised eyebrows.
"Since when did you become such a pot head?" He joked, taking it from her and looking at it.
"It's always been an occasional treat I like to partake in. Wanna smoke it with me?"
He looked down at her sweet face, her hopeful and mischievous smile playing over him. Thinking for a moment, he decided that it wouldn't hurt to cut loose a little bit. He'd been back on the straight and narrow ever since Sydney had returned home, but he had never viewed pot as being a bad thing. It certainly wasn't a substance that he had ever struggled with. Shrugging, he laughed at the way her face lit up with excitement. She pulled a lighter from her pocket and lit the joint, taking a long drag and blowing the smoke up toward the ceiling. Passing it to him, he took a hit. His body relaxed as he exhaled, feeling at ease and happy. It was just the two of them and Bill, just as it should be.
Forty five minutes later, they were in the kitchen. He was teaching her how to make the most superb grilled cheese, and they were laughing so hard that both their sides hurt. Sydney had buttered the bread but then forgot that the butter side was supposed to lay down on the pan, ending up with a weirdly burned mess. He'd been so busy flirting with her that he hadn't noticed until it was too late.
"I love you so much, even though you're a shit cook." He chuckled.
Her laughter erupted from her chest again, filling the room. Chris had always loved Sydney's loud, dorky laugh. She had one of those laughs that made everyone laugh harder at her than at the joke.
"I'm sorry! I was distracted... you know, the facial hair is really working for me."
"Is it?" He asked, his voice low as he turned the burner off and moved the pan to a cool surface.
The atmosphere in the room shifted, lust thickening the air as he pulled her close.
"Mhm." She agreed, looking up at him hungrily.
"Wanna take it for another test drive?" He asked with a smirk.
She wasted no time in agreeing, wrapping her arms around his neck as he lifted her off her feet and sat her on the kitchen counter.
***
A couple of hours later, they were sitting in the basement where they had most of their musical equipment set up. Chris had been messing with the guitar for some time, his notebook showcasing numerous scribbles and crossed out words. He was working on something, and even though it was far from a finished product, Sydney listened closely from where she worked close by. She had her soldering iron out, making middle finger pendants to stay busy, passing time while listening to him create something that she thought was beautiful. Yet again, it didn't seem like a Soundgarden song, and she wondered if it would show up on the album he was working on with Jeff, Stone, Mike and Matt.
"I don't mind... stealing bread..." He sang, plucking at the strings.
She worked quietly, trying to act as if she wasn't listening. Chris worked better that way, without feeling like he had an audience. It used to confuse her as to how he could stand up and deliver explosive performances night after night while on tour, only to become shy and reserved even around his friends when creativity sparked inside of him to write a song. She supposed that the process was different when coming up with new material, compared to delivering already written material to a crowd that was familiar with it. Either way she had no desire to interrupt whatever he was doing.
When she finally gave in and told him that she couldn't keep her eyes open any longer, he tucked her into their bed and then resumed his work in the makeshift studio in the basement. Very quickly she drifted off to sleep with his muffled voice soothing her through the walls.
"I'm going hungry, yeah."
***
A few days later they were in the little cabin in Des Moines where Chris's brother Peter lived on their grandparent's property. Matt, Stone, Jeff and Mike were all there practicing the handful of songs that they had pulled together so far, along with Sydney and Peter of course. There was a new face as well, a man that sat quietly in a corner with a drum that he seemed to be fiddling with. He had been introduced as the new lead vocalist for Stone and Jeff's new band, Mookie Blaylock.
"Should I go say hi?" Sydney asked Peter after she returned from her truck with her toolbox, nodding toward the newcomer.
"Maybe. He seems kind of shy though... think you can be nice?" Peter joked with her.
"I'm nice." She objected.
"Sometimes. Other times you're kind of scary."
"If you're talking about that one time I bit you, it wasn't even that bad."
"You made me bleed."
"I think you're being very immature about the whole situation."
He laughed out loud, shaking his head. There were no bad feelings between the two of them about that day. She had acted out of fear, and had apologized to him since then. Peter was just glad that she was okay and that his brother was happy. Sydney was a lot of fun to be around, and she genuinely cared about all of them. As the rest of the guys jammed, the little blonde grabbed Mike's broken guitar stand and sat next to the quiet, long haired singer.
"Hello." She smiled when he looked at her.
"Hi." He replied, watching her interestedly.
Fiddling with the loose plastic piece that held the two pieces of the stand together, she eventually grabbed her drill and got to work. After prying the plastic off of the stand entirely, she could still feel his eyes on her.
"I'm Sydney." She said, holding her hand out.
"Eddie." He replied, unable to keep himself from returning her bright smile.
"Hi Eddie."
He let his hand fall as she returned to work, watching her test screw after screw against the adjustable stand holes.
"Where are you from?" She asked him after a moment.
"San Diego."
"Cool. Like it here?"
"Not sure yet. I think so."
"Yes." She muttered under heard breath, finally finding a screw that fit.
Eddie smirked a little, watching her tighten a washer to the other end of the screw and test out her quick fix with a guitar that was propped up on a speaker nearby.
"I get a feeling that you're handy to have around."
"I like to stay busy." She smiled again before looking over at Chris.
He wasn't paying attention to anything, his eyes closed and his mouth open wide. Eddie watched him too, following Sydney's gaze.
"That guy sure has a set of pipes."
"Yeah. He sure does." She smiled.
Once the song ended, almost everyone took a break, aside from Chris. He stood at the mic, singing the same song she'd heard him singing a few nights ago.
"I'm going hungry- going hungry, yeah."
He looked a little frustrated, cutting off his lower register in order to let his vocals soar into the atmosphere. Eddie rose from his spot after a few minutes, joining Chris on the makeshift stage.
"I'm going hungry..." his baritone filled the room, and Sydney could see the happiness bloom over Chris's face as he echoed,
"Going hungry."
The whole room stopped to stare as the two vocalists harmonized, their voices complimenting each other in a way that left them all in awe. There was something magical brewing, and it felt exciting.
***
October 22, 1990
Sydney and Eddie were both staring at Chris in amusement. He didn't realize that he was standing under a black light, making his eyes and teeth glow and making him look like some sort of demon. They were all backstage at the Off-Ramp, and the guys of Mookie Blaylock had just played their first show. Chris was wishing him well after Sydney had pulled him in for a hug and it was all she could do to keep from laughing as Chris genuinely told Eddie that he was glad that he was here and that he seemed like a really cool guy. It didn't help that she'd had at least four drinks throughout the night, and was having a great time. The guys really had sounded great and Chris enjoyed watching her let loose. He was happy that she finally felt safe enough to do so.
Stone talked Eddie into one last drink before they all headed their separate ways and they were all standing beside the bar, laughing and conversing easily. Sydney was in the middle of telling Eddie about a hike that he should join her and Chris on the next day, when some guy tapped Ed on the shoulder.
"Think you guys could get the hell out of the way? The rest of us want to get an order in before last call too, pal." He said.
"Sure, pal. Sorry about that." Eddie said, nodding in the man's direction.
The stranger must have thought that Ed was being a dick or something, because he started swearing at Ed's back even after he started walking away. When he challenged Eddie to meet him in the parking lot Ed turned. Sydney, being the closest to Ed, stepped between them.
"Cool it, dude. Nobody's in your way now. Go order your drink and have a nice night." She told him.
The man scoffed, looking over her shoulder at Ed, Chris, and Stone. Matt and Jeff had begun a conversation with Gunny, Eric and Sue, who were also getting ready to leave.
"You gonna let this little bitch fight your battles for you?"
"Excuse me?!" Sydney erupted as their friends all stopped at the commotion.
She had spent too long being disrespected by a man to let this asshole talk to her that way. She took a step forward to tell the guy off but Chris was there in an instant, wrapping an arm around her waist and holding her close to him.
"Nobody's fighting tonight, man. Listen to the lady and calm down." Ed told the guy.
"Lady? All I see is a loud mouthed little bitch that doesn't know when to shut the fuck up."
Everyone nearest them went silent, except for Sydney. She stepped right up to the rude stranger without fear. Nobody could scare her after what she had been through. Chris had ahold of her arm, ready to protect her if need be but still trying to convince her to walk away.
"You know dude, I feel bad for your mother. Imagine waiting nine months for a kid, and that kid being you. Some soggy ass, white bread, misogynistic piece of shit who can't just say excuse me like a normal human."
"Sydney!" She heard Chris's voice in her ear, amusement in his tone as their friends erupted with laughter.
"Control your bitch, man." The guy yelled angrily as security approached him and pulled him toward the front doors.
"Control yourself, bitch! You fucking nonessential vitamin! I hope they never let you back in here, you unseasoned sack of boiled potatoes!" She spouted off, not really caring if she made any sense in her tipsy state.
Chris had lifted her off her feet by this time and was carrying her down the hallway that led to the dressing rooms. She stopped struggling once the asshole was out of view, and Chris set her down once they were inside.
"Man, fuck that guy. What the hell is his problem?"
She turned to the rest of them angrily, surprised when she saw that most of them were doubled over laughing. Susan even had a smile on her face.
"What?" She demanded, hands on her hips.
"Did you just call that guy a nonessential vitamin?" Stone gasped, clutching at his stomach.
Sydney didn't reply. Honestly she couldn't quite remember what she'd said to him. She was buzzed and it had all happened so quickly.
"Misogynistic white bread is what I think I heard." Ed added, rubbing tears from his eyes.
Chris was laughing too, shaking his head as he smiled down at her. He planted a kiss on the top of her head and she blushed, realizing she had gotten carried away again. Nobody seemed to be upset with her though, and eventually she relaxed and joined them. She loved these guys so much, and she was forever grateful that they accepted her for who she was. Her flaws hadn't scared them away yet.
After they said their goodbyes Eddie went home with Chris and Sydney, crashing in the tiny spare bedroom on the top floor for the night. The three of them planned on hiking the following morning. Sitting around the living room, Syd rested her head on Chris's shoulder as he and Eddie talked. They talked about the show, about Eddie's girlfriend Beth who was moving up here soon, about his plans with the new band. They talked about Soundgarden, and funny things that had happened on tour. When Chris noticed that Sydney had fallen asleep on him he carried her upstairs, kissed her goodnight, and returned to talk with Eddie a little longer.
"She seems like a great girl." Ed told Chris.
"Sydney? She's... she is." He agreed breathlessly, not knowing how to accurately describe how much he felt for her.
"How long have you two been together?"
"Shit, uh... she came back in, in April. The end of April... so... damn, six months I guess."
"That's it? You guys seem real comfortable together."
"She's been our guitar tech for two years."
"Really?"
"Yeah, we've put her through a lot." He laughed lightly, fidgeting with his boots. "She's awesome."
A few moments of silence floated by before Eddie asked,
"Where did she go?"
"What do you mean?" Chris's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"You said she came back in April... where did she come back from?"
"Oh... California."
Eddie looked surprised, and a shadow fell across Chris's face. Thinking about her time in California made him sick, even now.
"That's where I'm from. San Diego." Eddie said.
"That's what Syd told me. Her memories of California aren't the best."
"Not all sunshine and sandy beaches for her either?"
"No... long story short, she was with this guy here for a while. He was a piece of shit... sold her truck while we were on tour and dragged her down there as soon as we got back. It was right after Andy died. It got pretty ugly when she left him... yeah. But she's here now, and that asshole is in jail."
"Jesus, man. That's terrible. I'm sorry to hear that."
"It's fine. I mean, she gets better and better all the time. You know. She runs a few miles almost every morning with Matt. Sydney is actually the reason Matt even got into running at all. They're really competitive, and it bugs the shit out of him when Sydney outruns him."
"I can see that, actually." Ed chuckled. "Well I can't tell you how thankful I am to have met you both."
"We feel the same." Chris smiled. "I'm going to head to bed. Six o'clock comes early."
"See you in the morning." Ed nodded, watching him stand to check the locks and climb the stairs.
With a sigh he stretched and made his way into the kitchen. He smiled at the pictures of the couple that were hung on the fridge with magnets as he poured himself a glass of water, then he climbed the stairs as well and slept soundly.
***
Six o'clock did come early indeed. Chris practically had to drag Sydney to the car, and she slept in the back seat while Eddie rode shotgun to the trailhead. All three of them had to work in a few hours, so they were going on a nearby hike that was short yet steep.
They didn't talk much on the way up, and they didn't see anyone else on the trail either. Sydney felt the cool mountain air wake her senses and calm her soul as it always did, never having to worry about where she was going if Chris was near. Eddie looked around in awe of the thick, lush trees that ranged in every shade imaginable between dark green and bright yellow. It was a taxing trek up the steep hillside, and they didn't stop for any breaks. Bill had been left at home for this trip, his old joints unable to do the more difficult hikes that they went on from time to time.
Due to their determination to reach the top at an early hour, they were blessed by the view at the summit. Full morning sun rays flooded across the vast land, leaving a breathtaking sight of Mt. Baker in the distance. Mt. Rainier was behind them, visible from a vantage point down below. Chris as usual had brought a small spread that he unpacked as they watched a hang glider double check his gear and test the wind currents before taking off from the cliff side. It was serene and surreal, and Eddie looked happy. This made both Sydney and Chris happy too, and they all shared breakfast on top of Tiger Mountain in mutual astonishment of earth's beauty.
***
The month of November kicked off being unseasonably snowy. Fourteen inches covered the city, which was almost unheard of in this corner of the world. While the city struggled to stay afloat underneath the icy blanket, two vocalists were holed up inside London Bridge Studios. The two young men, along with their peers, possessed an enviable work ethic, paying for the recording sessions for Temple of the Dog out of their own pockets.
Nobody thought that this album would go anywhere beyond their tight knit scene here at home, and they weren't dealing with the pressures of the label to get anything done in a specific way. This allowed them a certain, peaceful freedom that they didn't expect. The whole process of recording this tribute to their late friend was subsequently a very therapeutic affair for all involved.
When not needed in the recording room, they took turns sliding down the steep Seattle hills that we're uncharacteristically void of traffic in whatever means they found available. They used old toboggans found in their mother's garages, trash can lids that had been blown away and discarded. Sydney and Mike had just emerged from the studio wearing large black garbage bags that they had cut holes in for their heads and arms.
"Ready Syd?" He called excitedly as Jeff and Matt laughed.
"Yep! Penguins on three!" She answered.
"One!"
"Two!"
"Three!"
Everyone shouted the last number as the two of them took a running start and hurled themselves belly first down the street. Mike reached the bottom first by sheer inertia, and Sydney came crashing down into him in a fit of laughter. He helped her get upright, trying to help her find her footing before he found his own. This resulted in them both slipping on ice and laughing hard as they crashed back to the ground.
The following days and weeks followed similarly and the Temple of the Dog album was quickly born out of love, remembrance, and pure tomfoolery. It was just exactly what Andy would have wanted it to be.
***
Temple of the Dog played a show at the Off Ramp on November thirteenth at Chris's insistence. He wanted them to feel like a real band, and they really did enjoy playing together. It went terribly.
The crowd of around three hundred didn't know any of the songs. Not only that, but the songs were about as far from the usual loud, heavy riffs that they were used to hearing from Soundgarden and Mother Love Bone as they could get. The crowd was restless, and as the set went on a few of the people up front were drunk and causing a scene. The guys pushed on, their love for the songs they created enough to keep them going.
"Think security will kick them out?" Sydney asked Gunny as the third song kicked into gear.
He opened his mouth to reply when a bottle flew from the crowd and smashed to pieces on Gunny's face.
"Fuck." He groaned, stumbling forward a little and touching his cheek.
"Woah, shit! Here sit down." Sydney yelled over the music, grabbing Gunny's arm and guiding him to a speaker to sit.
She instructed a nearby stage hand to clean up the glass on the stage before turning her attention back to her friend. He was bleeding.
"You alright?" She asked.
"I... I think so?" He said.
"I need a first aid kit please." She called to another employee who had rushed over to help.
"It's just a scratch, Syd."
"Yeah, one hell of a scratch. Thank you!" She thanked the employee before opening up the first aid kit and finding some gauze.
The blood was running down his face fast, and the gauze wasn't going to do much.
"I think you might need stitches."
"What?" He hollered.
"You might need stitches!" She said louder.
The blood wasn't really slowing, and there was still over half a show to perform. The song ended and the band paused a few moments, Chris and Matt coming back to see what was going on. At the sight of Gunny his eyebrows raised.
"Holy shit. You good, man?"
"Yeah."
"He should go to the hospital."
Sydney found Susan and asked her to take Gunny to the emergency room and she then finished out the show by herself with the help of the venue guys. The rowdy guys up front were ushered out by security as Chris talked to the crowd a bit, and the show resumed with a much better atmosphere. It wasn't a huge success by any means, but it didn't matter to them. For all of them, this had been a project to honor their late friend. They didn't expect it to go anywhere, and it had been an all around great experience that they were all glad to have taken part in.
The only other time they performed together as a band was just over a month later, when Mookie Blaylock, now called Pearl Jam, performed their first show at the Moore Theater. At the end of their set list, Chris got up on stage and belted out Say Hello 2 Heaven in a way that tugged at Sydney's heart. She felt tears welling up in her eyes, which thankfully were forgotten when Eddie got back on stage with him to sing Hunger Strike. Sadness was replaced by laughter as Chris darted around the stage with Eddie on his shoulders.
The year 1990 ended on a high note. Sydney and Chris were happy as they shared their midnight kiss on New Years in their home surrounded by their friends. They all missed Andy, but his passing had ignited something in those who loved him. Something precious and bittersweet. They would hold him in their memories and that would have to be good enough.