Jason's safe-house May 8th
Cassandra didn't sleep much. She was too fascinated by Harper and too worried about Jason to be able to really sleep. Jason pretended to be fine, but it was clear as day that he wasn't. She took the side of the bed pushed next to the wall, she didn't want Jason to feel restrained and she categorically refused to let him sleep on the couch and he refused she slept on the couch as well.
Harper woke up every 2 to 3 hours, either to eat or get her diaper changed or simply to fuss about nothing. Cassandra studied the softness of Jason's movements, the delicate way he'd fasten the diaper then make sure it wasn't too tight. She found it weird that he changed Harper's outfit after every diaper but it seemed to calm him so she didn't ask him why. Harper's clothes were really cute, but a bit basic she made a note to go shopping for more Jason like baby clothes. She loved how he explained to Harper each step of whatever thing he was doing, changing the diaper, or heating a bottle, or fixing the sheets of her mattress. He talked to Harper about everything and nothing, like she was an adult. He taught Cassandra how to burp the tiny baby after feeding and Cassandra never felt prouder in herself and she could see how proud of her Jason was. They decided on the wallpaper for the nursery. One wall will be a landscape of mountains that reminded Jason of Tibet, the other 3 walls will be light gray with white stars all over them.
Jason Todd was born to be a dad.
Cassandra woke up around noon; she was alone in the room. She hasn't slept this long and this well in months. She stretched herself in the bed, she smelled bacon and eggs. Jason was cooking and rumors had it his cooking is legendary! Before getting out of bed she heard someone talk so she stayed put. She hadn't told anyone but Alfred that she was back and she didn't want to deal with her siblings at the moment.
"Shh, keep it down," Jason said.
"Why? Harper's right here. And she's awake," Tim answered annoyed.
Cassandra smiled, Jason wanted to give her the choice of coming out of the room or not.
"Well... she doesn't like loud sounds," Jason must be shaking his head, "and neither to do I."
"I'm not being loud! What is going on with you?"
"Nothing, I just want you to keep it down, it was a long night. I'm tired."
"I told you I can stay over-why do you keep glancing at your room?"
Uh-oh, Tim smarty pants.
"No reason, just eat your food," Jason sounded like the strict parents in those shows Stephanie loves.
"Do you have someone over?" Tim sounded somewhere between worried and jealous.
Cassandra knew Tim had feelings? For Jason but it wasn't her place to say anything especially since Tim never openly said anything about it. She also knew that Tim didn't work the case 3 months ago because of his crush, which is something she really admired. Despite his feelings, Tim worked the case because he saw injustice and abuse. She found it funny though that Tim was jealous of whoever was in Jason's room, especially since it was her.
"What? Of course not, do I look stupid?" Jason used to lie better than that.
"Then you wouldn't mind if I go in to your bedroom," Tim's steps got closer to the door.
"Not at all," the challenge present in Jason's voice made him sound genuine. "Be my guest."
"Fine," Tim's step retreated.
"God, you're acting like that and we're not even married yet," Jason laughed.
Interesting; Cassandra thought.
"W-what?" Tim stammered.
"Eh, Eh, eh," Harper whimpered.
"What is it baby girl? Timmy's idiocy is bothering you too?"
Did Jason not notice what he said?
"Eh, ehh,"
"I know, he's stupid, but he worries," Jason kept saying in the softest voice ever.
Cassandra chose that moment to come out. Tim's head snapped in the direction of the room.
"Cass?" Tim gave Jason a murderous look, "why did you lie?"
"It's her choice to tell you if she's back or not, and it's fun to see you mad," Jason turned his attention to Harper, "do you want to eat now?"
"Mm," Harper's lips were smacking.
"That's my girl," Jason gave her the bottle.
"How long have you been back?" Tim asked Cassandra, "Where have you been?"
"2 weeks," Cassandra went to say hello to Harper, "I came here yesterday."
"Where have you been?" Tim sounded like Bruce, just a little bit.
"Saving Dickhead from his own stupidity," Jason answered for her really annoyed by Tim's tone, "sorry Cass."
"It's okay," she watched Harper eating.
"What are you talking about?"
"She bought Slade's contract," Jason gave Harper to Cassandra, "1 or 2 eggs?"
"2 scrambled please," Cassandra patted Harper's back and waited for her to burp.
"Okay, but then what? We could've used your help here!"
"I found her," Cassandra looked at Tim with so much indifference in her eyes
"That's why she came back." Tim realized.
"Burp"
"Yes," Cassandra put Harper down after burping.
"Who are we talking about?" Jason served Cassandra's eggs.
Tim and Cassandra exchanged a look and Tim nodded.
"Is it someone new? How much did I miss?" Jason rocked Harper's bassinet a bit.
"Selina," Cassandra answered and started eating.
"Oh, had she dumped him?"
"You didn't know?" Tim asked.
"I'm not exactly on the family's newsletter Timbit, sure I chaperoned her bachelor's party but that's because you weren't here to do it," Jason mocked then thought for a second, "when did she dump him?"
"Uh," Tim glanced at Cassandra not sure what to say.
"It doesn't matter, I don't care," Jason saw that Harper was still awake, "come on let's have tummy time in my room."
"Jason-"
"Someone better do the dishes," Jason closed his door behind him.
"You should check in with the others," Tim told her.
"No," Cassandra enjoyed her eggs, "I left."
"I know, but Cass, we need you, we all need you and trust me with Harper we need you even more, you can't just leave again," Tim was tired, "Duke misses you like crazy."
"I miss him too," Cassandra admitted, "and Steph."
"We're barely holding it together."
"I know, I saw them," Cassandra looked sadly at her plate.
"Who did you see?"
"Damian and Dickhead-Dick, sorry," she smiled sheepishly.
"He does have that effect," Tim smiled; an hour with Jason in a good mood is enough for him to rub off on a person, "where did you see them?"
"The cemetery," she lowered her voice and glanced at the door, "April 27th."
It was the anniversary of Jason's death.
"I always go, Bruce was there too."
"Did you tell Jason?" Tim immediately asked.
"Never."
"We need him back," Tim stared at the bedroom door.
"He needs to heal first," she glared.
"I know but-"
"No but, he is hurt, he needs to heal," she put her hand on her heart.
"Are you going to tell me what happened at the cemetery?"
"No, it's private," she frowned in disappointment, "I should not have seen."
Cassandra stood up and cleaned all the dishes before knocking on Jason's door.
"Come in," Jason was on his back with Harper on his chest.
"I will go buy the wallpaper," she told him.
Flashback, Gotham Cemetery April 27th
Dick lost Damian during patrol. Dick had to find Damian before Bruce realized that he had lost Damian. Bruce would start lecturing Dick that he isn't fit for the guardianship Dick keeps threatening Bruce with. Dick called Alfred for help.
"I need Robin's location."
"Just one moment young Sir"
"Can't have the big guy knowing," Dick stressed.
"Not to worry, his tracker shows him at... the Gotham Cemetery?"
"What on earth is he doing there?"
"Tonight is the 27th of April," Alfred's voice was a bit choked out.
"April 27th," Dick repeated then understood, "I'll be right there."
Dick entered the cemetery and let his muscle-memory take him to the right location. He found Damian standing in front of Jason's tombstone. Dick hated that tombstone, Jason was alive and yet the tombstone still read Jason Peter Todd-Wayne fucking DEAD, it didn't really read that. It was just like his robin suit in the cave, well not anymore- thanks dames- a good soldier.
Why did Bruce never file resurrection papers?
"It's the first time I've ever come here, you know?" Damian said.
"I didn't," Dick came here a lot.
"I always thought it was ridiculous that it was still standing, he's alive, so why does he still have a grave?" Damian scoffed sounding annoyed to everyone but deeply hurt to Dick, "but now..."
"Now what?"
"Do you think," Damian started then sniffled, "do you think he's dead?"
"No."
"I was so angry at him, for leaving me," Damian kept staring at the stone, "he was my brother, he didn't even know who I was, but he was my first brother, the only person who would- he took punishments for me, he took so many punishments in my stead, then he just left me."
Dick stood silently next to Damian, just close enough to let the younger boy feel his presence but not too close to crowd him. He let his little brother talk, he didn't interfere and he didn't ask questions. The time Damian and Jason spent with the league is a time they're both very private about. It wasn't until recently that the family found out that they knew each other back then, when Damian lashed out on Bruce and destroyed the memorial stand.
"I hated him for it, then I was sent here and father didn't want me to the point he disappeared, Drake didn't trust me, but you did, you tried everything to make me feel accepted, I admit we both gravely mistreated Timothy then," Damian knelt in front of the tombstone, "do you remember when we faced Todd once?"
"I do."
"I barely recognized him, and I know he didn't recognize me," Damian sniffled again, "I didn't understand why Akhi would harm me, Akhi who taught me so many forbidden things because I asked about them, which resulted in punishments for him, punishments he gladly took as long as nothing touched me. Then I died and came back, I remembered so much more, how much they hurt him, how much we all hurt him and ignored him and only called him when he was needed. How we never really made efforts to get him back. How I never made an effort to reconnect with him."
"We did."
"He was killed and woke up here, buried, he dug himself out. Mother never told me, he never told me, but I did my research. Then Ra's wanted him dead because he was "a useless husk of a man", that much I remember, that's when mother threw him in the pit, it was horrible, his screams, his cries, there was so much blood," Damian fell on both knees, "if he dies, if it turns out that father caused his death, he will never know that I missed him and that I never truly hated him."
"Hey, listen to me;" Dick knelt next to Damian and put his hands on Damian's shoulders, "he's not dead, okay? He's not dead."
"Then why hasn't he come back yet? He's supposed to be back and pissing off Father by now," Damian let his tears fall.
"He'll be back; he'll always come back-"
"How could father take him back to Ethiopia? How could he? How could we have all been so self-absorbed in our own idiotic illusions that we didn't see how badly Father had been treating him? How can we call ourselves heroes when we hurt our own brother? Why do all Arkham residents deserve second chances but he doesn't? Why do I deserve a second and third and fourth chance but he doesn't?"
Dick hugged Damian. How long has Damian been holding it all in?
"Richard, what will we do if he dies?"
"He won't," Dick had to stay strong, "he won't."
"But what if he does? Are we supposed to turn father in? I'm not ready to lose him another time," Damian sobbed, "I don't want him to die thinking I hated him."
"I know, I'm not ready for that either," Dick had to stay strong, never again.
"Father has been trying to improve, I can see the efforts he's putting, but I doubt he's sincere."
"It will take time, and you know the plan."
"I don't want to go back to the Manor tonight," Damian's voice was muffled in Dick's shoulder.
"We'll go back to my place," Dick stood up and helped Damian up. He looked back, someone was watching, Batman.
"Don't tell anyone," Damian whispered.
"I won't," Dick glared at Bruce as him and Damian walked away from Jason's grave.
Jason's safe-house, May 9th
Jason and Cassandra took a break from the wallpaper hanging and were now on the couch with Harper. Tim came over and was reheating their late lunch.
Jason was sitting on his couch with his feet on the floor and Harper in his lap. Her head was near his knees and he held it with both hands, his forearms rested on each side of her body for support and her little feet were tucked on his waist.
"Show her again," Jason told Cassandra.
"This one?" Cassandra brought 2 carpet sample to Harper's hands, "or this one?"
"Eh, eh," Harper blinked a few times and grabbed both samples, again.
"No baby girl, you have to choose one," Jason explained, "show her one."
"Okay," Cassandra grinned and tried the sample she liked first and Harper grabbed it, "this one."
"It's the baby reflex," Jason huffed.
"Okay, do you want this one?" Cassandra tried the other sample, and Harper grabbed it.
"See, she likes this one better," Jason grinned, "yesh you do princess, yesh you do."
"Baby reflex," Cassandra playfully glared at him.
"Fine," Jason bent down to Harper's stomach and kissed her, "I love you."
"Can I try?" Tim asked.
"No!" they both snapped.
"Geez fine," Tim picked a third sample, "I genuinely think this is the best option."
"Let's try," Cassandra took it and handed it to Harper who clutched to it the hardest.
"We have a winner," Jason announced, he liked all 3 of the samples and Alfred had suggested all 3, so any of them would've been a good choice, but it was her room.
"I told you," Tim grinned satisfied then knelt next to Jason near Harper, "you have good taste."
"Watch her head," Jason's fingers were slowly brushing on Harper's cheeks, her eyes were fluttering.
"She's been awake for like 45 minutes I think she should take a nap," Tim suggested.
"Yeah, come on baby," Jason carefully picked her up from his lap and held her up to his shoulder, he gently brushed his lip to the side of her head, "I love you."
"I changed the sheets," Cassandra told him as they walked into Jason's room.
"Thanks," Jason smiled and lay Harper down in her bed.
They sat down to eat. Jason and Cassandra didn't mind the silence, Tim however hated it.
"So, when do you plan on telling everyone that you're back?" Tim asked Cassandra.
"I don't know," Cassandra continued eating.
Another long silence passed and before Tim spoke again Jason's phone buzzed.
PING!
"Is it from Dick?" Tim asked.
"Uhuh," Jason barely glanced at the screen.
"Are you going to answer him soon?"
"I don't know," Jason focused on his food. Alfred made the best Chicken Francese.
Tim was about to speak but Jason asked him a question.
"Didn't B notice that Alfred's been cooking food he's not eating?"
This made Tim snort a laugh.
"What? It's a serious observation," Jason glanced at Cassandra for help.
"When did B notice anything not batman related?" Cassandra asked without sugarcoating.
"Fair," Jason went back to his chicken, "what about the others?"
"What about them?" Tim asked.
"Damian lives at the manor," Jason pointed with his fork.
"Huh, I don't know, I'm always at the nest or here, so I seriously have no idea," Tim found himself clueless, "but it's Alfred."
"He always has an answer," Cassandra agreed.
"He really doesn't need to be cooking for me," Jason said in hopes that they would take his side.
"Try telling him that," Tim laughed and Cassandra joined.
"I'm serious, if you guys tell him then maybe-"
"Not suicidal," Cassandra said and Tim nodded.
"But-"
"No but Jay, you're not even going out to get groceries anymore," Tim started.
"Well she's too small to come with me and I'm still getting used to having a baby, so it will take a while before I stop worrying about the baby seat and the car and the people," Jason defended himself, "but I can cook!"
"Do you have any idea how happy Alfred is that he gets to cook for you while you take care of Harper?"
Jason was about to say something but Tim continued.
"If he weren't the proper British gentlemen's gentleman, he would've squealed and jumped in happiness when he came here the first time," Tim immediately turned to Cassandra, "don't tell him I said that."
"No promises," Cassandra grinned, "but Timbit is right."
"Thank you," Tim nodded, "once you get used to everything, you'll be cooking for yourself."
"Fine," Jason huffed then grinned, "you called him Timbit."
"I did," Cassandra nodded and took the dishes to the sink.
The three of them worked on the wallpaper in the nursery. They joked around, they laughed and they got most of the work done. Then Harper woke up, crying. Jason rushed to the room and picked her up. She ate before her nap so he checked her diaper first; it was full. Harper kept crying the whole time Jason was changing the diaper. Jason tried feeding her but she wouldn't eat. He tried rocking her in his arms, but she kept crying.
"Did she burp?" Jason asked Cassandra who didn't know what to do except nod.
Tim was looking up reasons newborns cry.
"Maybe she has tummy troubles, they say you should move her legs in a pedaling motion," Tim watched as Jason laid Harper on his bed and exercised her legs. She didn't stop crying.
"What else?"
"Irritation, are these new clothes?" Tim asked.
"No, she already wore this one, the new clothes are in the washer and they're 100% cotton," Jason was starting to panic.
"Maybe there's a hair wrapped around her fingers or toes," Tim and Cassandra watched as Jason laid Harper down again. Jason removed her onesie and checked her fingers and toes.
Harper kept crying.
"Nothing, what else? Shh, baby, it's okay, daddy's here."
"Temperature, she could be cold or hot, I mean you are wearing a turtle neck," Tim told Jason.
Cassandra checked the thermostat.
"It's still the same," she told them.
Harper kept crying.
"She wants her mom, that's the problem, I'm not her mom," Jason sniffled back tears, "I'm so sorry baby, I'm so sorry."
"Tim!" Cassandra urged him to find a solution as she called Alfred.
"Okay, okay," Tim kept researching, "skin on skin."
"What?" Jason asked confused.
"Skin on skin contact with the nursing parent should calm baby down," Tim read the webpage.
"Only there is no nursing parent," Jason kept rubbing Harper's back, rocking her up and down.
"Alfred said to try," Cassandra said.
"You do it, I mean you're a girl, maybe that's what she needs," Jason laid Harper back down to take off her clothes and kept her in her diaper.
"Jay-" Tim tried.
"Please, Cass try, please."
Cassandra immediately took off her shirt and took Harper in the shoulder position.
"It's okay Harper, it's okay," Cassandra kept repeating but Harper didn't calm down.
Jason found Isabel's hard drive and played the softest nursery rhyme Isabel recorded for Harper. It didn't work.
"You should try," Tim encouraged him putting Alfred on speaker.
"I can't, I can't, this is because of me," Jason's panic was all over the place, "I'll only make it worse."
"Jason, listen to me, you are going to take your daughter and calm her down," Alfred's voice echoed in the room, "undress and hold your baby as closely as possible to your heart. Work on your breathing, calm yourself down."
"Okay," Jason let out a few controlled breaths then he took off his shirt and took a wailing Harper from Cassandra, "come here baby, my princess, little Harper, daddy's here."
Tim noticed how Jason turned his back to him and Cassandra after taking off his shirt. He found it weird. They've both seen Jason shirtless before; maybe Jason was uncomfortable with his newest Batman inflicted scars or his significantly smaller body. Damn you Bruce.
Not the time Timbit, he scolded himself, I called myself Timbit.
Jason held Harper up to his shoulder, the baby's body parallel to his. He lifted her to his shoulder height and rested her head on his shoulder so that she can look behind him. Jason supported her head and neck with one hand, and her bottom with another hand. He started swaying, kissing the side of her head repeating calming words.
"I'm right here, daddy loves you," Jason said over and over, "I love you, Harper, come back to me, it's okay, you're safe here. Daddy will always keep you safe."
The more Jason spoke the lower her cries got. Harper moved her head towards the crook of Jason's neck. Her chest was still vibrating a bit from all the crying but she had significantly calmed down.
"I love you Harper, I will keep you safe," Jason kept whispering, "Tim and Cass too, you see them."
"Eh, eh," Harper whimpered.
"It's okay to cry, but you're so small, I got worried baby girl," Jason kissed her shoulder, "daddy will always worry, but I love you."
Tim and Cassandra watched quietly.
"From now on, you sleep in my arms, will that be okay?" Jason turned around still rocking her, "yeah? I won't leave your side. I will never abandon you. You can sleep on me any time you want, now, tomorrow, in 10 or even 50 years, whenever you want. I'll be here. I'll protect you from everything."
Tim and Cassandra saw something on Jason's neck. Something neither of them had ever seen, it was an old and fully healed scar that suggested a slit throat. They glanced at each other and then at Jason who had completely forgotten about them so they left the room. They could still hear Jason's comforting words even as they'd closed the door.
"Shh, baby, daddy's here," Jason was pacing between the crib and his bed, "I love you Harper, you're my baby girl, I will always protect you. I will always love you. There you are, I love you so much."
"Did you see what I saw?" Tim asked with little to no color in his face.
"I did," Cassandra nodded.
"What is it?" Alfred was still on the line.
"I forgot you were still here Alfred, it's nothing-"
"You might be able to fool Batman Master Tim, but you will not fool me, what have you seen?"
"A scar on Jason's throat," Cassandra said.
"It's fully healed, and looks old," Tim added before Alfred could attribute it to the latest fight, even though they had found all the footage and there were no knives involved.
"An old healed scar to his throat? How come I've never seen it?"
"He always wears turtle necks," Tim realized, "Alfred, someone slit Jason's throat."
"Harper calmed down," Cassandra said.
"That's good, leave the interrogation for another day Timothy," there was a long pause, "Cassandra, don't leave his side tonight either."
"Of course, I will call if we need help."
They hung up. Cassandra knew what Tim was thinking.
"The line is too straight, and very precise-"
"Look again, then decide," she had drawn the same conclusion.