Criticism spot!
Crutchie's POV
"Are you sure you want to try this?" Jack asked, holding his arms out and ready to catch me.
"Yes, I want to know if I'm getting any better." I was about to see if I could at least limp yet, praying that it'd work.
"I really don't think this is a good idea," Jack sounded worried, looking me in the eyes.
"I know. I don't either, but I want to know." I was holding myself up with my arms and my one leg, keeping my right foot totally off the ground. I took my eyes off him, taking a deep breath. I put my foot to the ground, instantly feeling shooting pain throughout my entire leg. I let out a small scream and Jack ran to me, holding me up.
"I told you," he said, not meaning to be rude. He helped me down to the ground, and I couldn't help but feel angry. "Hey, Crutchie, just breathe for a second." I hadn't noticed that I was breathing hard, and I didn't know if it was from the pain or if it was from anger. I pried Jack off me, trying to get up.
"I'm trying again." I said, ignoring the pain.
"Crutch that's really not a good idea, c'mon sit down," he tried to grab me, but I shoved him away. As a result, I fell down myself as I stopped holding myself up. I screamed louder this time, my ankle feeling worse. "Are you okay?" He asked, rushing over to me but not touching me.
"Do I fucking look okay?" I snapped back. I stared at him for a moment, seeing how heartbroken he looked. "Sorry. You didn't deserve that." I looked away from him, sighing.
"Don't apologize. Let's just rest for a second, okay?" He got down to my level, but still kept his hands off me. I could feel that he wanted to give me a hug, but he never did anything I clearly wasn't up to doing.
"No, I'm not resting. I'm doing it again." I pulled myself up once more, feeling determined to get at least one step in.
"Crutchie, it's really not a good idea,' Jack stood up with me, talking calmly.
"Just let me fucking try!" I yelled. He took a step back, surprised that I snapped at him a second time. Instead of apologizing, I looked down and got ready. I thought about how I could really get my balance down, and then after that maybe I could walk. I thought I'd take an approach I hadn't before. I'd slowly set my foot down until it was fully on the floor, as though I could walk, and try to balance.
I started to set my foot on the ground, my toes obviously reaching the ground first. I slowly started to put pressure on it, pain rocketing through me. I made some face and teared up, trying to fight through the pain.
"Crutchie don't bend your foot like that!" He got close to me, but still wouldn't touch me, knowing it'd make me upset. I ignored him, continuing to slowly bend my ankle and set it down slowly. I couldn't even describe the pain I felt as I did this, tears starting to fall as I made whimpering noises from how bad it hurt. "Stop!" He tried to yell at me one more time, but I continued going, shaking my head at him. Before I knew it, he had picked me up and set me on the ground, forcing me to take pressure off my ankle.
"What the fuck, Jack?!" I said, without even thinking. I was in roaring pain, wishing it had worked.
"Crutch, I know you want to walk but-"
"But what, huh? You know I can't?" I was fuming, raising my voice at him.
"No, no. That's not what I'm saying." He continued to talk in a calm tone even though I was yelling. "What I'm trying to say is that you're still not fully healed from what Tommy did. You need more time-"
"How much more time though, Jack? A week? A month? Or is it going to be years? Next thing I know, I'm going to die without being able to fucking walk," I was crying hard at this point, both from the pain and frustration.
"Crutchie..." His voice was soft as he stared at me. "C'mere." He went to hug me, and normally I'd let him. However, I felt so angry, that I pushed him back. "Sorry," he said quickly, backing up.
"I-" I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. "I just don't want to be touched right now. I'm sorry. I'm so fucking angry," I said, starting to ramble.
"I know, I know. It's okay. I should've asked." He sat down now, continuing to look at me. "Do you want me to go for a bit?" I stared at him, unsure if that was what I wanted. Part of me wanted to say yes, but I knew that the second he left, I'd wish he was here.
"No, I want you to stay. I'm sorry, I'm just..." I put my head in my hands, feeling out of control of my feelings.
"Don't say sorry, it's okay. Take your time to breathe. I'll be here." I kept my head down as he talked, not wanting him to see my face. We sat in silence for a few minutes, and I kept my gaze off of him. He always knew what to do, so after those minutes of silence, he quietly asked, "do you want to talk about it?" I took my head out of my hands, looking at him.
"I don't even know what I feel right now." I started. Jack nodded, showing that he was listening. "I... I feel angry about not being able to walk, but I feel sad at the same time. Not to mention it fucking hurts so bad," I laughed a little at myself, looking at my leg. "And I yelled at you," I trailed off, feeling awful. "Which I'm sorry for. I just... I wasn't thinking."
"You don't have to say sorry, Crutch." He gave me a smile, We sat in silence for a few more moments as we both thought.
"I knew I was right about something being wrong," I said, looking at Jack.
"Hm?" He scooted closer to me, but still not touching me.
"Remember when Tommy stomped me and I kept saying something was wrong?" He nodded, and so I continued, "Well, I was right." I sighed, looking away from him. We sat in silence once again, as Jack probably didn't know what to say. He eventually put his arms out, turning his body to me. I fell into them almost right away, crying on instinct from everything.
"Do you want to go to bed?" Jack asked quietly, running his fingers through my hair. I nodded silently, and we moved over and laid down, snuggling each other.
I fell asleep pretty fast, emotionally exhausted. I wasn't sure how long I was asleep for when I was woken up by Jack getting up. I looked around, noticing it was still night.
"Hm..?" I said, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. I couldn't really see Jack, but I could that his breathing was heavy.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He was turned away from me, and I could tell he was wiping his face. Was he crying?
"It's okay, what's wrong?" I stretched a little bit, my eyes starting to adjust.
"Nothing, nothing. Just go back to sleep." I noticed then that his voice seemed shaky, sounding as though he had been crying.
"Are you sure..?" I kept my voice down, growing worried. He stayed silent for a moment before I heard him crying.
"No." He still faced the other way, crying harder yet.
"Hey, come here. Let's talk," I desperately wanted to help him and it hurt so bad that I couldn't reach him.
"No. I- I don't want to talk about it. Just go back to sleep. I'll be fine." I sat there for a minute, unsure if I should keep pushing or not. He looked at me, noticing I hadn't laid back down. "Crutchie, I'm okay. Really. Just go back to sleep. Okay?" He seemed calmer now, which was enough to convince me to do as he said. I closed my eyes, yet I stayed awake until he came back and laid down, which was a while.
The next morning I woke up to the morning bell, once again missing the sunrise. I noticed that Jack had finally fallen asleep, but I could still see how tired he looked. The bell hadn't woken him up, so I shook him a little, knowing he'd be upset if we were late.
"Hey, Jack, the mornin' bell rung." He stirred a little before waking up, rubbing his eyes. "Did you get any sleep?" I asked as he sat up.
"Yeah, a little." He stood up, getting ready for the day.
"Do you... Want to talk about it?" I didn't know if he'd ever want to, but I couldn't help but ask.
"No, I don't need to. I'm good." He said, giving me a half-assed smile. I decided to drop the subject, as he always did for me if I wasn't ready to talk about something. I could tell he was still upset about whatever he had dreamed of the night before, and he also seemed exhausted. I got up, and got ready for the day alongside him.
He stayed silent while we stood in line for papes. He'd laugh at what people said every now and then, but wasn't talking. Normally we'd ask a fella what was bothering him, but we didn't do that with Jack, knowing he wouldn't tell us no matter how much we asked. After we all got our papes, everyone took off to their selling spots. Jack and I walked in silence, and I could tell he was still real bothered.
"Hey, Jack?" I said, quietly.
"Hm?"
"Are you sure you don't want to talk about your dream? You seem real upset still." I didn't think he'd tell me, but I just had to ask, as I knew that if I didn't at least try that I'd be thinking about it all day. Jack stayed silent for a moment before sighing, keeping his eyes on the ground as we walked.
"It was about the refuge. I mean, I get them all the time, but this one was just..." He got quiet, not finishing his sentence.
"Do you wanna talk about what happened?" We stopped walking as we reached the road that we part on, looking at one another.
"Not yet. Maybe tonight, I dunno." I once again noticed how tired he looked and I wish I would be able to convince him to take the day off and sleep, but I knew he wouldn't.
"Okay." I smiled at him, happy that he shared even a shred of what was upsetting him. "Now, go kick some ass, Jacky," I nudged him, trying to make him feel better. He smiled at me, appreciating me lightening the mood.
"I'll see you later." He took off to his corner, and I headed to mine.
I got done selling at my usual time and started making my way to Jack. When I got to the halfway point, he was already there, waiting.
"Sorry I kept ya waiting," I said, hoping that Jack might be feeling a little better now.
"I haven't been here for long, don't worry." We started walking back home, and I noticed the tone of his voice was back to what it was this morning.
We got up to the penthouse and started eating, just like any other night. However, Jack was still being very quiet, which was unusual for him. I was unsure if I should push some more and ask if he wanted to talk about it yet, or if I should just wait. As I thought, I noticed how he had a look in his eyes that seemed like he was in a whole other world. I decided I'd ask, just in order to snap him back to reality.
"Jack, you okay?" I talked gently as he always does to me, setting my food down.
"To be honest, no." He had already finished eating and was looking at me now, taking his cap off and brushing his hair back with his fingers.
"I know you said you weren't ready to talk 'bout it earlier, but how about now?" I scooted closer to him, trying to get him to share. He took a deep sigh, looking away from me.
"The dream was..." He took a long pause and looked at me, his eyes looking glazed over from exhaustion. "To sum it up... It was you who got sent to the refuge." He paused for another second or so, taking his eyes off me and looking at his hands instead. "I left you alone at some point and Snyder took you, and I kept going to visit. Youse kept getting beaten, and then one day when I went to visit... You were..." He trailed off, not looking at me. I noticed him tearing up, and so I grabbed him and pulled him into a hug.
"It was just a dream," I said, feeling dumb for stating the obvious. "I'm right here!" I moved back a little, smiling at Jack.
"I know, I know. It's dumb to be upset. But, it was just the fact that I couldn't help you, ya know?" I nodded, and he smiled at me a little. "God, I should've just talked about this last night. I could've had such a different day."
"Don't beat yourself up for it, it's okay to be upset. I mean, you're the one who always tells me that," I still had a smile on my face and got up to change into my pajamas.
"Damn, using my own words against me. Cruel move, Crutchie." He got up too, stretching as he did.
"Look, I'm not the one who said it," I teased, laughing.
"Ah, shut up," he nudged me, and I couldn't help but smile wider, happy that he felt better. We fell asleep soon after, both tired from the night before.
When I woke up the next morning, I was shivering. I felt so cold, but then I noticed that I was sweating, too. I laid there, unable to move from how cold I felt. Eventually, Jack woke up, stretching and yawning as he sat up.
"Mornin', Crutchie." I sat up as well, smiling at him, but still shivering. "Shit, you cold?" He got up quickly, grabbing one of his flannels and putting it over me. As I sat there, I felt a horrible migraine coming on and also noticed that my throat felt dry. Jack was about to get ready before he looked at me once more, then coming over to me and kneeling down. "Hey, you feelin' okay?" I looked at him, nodding.
"Yeah, yeah. Just still cold." I was still freezing and wished I had a million blankets on me.
"You sure..? You look real pale," He put his hand to my forehead gently, and sat there for a few moments. "Crutchie, you're burning up!" He pulled his hand back and looked worried, staring at me.
"I'm fine, c'mon let's just sell," I didn't want to miss a day of selling, because then I knew I'd be short on money for a while. I went to get up, but Jack put his hand on my shoulder, sitting me back down.
"There is no way I'm lettin' you sell today. You're staying here." He walked over to his clothes, grabbing a few more of his shirts. "C'mon, lay down." I rolled my eyes at him, wanting him to drop it. "Crutchie, I'm not joking. Lay down." I sat there for a moment, surprised that he was this worried. I did as he said, and he started to lay his shirts on me.
"Jack, this is really unneeded-"
"I don't take this stuff lightly with anyone, okay Crutch? You stay here and sleep all you need. If you rest all day, I'm sure you'll be good to go tomorrow." He gave me a kind smile, standing up.
"Fine. But I really think I'm okay." I smiled back at him as he got ready to head down the ladder.
"I know, buuuut you're restin' today. No question about it." He disappeared down the ladder with a smile.
I laid there for a moment, thinking about why he was so serious about this. Then, I remembered his Mom. He said he didn't know what she died from, but he knew that she was sick. I then felt real bad for not taking it seriously. I didn't think I was too tired, but then after only a few minutes of being alone in silence, I fell asleep.
When I woke up, I still felt freezing. I looked around, seeing that Jack wasn't home yet. It probably wouldn't be too long before he was. I sat up, moving all the flannels off me. I sat for a moment, wondering what to do while I waited. I went to stand up and quickly took note of how weak I was. I shook as I stood, feeling lightheaded. I sat back down almost immediately, continuing to shake.
After just a few minutes, I heard someone coming up the ladder. I sat in the same spot, excited to see Jack. It wasn't long before he appeared at the top of the ladder with a big smile on his face.
"Hey! You're awake! Hungry?" He held up a bag, sitting down beside me. I nodded, and he handed me some food. We ate for a bit in silence before he turned to me, looking me up and down. "Feeling any better?"
"Uh, no." I wasn't sure if I should be totally honest with him about it, considering everything about his Mom. However, I knew that if I wasn't, he'd be real upset. "Actually, I feel worse." I noticed how worried he looked when I met his gaze, quickly looking back down at my hands in order to not see him.
"What's wrong? What're ya feeling?" He scooted closer to me, furrowing his eyebrows.
"I still feel freezing cold, my whole body hurts, my head hurts, and when I tried to stand before you came home I got lightheaded and had to sit back down." I looked back at him, noticing that he looked even more worried than before.
"Then let's get you back to sleep, hm?" He stood up and changed into his pajamas, walking over to me and laying down.
"I can go back to my side since I might be sick," I stayed sitting up, feeling bad about being an extra problem.
"No, no. Stay here. It's okay." He smiled at me, and I laid back down. He pulled me in closer and I went back to bed almost right away.
(Word count - 3163)