This is perfect.
My ex-girlfriend from high school is my college roommate. Well, at least for our junior year. Or until she murders me when she finds out how this happened.
For right now, I couldn't have been happier about our setup. Every cell of my body was charged with an excitement that exceeded any kid on Christmas as the days closed in on her move-in date. I knew how crazy I sounded. But I fully intended to take advantage of this golden opportunity.
I mean, look at her. Two years, three months, and the last four weeks here waiting, and here she is.
While I'd put on twenty-five of Coach Hawk's recommended pounds of muscle over the past two years, Ellie looked almost exactly the same except the roundness of youth had left her cheeks. Her long, straight, dark brown hair was pulled back in a messy ponytail and a few stray, delicate strands graced her slender neck and delicate shoulders. My fingers twitched slightly while I resisted an immediate urge to brush them over her ears, so instead I squeezed them into fists at my sides.
Her dark, doe-shaped eyes stared up at me under her thick lashes wide in shock and her full, pale pink lips that mine wanted to reclaim every inch of were parted open slightly. In true Ellie fashion, she wore a gray UW T-shirt and jeans over her small frame.
She's beautiful.
The sight of Ellie in front of me was a bittersweet reminder of how I'd had zero interest whatsoever in anyone else since her. Girls approached me, over and over, but their shallow motivations were nothing but an instant turn-off.
One look at Ellie and I was definitely turned on, in more ways than one.
In other words, I was gone. Again.
I'd taken a two-year break on girls in high school but this time was different. When Ellie and I had dated, sometimes I'd felt guilty about mistakes I'd made with girls before her and that she deserved better. So our freshman and sophomore years, I'd improved on things like my past that now no longer bothered me. The last thing I wanted was another rap sheet of girls selfishly used for my own pleasure that again I felt guilty about later.
Or worse, Kendall-like stalkers.
Ellie herself had ruined a few things in my intimacy department. My broken heart hadn't really healed, only hardened. Physically, two-year drought hadn't been easy and my dick twitched in my sweatpants like an uncontrollable, painful reminder at the first sight of Ellie. As much as I wanted my arms wrapped around her in a warm hug, her frigid stance stopped me. Well, technically the shocked look on her parents' faces behind her stopped me. I'd been in this apartment alone for four weeks for football camp and now that she was here, we had plenty of time for hugs - and much more, if I played this right - later.
Things looked terribly bleak two years and three months ago. The last I'd seen Ellie, tears streamed down her cheeks. She broke up with me, returned the promise ring I'd gotten her that Christmas, and I thought she never wanted to see me again. The look in those eyes, tinted red at the corners from irritation and tired from the confinement hell her parents had put her in, when she pleaded with me for space burned in my memory as the last time I'd seen her in person.
When she'd broken us. Broken me.
While I knew Ellie hadn't felt like herself because of all the legal drama and restraints that her parents clamped down on her life, I was absolutely shocked and dumbfounded when she broke up with me. Sometimes negative thoughts crept in at the idea Ellie wasn't as committed to our relationship, given how abruptly she broke things off, and I would've raised hell against anyone or anything if she'd needed me to.
At first I worried that she hadn't needed, or worse wanted, me anymore. So I fell, over and over, and crashed hard with a broken heart that was by far the most painful experience I'd ever had.
My common sense eventually kicked in, possibly with a slap against the back of my head from Mom, and I realized Ellie was in a very dark place.
She pushed me away to preserve my feelings. She let me go because she loved me.
I wasn't happy but I followed her request and backed off.
Well, at least from her perspective.
I ignored the daily, shit, hourly, desires that pushed me to call her, apologize, or at least hear her voice. I shut off my phone the summer before college started and asked my mom to keep it at home for seven weeks straight so I wasn't tempted. I even tortured myself when even the simple act of switching on my phone revealed the beautiful picture of her that was still my background photo today.
I respected Ellie's request and, despite my near frantic desire to make things up, avoided her the entire summer. Given the circumstances, coming into football camp freshman year, I focused on nothing else. Never before had I lived, breathed, ate, and slept around football. Daily training sessions with Mason and a continued diet plan that Ellie herself had recommended fueled my increased muscle mass and Coach Hawk gave me a firm nod of approval at my improved performance metrics.
Once I arrived at UC-Davis freshman year, my phone had to be unlocked. Almost lost between the seventeen hundred useless 'U there, bro?' messages from former teammates who already reminisced about the past season before they casually started the next one, I found my source of hope. One single-line message was like a beacon of light that shone through my clouded melancholy.
Harper: Hey dickhead. Realize you're MIA but she forgave me and Jake. Just sayin.
Her subsequent messages included pretty much every insult about a particular part of my anatomy, which I guess in Harper's mind I deserved. She'd been there too when the Ryder incident went down and was entitled to her own opinion.
What Harper hadn't said but meant was that Ellie at some point would forgive me too. So I refueled my frustrations into nothing but football. I trained harder, I practiced harder, and I studied plays harder.
My extra efforts weren't solely for Ellie. I wanted the Aggies' starting quarterback position and showed everyone I'd earned and deserved it. I wish my efforts would have impressed her but she was never the type of girl who was impressed by a football player anyways.
Six months later, I almost caved, right after my freshman season ended with us as Big Sky champs. In a moment of weakness, after the playoff game loss ended our postseason, I felt lonely and broken. I wanted to tell her she'd left a hole in me that football alone hadn't filled and that I wouldn't ever feel entirely happy unless I was with her.
While everyone else's voicemail was like cat fingernail scratches on chalkboard, even Ellie's voicemail voice was sweet.
'Hey, this is Ellie! I probably have no idea where I put my phone but I'll find it eventually so bear with me!'
I snapped to my senses when I'd gotten interrupted for a post-game interview while my thumb hovered over the call button.
I deserve her ghosting me.
I'd gone behind her back, tracked where the pile of wasted human Ryder Stevens was, and led her brother to beat the shit out of him for what he'd done to Ellie three years prior. Jake lost his USC scholarship until Ellie's gigantic heart of compassion for her brother persuaded USC with the truth of how vile a guy Ryder had been and everyone involved with him was better off without him.
My delivery was probably wrong, going behind her back with Ryder. But the piece of shit who'd attempted to rape her freshman year of high school deserved every punch, every broken rib that Jake had delivered. I hadn't dealt out the blows myself but I'd brought the lion to the slaughterhouse.
Missing Ellie felt like I'd been the one who'd walked around the past two years with the broken ribs. Initially, every inhale and exhale hurt. My shoulders sagged with a heavy sadness that I kept bottled up inside. I was constantly listless, never felt comfortable as I carried that unsettled yet helplessness-like emotion inside me.
My only outlet was football-related distractions and the company of a few good friends. I attended three camps each summer and trained tirelessly with Mason until I'd packed on those twenty-five pounds. Working out had always been a good stress-reliever but this time was different. This time I channeled my anger, my frustration, and my heartache into my game.
A week before I packed up for UW and Josh headed back to UCLA, he and I met up with Bryce for dinner. Josh was sympathetic but not not very optimistic about my situation with Ellie and Bryce was clueless about why I'd transferred to UW.
"I don't get it." His blue eyes blinked blankly at me as one of his hands absently scratched on the top of his head.
He couldn't have done a better neanderthal impression if he'd tried.
"Get what," I asked humorlessly.
"I mean, you've been there, done that, tapped that." His frown deepened as he chewed on his foot so much I was surprised it hadn't come back out his ass. "What about the thrill of the chase?"
Says the guy who works in a strip club that leaves nothing to the imagination.
"Bryce," my voice dropped an octave in warning. "Don't talk about Ellie like that."
"He has a point, LT." Always the pacifier, Josh frowned at me. "I always liked Ellie but she broke up with you."
"For stupid reasons." One hand raked through my hair. I couldn't have explained the situation fully because Ellie's NDA silenced me as well.
They wouldn't understand anyways.
Josh had been with the same girl since sophomore year, Ava. All signs pointed to them being together forever, since she was going down to UCLA with him. Bryce on the other hand... He hadn't been with a girl longer than the amount of time he needed to consume a pizza. His revolving door of girls had gotten his dick in trouble in high school but I hadn't prompted him for an update. Honestly I cared less and just hoped that now he was, well, not Bryce.
"LT, you've gotta look at the greener pastures." Bryce slapped a hand on my shoulder and shut down my theory of him not fucking around. "College girls. They're wild, like the girls at the club, and I love being wild with them."
"Good for you," I mumbled down into the plate of food I wasn't hungry for anymore.
The problem was, I didn't want any other girl. I only wanted my Ellie back.
And now she's here.
If I 'd wanted Ellie back badly before, then I had practically no control over myself now that she was within arm's reach. With my last ounce of resolve, I squeezed my eyes closed since her parents also stood here. Despite my mental block attempts, a tightness constricted my chest and a slight flush of warmth in my gut both reminded me of the obvious, painful fact.
I want her so fucking badly. All of her.
I'd been placed to live with Wes Brown, an outside wide receiver who seemed like a decent guy. He eyed me suspiciously at first but threw me a golden opportunity when he dropped down on one knee the second day of camp and proposed to Charlie Montgomery, one of the team's student physical trainers. I vaguely knew her since she'd done my general physical exam but, once I found out she was Ellie's roommate and laid out the mutually beneficial reality, the girl was my new best friend.
The first time we met, Charlie acted almost like she knew exactly who I was. She wasn't surprised at all when I introduced myself but I wasn't sure if she'd looked me up for her job. Like all the Huskies, she just called me 'New Guy' and never said anything about Ellie to me personally. For someone who'd lived with Ellie for two years, despite a castration threat, she was shockingly easy-going about this roommate switch.
Charlie already lived in this apartment when Wes and I were down the hall in a two-bedroom one. All I needed was one week's worth of suggestions in Wes' ear that the newly engaged couple needed practice living together. A round of pizza and beer bribery later, the offensive lineman swapped my and Charlie's stuff across apartments in less than two hours.
The past three weeks of camp had been particularly exhausting and I appreciated having my own place as a personal, quiet sanctuary away from all the football chaos. I'd roomed by myself, in married student housing of all places, for two years at UC-Davis, so I'd become accustomed to my own privacy despite the loneliness that came with it.
Until now.
Now I was thrilled my roommate was here. My personal sanctuary was now blessed by the presence of an angel. While everyone assumed I came to UW for football, at the risk of being a complete sap, the real reason now stood right in front of me.
And prettier in person than I'd imagined.
By her stone-frozen posture, her lips still parted slightly open, and how her beautiful dark brown irises were surrounded by the whites of her doe-shaped eyes, she didn't seem to share my sentiments. One quick look at her parents showed they didn't either.
Ellie looked a lot like her mother, including her dark brown eyes. While Ellie wasn't the type to draw attention to herself, her mother definitely had the outgoing and forward personality that people were naturally drawn to when she walked into a room. At the moment, she wore a similar expression to Ellie's shock but something definitely stirred in her eyes.
"You!" Ellie's father found his gruff and, understandably, extremely pissed off voice.
At the moment, he looked like he wanted me buried six feet under. His thinner than I remembered dark hair threatened to fly off his forehead, his eyes narrowed, and his mouth clenched firmly tight. If he was a cartoon character then plumes of smoke would have poured out of his ears. But he wasn't and instead his dark red, scrunched up face looked like he was about to have an aneurysm.
"This has to be some kind of mistake!" Once his mouth opened, we all shook a little at the volume in his frustration that echoed across all four-hundred and fifty-nine square feet in this shoebox of an apartment.
Anger spewed between each word. "Where's Charlie? There is no way you two are... It's just... We're going to go talk to someone!"
"Who?" Ellie dragged her eyes away from mine and she turned to face her father. "I mean... We could try student housing but I'm a junior and signed a lease, so they probably won't -"
"Anyone," was the snarled response. He threw me one more glance like I was a devil incarnate apt to steal Ellie's virtue, stomped out of the apartment, and slammed the door behind him. "Leases can be broken."
A few moments of silence passed, then Ellie's mom heaved a huge sigh and tossed her eyes up towards the ceiling. "It was nice to see you again, Logan." Her palm gently squeezed my bicep as she passed me. "We'll talk again before we leave, I'm sure Dale will have some... words to say to you."
Ellie's eyes flashed in my direction again before she pulled her lips into a lopsided grimace and stepped after her father. "He's probably halfway to a store to buy pepper spray and a chastity belt," she whispered into her mom's ear before they opened the door.
My mouth moved on its own and quirked up at the words 'chastity belt.'
Probably not the best time to bring up the sleeping arrangement issue.
A chuckle of amusement escaped my mouth even though she hadn't directed the statement to me. At the sound, her head whipped in my direction and a pink flush filled her cheeks before she shut the door behind her.
My face hurt from how big of a shit-eating grin I probably wore, but it faded slightly once I turned from the door and saw our apartment before Ellie moved in her stuff.
For all of the apartment's charms, it was fully functional but small. Four hundred and fifty nine feet felt a lot smaller with a 6ft5, 235-pound football player inside.
I knew Ellie would hate the narrow width of the galley kitchen once she cooked in it but by far the worst was the bathroom. With my height, I stooped halfway over while I brushed my teeth at the pedestal sink, my elbows knocked into both walls inside the three-foot square shower, and the water stream hit me dead center in my chest.
The largest space was a living room/dining room combination with a small table pushed into the wall near the entrance and a sofa that belonged in a dumpster. I wasn't sure what Ellie and Charlie's previous plans were but this place only had...
...one bedroom.