I loved...
I loved so hard that my heart didn't belong to me any longer.
It didn't beat for me.
It didn't live for me.
She possessed me.
I would bleed for her.
I would die for her.
And she stabbed me precisely in the middle of my heart. She impaled me over and over with her deceptions that I ceased feeling.
Though she came back to me without recollections of her betrayals, I did not forget.
My heart would bleed until the last breath I'd take.
And I would compel them to pay over and over until I am no more.
Maingat na isinara ni Fenris ang libro na ipinahiram ni Linus sa kanya.
Who hurt Desmond Harfeld?
She... who was the she who hurt him so bad?
And then them. Who betrayed him that he would hurt people despite being hailed as a holy and righteous man?
Inalala ng dalaga ang teachings sa kanila mula pagkabata.
St. Harfeld was their hero. He was their savior. He dedicated his life for Narguille and for his people.
But this book showed the saint's other side, the side that held grudges. The side that would hurt someone else.
"Fenris?"
Mabilis na inilagay ni Fenris ang libro sa ilalim ng kanyang kama. Siniguro niyang may iilang maruming damit sa ibabaw niyun.
"Fenris!" muling tawag ni Kilmar sa pangalan n'ya.
"Sandali," aniya saka pinagbuksan ang kaibigan.
"Ang tagal naman," reklamo ng nabungaran niyang Kilmar. Nakasuot ito ng Apprentice cloak katulad niya.
"Hindi kaya. Let's go," aniya saka isinara ang pinto at hinila na ang kaibigan papunta sa kanilang training.
Fenris couldn't wait for lunch break. Kailangan niyang malaman ang laman ng libro. Kailangan niyang malaman ang sususod.
—-
My wife, the love of my life, cheated on me with our friend. I died a million times when she told me she didn't love me any longer.
But she didn't want to leave me because of our children. That was sufficient for me to continue living. I accepted her no matter what she did. I went on to love her and cherish her. She was my life.
But what happened earlier happened again and again until my eyes had no more tears to shed.
I felt numb and wanted more power because that was what she wanted. She loved power. She loved strength.
And she did get more power. She also gave power to her bloodsucking lover and their friends.
After that, she returned to me with all her heart intact, beating only for me and our children.
I should have been happy. I should have been satisfied.
But I wasn't.
She might have forgotten her betrayal, but I did not. Our children did not. Our pain still thrived in our hearts and our souls. We were broken while she was whole again.
And she didn't know why we loathed her.
Many of our people despised her.
We had to leave Hellville. We had to leave Vergaemonth. We had to start anew.
That's when I rallied my sympathizers and my children. We left and we didn't turn back. We left magic. We left and abandoned who we really are.
We left magic.
We left magic.
We left magic.
Paulit-ulit na binasa ni Fenris ang linyang 'yun dahil hindi pa rin kayang i-digest ng kanyang utak ang fact na galing ng Hellville ang kanilang founding father.
We left magic.
Ibig bang sabihin ay witch si St. Harfeld?
Ibig bang sabihin ay witch din ang mga sympathizers nito?
And what did that make them, the descendants of these witch immigrants?
"Witch din ba kami?" hindi makapaniwalang sambit ni Fenris nang malakas.
Focused na focused siya sa pagbabasa nang bigla na lamang may kumatok sa kanyang pinto kaya halos mapatid siya sa pagtayo mula sa kama.
"Sino 'yan?" sigaw niya habang naghahanap ng pwedeng pagtaguan ng libro.
"It's me," boses iyun ni Linus kaya nakahinga ng maluwag ang dalaga.
She unlocked the door and let him in.
Seryosong tumingin sa kanya ang lalaki habang ini-lock n'yang muli ang pinto.
"You okay?" tanong nito saka naupo sa kanyang kama. Mukhang bagong ligo ito at nakasuot ng itim na jogging suit.
"Yeah," aniya na medyo lutang pa rin dahil sa dami ng kanyang mga katanungan. Ni hindi pa siya nakapagpalit ng kanyang training attire kaya ang baho na niya siguro.
"Do you want to eat dinner now?" nakakunot pa rin ang noo nito.
"Dinner? Ano'ng oras na ba?"
She didn't even notice na madilim na sa labas.
"Seven."
"Really? Ilang oras na pala akong nagbabasa nitong libro. Dumeretso ako rito after ng afternoon training natin. May pagkain pa ba sa kitchen ngayon? Kanina pa tapos ang dinner time," mabilis na tumayo ang dalaga at itinago uli sa ilalim ng kama ang libro.
"It doesn't matter. I don't get your food from the cooks anyway," kibit-balikat nitong sagot.
Bahagyang natawa ang dalaga. "Eh saan galing ang mga pagkain ko? Sino nagluto? Ikaw?"
Walang sagot na narinig si Fenris kaya napatitig siya sa binata. Seryoso lang itong nakatingin ngayon sa kanya habang namumula ang leeg.
"Wait a minute... Hindi nga?"
"What?" anito na nag-iwas ng tingin.
"You cook my food?" hindi makapaniwalang tanong niya na tuluyan nang tumayo at humarap sa binata.
"Yes, so? What's the big deal?"
Hindi mapigilan ni Fenris ang makaramdam ng init sa kanyang dibdib. "Since when?"
"After someone threw you off the ship," anitong nakatingin na sa kanyang mga mata. They were so blue na para bang nasa gitna siya ng karagatan. Nakakalula at nakakalunod ang klase ng titig nito.
He had been taking care of her like this without her knowing?
Isang genuine na ngiti ang sumilay sa mga labi ng dalaga saka siya humakbang palapit dito. She tiptoed and planted a sweet kiss on his cheek. "Thank you."
Matamis na ngumiti si Linus, something he didn't usually do outside. "I like doing it. Seriously, I like taking care of you. It makes me happy and I don't even know why."
"Without you, matagal na siguro akong pinagpi-pyestahan ng mga uod," natatawa niyang sabi but Linus didn't share the humor. Napakunot pa nga ang noo nito.
"I will protect you and make sure that you enjoy a long fulfilling life," taimtim nitong pangako kaya mas lumawak ang ngiti ni Fenris.
"Ang sweet mo talaga. Did you know that?" she said and poke his side. Mabilis nitong hinuli ang kanyang kamay saka siya hinapit sa beywang.
"Nope. I'm not sweet. I'm a tough soldier," natatawa nitong isiniksik ang mukha sa leeg niya kaya nakiliti siya pero hindi siya umiwas. Mas binigyan pa nga niya ito ng access.
He groaned and heaved a deep sigh. "You smell so good."
"Yeah?" aniya na ngiting-ngiti. Bakit nag-i-expect siya na ipapagapang nito ang mga labi nito sa kanyang leeg?
Nag-init ang kanyang buong katawan dahil sa naisip.
She heard him swallowed a few times.
Was he excited like her?
"I should let you go now..." anito pero mas humigpit ang pagkakahapit nito sa kanyang beywang.
"Mmmhmm..." aniyang tumango pero mas sumiksik pa sa binata.
Then she felt his tongue on her neck kaya hindi niya mapigilan ang mapahalinghing at mapapikit. "Linus..." sa totoo lang ay hindi na nakilala ni Fenris ang kanyang sariling boses. She didn't even know she was capable of doing...this, whatever this was.
Ilang beses na napamura si Linus bago ito mabilis na bumitaw sa kanya. Gulat na napamulat ng mga mata ang dalaga at nakita niya si Linus na mabigat ang bawat paghingang binibitawan. Nakatukod ang mga braso nito sa gilid ng mesa at panay ang taas at baba ng mga balikat nito na para bang nahihirapang huminga. Or more like pinapakalma nito ang sarili.
"Linus, is everything alright? Are you okay?" aniyang napahakbang palapit dito pero mabilis itong lumayo sa kanya kaya nakaramdam ng disappointment ang dalaga. Didn't he like what they just did? But they didn't even do anything.
Was she not desirable enough for him?
Nanikip ang kanyang dibdib dahil sa naisip. Kailangan bang ganito ka-obvious ang reaction nito?
Pilit na pinigilan ni Fenris ang pagtulo ng kanyang mga luha. Mababaw naman kasi na dahilan kaya tumalikod na lamang siya para bumalik na lang sana sa pagbabasa pero naramdaman niya ang marahan na paghawak ni Linus sa kanyang kanang kamay.
"I'm sorry..." tila nahihirapan nitong sabi. He even sounded far. So, kahit pala nakahawak ito sa kanya ay ayaw pa rin nitong lumapit sa kanya?
Tuluyan nang tumulo ang luha ng dalaga. She couldn't even face him pero hindi naman niya binawi ang kanyang kamay.
"It's okay if you don't want to be near me. 'Wag mo lang simulan ng ganyan kung hindi mo rin naman pala gusto," mahina niyang sabi at agad na mas humigpit ang pagkakahawak nito sa kanya.
"You don't understand. I want to be close to you every second of the day. I really do," anito na parang nahihirapan pa ring huminga.
Hinablot niya ang kanyang kamay saka galit na hinarap ang binata. "So, bakit ka...!?"
Hindi natapos ng dalaga ang sasabihin nang makita ang itsura ng binata. Tila nahihirapan nga itong huminga pero hindi iyun ang dahilan kung bakit natigilan ang dalaga. It was his eyes. They were red, crimson red.
"Linus..." humakbang siya palapit dito pero umatras ito.
"I haven't had any blood in a few days. I drank more blood than usual because I'm always close to you. This is the first time that I'm always close to a mortal so I had to take precautions and I'm an idiot for not noticing that I was running out of my stash," explain nito kaya agad na nanlambot ang dalaga.
"Bakit hindi mo sinabi?"
"I thought I had it under control. I'm so sorry," nakayuko nitong sabi.
"Kelan tayo babalik ng Narguille?"
"Three days from now darating na ang isa pang barko para palitan tayo sa pagpa-patrol."
Saglit na nag-isip ang dalaga bago huminga ng malalim.
"Drink from me," matapang niyang sabi kaya nanlaki ang mga mata ni Linus.
"No. Definitely not," anito na humakbang paatras.
"Why not?"
"Because I'm hungry, Fenris. I might not be able to stop myself. You'll die if I drain you," anitong mukhang takot na takot.
"Don't worry. Kung hindi ka titigil, ako mismo ang papatay sa'yo," aniya sabay ngisi. Kung gaano kabilis siyang nasaktan kanina, gan'on din kabilis na nawala iyun. It wasn't her after all.
Napangiti na rin si Linus. "Hindi mo lang alam kung gaano kita kagustong halikan bawat segundo. I just have to stop myself. I don't want to go too far because I might not be able to hold back."
Fenris pulled her hair away from her neck and exposed the tender skin to his line of view. Ilang beses na napalunok si Linus.
"C'mon. Have at it," she invited him.
Palipat-lipat sa kanyang mga mata at leeg ang paningin nito bago ito dahan-dahang humakbang palapit sa kanya.
He was still hesitant to do it.
She smiled, encouraging him. She lifted her right hand to reach for him while the other was steadily holding her hair away from her neck.
"Come here," aniya at hindi na nga nakapagpigil si Linus.
Tila kidlat ang kilos nito dahil sa isang segundo lang ang nasa mga braso na siya nito.
She tilted her head to give him access. Though he was still fighting, he lowered his head and brought his sharp fangs to her neck. They hovered there for a second. She could feel them, like needles before they penetrate a surface.
"Are you sure?" halos hindi niya marinig ito.
"Yes," sagot niya. Siempre natatakot siya. Takot na takot. But deep down, she knew Linus would never put her life in jeopardy.
"This will hurt you," mahina nitong bulong.
"I'm ready," aniya sabay pikit ng mga mata. Kasabay niyun ay ang pagbaon ng dalawang matatalim na mga pangil sa kanyang leeg.
Fenris arched her body towards Linus and he grabbed her waist closer.
Gustong magmura ng dalaga. It hurt like hell but the pain wasn't enough to make her stop. This should frighten her. This should be enough to stay away from this deadly man.
But this was her way of telling him that she cared for him. This was for his survival.
This pain was worth it.
And before she knew it, Linus withdrew. Nanatili itong nakayakap sa kanyang beywang at titig na titig ito ang bughaw nitong mga mata sa kanya.
"I'm sorry," ramdam ni Fenris ang regret sa mga mata nito.
"Sshh," she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I wanted you to do it. Did you have enough?"
Tila hiyang-hiya itong tumango. "I will admit, I really needed that. I'm such an idiot. I am a danger to everyone here."
"I am here," pigil niya sa iba pa nitong sasabihin dahil sa self-pity. "Hindi ako papayag na saktan mo ang sarili mo at ang iba pang nandito sa barkong ito. I will be your anchor."
He smiled at that. "You're so strong. You're so brave."
"I know," aniya sabay kindat dito.
"I have an ointment for your marks," anitong nakatingin sa bite marks sa kanyang leeg.
"Hey, stop feeling guilty. I will go to your room later to have the ointment. This is nothing."
Huminga ito ng malalim bago tumango.
For some reason, she was glad to see this vulnerable side of him, the side that others don't get to see. Linus was always the strong Knight, the scary powerful soldier that the Order respected and feared.
But for her, he was this boy who missed his family so much. He was this boy who needed her to keep him in check and for his survival.
She got to see his strong and weak sides.
She was there when he needed someone to stay human.
And that just made their relationship stronger.
"So, about your dinner..." nakangiting sabi ni Linus at agad na natawa si Fenris.
Oo nga pala. Naparito ang binata para sa kanyang hapunan.
"Ipagluluto mo ako?"
Tumango ito. "What do you want to eat?"
"Hmmm... how about lots and lots of red meat and green vegetables? To replenish blood loss?"
His smile faltered at bumalik ang guilt sa mukha nito.
Damn! She shouldn't have said that.
"I'm really sorry that I hurt you like that."
"I want this. I want you to drink blood from me. Ayoko kayang sa leeg ka ni Kilmar o ni Kruz maglambitin. Magseselos talaga ako."
Natawa ito. "Maglambitin talaga?"
Ngumisi siya. "Tara na. Ipagluto mo na ako ng venison steak. 'Yung medium rare ha. 'Wag mong i-overcook."
"Tamang-tama. May marinated venison akong nakita d'on sa kitchen. Let's go."
Hawak-kamay silang lumabas ng kanyang kwarto pero agad ding napabitaw sa isa't isa nang may marinig na paparating na mga yapak.
"It's just Kilmar and Kruz," bulong ni Linus bago pa man lumabas sa hallway ang dalawa na may hawak na tasa ng kape.
"Oh, saan nanaman kayong dalawa tatakas?" tukso ni Kilmar sa kanila.
Napangisi si Fenris. "Sa langit," aniya saka hinila na ang kamay ni Linus na may amused na ngiti sa mga labi.
"Go, Fen. Enjoy," natatawang pahabol ni Kruz.
Wala nang katao-tao sa kitchen nang nakarating sila d'on kaya agad nang kumilos si Linus. Pinaupo siya nito sa gilid at pinanood lang niya kung paano ito ka-eksperto sa kusina. He moved with finesse na para bang isa itong professional chef.
"You can do everything, can't you?" compliment niya rito habang nakatingin sa pagfi-flex ng mga braso nito habang naghahanda ng ingredients.
He looked so freakin' sexy.
He smiled. "Not really. I still want to learn a lot of things like sewing, knitting, making weapons. And many many more," he sounded relaxed now.
Sinuklian ni Fenris ng matamis na ngiti ang ngiti nito. She hoped she would be there by his side while he learned those things.
She wanted to stay by his side for a long long time.
Napansin niyang biglang natigilan si Linus kaya napakunot ang noo ng dalaga.
"What's wrong?"
At tila sagot sa kanyang tanong, biglang pumasok ng kitchen sina Kilmar at Kruz.
"May messenger bird na nagdala nito," iniabot ni Kilmar ang isang scroll kay Linus at agad na binuksan ng binata ang pulang wax seal n'on.
"It's from the Grand Knight," anang binata pagkatapos nitong basahin ang mensahe. "We have to go back to Narguille as soon as possible. The whole country is under attack."
Agad na nanlaki ang mga mata ng tatlong Apprentices.
Naisip ni Fenris ang kanyang mga magulang at si Maryan. Ligtas ba ang mga ito?
"Sino ang umatake?" tanong ni Kruz.
Umiling ang Knight. "Kilmar, tell the crew to head back to Narguille. Kruz, tell the other Apprentices to prepare for battle."
"Yes, Knight," sabay na sagot ng dalawang lalaki bago lumabas.
Si Fenris naman ang hinarap ni Linus.
"My family..." nag-aalala niyang sambit.
"I'm sure they can take care of themselves," balik na ito sa Knight mode, seryoso at focused. "Pack your things. Make sure that the book is secured."
Hindi siya sigurado kung ano ang ibig sabihin nitong her family can take care of themselves.
Tumango lang si Fenris at tinitigan ang nakakunut-noong binata.
"You know something. What is it?"
Iniabot nito sa kanya ang scroll at mabilis iyung binasa ng dalaga.
The three gods are attacking the whole country.
Litong napatingin si Fenris sa binatang tila malalim na nag-iisip.
"Why would the gods attack the country that loves them?" aniya.
"Because they're not gods Fenris. They're Pureblood vampires trapped in a cave at the Holy Mountain."
Fenris remembered. The monsters inside the cave of horror that snatched the homeless people that she and Knight Hood brought there.
Those were their gods.
Their gods were Pureblood vampires?
Pureblood vampires that the Grand Knight and the Order hated so much?
***
@immrsbryant