I wake to my face pressed on a hard floor. My back is tense from the way I have slept. I lift my body with my palm to raise myself to search the surroundings.
Sun beams through the windows and I find myself laying on the floor of the living room. I look down to see my heels and dress are still intact on my body.
Confusion races in my mind with just how I ended up sleeping on the floor. The last thing I can fully recall is watching Draco leave to go upstairs.
Draco obviously won the game, or I wouldn't still be here. Unless he did the same thing as last week with Graham Montague.
I then recall Draco and I on the dance floor last night. I feel my face redden as I remember the way he touched me and talked to me. My mouth dries at the memory of the pill working through my system.
It brings chills down my spine.
When the blood rushes down my body I can feel the headache hit in the back of my brain. I let out a small sigh as I place my hand on the area pulsing.
I lazily slip my heels off my feet and try to stand from the dark hardwood. When I start to use my muscles, I feel them tense up from the uncomfortable sleep position I was in.
I unsteadily head to the kitchen to try and find some water.
When I open the door, I find Blaise and Theo making themselves comfortable.
"Mate, it was a mess. You should have seen it." Theo laughs to his long-term friend.
I fall into their vision and they both turn to look at me, "Jesus Lancing, not to be a total dickhead but you look awful." Theo grimaces.
Blaise smacks his shoulder and lowers his eyes at him, "You can't say 'not to be a total dickhead' and then say something that a total dickhead would say."
"What!" Theo shrugs, "I only mean it as the sincerest form of flattery, it just means Malfoy did something right." He smiles at the last part of his statement.
I turn my head to him in confusion, "What do you mean?"
"You and Malfoy last night. I assume that's why you look like...." he pauses to look me up and down, "that."
Before I could respond the door opens and Adrian waltzes in, "Damn, Malfoy really, for lack of better term, ran through you, didn't he?" He laughs as his eyes land on my appearance.
I gawk at their words in complete confusion of what they are talking about. Yes, we were touching each other in a rather explicit way, but nothing more happened.
I open my mouth to finally ask about what they are talking about, until the man himself Draco walks in.
I turn to face him as he wears again nothing but dark sweatpants. He wipes his eyes of sleep as he moves past me.
Suddenly, Adrian and Theo both stand and humorously applaud Draco.
"The god himself, Draco Malfoy ladies and gentlemen!" Theo pretends to bow down to him.
"Making woman scream in pleasure since 1980!" Adrian chimes in with a large smile.
Blaise tries to cover his laughs as he watches the scene unfold. Draco pushes his brows together and smiles, "What are you wankers going on about?" his voice is raspy and low from just waking up.
"Oh baby!..Give it to me harder!" Theo yells in a high-pitched voice obviously trying to mimic a female. "Your cock is so deep!....Just like that, don't stop!"
My mouth drops and my face turns beat red. I face Draco in fear of what I do not recall from the night before.
Draco's face softens and gives him a smile finding humor in Theos reenactment. My body runs cold thinking we did something we should not have.
"You all are grade A dumbasses." Draco laughs letting his face fall on his hand. The three boys look at each other in confusion. "I didn't fuck anyone last night."
My breath hitches at his remark.
"Then why did we hear a bird fucking chirpin' in your room last night?" Adrian asks.
"Well, I did not sleep in my room last night, I let Pansy pass out there." For a moment the room goes silent as everyone's faces change at the realization.
It was in that exact moment; Oliver Wood enters the kitchen wearing the same clothing as the night before.
"FUCKING LEGEND!" Theo roars louder than ever.
"A FUCKING GOD!" Adrian also yells out. This time they fully get on their knees as they bow down to him.
I can't help but let out a light giggle at the scene in front of me. I would have never guessed I would ever see two Slytherins bowing down to a Gryffindor calling them a 'legend' or a 'god' in my entire life. Especially ones that played Quidditch against each other.
Oliver lifts his head up as he watches the boy continue to be dramatic.
"Just came to get some water.." his voice is low and confused.
Draco lets out a laugh watching Oliver remain perplexed by his friends. Oliver moves to the sink and get himself a glass while Theo and Adrian continue to yell out random praises to him as they bow.
Oliver leaves in an instant. I feel myself relax at the thought of nothing happening with me and Draco. It's not that it is a completely unrealistic thought, it's just I was not in the right head space. It was completely possible that something could have happened while we both were on the high of that pill.
I just don't see myself ever doing anything remotely close to that while sober, so I would hope he wouldn't take advantage of me while under a spell.
The two boys stand from and ground as they let out a few other laughs, "Sorry Malfoy, we thought that was you and Lancing last night." Theo smiles.
The red wanders back to my cheeks, "Who would've thought Wood had that type of stamina?" Adrian smiles.
"I need to burn my sheets immediately." Draco rolls his eyes.
"How did Pansy and Oliver even....get together?" I question trying to throw the conversation off of me and Draco.
"Pansy's father made her bet on Wood a couple weeks ago. I guess they just started getting together, but her father has no idea." Blaise answers for me. I nod as I try and puzzle the pieces together. It still has shock behind the story, because I really did not see that coming. I find it interesting though.
"Wait, so you're telling me you two," Theo moves his finger back and forth between Draco and I, "did not fuck last night?"
Draco shakes his head 'no'.
Theo then turns to me, "So then why do you look so horrific Lancing?"
I roll my eyes at Theos question, "Well, I guess I thought sleeping on the floor of the living room was a good idea for some reason."
"Actually..." Draco turns to me. I lower my eyes at him in curiosity.
"Oh, for fucks sake, please tell me there is a good story to this Malfoy." Theo smiles.
"After the betting was over, I found you in the living room taking several shots alone." I feel my body freeze a little worried to hear the rest of the story. "You had told me that you had already taken several. I assume the pill wore off on me a lot quicker than you. When I found you, you were still under it and started..." He coughs awkwardly, "touching me."
Theo claps his hands together in laugher. My face becomes bright red at this point. I feel heat radiate through my body as my palms sweating.
"Nothing happened, I just told you to go to bed and you got mad and said you would sleep on the floor of the living room. I honestly didn't believe you." He smiles as his eyes rake up and down at my appearance.
I push my lips together in discomfort, "Well, I am going to leave now."
"Oh, come on now Lancing, it's to no one's surprise that you tried to shag Malfoy. You two were practically fucking in front of everyone last night!" Theo speaks between laughs.
"Yeah, are we going to talk about that?" Blaise chimes in with a smile.
"No." I frantically say.
The three of Draco's friends silently eye each other with grins the size of Europe plastered on their faces.
Before things could get any worse, I turned on my heels and left the room. For some reason the embarrassment has disappeared, and anger is the only feeling that remains.
I feel angered that Draco made me take that pill. I always feel this way when I wake up the next morning. I get embarrassed by my actions and guilty for enjoying the night.
I am not able to focus on anything when I am on it. I didn't even try to look for Ginny or Ron last night.
It makes my stomach hurt the more I think about it.
When I get upstairs I peel the dress off my body and head towards the shower.
The water feels amazing on my skin as it washes the drug induced sweat off of me.
As I drag my fingers across my skin, I feel my neck and shoulder – my body shivers. When the tips of my fingers swipe near that spot, my mind goes to Draco's lips. The way they stroked my skin. The way his tongue moved across my neck.
Stop Olivia.
I try and push back the thought of his nails digging into my thigh, and how his hands moved up my body....
Stop.
I should not be thinking about those things, especially when I am in the shower...
I turn to the shower knob and quickly change the temperature all the way to the left. The ice-cold water hits my body and I jump a little from impact.
As soon as the cold hits me, my mind goes in the direct opposite direction of Draco.
Once I am fully clean, I decide to take a walk outside. I need some fresh air after the events from the night before.
I change into shorts and a light jumper before walking downstairs. When I open the bedroom door, I am met with a wet body in the hall.
I watch as Draco walks closer to me with only a towel draped around his waist. His hair and body are wet from his shower.
"Going to paint?" he asks.
"Actually, thinking about taking a walk around the grounds." I try to keep my eyes to his. Avoiding any contact with his wet, half nude body in front of me.
"Mind if I join?" he asks as he takes the spare towel in his right hand to his hair shaking his hair through to try and dry it.
"Um, sure."
"Give me five." He says before turning to his door. My strength gives out and my eyes fall to his torso. I see the indents on his body prominently shine against the water.
When he turns, his back is the same. I watch, not watch - gawk, as he moves his arms to open the door. His lined scars hit my eyes, but I push those back because his back muscles move perfectly.
I feel my breath come back into my lungs as he disappears into his room.
Olivia, you need to get a hold of yourself.
I wait in the foyer for only three minutes until I see Draco make his way downstairs. He wears simple black pants and a casual black shirt.
"Ready?" I ask.
He replies by nodding and pushing his lips together.
When we walk outside, the summer turning into fall breeze hits my skin. The fresh air feels amazing in my lungs.
I can hear Draco's steps next to me, yet I refuse to look at him or say anything.
He breaks the silence, "You will not be taking the pill next weekend."
My mouth slightly drops, I look up at him with wide eyes, "What?"
I need him to repeat what he had said because I feel like I imagined it.
"I decided that you shouldn't be taking it again. You were too much of a liability last night." His voice is casual as he continues to look out in front of him while he walks, rather than at me.
"Aren't I supposed to be a liability when under it?" I ask. I thought that was the whole purpose of it. I am meant to be entranced for the hours of the betting. I am supposed to forget all the hate and anger I have in my heart. I am supposed to dance with people, drink, find lust in things or people.
"You were a liability to me."
I close my mouth and push my lips together at his comment. We continue to walk out of the gate as I think of what to say, "Thank you." I decide to keep my response short and truthful.
We walk the fields of the estate keeping small conversation about different things. He tells me about the different flowers his mother had planted, and the sorts of trouble he would get into while his mother would tend to the plants.
We come upon a small corner of the estate, towards the far back. I assume there is a barrier near this side of the fields.
My eyes catch a large tree pining over the grass. The base of the tree is thick while the branches that extend over it are long and large.
My eyes widen at how beautiful it is. It must have been here for hundreds of years.
"That tree is beautiful."
He moves his head in the direction of it, "It is an old oak tree that has been on the estate for as long as the family has been."
I drift off from Draco and move closer to it. I can hear him let out a sign from behind me, but he follows.
When I get close, I rest my hand on the base of the wooden structure, "It marvelous." I beam. I move around it to inspect the entire thing. When I get to the backside I see a carving that reads, "D.L.M."
I peer my head around the tree to look at him, "These are your initials?" I ask. His head is down while his hands play with each other behind his back.
He takes a moment and then looks up to me, "Yeah."
"Did you play here often as a child?"
He bites his lower lip, "Not really." There is something behind his eyes when he speaks.
I bite the side of my cheek to stop from asking too many questions, he obviously seems uncomfortable with the topic.
"Do you want to sit for a moment?" I motion down to the grass under the branches of the tree, "I want to rest my legs."
"Alright."
We both take a seat in the grass, the shade from the tree hides the sun from our faces. He sits a foot away as we both lean our backs on the base of the oak.
"We can start Occlumency training tomorrow." He speaks.
"How long until I will be able to get my memories back?" I ask a little too eagerly. I only just want to know how long it will take until I can finally be myself again. I know I have no idea what it is that I am truly missing, but I have felt as though a piece of me has been stolen from my soul since the Draco has taken them.
"It depends on how fast it takes for you to grow strong with it. Not everyone is skilled in Occlumency Lancing." He rests his head on the tree, leaning it back a little. I can see his Adams apple peak from his throat.
"Why is it so important for me to be skilled in Occlumency before I can have my memories back?" I ask still not fully aware of the importance.
He takes a moment but then lets out a deep sign. I watch as he turns his body a little to face me better, "There are a lot of things that I would like to share with you. All having to do with this new..," he bites his lip and flutters his eyes as he tries to think of the right word, "world."
"Why can you not just tell me?"
"Because I am trying to protect you."
I ush my brows in, "From what?"
"From him."
He doesn't need to say his name for me to know exactly who it is he is talking about.
He keeps his head leaned back on the oak but turns his neck to my direction, "There are certain parts of our past relationship that need to remain private. If he knew some of those things, he could use you to get to me."
I lick my lower lip as the summer breeze makes my hair move, "Could use me to get to you?" I question for more details.
"He would torture you and use me as a weapon to kill in return."
I feel my breath hitch at his statement, "Have you not already killed?"
He lowers his eyes and swallows deeply, "No."
I feel myself become slightly shocked by his answer. I had assumed that since he had taken the Dark Mark and tried to kill Dumbledore, that he would have been used as a weapon already.
"How have you gotten away with that?" I don't see Voldemort as the type to just let people choose to not kill.
"I haven't." he moves his neck to turn his face away from me and look down to the grass instead, "The Dark Lord has an interesting way of trying to break people down to do what he wants."
I wait in silence for him to continue with information.
He sighs, "I choose not to kill. When I fail, he punishes me. He is currently trying to break me down."
"The scars on your back." I say in understanding of them now.
He nods his head, "Each time I choose not to kill, he uses the Cruciatus Curse on me, then cuts me so I don't forget it."
I feel my heart grow heavy with what he is telling me. To be honest, I had assumed Draco had killed people I cared about. I didn't see him as the person to refuse The Dark Lords commands.
"He thought killing my parents would do it for me. It almost did, I had a plan to go to the slave labor holding and murder several of our old classmates the next morning." I hear his guilt behind his words as he finally exposes to me how his parents died.
"Why didn't you?" I am not sure if I am pushing too much, but I decide to do it anyway.
He turns his eyes to meet mine, "It was the night you showed up in the Manor actually."
The oxygen in my body slowly dissolves.
"That's why you see me doing these fucking drugs all the time. I try and push down the thoughts of revenge. These thoughts of how fucked up I am. I do them more than you see. I wake up, snort a line. Eat lunch, repeat. Tie my shoes, another line. It goes on and on ever since you walked back into my life." I stare into him and can see the emotion behind his words. I can feel them as if they are as physical as the grass below me.
"What did I do to you Draco Malfoy that you want to hide from me so badly?"
He lowers his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. When his eyes meet mine again he finally speaks.
"Feel."
It's almost as though the wind has been knocked out of me. I read his face watching as his eyes remain hopeless. His face his sunken in from the amount of trauma I assume he has experienced in these past months.
In a split moment, I inch myself closer to his body. I slowly take his hand into mine and wrap our fingers together. He lifts his head from the tree and looks down, watching my every move.
I take our intertwined hands and place them against his chest, "Can you feel this?"
He watches me intensely, "Yes."
I move again, almost touching him with my legs. I take my other hand and place it on the back of his neck, "What about this? Can you feel this?"
"Yes."
I take my hand from his and place his hand on the side of my face, "And this?"
His voice is low, "Yes."
"I want you to feel Draco. It is the most important thing you can do with pain." I look into his eyes as I speak. "I had to feel all the loss in my life. I had to feel it deep in my stomach."
He watches me with ponent eyes, "I know how it feels to truly feel everything in your body hurt like never before. Yet, it is what we do with that that feeling that makes us who we are. You are not killer Draco Malfoy."
This felt like the first time I looked into this boy and actually knew who he was. He has suffered through a loss I couldn't bear to think about. He suffers from torcher nearly each week from a man who rules over him. He has to sit and watch himself crumble and he can't control it.
I can't help but wonder about what the other version of Olivia would think right now. The version of Olivia that knows of our past. I wonder if she would be sitting here saying these exact words to him.
As I drop my hands from his face, he tenses back up. He drops his eyes back down to the grass, "We should go back inside. We need to get ready for tonight."
I don't say anything in return, I just stand from the ground and wait for him to lead the way.
I finish my hair and makeup feeling prepared for tonight. After my conversation with Draco this afternoon, I am not as apprehensive of his intentions with me. I feel the most secure that I have been since arriving.
I take a new gown out from the dresser and pull it over my body. The dress shines through the room, and the neckline is low with no straps to accompany the it.
I make my way downstairs to find Theo standing alone. He wears a deep Slytherin green tux and black leather shoes.
"Where are the other two?" I question as I meet him in the foyer.
"Pretty boy and Zabini are in the bathroom doing a little bit of a pregame." He taps his nose lightly when he says the word 'pregame'.
I feel myself become slightly disappointed. I was hoping maybe our talk would help Draco want to quit using drugs, but in reality its silly for me to assume that. Those types of things are hard to completely get rid of from one's life.
We wait for a few more minutes until they appear from around the corner of the hall. Blaise wears an all-black tux and Draco...
I stare at him for a little longer than I should have. He has decided to change out of his usual black clothing and into something different.
He wears a dark navy tux that fits him perfectly. His shiny leather shoes and golden wristwatch make the outfit almost perfect. His hair, that has grown out a little long, is gelled back on the sides while the top dangles over his forehead.
"You look expensive Malfoy." Theo jokes.
Draco looks over to him smirking slightly, "I am expensive."
I hear Blaise audibly groan at Draco's pretentious comment. I giggle lightly at the interaction.
Draco walks up next to me taking my arm in his as we start to walk out of the Manor.
When we apparate to Hogwarts, it looks exactly like it did the first time I came. Death Eaters dressed up elegantly, while a few broken paragons roam with their owners.
When we near the entrance to the castle I stiffen slightly. I still feel nervous being around these people and I can't hide it fully. I am still trying to get used to it all. It seems easy to do on Saturday nights at the Manor because I usually have the pill as a safeguard. Here I am only myself.
Draco moves his hand from my arm to my lower back. I feel his thumb move up and down slowly as he tries to subtly comfort my nerves.
We follow Blaise and Theo inside the castle, and it is decorated elegantly.
"Why is it all so decorated tonight?" I whisper up to Draco.
"It's the last gathering of the summer. They wanted to make it special before fall arrives next week."
We continue deeper into the gathering. I see a few faces I recognize; Cho Chang is on the arm of some Slytherin boy I do not recognize while Lisa Turpin stands with an older Death Eater with short brown hair.
They don't look up from the floor as we pass them.
While looking at them, I forget just how different my life is from theirs. I can assume that their experience with these men are a lot different from mine. It makes me feel guilty and sick to my stomach.
We enter into the Great Hall to find a surplus of members chatting amongst others.
"We are going to find Pucey." Blaise tells Draco and I. Draco nods as they walk off into the crowd.
"Is this supposed to be a bigger deal than the others?" I ask as I look around the room to see a significantly larger number of people in attendance than the last time. Draco nods. I bite my lip trying to hide the large amount of fear in my gut.
"Malfoy!"
Draco turns me slightly with his hand still on my back. We face the man from the first time, Dolohov.
"We missed you last week." He says resting a hand on Draco's shoulder.
"I know, I had some business to attend to and it ran pretty late into the evening."
"Ahh. Well, you didn't miss much I can tell you that." He shrugs off. He then turns his attention to me, "And look who it is, Miss. Lancing. He removes his hand from Draco and takes mine into his hands placing a small kiss on the back.
I watch as he stares me in my eyes will a grin plastered on his face.
Draco hand squeezes my side gently.
"I am glad you could bless us with your presence tonight." He says removing his lips from hand.
"The pleasure is all mine." I shortly speak.
He drops my hand from his and turns back to Draco, "So, the others and I think we will come by this Saturday."
Before Draco can respond, long red hair comes into my vision.
Ginny stands alone in a mid-length pale blue dress holding a platter of champagne glasses. She keeps her eyes low and walks over to the three of us.
"Anyone need a glass?" She asks in a soft tone.
"So, The Dark Lord is actually letting you bet?" Draco answers Dolohov. I try and stare daggers into Ginny so she would notice me. Her eyes still remain plastered near the floor. I need her to see me.
As Dolohov takes a glass from Ginny he speaks, "Yeah, although I am disappointed there are not as many girls like Miss. Lancing here with an artificially tight cunt."
My breath leaves my body as he finishes his sentence. Although Ginny's eyes move quickly up to mine once she hears my name.
Our stare stays from only a moment before she diverts back to the floor.
"For you Mr. Malfoy?" She asks bringing the platter closer to him.
He takes two glasses from the tray and hands one of them to me. I take the glass and start drinking a little quicker than I mean to.
"That is a shame Dolohov, having the prized pussy is something I take a lot of pride in." Draco laughs off.
I suck on my tongue to hold back the tears that are on the verge of forming.
Ginny nods one last time and makes a simple exit from the group of us. I watch from a distance the way she roams around the room. She continues to go to different guests offering drinks to everyone.
I wonder if Adrian still owns her or if someone else does now? He obviously doesn't use her for sex because he is with Daphne. So maybe that is why she works the events?
"And the others don't mind that some of these girls are young? Like sixteen to eighteen?" Draco pushes to Dolohov.
He shrugs, "No they don't mind. I honestly think they prefer it." Bile rises to my throat as he speaks.
Draco gives me another small squeeze.
"Well then we will see you on Saturday?"
"Saturday!" Dolohov smiles.
We walk away from the man quietly trying to distance ourselves. By the time we find a place to speak, I have finished my entire glass.
"Here take mine." He offers. I take it quickly and start drinking.
I see Draco's friends emerge from the other side of the hall. Adrian and Pansy join the other two on their walk over to us.
Pansy wears a long black dress with bright red heels while Adrian wears all white.
"Spoiler alert, apparently it's not a good idea to offer Umbridge a shot of Firewhiskey in return for her to be less of a stuck-up bitch." Theo informs us.
Draco smiles as I still can't focus on anything besides Ginny being in attendance.
"Pucey, where is your girl? I need a drink." Theo asks. My ears perk up as I try to listen. So, Adrian still owns her. Good to know .
Adrian moves his head around the room until he sees her from a distance. He waves his hand in the air motioning for her to walk towards us. I feel thankful for Theos request because it gives me more time to be close to her.
She walks up extending her arm, "Drink anyone?"
"You look lovely tonight Weasley." Theos voice is rather....nervous? His face becomes a soft shade of pink as he looks down to the floor.
"Thank you." Ginny smiles slightly to him.
Draco takes two more glasses as the others take their own. I finish the one in my hand and place it back on the platter Ginny holds.
I continue to pierce my eyes at her, waiting for her to give me some type of acknowledgment. But nothing comes. She leaves in peace and moves around the room.
We spend what feels like the next hour drinking and talking in the corner by ourselves.
It seems like nothing too much is taking place tonight so I wonder how long we will have to stay.
I feel a small tap on my shoulder, and I turn to be met with Cormac.
"There she is." His smile is wide as he beams down at me, "Still with Malfoy I see."
I swallow hard at his presence. I have not seen him in a couple weeks and his face makes me feel an overwhelming amount of discomfort.
"McLaggen, you finally made it." Draco turns to look to him. Thankfully Draco is taller than him, giving a more dominant power to him.
"I have had to deal with business that was randomly scheduled for me for the past two weeks. I am back now so I will be in attendance at the Manor this weekend." His devilish smirk grows as he speaks.
Draco looks down to him, "Well sadly, we will not be attending this Saturday."
I look up to the blonde boy slightly shocked by what he has just said. He keeps his eyes hard on Cormac.
"We all just decided to take a visit to my family vacation home in London." Draco brags.
I do not know if he is being honest, but I do know that it makes Cormac mad, "Why would you do that?"
"Because I have money and I can."
They both look like they are about to murder each other. Draco's jaw clenches as Cormac bawls his fists tightly together.
"Alright mate, lets head out." Blaise interrupts taking Draco's shoulder in his hands.
Draco finally breaks eye contact with Cormac and walks away from the scene. I get dragged out of the Great Hall by Draco's hand moving down at a quick pace.
Our two other roommates follow behind as they try to keep up with us. We walk outside and quickly apparate back to Malfoy Manor without waiting on anyone else.
Once we land outside of the home I turn to Draco, "Are we actually going to London this weekend?"
"Yes."