For the next two days, I was banished from going outdoors, forced to remain inside while I watched from the windows as different men in special uniforms came and went from the trees. I wanted to attack them. I wanted to stop them from interfering with the innocent animals I knew they were hurting. Clive and Owen tried to keep me away from the windows as often as they could, making sure I was preoccupied every minute to the point where I was exhausted by the end of the day. They wouldn't answer my questions as to whether the animals were being exterminated or simply relocated, and it was killing me.
Darren was smart to stay away from me for those two days. It would have been nothing but fighting, but apparently, he was away on business. How convenient. He didn't even tell me that he was leaving, but then again, I didn't really care that he hadn't. I hoped he fucking died.
It was the weekend before I could finally go back outside, but only when Darren was home and chose the time. I'd been reading in my room when Clive told me I'd been given the go-ahead for my woodland walks, and I immediately jumped to my feet. I power walked my ass all the way down the stairs and to the back door, trying not to seem too anxious as I almost ran into the woods as soon as I was on the grass.
Safely behind the shade of the trees, I took off at a dead run, heading straight for the fox's den. My lungs burned in my chest as I pumped my legs through the woods, hope driving me forward that my furry little friends were still alive. Reaching the den, I came to a quick stop at the tree I hid behind and peered around to instantly hunch in disappointment as I looked over the now destroyed den. Stomped out completely, nothing was left of the little burrow, just a kicked-in mound of dirt and grass.
Slumping to the ground, I pulled my knees up to my chest to rest my cheek on top of my knees. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to release all my pent-up rage on Darren's stupid face with a spike covered baseball bat, but I knew only one of those options was available to me. Screaming would just bring my shadows to me and upset Darren, and the spike covered baseball bat wouldn't likely end well for me. After a few moments of self-pity, I wiped the dampness from my eyes and stood up. I needed a distraction, something to take my mind off the oppression that was my life.
Walking around for a while, I finally came across the perfect branch for a bo staff hanging low from a tree. No fucks given about Darren's rules, I climbed up the tree, jumped to the branch, and pulled it down as hard as I could until it snapped. I landed on my feet easily and pulled the remaining pieces of the branch from the tree. It was a little heavy, which was perfect, as was the length. Pulling each of the smaller branches off, I worked the branch until it became one single long stick. But it was still uneven.
Leaning the branch against the tree, I made my way over to the stream and scanned the water for the perfect rock. I had to walk up and down the stream for a while before I caught my foot on the edge of a sharp rock, scratching my ankle. Bingo. Bending down and ignoring the scrape on my skin, I wedged the rock from the muddy bank, pushing and pulling it as best I could until the mud finally released my target. The rock was a lot bigger than I thought it was. Like plucking a damn iceberg from water, it was much bigger at the bottom than I thought. But I was strong, and I carried that heavy bitch all the way back to a good hiding spot so that I wouldn't have to worry about someone sneaking up on me.
Grabbing my branch, I whittled it over the sharp edge of the rock until the broken nubs of the smaller branches were gone, and it was nothing but a smooth, broad staff. The ends were still fucked up, but over time, I could whittle the ends to a point, but I was low on time as it was.
With only about twenty minutes left, I made my way to the middle of the clearing and tested my makeshift bo staff out. The aerodynamics were off, but the weight was good, heavier than usual, and flowed nicely in my hands. Heavier was better out here, considering it was excellent strength training. Not to mention, the next time I got my hands on a real bo, it'd be a hell of a lot lighter, which meant I'd be a hell of a lot faster.
It was easy to lose myself in the bo. Twirling it in my hand and around my body, I forgot all about everything beyond that clearing. Meditation had nothing on this. This gave me something to do, something else to focus on instead of merely the sound of my own heartbeat and breaths. I loved the feel of the bo. Even if it was uneven and rough, it was the perfect distraction.
A few short minutes later, the timer on my watch went off, reminding me I only had five minutes left. I quickly found a good spot to hide the bo in the grass and jogged my way back to the estate, emerging from the trees right on time. I found Clive and Owen standing on the patio waiting for me, and I didn't even bother to acknowledge them as I trudged past them and into the house.
A scowl immediately lit up on my face as I saw Darren standing near the hallway with Scott, signing some papers on a clipboard and discussing something. I didn't even hide my disgust as I walked past him, heading for my room.
"Jaden," he said, taking my forearm in his hand. He almost sounded apologetic.
"Fuck off," I snapped, swinging my arm out of his grip and continuing my pace.
I didn't make it very far before I was slammed up against the wall, Darren's hand ready to crush my throat at any moment.
"The fuck did you just say to me?" he growled, and I felt my entire body respond with heated fear and anger.
"What did you do with them?" I snarled back.
"With who?"
"My foxes! Did you kill them? You did, didn't you!"
His gaze went from intense to furious.
"What have I told you about making accusations?" he barked, his fingers squeezing around my neck for emphasis.
I winced at his voice, chewing on the inside of my cheek to avoid answering him. I knew where this was going.
"Answer me, Jaden," he warned, his voice turning deadly and convincing mine to quiet.
"Not to make them," I grumbled.
"That's right, so stop trying to presume everything around you. Whatever it is you think you might know here, you're wrong, so stop torturing yourself with assumptions. If there's something you want to know, ask me."
"Yeah, right! Like you don't enjoy leaving me in the dark! For the first couple of months, you wouldn't even tell me where we were until I finally found out for myself."
"I said you could ask. I didn't say I would answer."
I scoffed, smothering a laugh at the back of my throat.
"But you'll never know what information I will willingly give you until you ask," he continued, that knowing shark grin playing at the corner of his lips.
"Fine," I said, trying to calm myself down. "Please... tell me what did you do with the foxes?"
"Your foxes, along with all the other wild animals deemed threatening, have been relocated to a wildlife sanctuary where they can live in peace without the disturbance of humans."
I could feel my eyes beginning to water as shock took over. He'd spared them. He had actually chosen life over death for the first time since I'd known him. I gulped back my anxiety, my dry throat burning with fear as I looked up at him.
"I didn't know you were capable of administering mercy to innocent animals with no purpose," I murmured cautiously.
His glare was absolute malice. "Believe it or not, I can be, and I did so to spare you the pain of knowing they were killed to keep you safe. It would have been a hell of a lot easier, but no, I let them live for you because I know it's what you wanted. It was either you or them, Jaden, and I knew you wouldn't have the heart to make that decision, so I made it for you so you can continue to safely enjoy the woods that you clearly love so much."
I let my eyes slowly falter from his, too angry to hold them up anymore. I was so pissed, but I was even more pissed off because, in a way, he was right, and I didn't want to admit that. I was thankful he had them relocated and not killed, and even more surprised he'd done it to keep me happy. And what made me even angrier was that I understood why he did what he did because if it had been my child out there, I would have probably done the same thing. The only difference was I wasn't a fucking child, yet he kept protecting me like one.
Darren could see the turmoil rotating in my eyes and finally took back my attention.
"Now, I want an apology for your outburst, and then you're going to thank me for not killing the foxes and providing you with a safe environment to make peace with your miserable life," he growled.
I pursed my lips before blowing a piece of loose hair from my eyes. His hand was still wrapped around my throat, reminding me I wasn't going anywhere until he got what he wanted, as per usual. Fucker.
"I'm sorry for my outburst," I said, biting into the back of my tongue to feel the sting. "And thank you."
"For what?" he pushed, the intensity in his gaze growing.
I tried to suspend the huff I knew was ready to reveal itself and likely piss him off even more. "For not killing the foxes and providing me with a safe environment to make peace with my miserable life," I grumbled.
"You're fucking welcome," he snarled. "Now, get your ass upstairs and wash up for dinner. I want you in heels tonight."
I grimaced but didn't argue. I bit my tongue instead until I was all the way upstairs and safely in my room, slamming the door behind me while Clive and Owen stayed outside.
I couldn't believe how hard I'd lost that argument. Normally, I had valid points and could easily spar with Darren until he got fed up with my disobedience and silenced me for the night. His word was law but only because his laws made sense in his own twisted mind, but this time, for once, he actually had a valid point. Any wild animal was dangerous; I knew this, but all those foxes were was just another taste of freedom I didn't want to give back. I wanted interaction. I wanted the distraction, anything that could take my mind away from the hell I was living in. I was looking for ways to make my life tolerable... until I figured a way out of here. However the fuck long that would take.
After washing up for dinner, I changed into something nicer and pursed my lips when I tried to decide what stupid heels to wear. I didn't typically wear them. They were uncomfortable and impractical. The only thing I liked about them was the fact that they gave me a few extra inches in height but big deal. I was still short as fuck. I decided on a nice compromise and selected a pair of lacey pink wedges to go with my light pink frilly strapless sundress. The floor-length mirror confirmed how ridiculous I looked. I wanted my black Converse, skinny jeans, and my black leather jacket. I missed looking like me. Not this fake frilly bullshit.
When it was time, Clive and Owen escorted me down to the dining room, where Darren was already waiting, typing away on his smartphone. The moment I entered the room, his eyes immediately went to my feet to make sure I'd obeyed him. His brows furrowed with what was probably anger. I quickly sat down before he could linger on them for too long.
He finally sighed. "Jaden, what are you wearing?"
"It's called a compromise," I replied positively.
"A compromise?"
"Yes; they're heels, but they're much more comfortable than stilettos."
Darren's eyes narrowed at me. "Why don't you ever wear any of the heels I've provided you?"
I took a sip of my water before answering him. "Several reasons. One—because they're impractical and uncomfortable. Two—I prefer to be as stable around you as possible, and three—it's much safer for you."
He cocked an eyebrow. "How's that?"
I couldn't help but smirk. "Because I might be too tempted to stab you in the throat with the heel. Best to keep me away from temptations like that," I said plainly.
Darren regarded me for a moment before he tilted his head to the side and laughed. I loved how he found my violent side funny.
"You take the meaning of 'killer heels' literal, don't you?" He chuckled.
I shrugged. "The right ones can be dangerous. I once kicked a frat boy in the stomach for getting too touchy with me while wearing heels. He had to go to the hospital that night for stitches."
Darren positively grinned. "Impressive, but I think you know by now that killing me will only serve to make things much worse for you."
I waved him off. I'd heard this speech before. "Yes, yes, Mexico and all that. I know."
The idea should terrify me, but I didn't plan to kill Darren until I'd eliminated all my other smaller threats first; until no one was left to avenge his death. Then I would strike.
"You need to stop thinking like that," Darren said dismissively as our dinner was served.
I shot him a glance. I hadn't thought that out loud, had I? "Thinking like what?"
"Like you're going to find a way out of this. That this isn't permanent. Like you will successfully kill me one day." His voice was dark, his eyes hooded by his brow, giving him a sinister look that made me shudder.
I returned his gaze with the same challenging fierceness. "Everybody dies, Darren. I'm just curious as to how long you think you're going to survive me in all this."
Darren suddenly seemed to relax, a tight smile forming in the corner of his lips. "You know; I can't help but notice that you can't seem to keep your game straight. One minute, you're pulling for my trust, claiming to make peace with your life, and the next, you're back to threatening me with your miscalculated ideas of revenge. You're not very consistent with your plans, Jaden. You might want to work on that."
I felt my fists curl until my knuckles turned white. Son of a bitch.
"Well, you could just let me go, and then we wouldn't have to worry about the threats anymore," I said through gritted teeth.
Darren chuckled. "Your threats are cute and oddly creative. I think I'd miss them."
My nails began to dig into my palms, biting into my flesh and reminding me not to give in to his push.
Don't give him the satisfaction.
"Well, you'll have to get used to missing them at some point," I retorted.
Darren laughed again as he took a bite of his dinner. "Careful, princess. Your fuse is showing. Don't make me light it."
There it was—my bait. And I fucking took it like a prized swordfish.
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
"I would," he said simply.
Bingo.
"And there's the admission I was waiting for. How badly do you want to light that fuse, Darren? How bored are you with my constant robotic submission?"
"How bored are you?" he countered slyly.
I scoffed at his rebuttal question but quickly recovered. "This isn't about me. It's always been about you and what you want."
"And I always get what I want, don't I?"
"Until the day it finally backfires on you."
Darren shook his head at me. "The longer you continue to tell yourself that, the harder it will continue to be for you," he warned. "Pretending to be submissive isn't helping you either."
I rested my elbows on the table and leaned toward him, practically combat ready. "I'm just a little curious, Darren. In what universe do you think I'll feel anything but absolute pure hatred for you? That I won't fantasize about your death every minute of every day?"
Bait and hook.
"The same one where I spare your family," he nearly growled. "The same one where I grant the ones you love mercy from a horrific and bloody future. One that you'd have to watch."
I felt myself blanch at the truth in his words. He was sparing them for me, and I was pushing him.
"I do not care whether you love or hate me, Jaden. The only thing I care about is loyalty. I can ensure that through either money or fear, but since your loyalty is the only thing about you I can't purchase, I will acquire it through fear. Money and fear both work the same way. I can spend more, or I can terrorize more. I told you things could always get worse. I have barely shared with you a glimpse of how dark my world is. Keep testing me, and you will find out very quickly what happens when someone crosses me."
I stiffened, unable to move at his words while the feeling of defeat washed over me. I felt my eyes wander from his to the blankness in front of me. Goddamn him.
"You should consider the fact that if you continue to fight me and continue to hate me as much as you do, it will only eat you up inside. But if you let go, if you accept your life, if you learn to blur that thin line between love and hate, you might come to find yourself better off in a situation you cannot change. Stockholm syndrome doesn't have to be all bad, Jaden. It's just another form of survival; one I think you can appreciate, given the circumstances."
Unable to contain the rage that shocked me like a lightning storm, I shot out of my chair and chucked my untouched plate across the room where it crashed into the wall, shattering ceramic and food all over the wall and floor. I glared down at Darren, a feral snarl on my face as I prepared to beat the fucking shit out of him.
"I will never love you," I roared.
It was supposed to be the other way around. He was supposed to fall in love with me. It would be easier to manipulate him that way, get him to lower his guard and sympathize with me like I needed him to. If he thought I was going to succumb to some psychological bullshit to combat my traumatic life, then he was a bigger fool than I thought. I was beyond insulted that he thought me so weak minded.
Darren's shaded eyes never left mine as he slowly rose from his seat, his hands planted on the table as he towered over me; the intensity of his eyes reminded me I was about to experience a world of pain. His sheer size alone overwhelmed me, and I could feel my body wanting to cower while I tried to ignore the liquid heat beginning to collect between my legs. I hated how he had somehow conditioned my fear to turn me on, but I stood my ground, my clenched fists at my side as I glared back at him.
"You act like you have a choice in the matter." His voice was smooth, low, and laced with enough venom I could almost taste it.
"I always have a choice," I spat. "Consequences or not."
"Just like your body has a choice?" he sneered.
I snarled back at him, suddenly lost for my rebuttal. My body was different. It didn't know the difference between rape and consensual sex, but my heart certainly did. And I would never surrender that to him.
"You may have a degree in psychology, princess, but you've never seen firsthand how easy it is to warp the mind. And how much fun it can be. I've already conditioned your body to respond the way I want it to, and I have to tell you... it didn't take very long. I bet your fucking soaked right now."
"Oh, shut the fuck up!" I snapped. "You have no idea—"
Just when I thought things couldn't get any more intense, Darren casually cracked his neck in the middle of my little rant. Abruptly lifting the table, he ripped it out of his way, sending the heavy oak crashing to its side and shattering all of its contents to the floor. Panic electrified me as I flinched at his strength, and I couldn't help but find myself immediately backing away as he stormed toward me. My hands came up defensively, but Darren easily bypassed them, grabbed my throat, and shoved me into the wall, cornering me completely. Another gush of heat escaped.
I tried not to whimper, but the sight of seeing him flip that heavy table like it was nothing was enough to remind me that even though my body was strong, I was still very fragile in comparison to him and what he could do. He'd broken my body once before. He could do it again.
"Just who the FUCK do you think you're talking to, Jaden?" he growled down at me, his fingers squeezing just enough to remind me how vice-like they could be.
Fear consumed me. The adrenaline-fueled panic rushed through me in the wake of Darren's violent aggression, causing my body to shake and nearly crumple to the floor. I'd never been one to run from a fight, but right now, I wanted nothing more than to dissolve into a little ball on the floor and hide from him until the blazing intensity of his eyes finally left me.
But that wasn't me. I wasn't a coward, no matter how much I wanted to be. Some days, it was better to lie down and be a good girl but not every day. No. Not every day.
Not today.
"Answer me!" he roared.
I bit the inside of my cheek. "Apparently, no one," I said bitterly.
"You're goddamn right," he snarled. "Keep pushing me with that smart mouth of yours, and I'll have your jaw wired shut again."
I could feel my stomach drop in response to his threat, felt all the blood from my face drain out at the thought of having my jaw wired shut a second time. I could not handle that again. It was bad enough the first time.
"Do you understand me?"
Realizing I'd been clenching my jaw, I released it, noticing the tension leave my face to give him the answer he wanted.
"Yes, Darren."
"Who do you belong to, Jaden?" he asked me, his voice calm, his breathing even, but I couldn't ignore the warning in his voice if I didn't answer.
"You," I breathed.
"Who does this body belong to?" he asked, trailing the tip of his finger down the side of my face.
I was shaking; I was so fucking scared.
"You."
Darren moved closer, taking my earlobe between his teeth and biting down just enough to make me gasp. "And I'm going to show you exactly why this body is mine," he drawled, and then released me, taking several steps back.
"Run," he said, turning away to take off his suit jacket.
"What?"
Darren removed his tie and began to roll up his sleeves. "Run. As fast as you can, wherever you can. But chose your route wisely because wherever I catch you is where you're getting fucked."
I felt all the blood leave my face as my breath caught in my throat. He wanted to chase me, to hunt me down.
"And when I catch you, I'm going to remind you just exactly why that body is mine," he said with a nod.
I felt myself take another step away from him.
"Now, run!" he barked, and I immediately took off like my life depended on it.
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I guess we will be playing hide and seek