~
"You don't know pain until you're staring at yourself in the mirror with tears streaming down your face and you're begging yourself to hold on and be strong
That is pain."
~
*Trigger Warning: This chapter deals with depression, abuse, etc. Please read with caution*
"So there's a dance coming up next Friday." Kara says, taking a seat next to me at the diner the following Friday.
"Oh yeah, are we going or what?" Sierra asks, looking over at Chase.
"No Sierra, I'm going to go with my other girlfriend." He says, no emotion on his face.
And this is where he dies.
I'm proven correct when Sierra hits him over the head. Dwight chuckles next to me and I smile, looking over at him. His face is still bruised pretty bad, and his fist is still busted up, but at least he's laughing.
Yesterday, seeing him so hurt broke my heart. He's been through so much with his so-called father, and it's not fair to him. I hate seeing him hurt.
In the past, Dwight has retreated back into his shell and shut everyone out when his dad would come back in his life. It takes a lot to get him back, but this time feels different. He seems like he's okay, but I've also learned that fake smiles are the easiest things to do.
Everyone in the group had so many questions when they saw him this morning, but all he had to say was Darren and that shut up all of the questions.
We all know how terrible his "father" is.
"Anyways, before Chase dies, Emma you're going right?" Kara asks me, pulling me from my thoughts about Dwight.
I sigh, looking at the table. "I don't know guys, that's like asking for an encounter with Mason."
"You missed last year because of him. Are you gonna let him take away your last one too?" Jake asks, giving me a look.
I sigh, realizing that he's right. A homecoming dance isn't a big deal to others, but to me it's another thing Mason stole from me.
"Okay, fine. I'll go." I say, causing them to cheer.
"Who are you gonna go with?" Sierra asks me.
"Well obviously she's gonna go with me." Austin says, a smug look on his face.
"I think you meant to say she's obviously going with Travis." Travis says, speaking in third person.
"Y'all are idiots. It's obviously me." Dwight says, rolling his eyes.
I laugh and shake my head. "How about I just go alone?"
"And miss a chance at going with all of this?" Austin says, gesturing to his body.
"Please, we all know you're going to go with some girl and get it on." Sierra says, rolling her eyes.
"For Emma, I would give that up."
"A man after my own heart." I say, mockingly putting my hand over my heart.
"Always." He replies, winking.
"Someone change the topic before I throw up." Travis says, rolling his eyes.
"Em, you coming to the game tonight?" Dwight asks me.
"Yeah, it'll be weird being in the stands though."
I don't regret quitting cheer, it's just gonna be weird to be at a football game and not be on the sidelines. I missed almost all of the football games last year, but it was different because I wasn't physically at the game.
However, not having to force myself to be happy everyday at practice and on game nights was worth quitting.
"It's already weird not having you on the team anymore." Kara says, a sad look coming over her face.
"I know but at least I don't have to deal with Bridgett." I say shrugging.
"That's true, but now I do." Kara says, sighing.
"Okay, this conversation got depressing." Jake says. "Did I tell y'all about the turtle I found in my backyard yesterday?"
"How the hell is there a turtle in your backyard?" Austin says, giving Jake a look of disbelief.
"I don't know but I named him Tony, because you know Tony Stark is the best avenger." Jake says, causing Austin to glare.
"We all know Captain America is better."
"Jake what did you do!" Travis says, putting his head in his hands.
As they begin arguing over the better avenger, I give Jake a grateful smile for changing the topic.
Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to have him as my twin brother.
'~'
A/N: This scene has a pretty detailed fight scene that may be triggering for some readers. PLEASE read with caution.
"Emma?" I hear a voice say, and I look over to see Alex standing next to me.
"Hey!" I say over the noise of the football game happening.
I've been sitting in the stands by myself for the majority of this game. We're in the fourth quarter now, and we're winning by two touchdowns. When I was in cheer I didn't pay as much attention to the guys playing until now.
They're really good. They work really well as a team, getting us touchdowns. It's cool to watch them from up here instead of the track.
"Have you been here this whole time?" I ask him as he sits down.
"Yeah, I was sitting with some friends." He says, looking at the game.
"That's cool. I'm glad you made some friends. You'll have to introduce me sometime."
"Yeah for sure..." He says, looking away and scratching the back of his head. I frown at his weird behavior, but shrug it off and cheer as we get another touchdown.
"So what are you doing after this?" He asks me.
"I was planning to just go home. Why?"
"We could hang out?" He says, looking over at me with a smile.
"Hmmm." I say, pretending to contemplate it. "I guess I can squeeze you in."
"Oh? I have to make appointments now?"
"Yeah I'm a very busy person Alex." I tease, giving him a smile.
He smirks at me and I look down smiling. A gust of wind causes me to shudder, and Alex laughs at me.
"Are you cold?" He asks, smiling.
"I'm just a little chilly." I tell him, rubbing my arms.
"Come here." He says, putting his arm up.
I smile and scoot closer to him, his arm going around my shoulders.
The gang would murder him if they saw this.
"Better?" He asks, looking down at me.
"Better." I respond, smiling at him.
We end up winning the game and I get up, following Alex to the parking lot. As we walk, I take my phone out and text the gang to let them know where I'm going.
"Damn you parked as far away as you possibly could." I tell him as we are walking away from the fields and towards the edge of the woods.
"Yeah, when I got here there were literally no parking spots available." He tells me, causing me to nod.
My parents used to have to park all the way out here when they would be running late, so I understand.
"Shoot, I forgot my phone in the stands. Mind waiting for a second?" Alex asks me as we reach his car.
"No, I'll just wait here for you." I tell him.
"Okay, I'll be right back." He promises before turning and running back to the stadium.
He forgot to give me the keys.
Guess I'll just stand out here and hope a bear doesn't come attack me.
I pull out my phone and open Instagram, scrolling through my feed. All of a sudden, I'm slammed up against Alex's truck, my phone falling out of my hand.
Looking up, I see Mason towering over me. I didn't even hear him approach. In shock, I make eye contact with him and my heart drops at the look in his eyes.
"I told you to watch your back, you obviously didn't listen." Mason says, his voice hard.
"W-What are you t-talk-" I start, hating the way that I'm suddenly paralyzed.
He pushes me up against the car again. "You know damn well what I'm talking about Emma!"
"I-I'm sorry." I say, stuttering over my words.
The look in his eyes, the hardness of his voice, the ways he's shoving me...it's all too familiar and that terrifies me. I looked around trying to see if anyone passing by could see us and help me, but there was nobody around.
I'm alone.
He sees me looking frantically around and smirks. "Don't think that anyone's gonna save you Em, you were alone then and you're alone now."
And that's when the reality of this situation sinks in. I feel the panic rising in my chest, and him trapping me in really isn't helping.
"N-No, Alex is coming b-back." I manage to get out.
"Alex?" he scoffs. "Another person to fight your battles?"
I don't say anything, trying to look unaffected. He notices though, and smirks again.
"You probably have some anger towards me huh Emma? I mean after all, you told Jake that 'I deserve it' when you beat the crap out of Bridgett. Where's that fight now Emma?"
It's gone.
The anxiety in my chest expands, but I try to move out of his grip anyways, shoving him out of the way, but that was a mistake.
I don't even register his hand coming towards me until pain shoots through my whole face, my body freezing.
He just slapped me.
Mason hasn't physically hit me since that night, and suddenly I can't breathe as memories from that night flood my brain.
As I reach up to cradle my cheek, he grabs my wrist, keeping me from moving my hand.
"You're never going to be stronger than me. You'll never win against me. I'm stronger than you...I'm better than you." He says, spitting in my face because of how close he is.
Where is Alex?
Why isn't he here yet?
"You can find all the people you want to fight your battles for you Emma, but we both know that the real battle is between you and I." He says into my ear harshly. He was close enough that I could feel his breath on my ear.
I shove him away, and he stumbles a bit, but not before grabbing my hair and tilting my head back.
I don't even have time to fight back before Mason punches my face so hard that I see stars, a scream escaping from my lips. I feel my eye throbbing, and I'm thankful that it wasn't my nose.
Before I register anything else though, I feel another punch and this one sends me to the ground.
"P-Please stop..." I beg, tears falling down my face.
He ignores me and kicks me in the ribs, causing pain to shoot all throughout my side. I scream again, the pain unbearable.
"What's the matter Em? Where's the Emma that fought Bridgett?"
Why does he want me to fight him so bad?
To get more satisfaction when he wins?
"M-Mason...p-plea-" I try to breathe out, but he cuts me off.
"Shut the hell up Emma!" He says, kicking me again. I feel as though I can't breathe, my ribs hurting so bad.
He kicks me in the stomach, sending my body into what feels like shock.
He's doing the same thing as the last time...
Is he going to actually kill me this time?
As he continues to kick me, I feel myself just taking it. This pisses him off though, as he wants me to fight back, and he moves to the ground to punch me again. As he punches my face, I continue to see the stars.
I can't do this.
What's the point of fighting back?
I give up...
I don't have the will to try to fight him back.
As I brace myself for another hit, it never comes.
"Get the hell away from her!" I hear Alex roar, anger laced throughout his voice.
Relief fills me as Alex yanks Mason off of me. I don't register what happens next, as it's currently hard for me to breathe. I focus on breathing, trying to keep the panic attack away.
It doesn't work though, and before I know it I'm hyperventilating. I grab onto my side, trying to stop the panic attack, but all that I feel is pain.
Breathe Emma.
Just breathe.
I hear what sounds like skin hitting skin, and groans from both Alex and Mason. I look up, trying to see through my tears.
Right now, Alex and Mason are throwing punches at each other, but it looks like Alex is winning so far. A part of me feels relief, but I also can't help but think of how strong Mason is. Eventually Alex will get tired...and there's no one else coming.
Alex will lose.
And Mason will come back to me.
That thought alone scares me to death. As I try to get up, I feel the pain shoot through my ribs and stomach, and I fall backwards, crying out in pain.
I can't move.
I'm stuck here.
Giving up, I just curl up into a ball and continue crying.
This is my fault.
I beat Bridgett up...and now he's getting revenge.
This is my fault.
As I lay on the cold, hard ground sobbing, I feel myself going in and out of consciousness; and I can't seem to find the reason to continue fighting it.
However, just as I'm about to give in, I feel someone lean down and wrap their arms around my body.
"It's okay Em...I'm right here." Jake's voice says. Relief fills me, and I feel safe.
"J-Jake h-how did you know?" I get out.
"Shh, I'll explain later. You're going to be okay. I'm right here." He says,
"I-It h-hurts." I cry out.
I don't know if it's the physical pain or the mental pain I'm talking about anymore.
"I know...I know it does. I'm so sorry."
I glance up to see that Travis and Dwight have joined Alex on the ground, beating the crap out of Mason.
"Don't look at them, look at me." Jake says softly, distracting me.
I can hear the hits against the skin, the groans from the hits, and I feel myself panicking more and more.
The reality of this situation sinks in and I feel myself breaking down even more.
Jake gently wraps his arms around me and picks me up and carries me away from the scene. He carries me to his truck and after what feels like a lifetime, he opens the back door and sets me gently on the seats. He goes to walk back to the fight, but I stop him again.
"Please..." I'm not even sure what I was pleading for anymore.
For him to stay?
For the pain to stop?
For the violence to end?
I just didn't know anymore.
Jake hugs me and nods.
"It'll be okay Em, I promise." He says, taking his phone out.
"Babe, can you come to my truck? It's Emma." He says into his phone.
I feel myself going in and out of consciousness, either from the pain or from the panic, I'm not sure which.
Before I know it, Kara and Sierra are sliding into the truck and Jake is heading back towards the fight.
"You're okay Em, it's okay." Kara says, gently stroking my hair as I cry.
This hurts so bad.
Everything just hurts.
Someone...anyone.
Please just make it stop.
'~'
I wake up from the pain with sun streaming through my window, telling me it's the next day. Moving my arm to shield the sun, pain shoots through my body causing me to groan.
My head is pounding, breathing physically hurts, and I feel like I'm going to pass out from the pain at any moment.
Accepting the fact that I can't move, I just lay staring at the ceiling as events from last night come rushing in.
How is it that in just one night, all of the progress I've made can disappear?
I can't help but feel like this is all my fault. By choosing violence when it came to Bridgett, Mason used violence back.
It's only fair right?
If I wouldn't have provoked him, nothing would've happened.
If I wouldn't have chosen violence, I wouldn't be in this state right now.
It's my fault.
"Hey, you're awake." Jake says, pulling me from my thoughts as he enters my room with some water. "How are you feeling?"
"I've been better." I manage to croak out.
Last night, Jake managed to somehow stop the fight and get us out of there. When we got home, Jake carried me in and laid me down in my bed. My parents were at his heels in a panic.
They started to bombard him with questions, but luckily, my parents realized that I didn't need that at the moment and helped me get comfortable.
Fortunately, we still had some pain meds left over from last year so I was able to have some of that. Everything that happened after that seemed like a blur. I heard bits and pieces of the conversation between my parents and Jake, but I wasn't able to get much more before I fell asleep.
"Here." Jake says. He helps me sit up and gives me a glass of water before sitting on the side of my bed too.
"Thanks." I say quietly, taking a sip.
As we sit there in silence, the reality that Mason hit me again causes me to start crying.
"Em?" Jake says with concern, looking over at me. He sighs sadly when he sees me crying, and moves to sit next to me, wrapping an arm around me.
"He hit me again." I say out loud, causing sobs to wrack my body again, which is so painful.
"I'm so sorry Em." He says, gently moving his hand up and down my arm comfortingly.
"I th-thought that h-he wouldn't be able to d-do it again." I manage to get out between the sobs.
Jake stays quiet, letting me breakdown in his arms.
I don't understand how Mason could be this terrible.
It was hard to believe the first time he did what he did, but to do it again? To constantly torture me?
How could this be the same guy that I loved for two years?
"When did he turn into this m-monster?" I ask out loud.
"I don't know Em...I really don't."
I hear my door open, and before I know it, my mom is taking over Jake's spot next to me.
"Oh honey, it's going to be okay." She says softly.
But that just makes me cry more.
My dad sits on the side of the bed and before I know it, Jake isn't in the room anymore.
"We need to talk about what we're going to do from here." He says.
"Yeah, if we're going to press charges, we need to go about it soon." My mom says.
I shake my head, trying to ignore the pain shooting through me.
"No." I say quickly.
It didn't work the first time, it's not going to work this time.
Then he'll just be angrier and do something worse.
"Em..." My mom says.
"No mom. You know how that went the last time we tried. We had plenty of evidence, and it didn't mean anything. I can't go through it again. I can't deal with the rumors...with the constant fear that he's going to hurt me again from his anger...I can't momma. Please..." I plead hysterically.
"Okay, okay. Take a deep breath. We'll talk about this later okay?" She says softly, and I sigh in relief.
"Okay." I get out, trying to control my tears.
My mom just holds me in her arms as I continue to cry myself to sleep.
'~'
When I wake up again, I see Jake sitting in a chair next to my bed doing something on his laptop.
I go to move to sit up, but the pain is unbearable, causing me to cry out from the pain.
Jake quickly looks over in concern, and his eyes soften when he sees me struggling.
"Here, let me help you." He says, helping me to sit up straight.
"Do you need anything?" He asks me as he hands me my water. I shake my head and he nods, sitting on the edge of my bed.
I notice Jake is extremely quiet and observe him while taking sips of my water. He seems very agitated and unsettled.
"Are you okay?" I ask him softly, putting my hand over his.
"No, I'm not Em. I keep reassuring you that I'm gonna keep you safe, that the group's gonna keep you safe, but the first thing I see after our win is you on the ground in unbearable pain."
"Jake..." I start, but he shakes his head and cuts me off.
"Why is it that every time I'm one step behind? That I'm always too late?"
"Jake...if it wasn't for you I wouldn't even be here. You and the group have done so much for me. And this-" I say, gesturing to my injuries. "Is not your fault."
"Em..." he starts, but his voice breaks as a tear falls down his cheek. "I wasn't there for you again...I let you down again..."
"You didn't let me down Jake...you can't be with me twenty-four seven. Please stop blaming yourself for not living up to the unrealistic expectations that you place on yourself." I say, squeezing his hand.
I wish I could fix this for him.
I wish I could fix myself so everyone would stop hurting because of me.
"Seeing you on the ground...so hurt. It brought back so many bad memories Em..." He says, taking his hand from mine and putting his head in his hands.
"I know..." I say, trailing off, not really knowing what to say.
He takes his head out of his hands, and looks over at me. He looks so sad.
"Em, last year when I found you on the side of the road...I felt my world crashing down. I found my twin sister, my best friend, on the side of the road beaten and completely unconscious. I had never been so scared in my life Emma.
"Then, last night, I heard screaming and I just knew something was wrong. You were...I-"
"Jake I know, it's okay you don't have to say it." I say, cutting him off.
Partly because I know he's struggling to say it, but I also don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear how much Mason won.
"Em, please just know you don't have to go through this alone again." He says after a few minutes of silence.
"I know." I say, knowing exactly what he's talking about.
A knock on the door interrupts our conversation and we both look over as it opens.
"I have returned my love!" Austin basically shouts, bursting in, his arms widespread.
No matter what the situation is, Austin never fails to bring a smile onto my face.
The rest of my friends pour in after him and I see Jake quickly wipe his eyes before putting a smile on his face.
"How are you doing?" Dwight asks me, gently placing his hand on my shoulder.
"I'm okay." I say, giving him a small smile.
He smiles back before sitting down on the other side of the bed.
"We brought you your favorite." Kara says, setting a Chick-Fil-A bag and large drink on the nightstand.
"Courtesy of moi." Austin says, pointing towards himself proudly.
"Again, only after eating like three." Travis says.
"And I paid for them...again." Chase says, rolling his eyes.
The gang spreads out around my room, sitting wherever they can find.
"Thank y'all." I say.
How am I supposed to eat this though?
It hurts to move my arms.
Either Kara noticed my inner turmoil or she can read my mind because she opened the box and started to feed me.
"Okay, now I feel like a baby." I say scoffing.
"Well you're gonna have to deal with it." Kara replies, hovering the chicken mini near my mouth. I shake my head but open my mouth anyways.
"So beautiful friend of mine-" Austin begins. "I was thinking..."
"That's dangerous." Sierra says.
"Very." Travis quips from the corner of my room.
Austin glares at the both of them before finishing his thought.
"We haven't had a movie day in a while." He says, his eyes lighting up.
"That's actually a good idea. It's been a while since we've hung out." Travis says, agreeing with him for once.
"I'll even buy you popcorn!" Austin says excitedly.
"Why would you buy popcorn?" Jake asks in confusion. "We have plenty."
"Oh..." He says, scratching his head. Everyone just laughs and I smile, knowing that if I laugh it's going to hurt.
"I still think it sounds like a good idea though." Jake says, looking over at me.
Plastering a fake smile on my face, I nod along. I would love to just be alone all day, but I know for a fact that they won't let that happen, especially Jake.
"Soooo how are we gonna do this? We can't move Emma."
"Well if we can't go to the movie room, we'll bring the movie room here." Chase says, smirking.
Oh no.
'~'
"Okay careful with that corner...I said careful!" I hear Travis yell in the hallway.
They round the corner and I see them try to enter my room, carrying a recliner.
I close my eyes and then open them. Surely I'm dreaming.
"It's stuck....it won't fit." Austin says.
"That's what she said!" Travis calls out, snickering.
"Just lift it up a little!" Dwight says.
"O tal vez eres todo débil..." Sierra mumbles watching the chaos unfold from the safety of my bed.
"What was that??" Jake calls out over the guys' consistent yelling.
"Basically you're all a bunch of wimps!" Sierra yells back.
"Hey!" Austin calls out. I just roll my eyes at their weirdness.
"You guys are so stupid, I can walk you know?" I say, although I'm not sure I really can.
"Absolutely not, you need complete rest!" Austin screams from the door. I shake my head at him but, then I suddenly hear a loud slam.
"Is there a reason y'all are always so loud?" I hear Caleb yell.
At the same time, I see my dad walk past the guys seeing them try to fit the recliner through the door. The guys freeze and slowly look at dad. Dad looks them up and down in return. My eyes almost fall out of my head at what happens next.
"Okay so we're probably going to have to unscrew the door." Dad says.
"Oh yeah, that would have been a great place to start." Chase says, scratching his head.
"Stop!" I manage to croak out. "I do not need you people dismantling my door. Why didn't y'all just grab the bean bags from the movie room?" I ask.
There's silence for a few moments.
"Because we go big or we go home Emma." Austin says.
"Y'all are dumb, I just hope y'all know that." Kara says, rolling her eyes.
"I can't stand most of y'all. Move." Caleb says, brushing past the guys to go downstairs.
"How? How did he get a girlfriend before me?"
"Austin!" Jake yells, slapping his shoulder.
"Wait, he has a girlfriend?" I ask, looking over at them.
"That's the first I've heard of it." My dad says, looking over at Jake.
"Caleb! Austin snitched!" Jake calls, running downstairs.
"I didn't mean to!" Austin cries, flying down after him.
I hear more yells and a crash before there's a silence.
"You think he died?" Chase asks.
"Most definitely." Sierra says, causing us to laugh again.
A vibration from my phone takes my attention, and I look down to see a text from Alex.
Alex: Hey, how are u?
Me: I'm doing alright
Alex: Are u actually alright or are u just saying that??
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to answer that.
Me: Ummm both? I'm just in a lot of pain
Alex: I'm sorry for what happened Emma
Me: Why would u apologize? It's not like u did this to me
Alex: I'm still so sorry
Me: I should be thanking u actually. If u didn't come when u did idk what would've happened
Alex: Anytime Emma. So what are u up to rn?
Me: The gang are over and we're trying to watch a movie
Alex: Trying?
Emma: Let's just say that the guys spent 30 minutes trying to move a recliner into my room and failed
Alex: Lol sounds like fun
I don't respond for a second but then an idea pops into my head.
Emma: Yeah...do u wanna come over?
Alex: I don't know if thts a good idea...it's not like ur friends like me
Emma: Don't worry about them, they're just dramatic
"Hey Emma! I don't see any messages on my phone, so who are you professing your love to?" Austin yells, waving his phone in my direction.
When did they get back in here?
"None of your business." I say, looking over at him.
My phone vibrates again and I look down to see Alex's response and smile.
Alex: Alright I'll put up with them just to see u ;)
"Alex is coming over?" Dwight asks, and I look up to see him sitting right next to me.
"Did you just read my texts?" I ask in disbelief.
"What? No. I just happened to look over." He says, his eyes not meeting mine.
"Dwight we've been through this, you suck at lying." I say, a small smile finding its way onto my face.
"Yeah yeah, whatever." He says, his cheeks getting red.
"Wait, did you just say Alex is coming over?" Jake says from his place beside Kara.
"Yeah, I invited him over." I say. Jake stares at me for a second before nodding his head and turning his attention back to Kara.
I let out a sigh of relief.
After giving Alex my address, I focus my attention back on my friends. Austin is currently on the floor trying to balance a water bottle on his forehead; Jake has his arm around Kara while they're sitting on one of the lovesacs that the guys finally brought in from the movie room. Sierra and Chase are also sitting in another lovesac, her head resting in his lap as he smiles down at her.
Why are there so many couples in this room?
"So what are we gonna watch?" I ask after an awkward silence.
"We should have a Harry Potter marathon!" Kara says, looking up from her phone.
Jake smiles at her excitement. Kara is probably the biggest Harry Potter fan that there is, and every time it's mentioned she freaks out.
"I'm down for that." Dwight says, shrugging.
"Yes!" Austin says, the bottle falling off his head. Travis laughs at him from the end of my bed.
Jake gets up and walks over to my TV and puts in the first movie. He grabs the remote before turning the lights off and settling back into place.
The opening credits begin to fill the screen, and I lay my head back to rest against my headboard, letting out a small sigh.
Pretending you're okay is exhausting.
The movie starts and that's when my thoughts begin to wander. I move trying to get comfortable, but I feel another sharp pain shoot through my body.
Sighing in frustration, I feel myself wanting to cry.
Why can't he just leave me alone?
What's the point of trying to get better if he's just going to keep sending me back?
I know I should be feeling sad or angry...anything, but all I feel is numb.
I don't want to deal with him anymore.
Dying scares me...
But so does living.
A vibration takes me from my dangerous thoughts and I glance down at my phone to see a text from Alex, letting me know that he's here.
"Hey, can one of y'all go let Alex in?" I ask, and Jake nods before getting up and walking downstairs.
He comes back a few minutes later with Alex in tow. I observe them both, but there doesn't seem to be any tension between them like there usually is.
Alex walks towards me with concern written all over his face. He stands next to me on the side of my bed that Dwight isn't on.
"You okay?" He asks, glancing over my face. "Of course you're not that was dumb. I'm just-"
I cut off his nervous ramble with a small chuckle.
"It's alright Alex. I'm fine." I say reaching for his hand.
He smiles and squeezes my hand quickly before letting it go and taking a seat on the floor next to my bed.
"Do you like Harry Potter Alex?" Dwight asks, looking over at him.
Did Dwight just make conversation with Alex?
"Yeah, my cousin is obsessed, so we watch it a lot."
"Is your cousin your age?" Kara asks.
"Yeah, same age actually. He's back in North Carolina though."
"That's cool! Maybe we can meet him if he comes to visit." Sierra says, giving him a smile.
"Maybe. He doesn't really like to leave our town though." He says, rolling his eyes. "He's a homebody."
We all turn our attention back to the movie and about halfway through, I realize that I have a problem.
How am I supposed to go to the bathroom?
I look around the room to see everyone staring at the TV, really into the movie.
Do I really want to bother them just to go to the bathroom?
My bladder answers that question and I sigh, grabbing my phone and opening the group chat I'm in with Kara and Sierra.
Me: I need help
I see Kara jump as her phone vibrates, taking her attention from the TV, and Sierra laugh at her before checking hers.
Sierra: With what?
Kara: Are you okay??
Me: I just really need to go to the bathroom...
I hear both of them chuckle and I roll my eyes.
Sierra: I'll take you, come on
Kara: I'll help you
They both get up, which causes Jake to pause the movie in confusion.
"Where are y'all going?" Jake asks.
"Narnia." Kara replies sarcastically, causing him to roll his eyes.
"Emma has to go to the bathroom." Sierra says, causing my cheeks to redden. There was a reason I texted them, not said it out loud.
"Do you need help? I can help." Jake says, practically jumping to his feet.
"We can handle it." Sierra says, laughing at him.
Alex stands up before moving out of the way as Kara and Sierra help me to get out of bed.
"Okay, let's do this carefully." Kara says, as if that wasn't obvious.
Kara reaches out her hands and I grab them to keep myself steady as I get up. Dwight helps to gently push me as I get closer to getting out of bed, and I try to ignore the unbearable pain shooting through my body right now.
The second I stand up, I question if it's really worth it. I lean against Sierra as we walk to the door, and just the walk alone makes me feel as if the pain was happening all over again.
We finally reach the bathroom, and I grab onto the counter instead of Kara and Sierra. They shut the door, and I reach over to lock it before sighing.
Once I finish, I struggle over to the sink. As I'm washing my hands, I look up to see my reflection.
I have a really bad black eye on my left eye, and my right eye is slightly bruised. My face has scratches here and there, and my cheek is badly bruised as well.
But the one thing I really notice is the defeated look in my eyes.
I'm just so tired.
Reaching up, and ignoring the pain, I open the medicine cabinet to find some more painkillers to help me with the pain.
As I'm searching, I stop when my eye catches a familiar bottle. I grab it and hold it in my hand.
Why is this still here?
I look at the bottle of antidepressants, my heart hammering in my chest. Memories come flooding back just from looking at this bottle.
Maybe if I just--
"Emma?" Kara's voice calls from the door. "You okay?"
"Yeah!" I call out, my eyes not leaving the bottle.
I quickly hide it behind all of our other bottles in the medicine cabinet and close it.
I unlock the door and Kara and Sierra are by my side in an instant.
They help me back and we start the movie again, but my mind keeps going back to the bottle of pills.
Maybe there is a way to make the pain stop after all...
'~'
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~Marie Black :)