Niall Horan
Immediately upon waking, the sunlight streams through the curtains, and floods my vision. I squint to allow my eyes a chance to adjust. After blinking a few times, I look over to see Brooke curled into my body. Her arms are wrapped around my torso, almost as if hugging a pillow, and her head is nuzzled against my bare chest. My arm lays over her shoulders and upper back, and I smile upon realizing how close we are.
I begin to lazily drag my fingers along her back, trying to avoid waking her. Her long hair slips between my fingers and that silky feeling suddenly becomes my favorite touch. She shifts against my body and I hold my breath, waiting for her to wake, but she does no such thing. My fingers resume their pattern and I feel my chest deflate with a comforting sigh.
After some time of lying still, I feel the need to stretch, but have no such luck. I smile a tired smile when I realize that our legs have somehow managed to intertwine during the night. Brooke is the closest she's ever been to me and I have absolutely no desire to go anywhere.
Last night—just thinking about it sends my heart into a pitter-pattering mess— was surreal. I think our relationship is beginning to seriously build and strengthen. After the night that we had, I'd be devastated if we didn't work out. This woman has something so special about her. Her heart is far too large for her body and I adore how much she cares about any and every thing. She's beautiful; God, she is so beautiful. Her internal and external beauty make my heart skip beats. How I got so lucky, I will never know.
A small sigh pushes past Brooke's lips, drawing me out of my thoughts. She begins to stir against me and my fingers still. I await patiently as she begins to stretch. Her fingers curl against my chest and her legs strain against mine, but she quickly falls back into her previous position, curling back into my body. I know she is no longer asleep and my heart gives an excited thump. The thought of hearing her voice, so fresh from sleep, thrills every single nerve in body.
"Good morning, beautiful." I whisper to her before kissing the top of her hair. She shifts her body upward so that she can be eye to eye with me. She props her head onto her elbow and takes a look at me.
"Good morning, Niall." She smiles at me and draws her hand up to cradle my cheek. I allow my eyes to flutter shut, for a moment, to absorb the feeling of her touch on my skin. She's always so gentle and soft with me and I can not get enough of her.
When I open my eyes again, the look that I am greeted with makes me want to cave into every sexual desire that I crave from her. Her eyes are watching my face very closely. They are intimate and innocent at the same time, and they hold a certain sign of sweetness as well. I could get used to waking up to this every morning.
I bring my hand to lay on top of hers and she sends me a sweet smile. The bracelet on her wrist passes beneath my fingers, bringing a smile to my own face. I love that she loved her gift and I hope she continues to cherish it.
Once my fingers reach hers, I pry her hand from my face and bring it to my lips to press a kiss against the skin of her palm. I then bring our hands between us and softly push my fingers through hers.
"How'd you sleep?" I ask as she looks down at our intertwined fingers. A sleepy smile tugs at her lips as her thumb begins to drag against the back of my hand. I swallow the lump that appears in my throat. The simplest movements and touches make me emotional. I question, once again, how I became so lucky.
"That was one of the best night's rest I've had in a very long time." Hers eyes flit back to mine.
"I think I have to agree with that. It's been a while since I've slept with another body curled into me." A sweet blush creeps up her neck and I peck her cheek.
My eyes glance at the clock on her dresser and a slight groan falls from my lips. Her brows knit at my obvious frustration and I sigh. My arm tightens around her and I give a soft squeeze to her hip. Her brow arches and I kiss her cheek again.
"I have class in one hour. I'm sorry sweetheart, but I'm going to have to go. It's already eight fifteen." She nods, though an undeniable look of sadness flashes across her features.
"I'm sorry." I lean forward to kiss her forehead before allowing her head to fall into the crook of my neck. She shakes her head, protesting my apology, then presses a kiss against the skin.
"It's alright, honey. Don't worry about it. I have some housework to do anyway." She leans back, just enough to see my face, and I smile at her.
"Honey?" She blushes again. I watch as she rolls over and climbs out of bed, completely ignoring my teasing. She collects my dress shirt and pants from last night, and brings them to me as I stand from her comfortable bed. I thank her, peck her cheek, and head for the bathroom. When I walk in, there's a new tooth brush sitting beside the sink. My heart swells at the sight.
. . .
"I'll call you after class. We could go grab lunch or something. Does that sound good?" I ask as I gather my personal belongings and follow her down the hall. Brooke has been oddly quiet ever since I told her I'd have to leave. Something is off. She's not acting like my Brooke.
"Yeah, that sounds good." She mutters quietly. I take a look at her, not being able to see much from my angle because of being a step behind her. What I can make out is concerning, however. My stomach plummets at the thought of leaving her with some kind of distress. She looks sad.
"Are you alright?" I carefully ask as I we stop by the front door. I take a moment to study her features. She isn't looking at me. I think she's got her gaze fixed on my chest.
Again, my heart gives a harsh thump as I take note of the sad girl in front of me. Jensen approaches me and nudges my hand. I pat the top of his head and take a moment to play with his ears, but keep my gaze focused on Brooke.
"I'm fine." My frown doesn't disappear. In fact, it deepens at her words. I give a tiny nod.
As she reaches for the door, I gently catch her wrist. She gives me a puzzled look as her hand falls from the handle.
"Something's wrong." I say as my eyes narrow in on her face. She doesn't respond right away and my concern grows stronger.
After a few moments, her hands hesitantly reach up, landing on either side of my face. My hands settle on her waist and pull her to me. She watches me for a moment longer before pulling my face toward hers. She kisses me softly and I kiss her back.
Even in the way she kisses me, I feel something isn't quite right. She's sad, really sad. I can feel it, see it, and even hear it and I do not like it one bit.
I pull back and plant a soft kiss onto her cheek. She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. It's just not the same smile I have grown to love. Something is definitely not right here and it upsets me that I have to leave. I want nothing more than to just be with her right now.
"I'll see you in a little while, okay?" She nods and leans up, pressing another kiss to my lips. I open the door, step out, and walk to the elevator. She waits until I am inside. I give her a small wave and the door closes in front of me.
. . .
Brooke Spencer
"Are you sure you're okay?" Dad asks for the tenth time during our phone call. I sigh and nod even though he can't see me.
"I'll be fine dad. I think I just need to make it through the day without too many reminders." He sighs and I allow my eye to close for a moment. That is going to be next to impossible.
"I guess I'm more transparent than I thought however."
"Why do you say that, sweet pea?"
"Niall knew something was wrong. I thought I was doing a fair job at keeping it in, but I think he knows me better than that." My dad hums.
"Why don't you talk to him? I think the two of you are close enough for that now." Immediately, my heart grows erratic.
"I know we are close enough. I just don't know what I would say to him or how I would say it." Tears begin to collect in my eyes and I rapidly blink them away.
"Baby, you're going to have to tell him sometime." I sigh, yet again. I know he's right, but that sometime doesn't have to be today.
It's not that I don't trust Niall. I trust him with everything I have. I just don't trust myself. I'm scared that I won't be able to handle voicing the incident out loud. The last time I openly spoke about it was when I told Norma about it and that was not pretty. I slipped into a depression shortly after that. I wasn't myself for a couple of months. The pain that comes with verbally recalling and reciting that incident causes flashbacks and heart ache. Everyone around me prompted that I should go to a therapist, but I wouldn't ever listen to them. I had my fair share of therapist visits after my parents died. That was a rough time for me. Just the mention of seeing another therapist reminds me of that's accident and I don't plan on going through that again. There's no way.
"I know, dad." I sigh. "I know." He's quiet for a moment.
"I'm worried about you, honey. You're--something is just different this year." I frown.
"Dad, I'm--it's going to be okay just as it always is." He's quiet again.
We talk for a little longer, about other things, before I convince him that I'll be okay and that I'm going to have lunch with Niall and maybe do some other things like house cleaning and errands.
When I'm left completely alone, I glance at the picture on my desk that drives a sharp pain to my chest: the one that holds the last memory that I have with her before she died. The last time I saw her healthy and alive.
. . .
"Hi, darling." Niall greets me as I walk through the restaurant doors. He eagerly approaches me and presses a quick kiss to my cheek. He mumbles a compliment about my appearance, into my ear, before pulling back.
I can feel his eyes on me. I know they hold that same concerned look as earlier and I feel my throat tightening, but I swallow it down. Before either of us can say anything more, a hostess approaches us.
"Hi, welcome to Leah's. Just the two of you?" She happily greets the both of us and Niall nods.
"Follow me please." We walk side by side, following the woman. She leads us to a booth and I quietly thank her. Again, I feel Niall's eyes on me. I look up at him, smiling, but he only returns half of one.
"How was your test?"
The air is thick.
Too thick.
"I believe it went well. I might've missed one question, but that's alright. I still aced it." He smiles triumphantly and I smile in return. I try my hardest to make the smile look and feel real, but I'm certain I failed at both.
A waitress approaches the table and allows us to place our orders. When Niall and I are left alone, he reaches for my hand and my eyes glance at his face.
"Would you be up for coming over to watch a bit of derby with me and the guys tonight?" Niall hesitantly asks. His eyes are carefully observing my face and my reaction.
I would love to spend the time with him, I really would. It's so nice of him to invite me to spend an evening with him and his closest friends, but I feel my mental state draw me back. The further the day progresses, the more down I begin to feel. I'm not sure that would be the best idea—for me to be around him and his friends.
This is what dad was talking about, Brooke. You're not being yourself today.
I internally argue with my conscience for a moment, but I know she's right. I've lacked in the social department today. Even Arralyne knew something wasn't right. She's aware of what today means to me, of course, but she told me that I seemed—what did she say?—different?
Perhaps I am being different this year.
I ponder on this and Niall's offer for a few more moments then shoot him a sheepish smile. I've kept him waiting.
"Sure, that actually sounds fun." The smile that he flashes nearly makes me break down in tears. He makes me feel so loved.
He looks like he's about to ask me something, but our waitress arrives with our drinks. She lets us know that our food will arrive shortly. Niall doesn't ask me anything when she leaves.
. . .
I pull up to Niall's house, just as the sun dips down. I blow out a deep breath before forcing myself out of the car.
It's going to be okay.
You're okay.
You should really be with friends and company right now.
Stop secluding yourself.
Once I reach the door, I knock, hearing loud cheers and hollers coming from the guys. It isn't long before the door opens, revealing an annoyed looking Eleanor. Once she sees me however, a bright smile tugs at her lips.
"Hey, love. Come on in." I follow and step into the warm, cozy house. She closes the door behind us then gives me a quick hug before escorting me further inside. Another loud round of hollers come from the living room where I quickly identify the voices of Louis and Liam.
I shake my head as I walk into the kitchen. Eleanor is situating herself on top of the counter and grabs for her drink beside her.
"How are you, dear?"
"I'm doing well, thank you. And yourself?" She chuckles.
"Oh, I'm doing quite lovely."
We dive into a conversation about shopping and nails, deciding that we must go out for a day. I'm spacey during the whole conversation, none of it really clicking. I could hear everything she was saying, but I might need a refresher at a later time. Right now, the only thing I want is to find Niall.
Eleanor mentions going to the restroom and I take that as my cue to leave the room. I pass into the living room and another loud roar erupts from the men. My eyes scan the room and quickly notice Niall's absence. My heart sinks and tears begin to burn my eyes. I force them down as fast as possible before someone sees me.
"Yes, yes! Come on!" Louis begins yelling. Liam joins him, followed by the both of them jumping to their feet and fist bumping. Their attention soon falls back on the screen.
"Hey guys." I say as I walk in.
"Brooke, hey love." Louis says without taking a glance at me. Liam only waves. My lips quirk at their persistence on watching the game.
"Hey, Arralyne." I finally notice my best friend, trying to curl up to Liam, but failing miserably due to him jumping up several more times.
"Hey, girl." She smiles, but rolls her eyes as Liam hollers once more.
"This—it's been just like this all night." I chuckle a bit at her words then pat her back.
"Do you know where Niall is?" She shrugs and takes a gulp of her beer. I quickly approach the hallway.
When I reach Niall's room, I'm hesitant to knock. I seriously need to pull myself together before I talk to him. My emotions are heightened from the bulk of memories that have flourished in my mind today and I suddenly feel overwhelmed at the idea of being face to face with Niall.
I'm about to turn around to slip into the restroom, but the door opens, revealing the one and only. He smiles upon seeing me and I feel a very large lump grow in my throat at the sight.
I can't do this.
I can not do this.
"Hey, babe." He greets. I stay in place as he approaches me.
If he holds me right now, I might start crying.
If I start crying, there's a large possibility I won't be able to stop.
Upon this realization, I take a small step back. My action doesn't go unnoticed and I watch as Niall's smile slips into a frown. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. We watch each other, hurt very evident in his features, with so much emotion. I close my eyes for a few moments and force the tears away.
He probably thinks this is about him—about us.
My heart gives a very painful throb when this thought occurs.
Will he hate me? Would he even let me explain myself? What if I can't explain myself?
When I feel his arms secure around me, I shakily inhale. He hauls me tightly against his chest. My ear presses against the place directly over his heart. The pulse in his chest is quick and heavy, and mine begins to reflect.
A single tears rolls down my cheek and I lift a hand to wipe it away. Before I know it, more tears—silent tears—are falling and I don't know if they're going to stop anytime soon.
Niall does what any good man would do in this situation. He holds me just a little tighter, allowing me to feel his presence of protection and safety.
Safe and protected is exactly what I feel.
After some time, when I feel like it's been too long, I gently pull away from Niall. I avoid eye contact and, instead, push myself up to kiss his cheek. My lips remain pressed to his cheek for a long moment before I'm able to pull away.
When I lower myself, his hand gently cups my chin and gives a small tug. I shake my head and begin to back away. He's quick to follow my step this time. When he's got me backed against the wall, with no where else to go, he cups the back of my neck and pulls my lips to his. I gasp against his mouth, not having caught onto his prior intentions.
His lips are soft and his actions are cautious. He almost seems afraid that he'll break me if he moves against me or touches me the wrong way. I, on the other hand, pour my feelings into the kiss. I finally feel like my sorrow of the day is being released and it feels good. Niall's hand moves to my hip, softly pulling it against his. He gives me another tug and begins to walk us back into his bedroom. Our lips manage to remain connected as he does so.
Once we are hidden away behind the closed bedroom door, he stops walking and cups my face with both hands. He kisses me harder and I tug at his waist with a stronger force.
The feeling of our kiss is rather overwhelming. A few more tears leave my eyes, as more emotions begin to pour over me, and I quietly whimper against his mouth. The tears undoubtedly hit Niall's hands, but with gentle swipes of the thumbs, he traces them away without a single word.
As I've previously thought, there is absolutely no way possible that I don't love this man. I love the way he can make the pain hurt less and how he comforts me so easily. He doesn't even have to try. He just does. That's what I love. It comes so naturally for him.
I have undeniably fallen for him.
I'm the first to pull back, but he's quick to lean in and press his forehead to mine. His eyes are on mine, studying them.
He takes a moment before attempting to speak, but he's interrupted as soon as he does.
"Niall, you're missing the good stuff!" Louis calls for him. Niall gives a soft smile followed by a sigh.
"If you would like, we can stay back here tonight or we can go back to your house. Whatever you'd like." I shake my head, momentarily closing my eyes. When I open my eyes, he's frowning again.
Niall lifts a hand to my face and cups my cheek. I lean into his palm and allow him to wipe some of the wetness from my skin.
"You're upset." He states and I give a small shrug, dropping my eyes to his chest. His hand dips down to my neck and he manages to get me to look at him again.
"We don't have to be around everyone tonight. If you want us to be alone, I can make sure that happens." I shake my head.
"Niall, I'm fine."
"Fine? You are not 'fine'." I swallow as irritation drips through his tone. He sighs again and drops his forehead to mine.
"Talk to me, darling. You can tell me anything."
I bite my bottom lip and he nods, assuring me of his proclamation. I can feel my jaw tremble and the concern in his eyes becomes even more evident.
He pulls me closer.
"I'm right here. You're safe." A lump grows in my throat at his words.
I close my eyes and feel a couple of tears streak down my skin again. I can feel my heart thumping erratically and my whole body begins to fill with tremors.
"You can trust me." His thumbs wipe some of the tears from my cheeks.
"Open up, my love. Your heart is safe with me."
Niall Horan
Brooke shatters in my arms upon hearing my words. My heart nearly does the same as I wrap her up in my arms and pull her as close as possible. I let her cry as much as she needs.
Her cries turn to merciless sobs and I have to use all of my strength to hold her upright as her body convulses against mine. Tears prick my eyes multiple times as I witness the break down of the woman that I love so dearly. My arms hold her tightly to me and my lips continuously voice encouragement and sweet nothings into her ear.
Her sobs continue for a while. They slowly turn into cries, those turn into the occasional whimper, which turn into quiet tears, and that eventually becomes a thick silence.
Now, my back is pressed against the headboard of my bed and her back is pulled against my chest. My chin is tucked into the crook of her neck where I press soft kisses every few minutes.
It's been quiet for a good while now. I'm surprised none of our friends have tried to drag us from the room. They have left us completely alone. Perhaps, they heard her crying. I feel like that sound will be a difficult one to forget.
Her cries were deep. It's almost as if they had derived from the very depths of her precious heart. She sounded like she was experiencing serious pain.
I never want to hear that sound again. For as long as I live, I'd rather take a bullet to the heart than to hear Brooke Spencer cry.
I can tell that she's still recovering from her breakdown as her body still trembles. She occasionally inhales with an uneasiness and her body is slowly relaxing against mine.
"Today is the anniversary of my god-mother's death." My body stills for a moment. I manage to recover quickly and press another soft kiss into the skin of her neck. My arms drop from her shoulder and hands run down the length of her arms until they find her hands. I, then, link them together and give a small squeeze.
"It's been five years." My heart speeds at the heartbreaking thought. Not only had this girl lost her parents, but she lost her godmother as well.
She can not win.
I listen as she sniffs and feel her lift our hands to her lips. There, she presses a kiss to the back of my palm.
"Allison, that was her name. She was such a good woman." Again, I press a kiss to her neck, then her shoulder.
"I found her, well-Jensen really found her, lying outside of the house, face down in the grass. She was still alive at this point of time, but she wasn't doing so well." Her voice wavers and I listen as she sniffs again.
She's going to start crying again and I'm not sure I'm ready for this.
"I spent my first day as a seventeen year old in a hospital room watching her die. I watched her die that morning, Niall. I held her hand when she died and I didn't break down until after she was gone. I didn't want her last moments to be sad." A small sob is choked out at the end of her sentence and I swear I feel my heart break a little more.
"Come here," I whisper against her skin as I rotate her body so that she still sits between my legs, but now has her legs draped over one of my thighs. I pull her head down to my chest and feel he hands grip my shirt in her small hands.
"She was too young to die. She was only forty two." She chokes out before sobbing a little more.
"She had," She's crying so hard again that she can't speak properly.
"Calm down, honey."
"H-her heart failed. " I squeeze her closer and pray that her pain subsides.
"I was too young to lose another parent." I nod and press a kiss to the top of her head.
"I know, baby. I know." She lets out another muffled cry and I feel my heart sink.
"If I could take your pain, I would. I'd take it away from you." She squeezes me tighter and I hold her as firm as possible.
"It's okay, baby girl. You're going to be okay."
. . .
Brooke Spencer
I'm laying mostly on top of Niall. Our legs are tangled and his arms are wrapped around my body. The couch that we're on is actually the love seat. It's a bit small for the two of us, but it's sufficient enough tonight.
A movie can be heard playing in the background, but my focus is definitely elsewhere.
One of Niall's hands is playing with my hair, twirling several strands between his fingers. The soft, slow assault of is quickly relaxing me, making me even more tired than I already was.
I can feel him watching me periodically. If I ever get too far from him, noticeably stuck in my head, he'll give my hip a squeeze or something of that nature to bring me back to him. I don't mean to be distant and spatial, but my mind won't stop thinking of her.
Five years. I still remember it as if it was yesterday.
I had a late night, the previous night, because it had been my birthday. My seventeenth. So of course I was exhausted the next morning, not waking up until nearly noon. When I awoke, Jensen, being a puppy, seeing as I got him at just nine weeks old, was curled into my side, sleeping peacefully.
I remember getting up, throwing on a pair of jeans and a hoody with cowboy boots, of course, and going outside. With Jensen by my side, I walked out to the barn. I wanted to go for a ride. The weather was cool and crisp, but I knew it'd turn into a nice day.
When I reached the barn, I walked over to my stallion. He was a beautiful three year old, pure bred, black stallion. The prettiest horse I'd ever seen. I prepared to saddle him up.
Once I had him set up, I climbed up on him and led him out of the barn. He'd been raised with dogs so Jensen didn't bother him. I strictly remember leading him to my favorite trail and was going to begin walking it when Jensen stopped, ears perked. I figured he heard something out in the woods, so I began walking my horse forward, but Jensen didn't move.
I had called his name several of times, but he didn't listen. A few short seconds later, he began to growl. This was not the kind of growl you'd expect to hear from a puppy.
Then he went quiet. Almost too quiet.
After a few seconds he began to growl and bark, then took off running. I decided to turn the horse around and follow Jensen, just to be sure something wasn't wrong.
We ran across the field and through the trees, until the house came into view. And that's when my heart jerked in my chest. I'm still surprised to this day, how I managed to see that and not have some type of attack, myself.
Allison was lying on the ground, face down, completely still.
The rest of that day was a blur. All I really remember was Dr. Cameron rushing to hold me, as I watched Allison take her last breath then the heart monitor going flat.
. . .
"Here, I can help move her." I hear a soft voice call from a few feet away. My body feels heavy and I figure I must have fallen asleep. I feel a little disoriented.
"Thank you, but I don't want to wake her." I feel the vibration in Niall's chest, just beneath me, as he responds to the voice.
"Would you mind grabbing that blanket though?" I hear some shuffling, then feel a soft material come in contact with my body.
I feel even more drowsy beneath the soft material and I know I wouldn't be able to open my eyes right now even if I tried.
"Thanks, mate." Niall whispers. I can feel him tucking the material around us and I feel sleep tugging at me again.
"Is she alright?" The voice asks. I feel Niall tense.
"I don't think so, Harry." My heart pulses at his concern.
"She seemed a little, please don't take this wrong, clingy this evening. She almost seemed scared to be apart from you." I feel Niall nod.
That was the exact truth. I didn't want to be away from him or his touch. His touch soothes the hurt much more than I could explain.
"She's got a lot going on, H." One of his hands drop to my lower back, the other stays in my hair. He sighs and kisses the top of my head.
"You're doing quite alright, Niall."
"It doesn't feel like it." Harry chuckles.
"You're such a good man and you don't even see it. You disgust me, Niall Horan." Niall's chest vibrates as he chuckles.
"As long as you have each other, I think the both of you are going to me better than alright. Catch some sleep, mate. Thanks for having us over."
"Thank you, Harry. You're welcome anytime, as always. Be careful going home."
Things grow quiet as I listen to Harry's footsteps pad away from us. Niall draws me closer and kisses the top of my head before laying back.
AN
As always, I'm so excited that you're reading and that you are enjoying this book! I love you so much!!
-H