Just another day at the dojo and the gang were doing their warm up stretches when Jerry ran in panicking. "Guys, huge problem. Kelsey Vargas, the coolest girl in school is on her way down here."
"Don't panic, we've trained for this. Guys, bust out the emergency deodorant." Jack commanded, the guys scattering. Kim and Asa rolled their eyes.
Jerry, surprisingly enough, was the only guy who didn't go straight for the deodorant. "I don't need deodorant."
"We all need deodorant. We're teenage boys. Our bodies are a smorgasbord of smells." Milton says lathering his pits.
"I don't take any chances. I'm wearing a necklace of air fresheners right now," Eddie chirps pulling out his necklace from under his shirt. He deeply inhales and with a smile, "This week I'm Alpine Meadow."
"I told Kelsey I was a martial arts expert and the youngest sensei in history."
Asa doesn't bother holding back a sarcastic laugh. "Did your mother never teach you about telling the truth?"
"Rudy!" Jerry exclaims when he's handed a sparing helmet by the sensei. "Kelsey's on her way! Dude, please hook me up with that black belt."
"You can't have this belt. It's a symbol of hard work, honor and respect," Rudy proudly states.
"Well then why do you use it to walk your dog?" Jack questioned.
"That was one time and it was an emergency. I had a pug with the squirts and new white carpet." Jack grimaced. "Look can we stop talking and get to sparing please? Jerry you're up against Kim, Milton you're with Asa and Eddie you're with Jack."
"Jack?!" Eddie cried out. Jack performed a series of moves making Eddie's life flash before his eyes. "Uh, hold on! My phone's vibrating. You know I hate to be that guy. Hello?"
"You mean the guy who pretends his wallet is a phone?"
"Please, shh!" He shushed him walking away with his wallet still up to his ear. "Can you hear me now?"
"Come on, guys, let's go!" Rudy clapped his hands.
They didn't get very far in when Kelsey entered with hands on her hips, easily unpersuaded by Jerry's lie. "Hi Jerry."
Jerry spun around to face her. Giving an awkward greeting, "Kelsey! What a surprise."
"So these are your students that fear and respect you?"
He faked a proud look with Kim behind him playing along. "Yes. We are. I'm about to fear and respect the living grits outta him right now."
Jerry turned around panicking again. "Oh no. Not my grits! I'm gonna need my grits!"
Kim twisted his arm back, flipping him to the floor. Jack and Milton cringed back with Asa kneeling down to his level. "You all good there, sensei?"
He picked himself off the floor dizzy, stumbling around. "Yeah, I'd say you've got that move down pretty well," he stumbles, letting the whole sensei act fall apart. "You guys take a five, Kelsey and I are gonna get a froyo. Come on, Kelsey."
Kelsey didn't even seem to mind about his lie but more amused. Her offered arm was denied when Jerry wrapped an arm around Rudy instead, leading them out.
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
Eddie, Kim and Jack were chilling out on one of the school's benches when Jerry sourly descends down the steps. "Hey, thanks a lot, Kim! You cost me a date with the coolest girl in school."
"What are you gonna do, sensei? Throw me outta the dojo?" Kim mocked.
"Kim, in the future, let's respect Jerry enough to not embarrass him in front of girls he's lying to." Jack said.
"Thank you, Jack. It's called decency, Kim!"
The sound of a kazoo in the tune of a sound fare and mocking laughter caught their attention with Milton being the center of it all. Asa loosely followed behind him in a costume of her own. He wore a gold and shiny rented king's costume; Asa internally cringing at the cosplay disaster in front of her.
Milton held up his sector announcing, "All hail Miltonius, the newly crowned King of Nernia!" They had no words on how to describe what just happened.
Jerry eyes Asa's choice of clothing in question. "What are you wearing?"
She looks down at her costume. It was a simple comfy look that had a loose fitting faded red shirt, suede jacket and blue-gray cloth scarf around her neck, with brown pants and boots. "My Merlin cosplay."
He scoffs. "Where's your beard, wizard hat and wand?"
"I'm not from Harry Potter, you idiot." His eyes widened in surrender.
"See, Milton," Jack started, getting up from his seat. "This is the reason you had to go to spring formal with a bio-lab skeleton."
"I'll have you know Bonita is an excellent dancer." Milton defended.
"Hey, I know what's going on. It's that time of year when all the dorks come out and play Swords and Magic in the park." Eddie points out.
"Or if it rains we use the bingo center at the senior center. We tear it up!"
Jack raises a brow at the quiet Asa. "Why are you participating?"
"You honestly think I'd let an opportunity such as "killing" nerds with my sorcerer staff go to waste? Heck no!" Asa cheers using air quotes.
Kelsey walked pass greeting the fake sensei. "Hi Jerry."
Jerry shoved Milton back acting like an idiot. "Hey, Kelsey. I was just talking to this kid I've never seen before. I don't even know his name. Right, Milton? Really, Jerry!" He shouts to himself at the slip up.
"Guys, big news. This year, you guys are gonna participate in the battle with me and Asa." Milton says cheerfully.
"What happened to all your other friends? Ya know, the ones that throw up when I try to talk to them or run away from her." Kim asks gesturing to the only girls.
"Well this year's a little complicated. Francis has a bassoon recital, Jeffery is a finalist in the math-lympics, and Lewis got grounded from teaching his cockatoo bad words."
"Dude, we're not gonna be apart of your nerd fest." Jerry says rudely.
"Actually Nerd Fest isn't until October in Minneapolis," Asa corrects.
They with the exception of Milton stare at her questionably. "And you know this how?"
"Who do you think?" She retorts pointing to Miltonius.
"See Milton, a bunch of dudes in tights, running around the woods beating each other senseless with foam swords is just not our thing." Jack said as gently as he could muster up.
Milton's face fell. "Well it's my thing. And I wanna share this moment with my best friends. That's you guys."
Eddie hesitantly stands at the idea with his basketball. "I don't know. I just quit the cello and threw out my panda bear backpack. I'm just starting to get cool."
"Come on, just give it a chance. Soon you'll know the exhilaration of bounding down a hill, cape aflutter, to slay a half elf with a foam rubber axe. You with me?! All for one, and one for-" Milton turned around to see that his friends had fled the scene, leaving just Asa standing there. "Gahhhh! I probably lost them at cape aflutter."
"You lost them way before that."
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
Jerry came dancing into the mall courtyard to meet with the others later that day after school. "Guys, check it out. I smoothed everything out with Kelsey. I promised her I would never lie to her again and I got a date with her this afternoon. The kid is back in the game, wooo!"
"I have a feeling you lied to her about that too," Asa snidely remarks.
Before any of them could say anything, Eddie announces, "Nerd alert."
Sydney and two of his friends dressed in their king and knightly attire approached in character. "Greetings, we are the Dark Knights. Warriors know for being brave and ferocious-"
"Ferocious? Sydney, you cried in science when your fruit fly died," Kim teased that even his friends laughed at.
"That fruit fly left behind three thousand babies."
"And then those three thousand babies died when sprayed with apple cider vinegar. Your point?" Asa quipped.
"Milton said he put together a band of loyal warriors that would finally capture our grail and defeat us." Sydney scoffed. "Like that's gonna happen." His evil laugh made Google Translate sound professional.
Jack just shook his head. "Dude, dude, dude. That evil laugh is so not working."
"Thanks, Benny! You told me it was intimidating." His friend lamely shrugged. Sydney shoved past his knight and them following behind.
When they left, Jack's eyes widened at the information. "Woah, guys, Milton called us his loyal warriors. Now he's gonna be out there all alone against a flock of dweebs hopped up on Honey Buns."
Kim began grasping on straws for an excuse to get out of his forming plan. "Uh, Jack, are you saying we should go to the park and help him, because uh, I can't. My uh Aunt Charlotte, yeah she's coming in from, uh... Charlotte and we're gonna go watch Charlotte's Web?" The crew gave her unimpressed expressions. "Wow I am not good at lying."
"You're just as bad as Jerry at his lying game," Asa grinned.
"Look Milton's always been there for us. Jerry, what about the time where you tried to get Kelsey jealous by making her think you were dating a cheerleader? Who helped you out?"
Jerry looks up in thought back to when Milton dressed in a cheer uniform and wig, holding pom poms. "Wow you're right. He was there for me. Did you know that Brian Donally actually asked him out?"
"Eddie, what about you? You hate going to visit your Nana."
"That's because she always wants to do things to my hair." He scratched his almost bald head.
"Who always goes with you?"
Eddie went back to imagine the time of watching Milton shake his newly braided and beaded hair in Nana Jones's face. "Sometimes I think Nana loves him more than me. And I'm okay with that!"
"Kim, what about that time at the Saint Patrick's Day concert when you lost your voice? Who got you through that?"
She pursed her lips, reminded of how he sang backstage while she lip synced.
"And Asa, who always helps you as a stand in mannequin for your cosplays?"
Asa tutted. "As right as you are, I never said I wasn't joining him in battle."
"Then why aren't you at the park already?"
"King Miltonius wanted me to make some changes to my costume."
Jack simply nodded. "Guys, I think you know what we have to do."
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
Jack and Eddie emerged from the dojo dressed in the rented costumes that Milton picked out for them. Jack was a knight of some sorts and Eddie was a half-bred elf.
"Seriously? Is this really what we have to do?" Eddie exclaimed in distaste.
"Yes it is."
Kim and Jerry came out with Kim looking like a fairy princess in the pink and lilac dress and cone. Jerry looked to have come straight out of Braveheart with the half painted face, long curly wig and kilt.
"Come on, let's go to the park," Jerry said lamely.
"I don't get it. Why do I have to be the princess?" Kim asked gesturing to her get up.
Eddie shook his head raising his hands. "I am not swapping."
Asa followed last now wearing a long and baggy red robe. Her hair was hidden beneath the long white wig that matched her white beard. In her hand she carried a makeshift staff that was honestly just a big stick.
And because of her lack in the height department, her friends laughed at the short warlock. She grumbled, scratching the beard. "Milton said I didn't look wizard-y enough so this is what he's getting."
"You all good there, Dumbledore?"
"Again, not from Harry Potter. I'm Merlin's true identity, Emrys. Now can we just go before I beat you all with my staff?"
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
On their way to the battlefield, the band consisting of a knight, half elf, Braveheart, princess and short warlock had gotten lost due to the elf's misdirection.
"I can't take this anymore! It's hot, my feet are killing me, and these elf ears are starting to get sweaty." Eddie yanked one of his fake ears off to ring the sweat out of it.
"You don't get to complain," Jack snapped. "We coulda stayed on the path and let Asa lead us to the battlefield but noooo! You knew a shortcut through the woods." He snatched the ear out of his friend's hands to yell, "THIS IS NOT A SHORTCUT, EDDIE!"
"Relax. I'm an Explorer Scout. I was trained to navigate by the stars."
"Oh I can help you to see the stars!" Kim threatened stalking towards him cuing Jack to pull her back from killing him.
"Come on, guys, we have to focus. Milton's battle starts in a half hour."
Jerry's eyes lit up at the sight of a porcupine. "Hey. It's a groundhog. Hey." He cooed approaching the misidentified animal. "You're a cute little fella, aren't you?"
"It's not a groundhog, Jerry. That's a porcupine! Wouldn't get too close to it either." Jack warned.
Braveheart stood up cockily. "Uh, thank you, Jack, but I think I know the difference between a groundhog and a porcupine. 'Kay?" He crouched back down and continued cooing at it. The others winced at the amount of quills the porcupine pierced Jerry with.
"This dumb groundhog thinks it's a porcupine," he calmly covered up. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go over there." Only a few inches were walked when he let out a painful scream.
"Idiot."
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
After getting more lost in the woods they came up to a clearing, beginning to accumulate layers of dirt on them.
"You got a little something here." Jack pointed to his cheek in reference to the one quill that Jerry forgot to take out. He didn't know what Jack meant so the knight did the honors in plucking it out of his skin. Jerry let out another scream.
Kim trailed behind them looking almost mortified.
"Where were you?" Eddie asked.
"Let's just say I did something I've never had to do before and hope I never have to do again." She uttered painfully.
Asa sympathetically rests a hand on her shoulder. "Welcome to the world of LARPing."
"I felt that way when I had to take my cat's temperature. They fight it. Oh they fight it!" Kim jumped at Eddie for his lame attempt to feel her pain.
Jack laughed at himself saying, "You know what I just realized? I have a GPS on my phone. I'll get us out of these woods."
"No no no," Eddie rejected, "I said I'll get us out and I will." He snatched the phone out of Jack's hands. "Explorer Scouts do not rely on GPS."
Jack grabbed onto his phone to start fighting over it with Eddie, the phone eventually landing into the nearby log. "Now you happy? My phone just flew into that log!"
"Relax! I'll get it." Eddie kneeled down, sticking his hand inside. "Hey I got it! I think you got a call; it's starting to buzz." He stood up, holding not a phone, but a beehive.
Their eyes widened. "My phone's not buzzing, that's a beehive!"
Eddie screamed, throwing the hive to Kim in a game of hot potato. She threw it Asa who tossed it to Jerry and then there was Jack. He did the idiot way of handling a game such as hot potato with a beehive by kicking it, letting the bees fly loose.
They swarmed around Jack, giving Kim, Jerry and Asa a chance to run back into the bushes from which they came from and Eddie ducted down.
Jack screamed while swatting at the bees, running away to immediately faint upon colliding headfirst into a tree.
Assuming the cost was clear, Eddie stood up from the ground all to scream and dive into a mud puddle.
Kim, Jerry and Asa went back into the clearing to see Eddie look more like a swamp person than an elf. "I think I lost them."
"What happened to you?" Asa questions looking him up and down.
"I had a little mud situation."
Jack stood up after recovering from the impact. His friends' mouths widened in shock and one in amusement. "Wow, I really hit my head. Is there a bump?"
Kim lightly laughs. "Just a teeny one." It was not teeny.
"Dude, your forehead is jacked up!" Jerry exclaimed bluntly.
Jack touched his forehead in confusion before turning his expression into one of horror.
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
Jerry and Jack came upon another clearing, the others lacking behind after still being chased by the bees.
"I think we finally lost the bees." Jack panted resting his hands on his knees. "Where's Kim, Eddie and Asa?"
"Kim got her hair tangled up in a thorn bush. Eddie's trying to get her out. And Asa tripped on her robe and into the said bush."
Asa tripped out from the woods, now having ditched the beard, wig and red robe. That left her in the cosplay she was in earlier. Her face looked as though she was attacked by a cat and her hair mixed with the thorns. She simply shook her head, leaning on her stick. "Never again."
Eddie scrambled out of the woods, the mud having dried. "It took a while, but I finally got Kim's head outta that bush. Luckily I had my official Explorer Scout pocket knife."
Kim's appearance made Eddie jump at the number he did to her hair. Her hair was incredibly chopped and sticking out from all directions with pinecones stuck in the mix. "Guys, the battlefield's over there. Cone on!" She said happily running away unaware of the disaster on her head.
Jack's expression said it all. "Eddie, even if you make it out of this battle alive, Kim's gonna kill you."
"And we won't be there to save you when she does." Asa pats him on the back, following Jack to the field.
"Wait that was Kim?" Jerry asked confused.
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
"It's over, Miltonius. Prepare to taste my foam!"
Just as Miltonius was about to be slayed by the Dark Knight king, Jack threw Jerry's foam axe to knock the sword out of Sydney's hand. "Ow! Who threw that?!"
They let out a war cry, running up to their king and Rudy who was dressed as a squire, having recently promoted to knight. "His army is made of ogres!" Sydney cried out.
"Those aren't ogres. Those are my friends!" Milton said proudly picking up his sword.
"Retreat! Retreat!"
The Dark Knights army fell back upon the Warrior's cry. "You guys made it!"
Jack shrugged. "It may not be our thing, but if it means something to you, then we're with you, King Miltonius!"
"Thank you! Who's the dude with the punked out mullet?" Kim, still unbeknownst to her new hair cut, looked behind her in confusion of no one there. Milton squinted his eyes at Asa, "I thought I told you to look more wizard-y."
"Me not looking "wizard-y enough" will be the least of you're problems once I'm done with you!" She held up her stick about ready to beat him with it.
Jack pulled her back from killing the king. "Easy there, Merlin." He dropped his grip from her shoulders, putting a hand in the middle. "Alright, guys, hands in. We've got us a grail to capture." They stacked their hands on top of his, yelling out, "Wasabi!"
"CHARGE!"
Everyone let out battle cries, using their "weapons" to "kill" the Dark Knight's army.
Having ditched the long robe and itchy wig and beard was a blessing to Asa. Not only did it make her not die from the heat, but also more limber to fight. It was easy for her to dodge and kick their attempted swings away without the restrictions that mostly the robe and beard provided. Asa spun her staff, as though creating some distance between her and the Dark Knights, all to slash their stomachs and land her kills.
She joined Jack and Jerry back to back, catching a ganged up Milton and their opponent's grail on the seesaw. Jack noticed this as well, using the swing set as a gymnastics bar to launch himself onto the other side of the seesaw.
Everyone's own battle paused to gawk as the grail went flying into the air. Milton ran for it, catching mid air and victoriously place it next to his, calling out, "Victory!"
"Way to go, Milton. You did it!" Jack praised their king.
"No, Jack. We did it."
"Here you go, Milton. You've earned your grai-" Kim let out a high pitch cry, only now seeing her appearance in the grail's reflection. "My hair! What happened to my hair?" Her expression turned murderous towards the elf. "Eddie."
He nervously chuckled. Asa leaned forward smirking, "I'd start running if I were you."
"You are so dead!"
Eddie screamed, running for his life but not getting far at all with Kim very close behind. The others winced; one of them not doing the best to stifle her laughter at the sight of a princess beating an elf to death.
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
After a long day of battling and getting abused by the great outdoors, everyone back in their regular clothing went to the dojo after dropping their costumes off to be dry cleaned.
"Thanks again, guys. I know you were embarrassed by those costumes, but don't worry. You'll never have to wear them again and no one at school will ever have to know." Milton promised.
Jack smirked, vaguely saying, "You're right, Milton. They don't, but they will." Milton only stared at their smirking faces in confusion.
And that very next day, they all walked the halls proudly showing off their loyal warrior get ups. Even Asa walked with them back in her Emrys robe, wig and beard for Milton's sake.
Sure everyone laughed at them, but it was nothing that these Warriors couldn't handle.
*＊✿❀ ❀✿＊*
Dove on into Asa's cosplay side which will definitely be staying in future chapters. I just love how she can have little bits of her interests correlate with her friends'.
-H