LIA
New day, same boring routine.
I always began it by putting on a nice fake smile. Pretending my best to fit the expectations. Of my family, of my friends, of anyone really. At this point, all I wanted was to keep pretending to be the person I was before. I'd always been close to my parents but since I discovered I liked girls.
Because not only did I fall in love with Yeji but I also discovered I was gay and I had always been. That really explained why I didn't want to kiss Jaemin in elementary school and also why I never found my type of guy, because my type of guy was a girl.
After taking a quick breakfast, I walked down the street to Ryujin's house and we walked together to school like we did every day. Wearing, as usual, our cheerleading uniforms. This time, she talked to me about the new skin beauty products her mother brought her back from the foreign country she's been working at for the last two months.
Once at school, we meet with Chaeryeong, Yuna, and Ningning before class, gossiping about the latest news. Nothing much had happened since yesterday but Yuna managed to find a way to talk about Yeji somehow. Apparently, she had caught Yeji smoking weed behind the school. Which was completely fake because Yeji didn't smoke, not even cigarettes; it almost made me laugh but I couldn't show them that nor could I deny the obvious lie.
Then the endless classes went on throughout the day. Each hour slower than the previous one. Finishing it with cheerleading practice.
Once done, I took my sports bag, saying goodbye to the girls and left the locker room, heading to my car. As soon as I was out, I felt the sun shine on my skin, bringing to it a slight warmth. It brought me a certain comfort.
For a few seconds, I closed my eyes, feeling the ray of light on me. It reminded me of some Sunday afternoons, laying on the decrepit wooden floor of the tree house tightly enveloped in Yeji's arms.
Soon I will be again.
I dropped the bag on the passenger seat as I got in.
Once out of the parking lot, I blasted loudly the radio, singing along with the song currently playing, releasing the stress of the day as much I could.
One more day, I said to myself, one more day and I could spend the weekend with Yeji. I exiled softly, a smile spreading across my face.
Suddenly, out of the corner of my eyes, I saw something big and fast.
I turned my head just in time to see it was a truck. Oh no.
-
Text
6:38 P.M
Y: Hey beautiful, had a good day?
Y: Can I call you?
7:20 P.M
Y: Babe, are you there?
8:52 P.M
Y: Are you mad at me?
Y: Did I do something wrong?
11:19 P.M
Y: Please, text me.
Y: I just want to know if you are ok.
Y: I'm worried, give me a sign.
15 Missing Calls.
-
YEJI
I kept biting my nails on my way to school. Lia still hadn't replied and I was getting really stressed about it. All night I kept searching if I did something wrong or said something wrong but I couldn't find anything. We barely saw each other yesterday.
Maybe Lia finally realized.
My deepest anxieties were crawling in.
Maybe she realized I wasn't good enough for her. That I was nothing. That she didn't love me. That the moments we had together were nothing but a passing feeling, a phase. A way to try to escape her boring life. I shook my head. No, Lia wasn't like that. She was strong, independent, sure of herself.
And just like that, all my fears came back in another wave. Maybe that was what was best for Lia, she would have a better life without me. But selfishly I never wanted that to happen. I wanted Lia to love me the way I loved her, forever. She was the only person I had. If I lost her, what would I have left? I loved her so much that I couldn't bear to lose her. Does that make me an awful person? Was I selfish? Did that mean I was a horrible person?
I was so scared.
I thought I was starting to lose my mind.
Every second passing without news from Lia made my heart clenched even more.
What if something happened to her?
What if her parents discovered?
What if she had an accident?
I shook my head, shaking these thoughts out. Now, my first thoughts felt way better in my heart. I would rather have her hate me than anything else happening.
I sat in my literature class, eyes fixed on her empty desk while the room filled in. The bell rang, her friend Chaeryeong's desk was empty as well. My heart was on fire. I felt pain like my heart was trapped in a cage that tightens with every one of my moves.
Our teacher came in, a gloomier expression than usual on his face. I could feel something bad happened. I felt it in every fiber of my being. Time began to distort itself, our teacher moving in slow motion before me. Every second was a unique kind of torture. It must be what it felt to be in hell.
" Class, before we begin I have an announcement to make. It might shock some, so please stay calm".
Oh no, it was coming.
" I have the regret to announce to you that your classmate, Julia Choi, had a car accident yesterday after school. We still don't know if she will make it, we don't really know anything actually but we will keep you updated. Let's pray for her and her family. Now..."
The last words didn't even enter my mind. I was in shock. My body paralyzed, my mind frozen. My body felt so stiff, my vision was blurry, my breathing erratic. It felt like the room was closing in on me. It couldn't be happening. It had to be a nightmare. Right? Any minute now I would wake up and everything will be fine. Lia will be fine.
Except that, lying to myself wasn't working. It was real.
In a jolt of electricity, running through my body, I got up from my seat. I suddenly felt dizzy. I had to grab the edge of the desk to stable myself.
" Yeji, can I help you? " asked the teacher.
I could easily imagine everyone eyes on me right now even if I couldn't see them.
" Can...can I...go to the restroom,...please?" I asked with the little strength that I had left, my hands shaking despite my firm grip on the desk.
" Yes, go on." He said before continuing his lecture like nothing happened.
I quickly grabbed my bag and rushed outside. Dizziness overcame me. I run down the hallway as fast as I could. I couldn't breathe.
Every moment I passed with Lia came rushing back into my mind.
"I have some extra clothes."
"I like talking to you."
" I never had a friend like you before ".
" You're amazing, Hwang Yeji".
I brutally opened the door leading outside, running like crazy.
" I love you "
My knees gave in, I crashed onto the grass, tears rolling down my face.
I hugged myself, trying to calm down until my mind went blank. Until all I could think about was my need to breathe.
Once the tears weren't a waterfall anymore, once my panic attack was over, I tried to organize my thoughts. What was my next move? What could I do?
I was not going back to class, that's for sure. I needed to go to the hospital, I had to see Lia. Before I even made my final decision, my feet were leading me in the direction of the hospital. I started running again.
I arrived there, out of breath. I never run for that long of a distance in my entire life but I didn't care. The only thing on my mind was Lia.
The hospital was huge. I didn't know how to find her but if I had to open every door in this place I will but my best shot was still the front desk though.
On my way there I froze, Ningning and Yuna were there, talking to someone. Even if I would do anything for Lia I couldn't compromise her secret. I had no right to do so.
I hide for a bit, I could hear Ningning crying. My heart clenched, not because I felt empathy for Ningning (maybe a little) but because what happened to Lia was serious. My teacher words came back ringing in my head "a car accident ", " don't know if she will make it ". I closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. As I opened my eyes, Lia's father passed me in the hallway, I froze, he didn't even look at me, he went to the girls and quickly lead them to another hallway out of my sight.
I let out the breath I was holding. Even if he didn't know me I couldn't help but feel nervous.
" Can I help you? " asked a sweet voice behind me, startling me. I turned around facing a nurse.
"Uh... ". What should I say? What should I do? Panic arose inside me. " I'm a friend of Julia Choi...and I... ".
" OH " she interrupted " The poor girl, so tragic. You came to see her, right? Do you know exactly what happened? " I shook my head "Her parents didn't have the time to tell you, I get it, they just asked you to come".
My heart had never worked as much as in that instant.
" What I can tell you is that she had a car accident. Against a truck. It's a miracle she is still alive, to be honest. But anyway, you already knew that I suppose "
A truck. Oh my...no. Lia, please be ok.
" Anyway, she had multiples surgeries since she came in. She has an important traumatic brain injury. I don't want to get into specific details, it's really complicated but her parents or her doctor will explain it better to you and in more simplistic terms. As for now, sadly, she is in a coma ".
" A...a coma? " No, no, no...no. Lia, please no. Tears began to make their way down my cheeks.
" I'm sorry for telling you such bad news. To be honest with you, we don't know if she's going to wake up at this point" She sympathetically smiled at me, the beeper at her waist started ringing " I'm sorry I need to go now, go to the front desk they will tell you the room ".
She left, leaving me in the empty hallway with a busy mind and a racing heart. I leaned against the wall and slumped slowly onto the floor, crying.
She was in a coma.
NO, Please wake up. Lia, wake up.