The problem with having a secret relationship was that you couldn’t without attracting attention to your secret relationship say no when your manager tells you he’s flying in from New York to see you and he wants to see you that day for business, my day with Jasmin had to be sacrificed and she was perfect about it, she didn’t do what I would have done, no sulking, no ranting just the promise of a good time the following week. She was more of an adult than I was that’s for sure.
I sulked about my house on the Tuesday evening kicking furniture, punching pillows and throwing bits of paper like a kid.
At least it would put my daughters off the scent I reasoned with myself, I had a fear they would just show up now and find us together. Since Hailie’s little discovery those girls had never called me so much, never showed up for random visits so often. I have to admit the game of cat and mouse with them amused me no end and plus the extra baking they were doing for me was not to be passed up. Poor Hailie and Alaina were dying to question me but they couldn’t quite pluck up the courage whereas as Whitney, bold as brass had asked me outright about Jasmin as I knew she would and I was ready for that exact moment. As soon as she asked I whipped out of my wallet a prepaid voucher for the tattoo she’d been banging on about for months, Kim had said no and at the time I’d backed her mother one hundred percent but the kid was over eighteen now, so I didn’t feel bad about it at all and next I did the mature thing and pretended I didn’t hear her much to her disgust.
I knew they’d be back as a group en masse at some point to tackle me but the longer I could avoid it the better as far as I was concerned. Sure as shit I wasn’t getting away with not talking about Jasmin forever though.
Wednesday morning I did a lot of stomping, stomped around the house, stomped out to my car and stomped through the studio grunting good morning to anyone I stomped past. I stomped straight out to the games area and sat staring at my Pac- Man machine until I heard Paul’s loud ass voice booming around the studio. Doing nothing to improve my mood.
“Good Morning Butthead” he greets me and I have to stop myself from snarling at him, instead I grunt and stomp behind him into the office.
“Did you arrange this deliberately for today?” I ask, spinning annoyingly in my seat. Paul laughs “Ahhh the infamous, get your dick wet Wednesday! No not deliberately but I would have if I’d thought about it” he’s an asshole.
I watch as he gets various bit of papers and folders out of his bag laying them out on the table, groaning at the realisation any hopes I’d had for a swift exit were lost now.
“Speaking of Wednesdays Marshall, I hadn’t realised that was still continuing, last time you mentioned her was when you and Denaun went at it”
I grunt in response. None of his business frankly.
Paul pushes a piece of paper across the table towards me “She needs to sign that.”
Fury builds inside me when I pick it up noticing it’s a non disclosure agreement, I rip it up and throw the pieces back at him “No” we’ve been doing this a year, if she was the kind of woman to sell me out she would have done it by now. If I asked her she’d sign it, I know she would but she’d then question if I trusted her.
I didn’t want her to do that so there was no way after all this time I was doing that to her.
He stops and looks at me before pulling a smaller piece of paper out of his pocket and pushing that towards me too, it’s a copy of the receipt for the truck I bought “I only realised you were still seeing her after expenses ran this through me. $125000 Marshall on a fucking truck for some slut you barely know, she signs the NDA or I’ll go after her”
My eyes narrow “Go after her! Can you hear yourself? You’ll leave her alone.” It’s takes only another second before I lose it thinking about his implied threat to Jasmin, I’m sick of this bullshit “I am a grown man and if I want to spend money on somebody I will and she is not a fucking slut” my voice gets higher and higher as I get towards the end of my sentence.
“YOU WORK FOR ME. I DO NOT HAVE TO RUN ANYTHING BY YOU, I’LL SPEND MY MONEY HOW I SEE FIT AND WHY THE FUCK IS SOMEONE CHECKING MY PRIVATE PURCHASES?” My fists slam on the table as I stand, screaming across the table at him, I’m willing to bet everyone in this block heard me too. Paul looks shocked momentarily but enough is enough, this treating me like a child stops here, today.
“Marshall calm down, I’m looking out for your best interests here” he tries to placate me by speaking quietly and slowly. I know he is, he’s always protected me and I owe him a debt of gratitude. I trust very few people with my life but he’s one of them.
“It’s a lot of money to spend on a truck and normally you would call me asking if you have enough when you make big purchases” he’s right, I do, do that. I have asked for his validation in the past on big purchases but I’m not having this thrown back in my face, like I’ve committed some crime by spending money that wasn’t my own to spend. I sit, sighing not quite knowing where to start with this whole thing, mess whatever any fuck wants to call it.
“It’s not a normal truck, it has a lot of modifications on it for her” I don’t want to discuss Jasmin and Jack with him but fuck now I’ve opened up that can of worms.
Paul sits back in his chair “Okay, tell me about it. If you want too that is”
I’m quiet, thinking. My quick anger from moments ago changed into something else now, not sure what though, maybe I do need to tell him how I feel, at least I know he’s discreet.
Letting out a longest breath I decide to just tell him “ Do you remember me telling you Jasmin is married? the only time she has free are Wednesdays. It started out as just meeting for sex and then I’d go back to work and now we spend practically all day together and sometimes the night too” I’m not explaining this right and that’s confirmed by Paul.
“So she cheats on her husband with you and you say she isn’t a slut?” he sounds confused, rightly so.
“The night I met her she was meeting a guy for sex, a guy her husband had picked out with her. The whole thing was Jack’s idea and she went along with it to keep him happy.” I’m not making this any better.
“I don’t get it Marshall”
“Jas and her husband Jack were in a car accident four years ago, they were both hurt badly. Jack is paralysed, he’s worse than paralysed but I can’t think of the word right now”
“Jasmin is his primary caregiver, she was a Doctor but for some reason she can only afford to hire a nurse one day a week to look after him so she can have a day off.” I trail off, thinking about how much professional care you could buy a person with a Pac- Man arcade game.
“So that’s where she got the mysterious scars, Sounds like they’ve had a tough time of it. So the truck is modified to get the husband into” he enquires quietly. Until he mentioned it I’d forgotten he was there that night Denaun and I had fought about her after I’d seen her scars the first time.
“Yeah, I met him and he was fucking mean to her. I understand he must be frustrated but to take it out on her was not good to see. He only left the house in all that time for hospital visits, I wanted to make her life easier and maybe help him out and it worked, they go all over the place now. Jasmin seems lighter if you know what I mean” I feel a little embarrassed exposing my softer side to him but he just smiles before grabbing the receipt and filing it in his folder “You did a kind thing for them, I don’t know how I would cope in his position”
None of us would know until you’re in it, doesn’t excuse being horrible to the one person fighting in his corner.
“How bad is he?” I shrug my shoulders before getting out my phone and scrolling back through months worth of Jasmin messages, I had asked her but she spoke in Doctors jargon and I didn’t understand, finding the message I read it to him “Jas said its a C4 injury” it means nothing to me, but Paul starts googling, fucking Google.
“Have you looked it up? See what they are dealing with?” no, why would I? I shake my head in response.
“You obviously care about this woman but you have no idea what she does on a daily basis for him?”
I realise I don’t “She cares for him” I sound like a broken record, I already told Paul this.
“Well let’s see, shall we” he’s changed his tune suddenly.
“Paul, she ain’t a cheater. If this accident hadn’t of happened she would never have cheated. She loves him and she’s told me time and time again that he comes first and she’ll never leave him”
“You’ll get hurt Marshall” he sounds sad on my behalf. Nodding tells him I’m aware of that fact.
“I know what I’m getting into Paul. I accept the fact it’ll end badly for me but she’s.... “ I can’t for a moment think of a word big enough to describe who Jasmin is.
“She’s extraordinary, I’ve never met anyone like her” it’s not a perfect description but it covers the essence of how I feel about her.
He’s not listening anyway he’s too busy reading whatever he’s found out about Jack’s C4 injury, he blows out a long breath “Shit Marshall” he shakes his head before continuing and now I want to know “Well, tell me. Is it bad?”
He nods “About as bad as it gets buddy, it’s the most severe of spinal cord injuries. He can’t move his arms, legs or trunk of his body?” he looks to me for confirmation and I nod “I’ve only seen him move his head.”
“Says here patient may not be able to breathe on their own, cough or control bladder or bowel movements” I’m sure I gasp I never even thought about all the kinds of things that statement implies, why would I? But maybe just saying somebody cared for someone didn’t quite cover what they actually did for another person. I was beginning to understand that now.
“Sometimes ability to speak is impaired or reduced. Requires complete assistance with daily activities such as eating, dressing, bathing and getting in and out of bed”
“I seen her lifting him out of his chair into bed before” I confirm to him, remembering feeling amazed at my petit girl lifting Jack and putting him to bed. “Does it say anything else?” I wish I’d taken some time to find out this information for myself.
“Just about sleeping, about turning the patient every two to three hours to prevent bed sores and that they need twenty four hour assistance”
“That’s why it’s costs a lot for the nurse, she’s a specialist?” I ask. “Yeah, it would seem so” is Paul’s short reply.
We’re both quiet within the office space, I never even considered any of that stuff and now Jasmin seems like a different person in my mind. A Saint.
“I think we’ll forget about all of this Marshall, no NDA and just make sure you don’t add to her stress. Don’t be an asshole to her because I will slap the shit out of you” he shoves his paperwork back into folders, he’s changed his tune pretty quickly.
“One more thing I want to meet her, today. Now” what the fuck I thought we were done.
“I’m serious, don’t make me go find her myself” he’s serious and I wouldn’t put it past him. I pull my phone out of my pocket, not sure what to think about this but if it puts his mind at rest about her being a decent woman and gets him off my back then it can’t hurt, surely.
I keep my eyes on him as he watches me find her number and dial “Hello Handsome” she sounds pleased to hear from me at least “Hey, umm can you come to the studio?” she’s silent, “I feel like I’m in trouble, are you going to spank me?”
Fuck me! Paul smirks at me “No spanking, Paul wants to meet you” I could not tell her and get her here under false pretences but I liked my balls where they were so honesty was the safest course of action.
“He thinks I’m a gold digging whore doesn’t he!” Christ I knew she’d think that. “No I think he wants to see why you put up with me and my tantrums” she laughs at me and I smile at my phone, frowning when I remember Paul is watching.
“We’re just on our way out to lunch, I’ll pop in on the way okay?” I’m so surprised she’s agreeing to this and a bit giddy at the thought of seeing her when I thought I wouldn’t that I totally forget Paul’s presence “I’ll warm Pac – Man up for you baby”
“You can fuck right off, see you soon” with those tender words she hangs up.
“That was disgusting and sickly” Paul screws his nose up in distaste “This is so much worse than I thought” he sounds very concerned.
“Why?”
“Because I didn’t realise you’d fallen in love with her, asshole”
I start to disagree with him but promptly shut my mouth, there’s no denying it. That’s exactly what has happened here.
Never had a friend like me.
By
Tupac Shakur