April, 1999
My classes had finally finished, and all my exams were officially done as of last week, which meant I was completely finished all of my school. Four years and I was finally fucking done. I couldn't believe it. Four years of absolute craziness, having a baby, getting engaged... about to be getting unengaged, it was insane. I couldn't believe how much my life had really changed from when I first moved here. I was only 24 when I started school, and now next month I'm about to turn 28. I mean, I have a full blown job when I get back to Detroit! And finally a place waiting for me that's just mine. I feel like I have finally grown up and become the woman I was always meant to be, which I felt so excited and positive about, but there was still one last thing I needed to deal with before I could completely spread my wings. Devon.
My graduation is technically supposed to be next week, but I'm getting the fuck out of here as fast as I can. It's unfortunate that I cant attend the one thing that I've been working so hard towards, but as long as I have that piece of paper, that's all I care about at the end of the day. Luckily, Devon's been 'working' late every day this week, so I've been able to start packing my shit in private. It was just small stuff I started packing and throwing into the trunk of my car, mainly stuff he wouldn't notice was gone, but today he was off working once again. It was just me and Isaiah all day, and I was packing the last of all my stuff. It was the much more noticeable stuff, like mine and Isaiah's clothes, Isaiah's crib, dishes, all of Isaiah's diapers, wipes, bottles, and anything else that I may have forgotten. Honestly, I didn't have that much stuff at Devon's outside of Isaiah's considering when I moved in he already had everything, but still, the shit that was mine I was absolutely taking with me.
So, all day I had been loading up my car with cardboard boxes, leaving only enough room for me and Isaiah. It was now 4:00 in the afternoon, and I was pretty much done. I hadn't thought about it until now, but Devon might be at work until 10 or later if he's busy fucking whoever he's fucking. I started feeling nervous because I really wanted to get on the road as soon as possible, and I didn't wanna be waiting around for him.
I do know he does technically work until 5:00 everyday, but after that who knows what he does? So, if I wanted to get out of here as soon as possible with those signed papers in hand, I was gonna have to go down to his work. Not the ideal situation, but hey, at least he cant beat me in front of his coworkers. To be fair, he's never once laid his hands on me, but I really don't know how he'll react to this, especially if we're alone.
So, I loaded up Isaiah into the back of my car and began my drive towards his office. I was full of so much confidence, and I really had all the faith in the world in myself. This was the right thing, and I was ready. I was done. I'm going back home to actually start my life with no ones help but my own. Honestly, I felt really proud. Twenty four year old Ti would never have been able to do this, but twenty eight year old Ti has had enough of this bullshit. I need to stop putting all my self worth and identity in these men. When they inevitably fuck me over, I'm always left even more broken than before and I've had it. I'm independent, I don't need anybody but Isaiah.
After half an hour of hyping myself up in the car, I finally arrived at Devon's office. I grabbed the thick stack of papers that were laying perfectly on my passenger seat and grabbed Isaiah from the carseat. I perched him on my hip and marched directly into that damn building.
I swung the door open and was hit with that awful smell of burnt coffee and ink from the printers. A few people who knew me greeted me, and I smiled back as friendly as I could like I wasn't about to go into that office and blow up Devon's 'perfect' life in front of all of these innocent bystanders.
Once I finally reached his own personal office, I yanked on the door. To my surprise, it was locked. I hitched an eyebrow up as I continued yanking on it a few times. "Yo one sec! One sec!" I heard Devon's familiar voice yell from the inside. I huffed out an annoyed breath and stood back as I waited. Eventually the door was slowly unlocked and swung open, to reveal Devon standing directly in front of me and a tall blonde woman sitting cross-legged at his desk. "Baby! What are you doin' here?" He flashed me I'm sure his most manipulative looking smile he could muster up.
I scoffed loudly and shook my head. "You're fucking disgusting." I shoved the papers hard into his chest. "I'm leaving. Sign these."
"Leaving? What the fuck?" A panicked but confused look ran across his face as he cranked his head toward the woman and then back towards me. "Leaving to where?" He quickly averted his eyes down to the papers.
"Leaving to Detroit. I'm moving back home. Sign those fucking papers now, Devon." I barked as harshly as I could as he furiously flipped through them.
"What?! Tiyana what the fuck are you talkin' 'bout?! You cant just leave, why the fuck would you leave?! What did I do?! What's goin' on?!"
I pointed towards the woman. "That's what the fuck you did, and god knows who else."
"WHAT?!" He yelled loudly, earning multiple heads to be turned in our direction.
"You come home smellin' like fruity perfume all the fucking time, you work late every god damn night, oh AND I found a pair of panties in MY underwear drawer that absolutely do not belong to me. Sign them!"
"Baby just talk to me, talk to me! I ain't done shit!"
"Sign them fucking NOW Devon!" My voice became raised and I stepped closer towards him to hopefully gain some sort of dominance over him. "Sign them or I'm going to the cops!" I yelled louder this time.
"What even are these Tiyana?! What the fuck is going on?!"
"SIGN THEM!" I screamed this time, painfully aware that everyone was watching us, some had even gathered a few feet behind us, but I didn't care.
"TIYANA-"
"NOW!" I pushed past him as hard as I could and stomped directly over to his desk, the woman's nervous and scared eyes glued to me the whole time. I yanked a pen from his holder and then stomped back up to him, grabbing the papers from his loose hold. I slammed them down on his desk and quickly flipped to the first page that I needed his signature on. "Sign it!" I held the pen out to him but he hesitated. "Or I swear to god I'm going directly to the fucking cops and you will never see Isaiah, me, or even this fucking stupid desk again!"
"What the fuck am I signin' Tiyana?!"
"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" I screamed once more and he nervously took the pen from me. His eyes were looking at me for some sort of explanation, but I just pointed towards the dotted line. He let out a choppy sigh and leaned over the desk to sign. I watched as his shaky hands signed his signature and once he was done, I immediately flipped to the next page. "Again." I stated and he signed once more. I flipped the page once again and without saying anything, he signed again. We repeated that process twice more and as soon as he crossed his last 'T' I yanked the papers from the desk and flipped them closed. "Have a great fucking life." I stated one last time as I marched out of the office.
"Tiyana!" He yelled from behind me but I just continued walking. "TIYANA!" He yelled again, but once again I paid him no mind. Once I reached the heavy glass doors, I shoved them open with as much aggression as I could and stormed back out to my car.
I was absolutely fuming as I put Isaiah back in his carseat, but he was just looking at me with the most loving and somehow happy eyes I've ever seen, causing me to crack a slight smile back at him. After I fully strapped him in I kissed his head and squatted down so I could reach his eye level as I took his tiny hand in mine. "Mommy loves you so much, baby. This is gonna be better for us, I promise." A big grin appeared on his face and he let out a little giggle in response. I laughed lightly back and stood up as I kissed his head once more. "Okay, let's go." I muttered as I shut his door and slid back into the drivers seat.
. . .
"Doody. Doody wake up. The planes landin' in fifteen." DeShaun said as he nudged my shoulder a few times in attempt to wake me from my hangover-induced-plane-nap. I groaned in response as I roughly ran my hand over my face. Fuck that Tylenol did not help at all. Should have known all those drinks Dre was feedin' me last night mixed with the ecstasy was gonna fuck me this morning. "Do you care if the car drops me off first? Sharonda called me this mornin' and said she's been throwin' up like mad."
"Yeah man, whatever." I grumbled as my shooting headache became worsened from the sight of the extremely bright sun. Why the fuck is the sun even that bright? This is Detroit, not fuckin' Mexico.
I closed my eyes once more and I swear only two minutes later we were all of a sudden landed. As we were ushered off of the plane, I yanked the hood of my hoodie low over my eyes and sauntered my way towards the car as I trailed behind the rest of the boys. We all loaded into the large SUV and I quickly closed my eyes once again. I tried my best to fall back asleep, but somehow the boys still had so much energy left in them and they were able to ramble on about the most pointless shit in the world. I eventually had to abandon any short nap I was hoping to take and just decided to try my best and engage.
We finally reached DeShaun's house and as we were stopped and waiting for him to take his luggage out of the back, I noticed a car parked in front of us through the windshield. "Is that Ti's car?" I cranked my head towards Von as I looked curiously.
He shrugged and looked. "I don't know. Maybe?"
"It's got New York plates..." I trailed off as I straightened myself in my seat to better examine the car. "Doody!" I yelled through the open door, but there was no response. "Doody!" I yelled again as I quickly undid my seatbelt and exited the car.
"What?" He looked at me confused as he grabbed his suitcase.
"Is that Ti's car?!" I pointed towards the black 1980 Toyota Corolla and he peered around me to inspect it.
"Shit, I don't know. Looks like it, but Sharonda never told me anything so I doubt it."
"Dude that's Ti's fuckin' car, I know it is." I said with absolute certainty and immediately began walking towards the door of the house, knowingly leaving DeShaun behind. I ran up the steps and quickly reached for the handle. I turned it without even thinking and it opened right up.
As soon as I stepped inside my eyes instantly landed on Ti sitting on the couch watching TV, with who I assume to be Isaiah sitting on her lap. Her head immediately cranked towards the door as she heard me step in, and both of her eyes went as wide as saucers. "Marshall..." She whispered in a clear state of shock.
"What are you doin' here?" I replied, just as confused.
She shook her head lightly. "I-"
"Is that DeShaun?" Sharonda yelled as she walked from the kitchen towards the front door, cutting Ti off. "Oh... shit." Her eyes also went wide at the sight of me.
"Yo." I jutted my chin out towards her.
"Marshall what the fuck is goin' on? We gotta go dude." I heard Denaun say from behind me. I turned in response to find both DeShaun and Denaun staring at me, while DeShaun was clearly tryna get through the door that I was still standing in the way of.
"It's Ti." I jerked my head in the direction of her.
"What?!" DeShaun yelled as he barrelled through the door, shoving past me with his heavy suitcase thumping behind him. "Holy fuck!" He yelled again as he laid eyes on her. "What in the fuck is goin' on?!" I moved out of the way as Denaun came up the stairs and into the house.
"I-" She sighed just as she started again and placed Isaiah on the couch so she could stand up. "Is everyone else here?"
"Yeah." Both me and DeShaun answered at the same time.
She nervously wiped her palms on her jeans. "Go get them. I may as well just tell everyone all at once instead of one at a time." I looked towards Denaun and he nodded in understanding as he went back out the door.
"Well fuck give me a hug! What the hell, Ti!" DeShaun said happily as he walked towards her with outstretched arms.
She laughed and I watched as they engulfed each other. "I missed you guys."
"Yo we missed you too!" He released her and immediately went to pick up Isaiah. "And I missed you more, lil' man!" Isaiah laughed as he tightly squeezed him and Ti's unsure eyes shot towards me. Fuck.
I sighed. "Come here." I walked towards her and wrapped my arms around her waist. Her arms immediately found their way around my neck and she secured them as tight as she could get them.
"I'm sorry." She whispered in a shaky voice.
I nodded. "We'll talk later." I heard her difficulty swallow against my shoulder before I released her. Moments after all the boys began to trail inside one by one. They all had huge smiles on their faces and engulfed her in giant hugs as they all happily greeted her.
After ten minutes of saying hi and saying how much they missed one another, we all made our way to the couch, a few wooden chairs from the kitchen table, and the floor. Deja vu hit me hard as I looked around at the room, bringing me back to the days we used to all sit around together in somebodies living room just hanging out with not a single care in the world. "So." Ti said as she took a deep breath. "I uh- I moved back home."
A million 'what's?!' came from everybody, including myself as all of our faces dropped and turned confused. Ti just nodded as everybody started spewing questions as fast as they could.
"Hold on, hold on, hold on!" DeShaun said quickly and loudly so he could be heard over everybody else. "What the fuck happened?!"
Ti nervously looked towards Sharonda as if they were having some sort of telepathic conversation. Sharonda nodded, I assume as encouragement and Ti brought her gaze back towards all of us. "So...okay." She inhaled a shaky breath. "A little while ago, Devon started working really late, which he's done before, but it was like- it was constant. He would come home at like 12am, and just reek of shitty perfume." I fucking knew it, I screamed in my head. "I questioned him on it, but of course he said it was nothin' and I was just overreacting." Uh huh. A cheater, a liar, and a manipulator. Nice work, Ti. "Anyway, a few months later I was getting dressed and I found a pair of panties in my drawer that didn't belong to me." He was bringin' these bitches back to THEIR house?! Holy fuck, I'mma kill him. "So that's when everything was solidified for me, and I knew I had to get out as soon as I could. I- uh, I called Sharonda, she found me a place I could rent on Concord, and then I waited until my finals were finished and I just... left."
"What do you mean you just left?" Rufus questioned.
"I mean I just left. Literally. I never said a word to him about it until all my shit was packed in the car and then I stopped by his work, created a whole scene so I could get him to sign a custody agreement, and then I was gone."
"You're fuckin' kidding?" Von asked in shock and Ti shook her head.
"Yo, Ti, you got some fuckin' balls on you, girl! Good job!" Bugz said proudly and everybody nodded their heads in agreement. I honestly couldn't believe she really had the guts to do that, that's so unlike her! The Ti that I knew would have never, in a million years, ever been brave enough to do that, but she really fuckin' did. She just up and left. Fuck I wanna just smother her in kisses right now.
She chuckled awkwardly. "Thanks. I don't know how I got so brave to do it, but I honestly think if I didn't have Isaiah I wouldn't have."
"Yeah, no doubt." DeShaun interjected. "Look at lil' DeShaun, savin' his mommy and shit. You a hero and you ain't even know it dude." He said again, this time to Isaiah in a high pitched baby voice as he was still cradling him in his arms. Isaiah started laughing hysterically and honestly, I felt my heart melt a little when I noticed his smile is the exact same as Ti's. Fuck, why do I wanna hold him? Get a goddamn drip, Marshall, that ain't your kid. You ain't got no business holdin' him.
We all laughed at DeShaun and his stupid baby voice. "So, anyway. I'm home now. I got a place on Concord, oh and I start my job next week."
"With the studio?!" I immediately piped up.
Her eyes shot towards me. "Yeah. I never terminated my contract with them, thank god."
"That's dope as fuck, Ti! What are you doin' with 'em again?" Denaun asked.
"I'm not too sure yet, I know it has something to do with choreography for music videos and whatever else, but yeah. I'm really fuckin' lucky, it pays way better than I expected so if I save up enough I might even be able to buy a house in the next few years."
"Oooh shit, look at you and Marshall becomin' lil' home owners." Swifty said jokingly.
"Right! I heard you bought a house!" She brought her attention back towards me and excitement danced throughout her words. "Where is it? Is it nice?"
I nodded. "Yeah it's tight, I like it at least. It's in uh- Oakland- Oakland Township."
Her eyes went giant. "Shit. Like the Rochester area?"
I nodded again. "Yeah."
"Our boy's makin' money money now, Ti. He ain't fuckin' with the East side anymore." Von said.
I laughed. "Man shut the fuck up, you know that ain't true."
"Well I'm glad you bought somethin'..." She trailed off. "Does Kim like it?" Her eyes returned to mine once more as he voice went quiet.
I shrugged. "Yeah, I mean what's not to like? It's fuckin' massive, so I barely gotta see her even when I'm home." I joked, attempting to alleviate the obvious sadness that was taking over her demeanour and everyone laughed again. Well everyone, except Ti. She just raised her brow and nodded.
We all continued talking about everything that's been going on, not just with Ti but also with us. I didn't realize how much she didn't know about the album, all of our time we've been spending out in L.A. and everything else we've been doing, so we got her all caught up with that. She was actually so proud and supportive, but I never doubted for a second that she wouldn't be. I mean it's Ti. All she ever does is be supportive. She's always been like that, and I also didn't realize how much I missed that. While I know I always got the boys' unconditional love and support, her's is just so different. I mean she's always been my number one fan. Fuck... honestly Ti. Maybe you shouldn't have moved back. This is just gonna make shit so much more difficult, I know it will.
After a few hours, Isaiah had fallen asleep and everyone was really tired from our long plane ride, as well as our big ass week we had just spent in L.A. We decided to call it a night, and we all called cabs to take us back to our houses, since our driver had dipped out a long time ago. I could call him again I guess? Nah, fuck that. We ain't need no fuckin' driver.
Ti was in the bathroom changing Isaiah's diaper quickly before she left, and I knew we needed to talk privately, but there was no way in fuck that was happening here. I sauntered over to the bathroom and quietly knocked. "Yeah?" She yelled and I gently creaked the door open.
"Yo." I jutted my chin out towards her as she wiped Isaiah's bum with a baby wipe.
"Hey." Her voice turned quiet.
"Listen, I gotta go home right now 'cause I ain't seen the girls all week, but whatchu doin' this weekend? We needa talk."
She sighed as she threw out the wipe and grabbed a clean diaper. "I know. Uhm, nothing. I should be home. Like I said I don't start work until next week, so I'm free."
I nodded. "Aight. I'ma come over on Saturday then, aight?"
"Yeah, okay. That sounds good." She trailed off. "Wait. Did you say girls?"
"Oh. Yeah. It's a long story, I'll tell you more about it later, but we're in the process of adopting Kim's niece, Alaina."
Her brows flew up into her hairline as she secured the new diaper on Isaiah. "Dawn's kid?"
I nodded again. "Yeah, that's her."
"Wow. Fuck. Thats... really nice of you, Marshall."
I shrugged. "Dawn's just on hella drugs right now, so I mean... I had to do somethin', you know?"
"Yeah, yeah of course." She trailed off into a moment of silence as she put Isiah's pants back on him. "Okay, well, I'll see you on Saturday then, yeah?"
"Yup."
She nodded and picked up Isaiah off of the counter. "Are you gonna yell at me? Should I get my mom to watch him for the day?"
I cleared my throat. "I don't know. I got alotta shit I wanna say to you, Ti. So, do what you think is right I guess."
"So yes."
"Nah, not yes. But I am angry, Ti, I ain't gon' lie. You fucked up a lot-"
"So did you!" She quickly interjected.
"Nah, shut the fuck up. We ain't doin' this here. We can say what the fuck we gotta say to each other on Saturday, aight? Just chill out."
She rolled her eyes. "Fine."
"Fine. I'll see you later."
"K. Bye." Her voice became riddled with attitude, but for whatever reason I just felt an overwhelming instinct to hug her again. Without hesitation, I wrapped my one arm around her neck so I wouldn't squish Isaiah who was perched on her hip. "Oh." She said surprised as she engulfed my waist with her free arm.
"I'm happy you're home." I mumbled against the side of her head. Without thinking, I left a quick kiss in her hair before letting her go. She didn't say anything back, but she didn't need to. Her shocked face told me everything I needed to know. "Have a good night. I'll see you this weekend."
"Okay. Bye."
"Peace." I said one last time before turning on my heel and making my way out of the bathroom, towards the front door where I quickly noticed everyone had left. After saying bye to DeShaun and Sharonda, I grabbed my bags and went outside to where my cab was waiting for me. The whole ride home, I was hit with a million and one questions. There was so many feelings bubbling up inside of me I felt like I could explode. And all I could think of was what I was gonna say to her on Saturday, and exactly how I wanted to say it. Fuck. I really cant believe this is real. She's finally home. Shit... shit. And just when I thought we were done for good, here we are.