It's the day after Jen and Brad found out about their miscarriage. They both hardly slept last night and they spent most of the night talking things over and crying. Jen wants nothing more to be reunited with her babies, but she also wants a little more time, just her and Brad to grieve before they have to put on their 'strong and brave' faces so the girls don't think there's anything wrong. Jen texts Courteney asking if it's okay if she comes and collects them this afternoon, to which Courteney obviously said okay to.
"It still hasn't sunken in yet" Jen says quietly as she comes out of the bathroom with her head facing the floor
"I know babe, I don't think it'll sink in for a while. How are you holding up?" Brad opens his arms up for Jen, and she climbs back into bed, snuggles down into him, burying her face in his chest
"I've just started to bleed, which means it's the start of it coming out of my body. Please just hold me Brad, and don't let go"
Brad's grip on her tightens as he can feel her start to cry again. He just knows that she's feeling even more emotional now that she's started to bleed and her body is getting rid of everything. He doesn't know what to say and he still knows that nothing he will say will make her feel any better, so he just holds her as tight as he can as he rubs her back up and down while leaving small kisses on the top of her head.
(Jen's P.O.V)
I've been wanting to ask Brad something for the past few hours but for some reason I'm really scared of his reaction. Deep down, I know he will be supportive but my irrational mind is telling me he won't.
"Brad... can I ask you something?" I look down as I ask him the question
"Of course you can, anything babe" He takes his finger under my chin and lifts it up so I'm looking at him
"Umm... would you umm- would you look at me differently if I said that, I umm- that I didn't want to have sex for a while?"
"What? Of course I wouldn't look at you differently Jen, how could you even think that?"
"Because we are married and part of a marriage is having sex with your partner, but... but I really feel like after what's just happened, I don't know when I'll be ready to have sex again" I start crying again, knowing our lives are going to be somewhat different for the foreseeable future
"Jen, I agree with you that sex is part of a marriage but after what you've just been through, I wasn't even expecting for you to want to do that any time soon. We have the rest of our lives to have sex babe and not having sex for a few months won't be the end of the world. I'll love you no matter what and I'll always support you in whatever you choose"
I don't want this to sound like I'm a 'sex addict' but I absolutely love having sex with Brad, it's one of the things that I live for. He makes me feel so unbelievably special and the pleasure he gives me is out of this world. Knowing that's not going to happen for a while because I won't be ready is killing me deep inside but I know that it's for the best. How can I proceed to enjoy something when I've just lost something so precious to me?
"What are you thinking about? You're staring into space"
"I'm thinking about you, my amazing husband. You are so supportive and I couldn't think of anyone I'd rather be with"
"You're so special to me Jen and I'll do everything in my power to help you get through this"
"You're allowed to grieve too babe and I'll help you through that too... you know what, I think I'm ready to go and get our babies now, I've missed them too much and I just want to bring them back and we can all cuddle up in bed watching a movie"
"That sounds like a perfect idea. Do you want me to come with you?"
"No it's fine, I'm going to talk to Courteney anyway"
<><><><><>
I'm just walking into Courteney's house and all I can hear are the girls laughing their heads off. Hearing them having so much fun makes a big smile appear on my face for the first time since everything happened. I walk further into the house and see the girls playing with Courteney on the floor while David is giving River some lunch. Courteney is tickling them and they are tickling her back.
"Look who's here girls" Courteney says pointing to me
"MAMA!" Both girls yell and start running towards me. I bend down, open my arms and they come leaping onto me. I hold them both so tight as I stand up and rest them both on my hips
"WE MISSED YOU MAMA" Ophelia shouts as she gives me loads of kisses on my face
"ME TOO MAMA, ME MISS AND WOVE YOU SO MUCH" Pollyanna joins in and starts kissing me all over. I'm trying not to cry at the amazing love my daughters are giving me
"I missed you both so much too, and your brother. Mama loves you all so so so much, my little sweethearts"
"I apologise that they are both naked but they insisted on being 'nakey'"
"That's totally fine. They have a weird fascination with being 'nakey'. They always run around the house naked and they always comment when I'm naked when I get into the shower or bath"
"These girls are so hilarious Jen, they are such a credit to you and Brad" When she says that, I give my girls so many kisses. I put them down and they run around quacking like ducks trying to get each other's bottoms
"Hey babe, is everything alright?" Courteney asks as I'm just standing there, staring into space
"Can we go somewhere private, I need to tell you something"
She leads me to a guest bedroom where we both sit down on the bed. I take a deep breath before I start telling her about everything that's transpired over the last couple of days and before I can even start explaining, tears are already rolling down my cheeks.
"Jen, you're really scaring me"
"Okay... umm, well the reason Brad and I wanted you to have the girls for the night was because I- I, on Monday I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. So on Tuesday, we went to the doctors to confirm it and when he did the sonogram, the- the b- baby didn't have a- a- a heartbeat, I had a miscarriage"
Tears are streaming down my face as I relive the horrible moment I've been trying so hard to forget. Courteney doesn't say anything, but she just comes closer to me and pulls me into a tight hug. I continue to cry and she's rubbing her hand up and down my back trying to soothe me.
"Brad and I just needed some time to process everything and if I'm honest, we still haven't. I can't believe it happened. I can't believe the love I had for something that I never even met and now I'm never going to get the chance to meet my little baby"
"It's okay, you don't have to say anymore. Come here honey" Court pulls me into a hug again and we both sit there for what seems like hours until I pull back
"Thank you for not questioning why we asked you to have the kids. As much as we wanted them to be with us, both of us didn't want them to see us upset and crying, because crying is all I've been doing"
"Everything will be okay Jen. You're so strong and I know you'll get through this. I know how hard it is to lose a precious baby but that doesn't mean that it'll happen again. I know you and Brad, you will both overcome this awful obstacle and in time, everything will get better"
"You're so amazing, thank you honey"
"No, it's no problem. If you need to talk, then you know I'm always here. I know what it feels like and I'll always be here to help and support you"
<><><><><>
"Come on girls, let's go home and see dada"
"Okay mama, let go" Both girls make their way to the front door, waiting for me
"First of all, you both need to put clothes on. You can't go outside all nakey"
"But mama, me not wat cwovs"
"You need clothes on baby. As soon as we get home, you can take your clothes straight off if you want to"
"Okay mama, me do that"
"Come to mama you handsome boy" I pick River up and give him a big squeeze and kiss his chubby little cheeks
Courteney and David help the girls to get dressed while I go out and buckle River into his car seat. The girls come running out, looking forward to seeing their daddy.
"What do you say to Nunu and uncle David?"
"Wove you"
"That's very kind baby, but what do you say to them for looking after you?"
"Fank you Nunu and uncw David"
"You're very welcome girls. Now, make sure you're both good for mama and dada when you get home"
"Me give dada big kisses when me get home" Pollyanna puckers up her lips to show us how she's going to give Brad kisses
"And me kiss mama" Ophelia says as she copies her sister
"You can kiss mama as much as you want my angels"
Courteney and David give the girls and River a kiss before waving us goodbye.
<><><><><>
"DADA, DADA" The girls scream as they run into the house, desperately trying to find Brad
"My princesses" He says as he runs over to them and scoops them up in his arms
The girls are giggling and kissing him all over, just like they said they would.
"Me wove you dada, so much" Pollyanna takes her hands and holds Brad's cheeks to get him to keep looking at her
"Oh I love you too baby"
"And me dada, I wove you too"
"I love you both so much, and I love your brother and your beautiful mama"
"Dada see Wiver"
"Come on then, let's go and give your brother hugs and kisses shall we" When Brad puts the girls down, the first thing they do before they go over to see River, is they take their clothes off
"Courteney said they insisted on being naked the whole time they were over there"
"What's with the girls and their fascination about being naked?" We both laugh as we watch the girls trying their hardest to take their clothes off independently
"I don't know but I love that they do. I want them to know it's okay to run around naked, I want them to perceive it as normal when they are young, but I have told them that they can only be naked around mommy, daddy, River, your parents, my parents and any of our close friends who look after them, so even though they are still so little, they know who they are allowed to be naked in front of"
"Mama, dada, hewp" I look down at the girls and I have no idea how they've done this, but they've got their arms all twisted in their underwear. I can't help but laugh and we both go and help untangle them
<><><><><>
Brad is downstairs making popcorn and Jen, the girls and River are all cuddled up in the 'big bed' as the girls call it, waiting for Brad to come back up so they can start watching a film.
"What film do you want to watch girls?"
"Memo mama"
"We've seen Nemo so many times, do you want to pick a different one?"
"No mama, watch Memo"
She gives in, wanting to make her children happy, so she gets up and puts the video in the video player. As she's climbing back into bed, Brad walks into the room with a bowl of popcorn, bottles of milk for the girls, soda for him and Jen and some melty snacks for River. He climbs into bed and the girls are in between him and Jen, with River laying on Jens lap.
"I wouldn't want to be doing anything else right now. Being here with my little family is all I need" Jen says as they all settle down, ready for a movie evening, all snuggled up in bed together