Eddy feels as if he were on the verge of tears...
Yet no matter how much he focused on the now unbearable pain in his chest, the tears wouldn't flow out like he so much wanted them to. He refrained himself from asking for help though, he didn't want Brett to see him that way. His tears stayed in his heart, as if there was a cork in his body that wasn't letting them let go freely.
The flight from Mexico to Las Vegas seemed almost endless, the vast view of the clouds and sky never seemed to change even after time passed gradually.
They figured Las Vegas would be a cool place to go to, considering how much they missed going clubbing and making irresponsible choices.
But Eddy couldn't relax against the seats of the plane, he couldn't even relax with the mere imagination of how Vegas would look like; with its bright lights and its interesting buildings, like the M&M Store. Eddy's thoughts were just too loud and frantic to overcome such things.
He hadn't spoken to Brett, but even with Brett being quiet and less annoying than usual, he made his subtle presence known with his cold fingers, which were latched onto Eddy's tightly. Eddy sighed. He missed the moments when they were warm and crisp, filled with the brim with life. What happened?
"You're thinking about it again, aren't you?"
Eddy turns to Brett, not looking at him in the eyes, focusing more on the leg that was bouncing slightly. He ignores him, he knew that if he answered they'd both end up making a scene in the airplane. He turned back to stare outside of the window, just how much longer until they arrived?
"Are you just going to block out the rest of the world and venture in your mind?" Brett continues, pressing his fingers harder into Eddy's skin. "Just how you did five years ago?"
"I never did that." Eddy sneered, rolling his eyes. He pulls his hand away.
"Really? Then why did—"
Eddy blocks his voice out, closing his eyes.
"Were you and Brett perhaps more than friends?"
Ms.Yang had tried to contact Eddy after that, sending multiple text messages and calling numerous amounts of times. But he didn't respond. He'd never respond.
-
He collapsed onto the bed.
Eddy really just wanted this trip to be over.
They arrived earlier than he had imagined. He half expected them to get to Las Vegas around midnight but they were there by eight pm. Great.
"You don't seem in the mood to do anything." Brett comments, crossing his arms in front of his chest and looks at Eddy with a raised eyebrow, a sly smile playing on his lips.
Eddy hums, closing his eyes. He just wants Brett to go away for a small moment. Just a few seconds.
Brett lays down next to him. The bed unmoving. He's too skinny. Not enough food in his system. He's so slim that the bed doesn't even dip when he crawls towards Eddy.
"I think you should take advantage of the time you have here. It's not everyday when you have a break of your normal lifestyle, you know?" Brett says, fixing his glasses to be further up his nose. He turns his head to look at Eddy, who was breathing in deeply through his nose, his hands were slightly shaking.
Brett places his pale hand on top of Eddy's, his grip firm and comforting. "I'll go with you. You'll never be alone, remember?" He whispers, moving closer towards Eddy to place a kiss on his cheek.
Eddy simply hums once again. His limbs were already comfortable against the sheets of the bed, and his head was already making its new home on the pillow it was resting on. He wasn't sure if he would be able to get up even if he wanted to.
"Come on." Brett whines, grabbing his wrist and trying to pull him up from the bed. "It would all be a waste if you don't do this. I would've been a waste!"
Eddy's eyes shoot open, and he's sitting up in a matter of seconds.
He'll break.
He'll break.
He'll...
Break. And Eddy will...
Disappear.
"Fine. Let's go." And he's putting on his shoes hastily.
-
He finds himself situated in a seat at a bar inside a club, his head dizzy by the unbearable sound of the bass of the music breaking his eardrums. Brett is next to him, giving him occasional smiles when he looks over at him. His skin looks so out of place in contrast to the darkness of the club, the rhythmic lights dancing on his body. He's pale, he's a snow kind of white.
Eddy can't seem to distract himself from his thoughts, even as he downs another shot of whiskey, all the liquor ends up doing is stir his stomach into an even bigger ball of nerves. There's people dancing around him, some wearing scandalous clothing and grinding on each other, and there's people like him who rather be alone.
He's had his fair share of club experiences: the result of being dragged by Brett multiple times during their early adult years. Nothing much has changed in that perspective. He's still able to be dragged by Brett by simple words, simple syllables. Brett didn't even have to try very hard to get Eddy to do what he wanted. It's always been that way.
Eddy wasn't very the drinking type, I mean, no one likes a hangover and he doesn't enjoy blaring headaches the next morning. He preferred staying home and watching a movie rather than socializing with people and having one night stands, he knew a lot of his friends would disagree with him on that. Well the few friends he has anyway.
"What are you thinking about?"
That's not Brett's voice.
He turned to look at Brett, but he wasn't there. He most likely went to dance, he always enjoyed doing that anyway.
Eddy then turns to look at a young man who was staring at him, a small smile on his lips and his wrist moving in a circular movement, spinning his glass slowly.
"Excuse me?" Eddy asks, raising an eyebrow towards the stranger.
The man chuckles, shaking his head. "My apologies. It seemed like you weren't here— mentally. You just look so sad." He chuckles once again.
"No no. It's alright." Eddy says quickly, and he averts his gaze down to the table, his empty glass shone brightly, reflecting the lights of the club. He hates socializing.
"Are you okay?" The man asks, his smile gone and replaced by a tight frown, his eyes were staring intensely into Eddy's mind and soul.
Eddy nodded.
The man hums.
They sit in silence, Eddy ordered another shot of whiskey to calm his nerves, of course it wouldn't work but the thought that it would was comforting enough for him. He downed the drink in an instant, staring into the table even more. The whiskey was cold. He moved a hand to trace circles on the scar on his arm. The mark. The whiskey sat in his stomach, he could feel the way it cooled his entire body, the bitter taste lingered on his tongue.
"What's your name?" The man asks, now turning his entire body to face Eddy. He casually rests his head on the palm of his hand, his other hand draped over the back of the chair.
"Why would you want to know?" Eddy retorts, scoffing a bit at the end of his sentence.
"You just seem like an interesting person." The man smiles at Eddy. "Mine is Oliver, may as well just tell you. You and I both know that we'll never see each other again." He takes a small sip of his drink, his face scrunching up a bit from the taste.
"Edward." The word comes out tougher than he intended, and it's left hanging in the air for a moment. Eddy doesn't care if he's already scared the man away, a part of him hopes so, he's done with this interaction.
Eddy had gotten so used to being around only Brett that he had almost forgotten how first conversations are meant to go. What was he supposed to say? What was he meant to ask?
"You don't look like you want to be here." Oliver comments, taking a long sip from his beverage, eyeing Eddy from his peripheral vision.
"I don't really. I was dragged here by a— friend." Resentment bled into his voice without him meaning to, and he's caught off guard by how his mood changed so drastically.
Oliver hums, crossing his legs and cocks his head to the side, scrutinizing Eddy like a piece of meat at a store. He smirks, and Eddy feels a bit awkward with the way he can feel his eyes scanning his body tenderly. "Are you sure you're okay?"
Eddy nods, maybe a bit too aggressive, but for some reason, he doesn't feel Oliver trying to seduce him regardless of the way he was staring at him only a few seconds ago. Maybe it's the aura the young man has around him, he doesn't look very intimidating, with light brown hair and simple everyday clothes on that consists of black jeans and a plain white button up shirt.
"You seem hurt."
Eddy raises an eyebrow, scowling at the man. "It's none of your business." He spats, annoyed at the whole interaction he's been having with some man that so happened to sit next to him in the relatively empty bar.
Oliver's eyes soften, frowning a bit. "So you're hurt." He whispers, and he's taking ahold of Eddy's hand, perhaps trying to comfort him of what Eddy thought to be invisible pain, he wasn't hurting.
His hand is warm, and his grip is tight. It reminds him of Brett, before—
He pulls his hand away. "I'd rather you not touch me."
"How old are you? You don't seem to be older than me." Oliver resumes to a casual conversation, not speaking of Eddy's behavior.
"Twenty five."
"I see. I'm twenty seven." Oliver chuckles a bit, but Eddy's eyes are glued to the table, the lump in his throat somehow bubbled up once again with a newfound attempt to suffocate him. His stomach is churning, but not because of the alcohol.
Eddy want to go home.
"Can I have your phone number?" Oliver asks. "You're not from around here are you? It would be nice to speak with you once again." He's reaching into his pocket and taking ahold of his cell phone, placing it in front of Eddy.
Eddy sighs, closing his eyes to try to relax his stomach. Is he seriously going to be sick in such a setting like the one he's in? He types his number into the phone nonetheless, sliding it back to Oliver who gives him a smile on appreciation.
This guy likes to smile a lot, he's noticed.
Almost like Brett.
"What are you going to do once you get out of this club?" Oliver asks curiously, handing his glass back to the bartender, turning down another cup full since he too isn't much of a drinker either.
Eddy shrugs, fiddling with his fingers.
"Well if you're not going to do anything, do you want to go get lost with me? We could just go where the world takes us to, maybe a park if you'd like." He continues.
However when Eddy is going to accept the offer, he feels a pair of hands on his shoulders. The fingers digging into his flesh gingerly, and he knows it's Brett without even a second thought. He's frozen in his spot, unable to speak, unable to even thinking anything.
"What were you going to say Eddy?" Brett whispers, and Eddy can feel Brett's smile radiating off of him, he can see how his eyes crinkle at the edges and how he's once again towering over him.
Eddy opens him mouth, looking down at the table once again, the fingers seem to be bringing blood now. "No thank you." He says quickly and Brett retracts his hands, pleased by the way Eddy is so obedient towards him.
Brett sits on the other empty seat next to Eddy, bringing his hands to cup Eddy's cheeks, he presses a chaste kiss on his lips. Eddy knew better than to go against Brett's word.
"But do you?"
Brett's words are only whispers, going through the deepest depths of Eddy's mind. The rest of the world disappears and he's left along with Brett.
"What?" Eddy whispers in return.
"Know better?"
Eddy stands up from his seat, blindly trying to make his way out of the club through the sea of people. He wants to go home. His vision is going black at the corners, he's afraid he's going to suffocate before even telling the truth.
"Edward!"
Oliver calls him, but Eddy makes no move to speak to him. He simply wants to get out and get some fresh air before he collapses dead on the floor.
No.
Dead?
"Edward! Will you respond to my text?" Oliver asks hurriedly, attempting to follow Eddy but he gets pulled aside by a woman wearing a tight dress, slurring her words together as she is clearly drunk.
Eddy doesn't answer.
-
"Why do you always act like this?"
Eddy says with a sigh. He's back in the hotel, laying on the bed. He's drowsy, maybe getting some sleep will do the trick for him.
Outside the window he can see all the tall buildings surrounding the hotel he had decided to stay at. They were all bright with their extravagant lights, dazzling prominently in Eddy's eyes. If he weren't so upset, he'd probably sit by the window and dream of going outside and screaming his worries to the world.
"Have you not worked it out yet?" Brett says, sitting next to him with a small smile. He brings his pale hand to caress Eddy's cheek softly, his nail slightly scraping it. His shoulders are still aching a bit from the earlier instance with Brett, he's just so tired.
"Worked what out?" Eddy says, disinterest laced within his voice, he really wasn't in the mood to have a conversation with Brett but he was also a bit scared of what would happen if he didn't.
"I'm a mirror of your mind." Brett whispers, "I act like this because you want me to do so."
Eddy quirks an eyebrow at him, not understanding what Brett was trying to tell him.
"Why did your hands become so cold?" Eddy whispers, his voice lost within his own body, his words come out more as a small plea, his own hand falling on top of Brett's, the one that's placed on his cheek.
"I think we both know the answer to that question, Eddy."
Eddy sighs, listening to the sound of his shallow breathing. An airplane soars somewhere outside and a child screams just outside the door to their room. He's thinking of what he should do, he wants to return home, skipping the last two places they had originally planned to visit, but he was holding himself back. He wants Brett to enjoy this trip as well, he really needs to stop being so selfish and thinking about Brett sometime.
"You don't need to hold back you know." Brett says, laying down next to Eddy and letting out a content sigh. However the bed doesn't move with him. Just like earlier. "We can go back home if you wish."
"Okay. Then we will."
Eddy feels his phone buzz in his back pocket, and he's almost one hundred percent sure it may be Ms.Yang attempting to speak with him once again. But when he pulls his phone out and looks at his phone screen, he's met with an unknown number who had indeed messaged him.
Did you get home safe?
He shakes his head, goes to the contact information and blocks the number.