Recap:
Bennett decided to leave the Musketeers and the others are handling as well as a bad breakup- crying into a tub of ice cream. But actually though, the three of them blew up in front of each other and are at each others' throats (the bad kind, not the kinky kind). Jordan is furious, Naomi is lost, and Declan is frustrated dealing with it and the other two. Now they have to face the last week of school until graduation. How will it be like for them now?
And that's all you missed on Glee!
- - - -
"Look, I know it's the last week of school and that this is a senior class, but you could at least hold out for a few more days and not skip school. "
The reason my first-period teacher said that was because of how much emptier the classroom is. Honestly, my graduating class should be given more credit seeing more people seem to be here than I had expected.
"Anyway, I have things to grade so... free period with a movie?" The teacher pointed at a student raising their hand. "And no, you cannot leave the class because the principal won't let me hear the end of it if I do."
Suddenly, the classroom door burst open to mark Jordan's grand entrance. He doubled over with his hands on his knees, gasping for air. To say he looked like a mess was quite an understatement. You know how bed hair can be cute? Yeah no, Jordan had bed hair but it looked like his hair was defying gravity and that he came out of a comatose instead of a good night's rest. His outfit seemed to be a collection of whatever seemed to be clean. A gray long sleeve tee with a mysterious stain on the collar, dark green plaid sweats, and colorful mismatched socks tucked into his sneakers.
Wait...
"Good morning, Jordan," our teacher greeted. "I admit I'm surprised, but I'm glad to see you're one of the responsible students who decided to- Are you wearing your pajamas?"
"No, it's a fashion statement," Jordan replied dryly. "Why can't all clothes be comfy so we can wear them in and out of bed?" Even when he was deadpanned, he managed to still throw in a joke.
"Jordan, take a seat. This is my first class of the day and I already know it's a long week," the teacher told Jordan who scoffed in response.
When Jordan turned to sit at his desk, he froze in place.
"What a damn coward," he snarled under his breath.
The teacher looked at him in confusion. "Excuse me?"
But Jordan ignored the teacher and went to sit down.
As the teacher set up a random movie, my classmates who decided to come to school talked about how they wished they didn't. In this class, there was no assigned seating but had individual desks organized in rows and columns, so the four of us would often sit together in a cluster of four desks to make a square in the back corner of the classroom.
But while Declan sat at his usual seat in that space, I sat in a different seat still at the back of the class- away from him, away from everyone else. Jordan, seeing this, also took a different seat at the back of the organization of desks. I ignored the quick glances our classmates gave us as their conversation topic went from skipping school to how the four of us have now become three but could barely be called three at all.
I glanced at the other two and saw them both looking at Bennett's empty desk. It felt weird. Everything felt weird. I hated it.
And so the rest of the class period was spent having a movie play with no one paying attention to it. Declan stared out the window as he listened to music through his earbuds. Jordan put his head down on the desk, probably catching up on sleep. And I looked back at my phone, mindless scrolling through nothing.
There was a snap of fingers. "Hey."
Looking up from the sound, I saw Jordan motion with his hand for Declan to sit at a desk next to him. In response, Declan rolled his eyes and pressed his phone to probably make his music louder to help him ignore Jordan.
Then Jordan looked at me (you know, the second choice) and did the same thing. I sighed and looked back at my phone to check again if the online story I was following will be updated.
"I didn't know you were cowards too," Jordan muttered.
Declan and I seemed to have been annoyed by that remark since we both simultaneously stood up from our seats to sit down at desks close to Jordan's.
Now, despite the three of us now sitting together, Jordan was quiet. Was he just lonely or just didn't know what to say?
For some reason, I said something to fill the awkward silence between us. "Someone rolled on the wrong side of the bed," I observed.
"More like fell out of," Jordan grumbled. "How are you two even... I don't know, presentable?"
"I asked my dad to drop me off at school," I explained. It was the last week of school and barely anyone would still show up, so I took the chance of being bullied right where he dropped me off, and people didn't bother to.
"Same here," Declan echoed before giving Jordan a once over. "What happened to you?"
"Let's say I was 'productive'-" having tossed up some air quotes "-last night and forgot that Bennett is no longer our chauffeur. My mom left for work early and I had to take the bus to school."
"Is that drool on your shirt?" I asked.
Jordan looked down at his shirt in surprise, then muttered a curse under his breath. "No, it's... sweat... from running... after the bus."
"If anyone else asks that question, I think you should just call it drool," I recommended him.
"I find it really unfair you both seem more put together than me. It looks like I was the one who got dumped from a bad breakup."
"If it makes you feel any better, at least you're not pretending to be listening to music," I offered with a shrug.
Jordan frowned. "What?"
I held up the opposite end of Declan's earbuds to showcase the input plug. "I noticed the earbuds weren't plugged into your phone unless this is some new kind of bluetooth earbuds design I didn't know about."
"Give me that," Declan grumbled, snatching his earbuds back and shoving the end into his jacket pocket. I would have been more annoyed if I wasn't amused by how embarrassed Declan looked.
Declan looked back at me. "Then why-" He stopped then said, "Well you're..." He faltered, not having a good enough comeback at hand.
"Alright, but how about you?" Jordan asked.
I shrugged. "Just because someone looks well doesn't mean they actually are."
Even I didn't realize how heavy my words were until they actually left my mouth.
"Is that all you wanted to talk about Jordan? Catch up a little?" Declan asked.
"Shut up," Jordan grumbled. "I just thought... I don't know what I was thinking."
"Maybe it's because you're still hungover. Or are you still drunk?" Declan countered. "How many bottles do you have inside your backpack?"
"Oh I'm sorry, I don't have alcohol. If I knew you wanted some, I still wouldn't have brought you any," Jordan assured him. "Seeing you drunk again would've been great. I'm sure you'd love for Naomi to see that."
"Why are you dragging me into this?" I asked dryly.
To my utter surprise, they ignored me. Who would've seen that coming?
Declan gritted his teeth. "You're lucky we're still in class or else-"
"Parking lot, afterschool?" Jordan finished. "Oh no, I'm so scared," he said mockingly.
"I've had enough of you," Declan told him. "I'm done having to deal with you. No wonder Bennett left me as-"
I abruptly stood up from my seat to walk back from my desk.
"Hey, where are you going?" Declan asked, my action having confused him enough to stop his tirade against Jordan.
I looked back at him to tell him the obvious. "I'm not a part of this, so why would I stay?"
Then that was it.
Declan and Jordan shared a look as if the anger between them just fizzled out into nothing. Then Declan also stood to go back to where he was sitting before and Jordan turned around in his seat to look at the front of the classroom where the movie was playing.
The school bell rang before the movie ended given the scattered groans of disappointment for the people who were actually watching it.
As people left the classroom, the three of us just awkwardly stood next to each other in the hallway. We all just shuffled in our feet, looking away from each other but not really moving. Even when we were in this kind of silent treatment of not wanting anything to do with each other, we didn't know what to do after having been stuck like glue for nearly a year. Everyone else as they walked by us in the hallway can tell the atmosphere between us was strange especially because Bennett wasn't with us.
But I still had class despite it being the last week of school, so I turned to walk away.
"Naomi, wait."
When I looked back, neither Declan nor Jordan were looking at me but away in the direction of the call.
Dominic walked past the two of them, smiling at me. "Hey, you're in that much of a hurry to get to class?"
"Yeah, I wouldn't want to ruin my perfect attendance," I responded back with a smile. I realized that it was my first genuine smile since what happened.
Looking back at the others, Dominic nodded to Jordan with a smile. "Nice outfit. Are you starting a fashion trend or is it pajama day?"
Jordan didn't say anything in response but just glanced away.
Dominic's smile faltered, but he still attempted to carry the conversation as he directed to Declan, "I'm glad finals are over now. Just a couple more days."
"Yeah, sure..." Declan muttered.
Dominic frowned. "Wait, where's Bennett?" He scoffed to himself, holding a smile. "Don't tell me he's skipping school. I thought he was better than that."
The three of us flinched at his words, especially since the last part was the final nail on the coffin.
Dominic looked between all of us in confusion. "What's going on?" He asked. "What's with the three of you?"
"Dominic, did you want to tell me something? Let's go walk this way or we'll actually be late to class," I told him as I began walking.
"Yeah, okay..." Dominic said, but he didn't move and instead still looked at Jordan and Declan. Then his eyes narrowed at them and the two of them mirrored back the threatening look.
"C'mon Dominic," I said urgently, tugging at his backpack.
The two of them turned to walk away, a noticeable distance between the two of them despite walking in the same direction.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, of course," I told him, forcing out a smile. "Why wouldn't I be?"
Dominic searched into my eyes. "Don't lie to me again, Naomi." It didn't sound like an order, but more of a plea.
I winced when he said that.
"What is with you four? And where's Bennett? You all seemed fine last Friday after our exams. What happened in the course of just two days?"
My throat felt dry. "You can say that... We had a bad falling out."
Dominic stepped forward to walk in front of me, stopping me from walking. "Did they hurt you?"
"No, they didn't," I waved off.
"Naomi, look at me," Dominic said, but I didn't look at him. "Did they hurt you?" he repeated slowly.
"We're all hurt," I forced out. Things were complicated as it is. I didn't want Dominic to be thrown in as well.
When I glanced back at him, Dominic wore a pained expression on his face. "I uh..." He rubbed the back of his neck as he looked to be thinking things over.
"Do you need anything?"
"A hundred bucks would be a good start," I considered.
"Naomi, really," Dominic told me. "I don't know how to go about this. But if you just want to talk, I'll listen. If you want to do something but don't want to be alone, I'll be there. If you want someone's face punched in, I'll do it."
I smiled once more at his words. "And the same with me," I told him. "But I'm really alright unless you actually have that hundred." He rolled his eyes at my remark.
"But I really appreciate it, Dominic, really," I told him sincerely. "Wait, so did you want to tell me something?" I asked him.
"Yeah," Dominic said, his eyes flickering for a moment. "I want to talk to you privately about it though."
"Ooh, is it Basketball Head out to haunt you?" I teased, chuckling to myself.
"No, this is important," he told me, cutting short the light mood I made for myself. "Let's-"
"Dominic?"
The two of us turned to see one of our school's counseling staff, Ms. Lana, stepping out of her office. I think she was new from last year, having replaced the old one. The last one wasn't much help since my freshman year. I don't know if this one is any help since I've given up trying to go to the school staff about my bullying.
"I was going to ask the main office to send for you, but this makes things easier," the school counselor told him. "We need to continue our talk from-" She stopped when she saw me then cleared her throat. "I'll write an excuse letter for your next class, but it wouldn't make that much a difference since it's the last week of school anyway."
Dominic looked at the counselor then back at me. "Yeah ok, I'll see you at your office."
Ms. Lana nodded then looked at me with a smile. "Naomi, I hope you're doing well. We've only talked a couple of times about your college choices. I'm glad that you got accepted to your first choice."
"Thank you," I told her. She stood there for a moment, still looking at me as if she was studying me. I shuffled between my feet, unsure what to do about it. Then she blinked and gave me a smile before going back into her office.
"Do you want me to repeat that soliloquy you said before?" I asked him. "How did it go again? If you want to talk, I'll listen. If you want to-"
"No, no," he quickly told me, wearing a smile. "That was in the moment. You can't possibly recreate the energy from it."
I frowned. "Is something wrong though? Why is the counselor asking for you?"
Dominic shrugged. "Maybe my check got through and they're making me valedictorian," he said with a smile. "I should go but let's talk about that thing later?" He asked, to which I nodded in confirmation.
I watched as Dominic gave me one more look back before he entered the counselor's office and closed the door shut behind him.
-
"Have you seen that those four aren't hanging out anymore? It only took now for Naomi to be alone. What do you think they got into a fight for?"
"Why does Bennett have to be gone? I wanted to have him sign my yearbook. I mean, I'd never actually ask him but I'd like to think I would."
"I don't know. I think Jordan looks pretty good in pajamas. And he's pulling off that bed-hair look really well. I wonder what the other guys would look like with bed hair."
That's what I heard practically the whole day, the last part more than the others. The confusion made sense after all. We have been close since the near beginning of the year and right after exams, one person is gone and the others aren't talking to each other. I was just surprised they weren't making more of a commotion about it.
Some person shoved their shoulder past me, having me stumble back. I held my shoulder, feeling a sharp but familiar pain. I turned around and shot the person a glare only to be met with the glare back, making me falter and look away in defeat.
I haven't had to deal with that for a while, I almost forgot what it felt like. I didn't think that they would jump me that fast, but I'm glad that at least some things stay consistent.
"This is my one and only warning- watch yourself or else it really will be your final week."
"You saved me some time because that was exactly what I was going to say. Actually down to the last word. Are you psychic?"
I heard this small exchange ahead of me in the hall, loud enough for me to hear it. I pushed past the crowd to see quite a sight to behold: Jordan and Declan vs Dominic and Raymond.
"It's the last week of school. Are they going to start a fight now?" Someone asked.
"Aren't they all seniors? Can't colleges revoke their acceptance offers?"
Another snickered. "Well, I don't care. Who do you think is going to win?"
I sighed to myself. "Great," I grumbled to myself. "What did Jordan start a fight for this time?"
"Actually it was Declan who started it," someone told me.
I frowned. "Harvey?"
He nodded to me. "Hey Naomi," he greeted before turning back at the scene. Then he quickly looked back at me in surprise. "Oh wait. What's with everything? Are the four of you really not friends anymore?"
"Long story. I barely have any energy left to even be here," I said.
"That's fair," he said with a shrug. "I should've just skipped this week. They already inputted the grades so our attendance wouldn't matter. They just make us stay in school so the school district can still earn money with every student that shows up. I could be working right now and getting my own money instead."
"How are you and Cameron?" I asked.
"We're doing great," Harvey answered with a smile before clearing his throat. "Um anyway, you think you should break them up before things escalate?"
"Why should I?" I asked. "They're their own people. One side wants to start the fight, the other side wants to continue it, and I'm not part of it in the beginning."
Harvey paused to think about it. "That's fair too. You're on a roll now."
"Doesn't that sound too heartless?" I asked.
Harvey shrugged. "Well, you did say you barely have any energy to be here." He managed a smile. "Better save it then."
I couldn't help but smile at that. "I'm going to go to my next class. Are you going to go?"
He shook his head. "Nah. I want to see if I can place bets with someone. Earn some extra cash to make up missing work today."
I continued pushing through the crowd seeing that I was already this far in and my classroom was down this hall. Some people moved to let me through, others shoved me away after seeing who I am.
"I never had a good feeling about you ever since you came here," Declan said. "I just wish I dealt with you sooner."
"I knew there was a certain charm to Dartwell's welcoming, hospitable nature," Dominic quipped. "And it wasn't like you had compliments surrounding you that gave out a 'good feeling'."
"Well it's not like you had anything good about you to begin with," Declan countered. "Who knows what you've actually been up to."
"Much better than you and I'd think people would take my word against yours," Dominic shrugged off.
Declan was about to snap back at him, but Jordan grabbed his shoulder to stop him. "Hey, you should seriously stop. There's already a crowd."
Declan jerked his shoulder away from Jordan's grasp. "Only now you decide to not jump on your impulses? At least I'm not being selfish about what I'm doing here. And I thought we're done with each other." Jordan narrowed his eyes at Declan, his hand now balled into a fist, but he didn't move.
Raymond scoffed to himself. "Whoa, what's this? You two had a bad breakup?"
"Yeah, this will be you and Dominic in a couple of months," Jordan told him. "Have fun while your honeymoon phase lasts." While Jordan formed a smile, Raymond's smile dropped at that.
Declan gritted his teeth. "You better not use this... thing happening between us as your chance to get closer to Naomi. I've seen the way you look at her."
Dominic frowned. "By 'thing', do you mean the fact you aren't friends anymore?" Dominic asked. "Then, by all means, you're right, I'll be using the chance to get her away from you. You will not hurt her again."
"Hurt her?" Jordan asked with a laugh. "Try checking again with the company you keep. Yeah, I'm talking about you, Almond."
"Who the hell is Almond?" Raymond said in disbelief. "And at least I have the decency to dress up in the morning unlike you and your, whatever you're wearing. Is that drool?"
Someone, please just throw me off a cliff. Why did they have to bring my name into this? They could've started their fistfight without bringing my name into this.
As if my plea was answered, a shove pushed out into the half-circle space the crowd made for the others. I looked back, throwing my hands up in disbelief for throwing me in the lion's den.
"Naomi," Dominic, one of the said lions, called out, "can you please explain to your ex-friend how stupidly paranoid he is about me and that he needs a reality check in thinking that he actually has a say in anything about your life?"
"Ex-friend," another lion, I mean, Declan repeated in disbelief. "Wow ok. Naomi, can you tell your... whatever he is about how shady he is in everything he says and does, and that he's a damn hypocrite given how much was able to snake back into your life?"
I was this close to yelling at them that I'm not a damn owl.
After having been bullied for a certain portion of my life, I can say that this may have topped in one of the most embarrassing things that happened to me. At least in the other instances, there was no real substance of their insults because there wasn't actually any truth about me from them. Even with rumors and gossip, my classmates were grasping at straws at best that let me be comforted by the fact they still can't know everything about me. But here, from an argument between these two, they forced me into being a part of it and spilled this about me for all to see and spread.
I exhaled. "I'd like to believe that the two of you have some level of intuition to know how to settle your arguments just as when you have started them."
"And like I said before," I said, looking at Jordan and Declan, "you're not going to drag me into your little pissing competition," I finished, directing it to both Dominic and Declan.
I narrowed my eyes at each and every one of them. "I'm not going to be a part of this, I'm not going to take sides, so stop using me as an excuse. We have one more week of school left. Either grow up and last a couple more days or fight away with your measuring tapes."
The crowd behind me "oohed" at my response and I whipped around shooting them a glare.
"Shut up! You want to be a part of this but you're not. Go find something better to do than giving them an audience." I exhaled. "And Harvey, please stop placing bets on this."
"But I put money on you!" He defended. "I think you're winning!"
I paused. "Oh, then thank you."
Turning back to the others, I was met with their dumbfounded looks because I knew they expected me to side with either of them. And that was the thing, I was going to lose regardless if I chose a side so I decided not to take any at all. I hope they don't feel so disappointed I didn't shred a couple of tears, pleading them to stop fighting for me as if I had any say in it or was part of it entirely.
And so, I walked away.
-
"How much do you think you'll get if you pitch your life as a reality TV show to some producer in Hollywood?" Lynn asked.
"Ugh, please don't," I told her, my head flat against the table.
"Fine, then I'll be in charge of it," Lynn offered. "You can get... 10% in royalties. I know, generous."
I sat back up from my seat. "Just promise me that you'll still remember me while you make it big in Hollywood," I joked despite the lack of energy in my voice.
The two of us chuckled at that, but it was forced, we both knew that we forced that chuckle out and it faltered away.
Lynn absentmindedly bent the straw for her iced coffee drink as she stared at her phone sitting on the table. My eyes then drifted towards my phone, also on the table, across from hers. We were here because our phones received the same message, one single message.
Brennan left each of us a text that read: I'm sorry.
Lynn looked at her phone, holding a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "Brennan lied."
I frowned. "About what?"
"Pick a model, any model," Lynn chimed. "I never got that date with a model."
I opened my mouth but didn't know if the reason Lynn said that was to be funny or not. I played it safe and said nothing.
"Why did Brennan do that?" Lynn asked me.
"I think it's because of Bennett," I told her. "Because Bennett left."
"So Brennan left without explaining anything either. The Frazier siblings sure have a lot in common," Lynn said. "Did Brennan not care enough to tell us anything? And to go so far as to cut all ties with us?"
"I don't want to believe so, but... you tried to call her too right?"
Lynn nodded. "Yeah. Sent straight to voicemail. I think she blocked us. It would be easier than immediately declining the call every time we tried." She then frowned and asked, "But then why did Bennett do that?"
I shook my head. "I don't know."
"When I said he was mysterious or whatever, this is not what I meant."
Her attempt to lighten the mood fell short. Lynn then said, "And now you, Jordan, and Declan aren't on good terms."
"To put it lightly," I corrected.
We fell quiet once more when I forced out, "I'm sorry."
Lynn frowned. "For what."
I shrugged pathetically. "I don't know why Bennett did that, but I introduced you to Brennan and now Brennan cut you off too. I know it doesn't make sense but-"
"You're right, it doesn't make sense," Lynn told me. "You don't have to... apologize for introducing someone to me. She cut you off too. And she decided to cut me off."
"Are you angry at Brennan?" I asked her.
Lynn shook her head. "Maybe it was because of her brother. But I'm not angry, just hurt that she chose to do that."
"Yeah, me too."
"But how are you in all of this?" She asked me.
"I..." I faltered for a moment, trying to find the right words. "Do you know what Bennett told me? That I'm in charge of those two, some kind of glorified babysitter."
Lynn sighed. "Why do men..."
I shook my head, chuckling a bit at her remark.
"But I just can't deal with it anymore," I confessed. "If they're like that, if we're all like that. I want to do something to fix it, but then I get annoyed about why I have to be the one to do it. I want to get away but then I hate myself for wanting to. Why does it feel like I have to be the one fixing things when they're fully capable of it themselves? Is it because I'm a woman? Because I really am just going to be the babysitter?" I chuckled bitterly to myself. "I'm just a bad person. A bad friend. Isn't that stupid... selfish?"
Lynn was quiet for a moment. I didn't know what more I could say to her, so I waited until she spoke up.
"You know what my mom said when I came out to her?" Lynn asked me as she stared down at her drink. "She said I was selfish... selfish for not thinking about them."
My hands were balled into fists. "But you aren't."
"Well, it depends on your perspective," Lynn said with a sigh. "Don't get me wrong. That was gaslighting at its finest and I won't forgive her for that."
Lynn then reached out to hold the top of my hand. I was surprised by the action, and my hands, still balled into fists, relaxed.
Lynn looked at me. "But if it's considered selfish to be who I am, then I don't think being selfish is a bad thing."
My eyes widened, realizing her point. "We always think that being selfish is a bad thing, but what matters is the reasoning behind it and what perspective you're looking at it."
"To put it more eloquently," Lynn finished.
I smiled. "To put it more eloquently," I agreed.
"I didn't realize I needed this conversation and needed to know this until now," Lynn told me. "I... I know that you didn't know what to do when you found out I am bulimic." I couldn't help but tense at the word, the guilt of not being able to do anything rising in me.
"I thought you were going to burst in saying that I should stop, you'll help me, I'm better than this- just being my savior." Lynn's hand, still holding mine, tightened. "And if you did, it may sound like you're helping, but it wouldn't really. I know that I should stop and I know I'm better than that, but after being rejected by everyone and even rejecting myself... I didn't need another rejection. "
I shook my head. "I wanted you to be the one to reach out to me, but I still feel awful for not being able to do anything. I wanted you to go on your pace, not mine." I pursued my lips together. "So is this you reaching out?"
Lynn nodded. "Yes, this is me reaching out. Thank you for waiting. I know you have been trying. If you would've pushed me, I honestly know that I would've run away." Lynn looked at me, her eyes bright. "I've been getting better. Only a little bit but-"
"No, there's no but's. You're getting better. And just know that I'm here for whatever you need me to do. Even if it's to listen."
Her shoulders visibly relaxed at my words. "I always knew by being bulimic, I was selfish to myself on two fronts. Selfish in hurting me how it was, but also in helping. Helping in some sick, twisted way because it was an alternative to worse things." Lynn gave me a soft smile. "But after talking to you about all of this and understanding what selfishness can be, I decided to be selfish again and take better care of myself from myself."
And so we talked about everything, from the beginning to the end. It was a conversation just for the two of us. The conversation was scary, startling. While our voices were soft, the topic itself was ear-piercing. But it was also awkward and sad because it was real. And yet, we still held hands to make sure we were still there.
In the end, Lynn had to leave first. Before parting ways, we pulled each other into a hug.
"Thank you, Lynn," I said. "I know what to do now."
"Thank you, Naomi," she told me back. "Because I know too."
-
I sat across the table from them, my arms folded across my chest, giving them a narrowed stare.
While Jordan and Declan had met my eyes, their gaze drifted down to the table.
To stare at the stack of papers on top of the table.
Declan took a deep breath. "Why did you have us come meet you here, Naomi?"
"And why do you have the contract?" Jordan asked quietly, slowly. "Don't tell me..."
"It's exactly what you're thinking," I told them, forcing my voice to stay steady.
"I'm ending the contract."
Those words brought the same impact as what Bennett said when he said he was leaving us. Jordan and Declan froze at my words. Even saying that felt like a punch to my stomach.
"Dammit," Jordan said, putting his face into one of his hands, chuckling bitterly to himself.
Declan shook his head, both of his hands balled into fists. "No, you're not going to-"
"Before you go on thinking you can tell me what to do," I said smoothly, "I wasn't finished talking."
"I read this contract again," I began, picking up the papers from the table to look at the title page. "It was a weird type of nostalgia. Not a good nostalgia, but not a bad nostalgia either."
Placing the contract back down, I looked back at them. "You act as if ending the contract is the end of the world, the end of us."
"Isn't it?" Declan asked. "That's exactly what ending the contract means."
"And that's where you're wrong," I told him with a smile, a smile that didn't reach my eyes. "How much did we actually follow the contract?" I asked them.
But before they can defend out an answer to my rhetorical question, I answered, "We shouldn't have to use a contract to dictate how we feel and what we should do. We were able to function without it controlling everything we do."
"You call this functioning?" Jordan asked with a scoff.
"I'll get to that," I told him. "What I'm saying is that the contract is holding us back. But it isn't the clauses physically holding us back. The contract is symbolically holding us back mentally about our concept of friendship."
I watched the gears begin to turn for the two of them.
"Can you explain more?" Jordan asked quietly.
I was surprised. "I didn't think you'd want to hear about it."
Jordan was quiet for a moment then exhaled. "C'mon, give me some credit. I know that contract was impulsive. I can at least own up to that."
"We don't need the contract for three reasons. First, the existence of the contract is hurting you, Jordan," I told him, reaching out to hold his hand. "You feel guilty about it. You think the contract, and therefore you, forced us together. You shouldn't be, but you are. Then fine, the contract was just a temporary way to connect us, but we don't need it anymore."
"I..." Jordan faltered, looking down at our hands being held together. He deserved to hear more, so he can better understand.
"I thought about what it means to be selfish. People usually see selfish as a bad thing. But if you aren't selfish for yourself, if you don't take care of yourself, then you won't be there to care for others too." My hand tightened around his. "So I'm sorry for pushing you, for calling you selfish like that. That was wrong of me. There's nothing wrong with being selfish, for being the good kind of selfish, Jordan."
Jordan was staring down at my hand holding his before he looked up back to me. Then he smiled that warm, familiar smile of his. "Okay, I get it now."
I glanced at Declan who was looking down at Jordan and my hands. When he looked at me, he averted his eyes. Clearing his throat, he asked, "What was the second reason?"
"We twisted the contract from its purpose. It was supposed to be a small thing, a small joke, but then it got bigger than Jordan had intended to be." When I looked at Jordan, he nodded in confirmation.
I flipped to the page of the contract meant for the case when we wanted to end it. It held four lines, each for our signature.
"So it's healthier if we just end it now. We don't need the contract. We'll be fine without it."
"But to end the contract, we need all four signatures," Jordan pointed out. "So what should we do?"
A small smile formed on my lips. "And that's the third reason why we should end the contract." The two of them frowned in opposition to my smile.
I leaned back in my seat, my arms folded across my chest. "I don't know about you two, but I hate that Bennett got the last word in. Don't you find it unfair?"
When I said that, I saw the flicker in their eyes as they realized it.
"Yeah," Jordan began slowly, a corner of his mouth twitched. "I don't like thinking how he's probably sleeping peacefully in his silk sheets while we're moping around like this."
"And he did break the contract by doing that to us," Declan said. "But we all know that there is still the chance that he's in trouble. How do we know if he's not hurting like us?" Declan asked.
"That's exactly it, Declan," I told him. "We don't know because he didn't trust us enough to even tell us."
Declan's eyebrows furrowed together. "Right... How can we give him the benefit of the doubt when he doubted us too?"
I looked down at my hands, playing with the hem of my sweater. "I know I was the one who started this before, but after hearing it outside of my head, it feels selfish and wrong too, right? It makes sense but it still sounds unfair."
"Life is too short to not be selfish," Jordan muttered, echoing the same words I told him before. My eyes widened in realization.
"Life isn't black and white, it's gray," Declan said.
"That should've been my line," Jordan said with a scoff, but when Declan apologized, the two of them cracked a smile.
"But Bennett hurt us, on purpose," Declan told me, bringing me back to stand behind my thoughts. "He may have a reason for it, but it doesn't make up for the fact that he hurt us. And we shouldn't have to suffer like this because of what he decided to do," Declan said firmly.
"So we're going to end this contract and have Bennett be the last signature," I told them. "And when we see him again, we're going to get the last word in."
We all stared down at the piece of paper, of the four signature lines, only three of them were filled.
There was only one more signature left.
~
There was a moral to this chapter, and maybe a theme for the overall book which we will see in the later chapters: the concept of being selfish. I thought a lot about the analysis that Jordan was singled out as being selfish. Then it made me really think, is it always a bad thing to be selfish? We always see the act of being selfish negatively when someone uses people. So that must mean we value selflessness, like when a hero risks their lives to help others (my hero academia let's go, I caught up the anime and manga). But if that "hero" isn't selfish enough to still take care of themselves, then they won't be able to save others.
So I really hope the message and point of this chapter and what is happening doesn't go over everyone's heads here. Bennett hurt them. That's an undeniable fact. There's no "Bennett can be hurt too" and "he did this on purpose". It is a fact that he hurt them regardless, selfishly, and now they're hurting themselves and each other. They deserve closure, they deserve to be selfish and look out for themselves against each other, against Bennett.
And it's especially the fact with Naomi. If my friends are fighting me and each other constantly and wouldn't listen to me- yes I'm going to be annoyed and want to distance myself with them. There's no "but she's supposed to be their friend" and "they'd help her too so she shouldn't be like that". They are almost grown adults (like they're 18) but their conflict resolution is crap acting like children. She doesn't have any obligation to help them if they will barely listen to her and that they'll all hurt each other.
It's. Ok. To. Be. Selfish. And. Care. For. Your. Physical. And. Mental. Health.
They are being toxic to each other and themselves. There's no "but they used to be nice and happy with each other". This is literally one of the reasons why victims can stay with their abusers- because they believe that they can come back to how it was before. Now I'm not saying they're being abusers, just friends having a pretty bad falling out, but these are the things you need to consider on a case-to-case basis. This is something I want you to understand and apply to the real world. Especially about being in toxic, abusive relationships. You might think the smut stuff is hot but it isn't. You can enjoy reading books about them but you shouldn't follow that lifestyle and seek for those relationships. You KNOW what book I'm talking about.
I don't want to put a book down because I myself am a writer, a Wattpad writer, but I cannot condone books with toxic relationships. I'll say it. I don't condone After. "But Rubix, the main characters love each other and even though they constantly are hurting each other they also heal each other and-". No, it's glorifying toxic relationships and that's a fact. You deserve better, so much better. I know readers who are older now, who love and defended After before until they actually had gone through toxic relationships and saw they aren't how the book made it out to be. You think it's hot to be physically, mentally, sexually what to do? At least BDSM has the decency to make a contract, make things consensual, and have safe words lmao. You are not obligated to make the bad boy good, that's their own job. You're individuals who value your time together.
Edit: I was told that the author does condone toxic relationships. I'm not commenting on her writing but what she is writing about and how she is writing, not by grammar/syntax, but by choice. The author can still condone toxic relationships but they should still not romanticize/write them in a way that readers (young in age or romance experience) will desire it. I have read book and comics that show toxic relationships intentionally but still have the maturity and experience to know not to pursue them. It's difficult to push the message of not condoning toxic relationships when your book still romanticizes them in such an extreme way that appeals to impressionable readers.
Just imagine if I, a writer with a platform of anti-bullying, really pushes in romanticizing bullying. I don't actively do that because I focus more on the harsh reality of bullying to the body, mind, and relationships, and I'm proud of my readers who are able to understand and discuss about the "gray morality" of bullying and other forms of abuse.
Like I'm almost about to cry. I want you to be happy and safe. Please, please believe me in this. I love you and want you to be safe. Domestic abuse cases are on the rise because of quarantine.
If my man so much as hits me and/or degrades me, Imma dropkick his ass and leave. Say it with me! Dropkick! Dropkick! Dropkick! Bout to have 5'1" 120 lbs girl dropkick you.
And it's ok to still read books for the plot or the smut scenes so long as they get better as individuals in their relationships. We love character growth and self-love and respect. If you got those kinds of recs- drop them (but not dropkick them) and also explain stuff you learned from those recs!
And one of my biggest regrets is not being able to put Lynn more into the story sooner. I'll have her have more of a place in Broken Glasses and I'm excited about it. But, Lynn still has more to do here in TGGBB2.
Also.
School sucks and I don't have the time to write because of weekly lab reports.
And planning on switching Jordan's and Declan's because I forgot how birthday ages work per grade since I'm in uni and I loved the idea of Jordan being the youngest so.
Declan December 28 Capricorn, Jordan June 7 Gemini, Naomi March 14 Pisces, and Bennett September 22 Virgo.
Anyway, check out Broken Glasses Chapter 12 when it comes out because I have a pretty cool surprise in that author's note. Check out the sneak peek here:
Rubix