There is a chapter before this one so if wattpad brought you to this one, read the one before, now continue.
35
Controlling your emotions is so easy when the person causing them is not in front of you.
You feel strong, able to move on and get on with your life without that person. It's like your self-control, your self-esteem recharges. It takes days, weeks, to regain that strength.
But it only takes a second to destroy it.
The moment that person appears in front of you, that your stomach turns, your hands sweat, your breathing quickens, your strength falters and it is so unfair after it has cost you so much to build it.
Ares Hidalgo is in front of me and a single look from those eyes that I love so much is enough to weaken me. The very presence of him overwhelms my senses. However, I fight against my heart, against my emotions, against everything he awakens in me and I keep my head up. Because my life has become so complicated because him, his indecisions, his instability. I've had enough, I don't want any more problems with my mom.
"What are you doing here?" I am surprised by the coldness of my voice and he is, too.
He raises his eyebrows, "Won't you let me in?"
"Why should I?"
He looks away, smiling, "I... just... May I come in, please?"
"What are you doing here, Ares?" I repeat my question, my arms crossed over my chest.
His eyes fall back on me, "I needed to see you."
My heart races but I ignore it, "Well, you saw me."
He puts one foot on the door, "Just... let me in for a second."
"No, Ares." I try to close the door but I'm not quick enough and he walks in, forcing me to take two steps back. He closes the door and takes a drink from the bottle. I can only say something that I think will scare him, "Mom is upstairs, I just have to call her to come and get you out."
He laughs and sits on the couch, puts the bottle on the small table and rests his elbows on his knees, "Your mom has a shift today."
I furrow my eyebrows, "How do you know that?"
He looks up and a mischievous smile forms on his lips, "You think you're the only stalker here?"
What?
I decide to ignore his answer and I focus on trying to get him out of here before Yoshi arrives and the third world war breaks out, maybe if he says what he came to say, he will leave, "Okay, you're already in. What do you want?"
Ares runs his hand over his face, looking so sleepless, tired and drunk, "I want to talk to you."
"Speak then."
He takes another long sip from the bottle and lets out a great breath of air, he opens his mouth but closes it again, as if he doubts what he means. I'm about to tell him to go away when those lips I've kissed open again to utter two words that will take my breath away:
The two words he least expected to hear from him, not now, not ever.
"I hate you."
His tone is serious, his expression dead cold.
The statement takes me by surprise, my heart sinks in my chest and my eyes burn, but I act like it doesn't affect me, "Okay, you hate me, understood, is that all?"
He shakes his head, a sad smile dances on his lips, "My life was so fucking easy before you, so manageable and now..." he points at me with his index finger. "You have complicated everything, you... have ruined everything."
My heart has already hit rock bottom, tears cloud my vision, "Wow, you really know how to make someone feel bad, you're coming to my house to tell me that?" I think you better go.
He wags the same finger he used to point at me, "I'm not done."
I don't want to cry in front of him, "But I do, go away."
He takes another drink of tequila, "Don't you want to know why I hate you?"
"I destroyed your life, I think you already made it clear, now get out of my house."
"No."
"Ares..."
"I'm not leaving!" He raises his voice, standing up, "I need this, I need to tell you. I need you to know why I hate you."
I clench my hands at my sides, "Why do you hate me, Ares?"
"Because you make me feel. You make me feel and I don't want to. I don't want to be the stupid guy drowning in booze because he can't get a girl out of his head."
That leaves me speechless, but I don't show it, he continues, "I don't want to be weak; I swore not to be like my father and here I am, drunk, being weak in front of you. You make me be like him, you make me vulnerable, and I hate it."
I let my anger dominate my words, "If you hate me so much, what the hell are you doing here? Why don't you leave me alone?"
He raises his voice again, "You think I haven't fucking tried?" He lets out a sarcastic laugh, "I've tried, Rachel, but I can't!"
"Why not?" I challenge him, approaching him.
And here comes the hesitation, he opens his mouth and closes it, clenching his jaw. His breathing is heavy, and so is mine. He turns his back to me, messing up his hair again.
Even drunk, he can't say it, huh?
"Ares, you have to go."
He turns enough to face me, his eyes on the ground, "I thought this shit was never going to happen to me. I avoided it so much and it happened anyway, and I don't know if this is what it feels like but I can't deny it anymore..." he turns completely towards me, his shoulders slumped, defeated, his blue eyes full of emotion, "I'm in love, Rachel."
He stops breathing and my mouth opens in a big "O"
He grins to himself like a fool, "I'm so fucking in love with you."
My heart flips, leaving an electrifying feeling in my stomach, did I hear it right? Did Ares Hidalgo just say that he is in love with me? He didn't say he wanted me, he didn't say he wanted me in his bed, he said he was in love with me. I can't say anything, I can't move, I can only watch him. I can only see how those walls of coldness fade in front of me.
And then, I remember... the story, his story.
The memory is blurred but his words are clear, he had found his mother in bed with a man who was not his father, and his father had forgiven the infidelity, Ares lived it all, saw everything. His father had been his pilar, seeing him weak and crying must have been a heavy blow to him.
He doesn't want to be like him... I understood, that doesn't justify his actions, but at least it explains them a little.
My mother has always told me that everything we are depends a lot on our upbringing and what we experience in our childhood and early adolescence. Those are the years when we are like sponges that absorb everything.
And then I see it ...
The guy in front of me is not the cold, arrogant jerk I first spoke to through my window, he's just a guy who got off to a rocky start. A boy who doesn't want to be like the person he used to look up to, who doesn't want to be weak. A vulnerable boy. An angry boy, because he doesn't want to be vulnerable, and who wants to?
To fall in love with someone is to give all the power to a single person to destroy you.
Ares laughs nervously, shaking his head, but the joy doesn't reach his eyes, "Now you don't say anything."
I don't know what to say.
I'm too surprised at the route this conversation has taken. My heart is on the brink of collapse and my breathing is no better.
Ares turns his back to me, muttering, "Shit," he rests his forehead against the wall.
I react and a laugh leaves my lips. I laugh openly and Ares turns to me again, confusion obvious on his face.
"You're... crazy..." I say with a laugh, I don't even know why I'm laughing, "Even your confession was unstable and crazy as fuck."
"Stop laughing," he orders, approaching me seriously.
I can't, "You hate me because you love me? Are you listening to yourself?"
He doesn't say anything, he just grabs the bridge of his nose, frustrated, "I don't understand you, finally, I have the courage to tell you what I feel, and you are laughing?"
I clear my throat, "I'm really sorry,"
I think it was nervous laughter.
His seriousness wobbles from him and a crooked smile forms on his lips, "You did it."
"What?"
"Do you remember what you told me in the cemetery that time?"
"What do you want?"
"Something simple, that you fall in love with me."
I smile helplessly, "Yes, and you laughed at me, who's laughing now, Greek God?"
He tilts his head to the side, watching me, "You got me, but you also fell in love along the way."
"Who said I'm in love?"
He approaches forcing me to go back, my back finds the door and without escape, he leans over me, putting his hands against him at the door, caging me between his forearms. He smells of alcohol and that delicious mixture of expensive perfume and smell of him. I swallow, having that perfect face in front of me.
"If you're not in love, then why did you stop breathing?"
I release a breath. I have no answer to his question and he knows it, "So why does your heart beat so fast when I haven't even touched you?"
"How do you know my heart is racing?"
He takes my hand and puts it on his chest, "Because mine is."
Feeling the racing beat of him in my hand makes my heart flutter. He rests his forehead on mine, and I close my eyes feeling his heartbeat, holding him so close.
When he speaks again, his voice is soft, "I'm sorry."
I open my eyes to meet that infinite sea of his eyes, "Why?"
"For taking so long to tell you what I feel."
The hand that I have on his chest, he takes it with his and kisses it, "I'm really sorry."
He draws even closer, his breath mixes with mine and he knows he's waiting for my approval, when I don't protest, his sweet lips meet mine.
His kiss is soft, delicate, but so full of feelings and emotions that I feel the famous butterflies in my stomach. He takes my face with both hands, and deepens the kiss by tilting his head to one side. Our lips move in perfect sync. God, I love this boy. I am so fucked.
He stops, but he keeps his forehead on mine, I breathe and speak, "First time."
He turns his face away from him a little to look at me, "First time what?"
"It's the first time you've kissed me and it's not sexual."
He shows me his teeth in that ridiculous arrogant smile that suits him so well, "Who said it's not sexual?"
I give him a murderous look, and he stops smiling, a gloomy expression appears on his face, "I have no idea what I'm doing but I just know that I want to be with you, do you want to be with me?" He observes my face in detail, looking scared of my answer. And that somehow makes me feel powerful.
He has come here, and he has exposed himself to me, I can make him happy or destroy him with my words.
I open my mouth to answer but the sound of the doorbell interrupts me.
Yoshi!
Shit!
Ares looks at me, "Are you waiting for someone?"
"Shhhh!" I cover his mouth with my hand and force him back, away from the door.
The doorbell rings again and is followed by Yoshi's voice, "Rachel!"
Shit, shit, shit again!
"You have to hide," I whisper, releasing his mouth and pulling him by the arm to the stairs.
Ares lets go, "Why? Who is he?"
His accusatory tone does not go unnoticed, "This is no time for jealousy, come on, go."
Have you ever tried to move someone taller and stronger than you? It is like pushing a huge rock.
"Ares, please." I beg him, before Yoshi calls my mom and everything gets worse, "I'll explain later, please, go upstairs and don't make noise."
"I feel like a lover when the husband arrives," he jokes but starts to walk upstairs.
When he has disappeared on top of the stairs. I fix my hair and go to open the door.
I hope everything goes well but I already have three things against me: One, Yoshi knows me well, he knows when I'm lying or when I'm nervous. Two: The bottle of Tequila is still on the table in the living room and by the time I remember it, it's too late and three: Ares is drunk which makes it almost impossible for him to be patiently silent upstairs.
Virgin of the abs, help me, don't fail me today!
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Author's note: I have no words so I'll just walk away quietly haha
Hope you enjoy the chapter. It's one of my fav.
Ariana G.