Eddy watched unamused as Brett snorted up a bit of his cookies and cream milkshake after he had a laughing fit. Desperately clawing at his stomach in order to stop but he couldn't, he could only laugh harder and run out of breath quicker.
"Now come on you idiot." Eddy mumbled, hastily handing Brett a napkin to which he gladly look to blow his nose; he would admit, it did burn a bit. Eddy's frown remained on his face as he watched Brett compose himself- or at least tried to- long bangs covered his hair as he took a deep breath and finally calmed, turning to Eddy with a small smile on his face.
"You're so uptight Eddy." Brett whispered, sighing a bit. "You should loosen up. You can't live your life being boring and lame, that would just be a waste of a life." He continued, reaching to grab a French fry, dipping it into the ketchup container before bringing it to his lips. Chewing slowly, he turned to Eddy. Who watched him with low interest, he knew he only wanted to leave the small diner already.
Brett opened his mouth to speak once again. "What are you thinking about?" He asked when he swallows the fry, pushing his glasses further up his nose to see Eddy clearly.
Not clear enough.
Eddy shrugged, looking down at the untouched food that sat in front of him. It was greasy food, the oil always made him feel uncomfortable in a way. He preferred to not eat, something he's been telling himself for a while now. Brett wasn't having it though, he could feel the energy the other gave off from the other side of the table.
"What are you thinking about?" Brett asked once again, bringing his hand to rest upon Eddy's, who quickly pulled away like he always did.
Brett frowned. Eddy turned away.
He could feel Brett's gaze on him, he could feel the way he twisted his hands nervously in his lap and even how his breathing accelerated a bit, waiting. He always seemed to be doing that nowadays. Waiting for Eddy to say something- anything, maybe even spare a glance at him. He would do anything for Eddy. Absolutely anything.
"You ask me what I'm thinking about?" Eddy says, finally looking at Brett through his long, thick eyelashes. His eyebrow raised.
Disinterest.
Brett nodded.
Eddy turned his head away again.
Brett sighed.
"I tell you that I'm thinking about..." Brett whispers. "Whatever you're thinking about.."
Eddy shakes his head at the sudden reference, the lyrics ringing inside his head, he knew them but he didn't open his mouth to finish them. He remained quiet for the rest of the meal, and so did Brett. It was unbearable in Brett's opinion. The silence. The look Eddy gave him. Everything that was sending waves of exasperation and anxiety through his body.
Disinterest.
Eddy stood from his side of the booth, his hand going to the back of his jeans to fish out a couple of notes to place on the table, catching Brett staring at him.
Brett looked away, standing as well and followed Eddy to the exit of the diner, head held down and Eddy already knew the game he was playing at without even having to look at him again.
"Have a nice day!" The waitress said on their way out, waving goodbye with a forced smile on her face, giving Eddy a weird look that Brett didn't miss.
Eddy nodded and held the door open for Brett, who pushed through and was met with the warm wind on his face. The anxious feeling disappeared from his senses, being replaced with utter happiness. "Sunshine personality."
"Eddy?" Brett called, tagging behind Eddy who was already making his way to the car at the end of lot.
Eddy stopped and turned to look at him. Of course not in the eyes, he knew he couldn't bring himself to, for then it would be possible to see the lie. His lie. The one Brett had created so many years ago for the sake of their relationship. For the sake of Eddy himself.
He gave Brett a rough, dry, "Yes?" His eyes remaining with the essence of disinterest and annoyance, his hands shoved inside his pockets.
Brett smiled. Shaking his head. "You're unbelievable Eddy." He says, not even trying to hide the playful tone in his voice.
Eddy rolled his eyes, turning on his heel to go to the car, but the warmth had already started to spread, starting from his face. It remained there the whole way to the car, and remained the whole ride home. He didn't pull away from Brett's cold touch, simply let it happen.
Thoughts swarmed in his head, and he couldn't help but turn his head slightly to look at Brett, who wore a grin on his face and was humming lightly to the song he had been referring to back in the diner.
The smile spread on Eddy's face, and by the time he realized it had, he was too late. Brett had seen it, and now he knew he wouldn't be able to push it off his face. Not for a while. "I thought you didn't listen to pop?" He teased.
"It's not my fault TikTok is corrupted my mind with these awful songs." He shot back, crossing his arms in front of his chest while pouting his bottom lip out.
There was a moment of pure silence, both staring at the road in front of them and focusing on the sound the vehicle made while driving. Blurs of green stormed in Brett's eyes as he watched them pass the fields and he sneezed a bit, it was allergy season and it tended to get bad if he didn't take any medicine for it.
Eddy on the other hand was disinterested at looking outside at all, keeping his gaze firm and straight towards the road. It was grey. Black. Never green. Never anything else. He's gotten used to the lack of color in his life but he knew it was his own fault for making his world like this. His own fault.
"I'm thinking about..." Eddy starts, nearing a stoplight and takes this opportunity to turn his body a bit, to face towards Brett who was listening attentively to him, the grip on his hand becoming tighter the more he continued. "thinking about the mistakes I've made."
Brett hummed, the red light switched to green, indicating Eddy to go back to the road. But Brett saw the doubt and the meaning behind Eddy's words, he saw the man from five years ago. The same man.
"I'm sorry." Eddy whispered and Brett was quick to shake his head.
"You don't need to be Eddy.." Brett responded, making sure to look at Eddy the whole time regardless of the fact that Eddy was paying attention to the road for both their safety. "You can never hurt me."
Brett shut his eyes for a second. The answer came to his head immediately. "Day?"
Eddy chuckled. It was a game they both played, when their emotions couldn't be put into words or they were unable to even get them out there in the first place.
"Sunday." He responded, his smile grew a bit more as he saw Brett's reaction.
"Sunday is the worst!" He screeched, and Eddy laughed.
There it was again.
In his chest.
The warmth.
The desire.
He was grateful Brett's hands were cold for once, if they weren't, he was sure he'd faint.
-
Eddy closed his eyes as he leaned his head back on the soft cushions of the couch. His body drifting from the floor for a minute, or so he felt like it was. He hadn't felt his rested for a while, he hadn't felt the pressure leave for this long.
Brett watched, smiling a bit, as he drank from the small apple juice carton in his hand.
Eddy stirred, slowly opening his eyes. "You can't just stare at me like that." He grumbled, rubbing his eyes clean from the sleep. Brett laughed lightly, looking down at his hands and Eddy frowned at him. The television was on to some lousy channel neither of them were even paying attention to, much more preoccupied with their thoughts.
"I feel like you want to say something." Brett whispered, extending his long legs to the floor, and he stood. He went to the kitchen, where he threw the now empty juice carton in the carton, hoping he'd make it inside the can.
Eddy watched as he missed by a centimeter, and Brett kicked it under the can since he was too lazy to pick it up and throw it properly even though he was already so close to it.
"Why do you think that?" Eddy mumbled, not taking his eyes off Brett as he sat down next to Eddy once again, noticing how he held his knees close to his chest and how he bit his finger nervously.
"It just feels like you do."
Eddy sighed. "I was just thinking of personal things, that's all." He said simply, not wishing to continue the conversation any longer but Brett didn't seem to get the hint of that, and if he did then he most likely decided to ignore and push like he always did.
"What personal things?" He asked, leaning a bit closer to Eddy's shoulder until eventually he just let his head drop onto it and closed his eyes. Eddy always had this scent around him, he wasn't sure exactly what it was but it was a bit nostalgic in a way. Memories of weird arcade games and sloppy pizza cling to his skin, memories of when they were young. But he smelt nice, and he was one to like nice things.
Eddy looked over at Brett, bringing a surprisingly shaky finger to comb through his black hair. He did this softly, scratching his short nail through his scalp just enough to bring sensation. "I'm afraid that if I'm not careful enough with you, that you'll break and disappear from my life." Eddy whispered.
Brett snorted, laughing against Eddy shoulder as if he just said the best joke in the world, and in Brett's opinion- he did. "Oh Eddy, you're unbelievable."
That's when the ringing from Eddy's phone cut through the mood they both shared, bringing Eddy's attention towards the device that was on the coffee table in front of them, ringing mercilessly with the basic iPhone tone.
Sighing, he stood, taking ahold of the phone and turning towards Brett. "Sorry." He mouthed before answering, putting his phone next to his ear and mumbling a small, "Hello?"
"Hi Eddy! How's my buddy doing?" An overly cheerful voice sounded from the other end of the phone, putting Eddy into a bad mood almost immediately. It was too familiar to another person he knew, way too familiar and way too annoying. It was Ray, an old friend of both Eddy and Brett whom they knew very well, but lately he's been pushing him away, hoping he'd get the hint and disappear from his life.
"Fine." Eddy answered stiffly, almost hanging up after saying that when Ray could sense it.
"Hold up man! I just wanted to ask you something!" Ray exclaimed before Eddy could hang up, to which Eddy groaned and massaged the bridge of his nose with his fingers to. He was tired already, all he wanted to do was relax and maybe watch a movie with Brett, all these annoying people honestly.
"Spit it out."
Ray coughed, trying to clear out the awkwardness that somehow started to form in his throat. "It's just that your birthday is nearing and I was wondering if you'd be doing that thing you've been wanting to do for basically your whole life. Your birthday is two weeks away and maybe you can continue on with it- you know..."
Eddy sighed, sitting down on the couch next to Brett, who was staring at the ceiling with his head hung back and his hands nearly folded in his lap.
"Look." Eddy started. Ray held his breath. "I don't think Brett wants to do it-"
"What do you want Edward?" Ray interrupted, his tone raising higher and a much more angry aura started taking his body, surprising Eddy since Day had always been a chill person. "Think about what you want Eddy! Brett isn't-"
"If you called me just to yell at me and not accept my decisions then why did you even call!?" Eddy yelled as his response, not holding back at his now very obvious annoyance before hanging up and throwing the cellphone onto the coffee table again.
Brett pricked up at the sound of Eddy huffing, looking at him through the lenses of his glasses, which by the way seemed to have gotten dirty somehow with smudges he didn't even remember making. He took them off and breathed a bit in them before wiping the lenses with the sleeve of his jacket. "What was he talking about?" He asked curiously, looking at Eddy who was just a blob in his vision now, since he was still cleaning his glasses.
"It was just Ray." Eddy sneered. "Him and his stupid personality. So damn pushy, these are my decisions, does he not understand that?" He frustratedly sighed and closed his eyes, done with the world completely. Everyone was so exasperating, and Eddy wasn't in the mood to be dealing with all of it. He ignored the incoming calls of possibly Ray, who continued to spam him with both messages and calls, he was about ready to block him and never speak a word to him again.
He felt a cold hand on his wrist.
"It's about the trip, isn't it?" Brett said knowingly, seeing how the familiarity in Eddy's eyes shone, meaning he was right. "You can still do it. I'm sorry if I'm holding you back in a way-"
"No Brett. Of course you're not holding me back, you're the least person to ever do that. It's just that- it feels so weird to do it now with everything that's happened. It was meant to be a celebratory trip, to see different places and taste new food, it was a way of telling myself that I earned this. I'm going to turn 25 for Christ's sake! But now.. I feel as if I'm not even celebrating anything at all. I've done nothing with my life you see."
Brett hummed along, listening to every pause and every word Eddy spoke, making sense of it all in his head like he always did. Eddy had a way with words that really painted the scene for him, maybe that's why he's so attracted to him. So.. attached.
"Well.." Brett started. "Maybe it doesn't need to be celebratory. You can come back with the promise to fix it all Eddy. You don't need to live up to society's standards, you know that. You're really letting your insecurities in the way? That's not the Eddy I know."
Eddy chuckled at the last part, opening his eyes towards Brett who had a smug look on his face. This meant trouble. Trouble always seemed to start with Brett and that shit eating grin he was able to plaster on.
"You think I- we- should do it then?"
Brett nodded, and that's all Eddy needed to hear, or to know rather. He stood, taking Brett's hand in his. His fingers clasped tightly around Brett's. Warm and cold. Eddy shivered as he lead Brett into the apartment, skipping passed the shut room at the end of the hall and going to his own bedroom.
Soon enough, his laptop was open and he was purchasing tickets to the places they had previously already decided on. Places both had always wanted to go to, they always wanted to do this. Maybe the past events wouldn't be able to stop them from doing so after all.
Brett smiled and Eddy couldn't help but return a smile too. Trouble always started with Brett. That wasn't always a bad thing.
"You know I love you, right Eddy?"
Eddy hummed, carding his hand through his black hair once again. Slowly. Softly. "Too harsh and he'll break. Everything will break." He repeated in his head.
"I love you too Brett."