"If you were better... things would've ended differently..."
Eddy jumped from his restless slumber, mind awakening in a second; lungs giving up on him. Attempting to calm his breathing down, his hands searched for the blue tube-like medicine he had on the nightstand. His body was caving in on him, not letting him breathe, not letting him think. After spurting some of the foul tasting formula into his mouth, his mind seemed to work for a moment, bringing him that sense of clarity.
Not clear enough.
He panted, hands shaking as they settled over his knees, trying to regain at least a bit of composure yet not being able to since the panic never left his senses: it only made his heart beat faster and louder.
He couldn't calm down. Not after the dream he had. The same one he's been having for five years straight. He should be used to it, he will admit, he should be used to the nights where he either didn't sleep or when he did, it would only be a torture for him in the end. He really should be used to the amount of panic attacks he received on a daily and the way Brett being around him didn't make anything much better.
The panic aura stirred a sleeping Brett, who was supposedly sleeping next to him in the bed. Dressed in a loose plain dark blue t-shirt and some grey sweatpants. The typical outfit for an introverted "old man", as Eddy liked to tease him by.
"Eddy?" Brett whispered, sitting up, hands subconsciously coming to try to rub the sleep out of his eyes, adjusting the glasses on his face.
Eddy mentally slapped himself. How could he be so stupid? Everything was fine, he was with Brett after all. Brett was everything. Nothing bad or terrible could happen to him with Brett sleeping soundly by his side. He's just overreacting, overthinking like always.
"Sorry for awaking you." Eddy croaked, still not being able to push the panic out of us voice, which didn't go unnoticed by Brett who was now looking at him with a gaze that said; "Again?"
Brett sighed, taking a hold of one of Eddy's shaking hand into his own, grip tight and secure. "It was that stupid dream again, wasn't it?" He said matter of factly, he didn't even need to hear Eddy's response to know that he was right on his suspensions. He was always right on anything Eddy needed, after all he was his best friend for years before finally becoming his boyfriend, time flies.
Eddy nodded, not giving any more information and simply shivering at Brett's cold hand which was pressing harder into his skin. His hands were always cold now, which only let Eddy remember, oh how he remembers, how they were the warmest thing ever at a certain point. What happened?
"I'm here Eddy." Brett said, trying his best to be able to comfort his boyfriend. "I'm not going anywhere, I'll always be here."
Eddy nodded, giving him a small smile before falling back upon the pillows, letting the warmth of the sheets overtake his mind and soul completely. His body was tired of the feeling of suffocation.
"I'm not vulnerable." Eddy reminds himself before going back to sleep.