Chapter 40
Season 6, Episode 12-15
Yelling was all that could be heard through the house this morning. Meredith and Derek have been having a big fight, I'm not sure what about, but I think it has something to do with Webber and Derek wanting his job. I've only picked up bits in pieces when passing by their bedroom door to get to the bathroom.
Every time Meredith or Derek picks up another stray for this house, I don't think they think about the privacy needed in a marriage. I would move out but I don't know where else I would go in Seattle for such cheap rent. Instead, I sit in my lovely kitchen with a cup of coffee, trying to ignore the yelling that can be heard from upstairs. I'm surprised it hasn't woken up Alex yet since his room is right beside theirs.
I risk looking down at my phone to check for messages. I haven't called Izzie since Thanksgiving and part of me still hopes she'll call me back. I scroll lazily through my phone with sleepy eyes until I notice a new notification. Just a simple text from Izzie saying I'm coming home.
I'm not sure what to make of the text, so I head upstairs and toward Alex's room. I don't bother knocking and push open the door.
"Alex, I got a-" I start and instantly regret not knocking as I see Alex lying in bed with a woman, thankfully they're both asleep and under the covers. He rolls over with a groan spotting me in the doorway. "Uh, Izzie's coming home."
"What?!" The woman shoots up from the bed, very much awake and my jaw drops open as I realize it's Lexie. "Izzie's coming?!"
"Lexie?" I ask in shock, not understanding how she ended up in my brother's bed.
"Oh, crap." She mumbles, her head falling into her hands while Alex lies back, seemingly unfazed by the whole interaction.
"Care to explain?" I ask her with a hand on my hip.
"Mark and I broke up." She mumbles and I shrug.
"And you decided this was the best way to deal with your grief?" I ask, pointing at my half-asleep brother and she groans, pulling herself from the bed with the sheet wrapped around her.
"I know this is really bad." She says worriedly looking around the floor for her clothes while I look over at my brother.
"And you! What were you thinking?" I ask him and he continues to look unfazed by my scolding. "Izzie is coming so you better clean up."
"Whatever." He mumbles into his pillow, rolling back over in his bed. I look over at Lexie to see her trying to put on a day-old blouse and I sigh.
"You can borrow one of my shirts, come on," I mutter, gesturing for her to follow me out of the room. She looks grateful as I give her one of my t-shirts and let her change in my room. I've always liked Lexie and felt sort of maternally protective over her. I'm just disappointed that her bad choices lead her to my brother's bedroom for the second time. When they both finally got ready and joined me down in the kitchen, I couldn't help but scold them.
"Look, I've only been with like, six guys in my whole life. Alex and I, we've done it before. It was like... recycling. It was, uh, good for the environment..." Lexie tries to justify her actions but trails off as her point starts to make less sense.
"I don't care about that. You rebounded on my married brother." I say as she recoils in complete guilt as I turn to my brother. "You have a wife."
"Yeah, a wife that up and left. Look, Izzie's gone, I was horny, she was there." Alex says, pouring himself some coffee, clearly done with me scolding him.
"Oh, crap. I'm a dirty mistress, aren't I?" Lexie mumbles, her head falling into her hands. "Oh, my god! You're gonna tell Meredith, and Meredith's gonna tell Derek, and then Derek's gonna tell Mark that I'm a whore!"
"No, I'm not telling Meredith. I'm not telling anyone." I say, before shooting a look at Alex. "Neither are you. We are all keeping our mouths shut. Izzie is coming home. No one needs to know."
"Know what?" We all freeze as a voice comes from the door of the kitchen. We turn to see Izzie standing in the hall with a suitcase by her side.
"Nothing," I mumble slowly before giving Lexie a look. "We were leaving," I mutter and Lexie gets the hint to stand and leave the room. I make a point of walking behind Alex, whose eyes are transfixed on Izzie. "Talk to her." I hiss so only he can hear me. Lexie and I make our way out of the room to give Alex and Izzie some privacy to talk.
"I'm sorry about-" Lexie starts to whisper to me as we walk through the hallway to the living room.
"Don't be, just forget it. Do you need a ride home?" I ask her and she pauses awkwardly.
"I had, uh, moved in with Mark, so..." She trails off and I nod in understanding.
"You were planning on staying here." I finish her sentence and she gives me a tight-lipped smile before going to find a room in the house to stay. Nothing is ever simple in this house.
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Like always, work has been a great distraction from my messy reality. I was on Callie's service for the morning until she got chicken-pox and all her surgeries for the day were cancelled. Now I'm trailing my friends, trying to find a service I can jump on. Meredith and Jackson are both on Webber's service and are going to be performing a whipple procedure so they've been in a lab all morning practicing on cadavers.
Cristina, Alex, Meredith, and I always eat lunch together so we decided to join them since they're working straight through lunch. We sit on the other side of the small lab room eating while they both practice on their cadaver. It's weird being in a small, relatively empty room with my friends and Jackson. I'm nervous even though I know I shouldn't be.
"What are you talking about?" Alex asks Cristina in confusion after she asks us a daunting question that is obviously a result of a greater issue in her life. Knowing Cristina, she's trying to prove a point to someone.
"Okay, if you had to choose between the thing you love, being surgery, and the person you love, which would you choose?" She says, leaning back in her chair to let us ponder the question. The first answer that comes to my mind is surgery. Most people would be ashamed of that, but surgery is the one consistent thing I've ever had in my life, I wouldn't be able to give it up.
"You would choose Izzie, right?" Meredith asks Alex, but it sounds more like she's telling him. "Because you two are gonna get back together."
"Shut up." He mumbles, shoving a carrot in his mouth.
"Wait, why do you have to choose?" Jackson asks from beside Meredith, sounding very confused at the question.
"That doesn't matter. You just do. Which is it? Surgery or love?" Cristina pushes and Jackson shrugs, his eyes falling on me.
"I want both." He says as I look away sharply, down at the food in front of me.
"That's what I said." Meredith agrees with him but Cristina gets more frustrated.
"No, you can't have both." She says and Jackson frowns.
"Why the hell not?" He asks and after a pause, Cristina points at him.
"Why the hell is he even here?" She asks, obviously confused as to why Meredith invited a Mercy Wester to eat with us. He's taken a break from practicing and sits to the side with his own lunch while Meredith continues to work.
"I said he could be in here because he's in the whipple, too." Meredith defends him while he leans back, smirking.
"Okay, whatever! Once again, you cannot have both. You have to choose." She says and before any of us can answer her, Izzie speaks up from the doorway, having just walked in.
"Choose what?" She asks and the room falls into an awkward silence. Alex told me she'd be at the hospital at some point because she needed to get some scans done to make sure the cancer is completely gone. "My pet-scan got pushed back an hour, so I thought I'd join you for lunch."
Cristina pats the stool beside her in invitation as Izzie walks up to us with a tray of food. My gaze shifts to check on Alex, who stares at her with a blank face, obviously thinking hard.
"Okay. That!" Cristina speaks up, pointing at Meredith who continues to practice her surgery. "You have to give up that. Learning the procedure, tuning out the world until you get it. Doing the procedure is the only thing that matters like if you don't get to do it, you'll die. That's what you have to give up."
"For what?" Izzie asks, new to the dilemma.
"Love." All of us say at the same time after it being pounded into our brains by Cristina.
"Why?" Izzie asks with a laugh and Jackson puts up his hand with a smile.
"That's what I said!" He grins and I have to hold back my own at his excitement.
"Okay, that's not the point! You know you couldn't do it! You know you would choose surgery!" Cristina exclaims before turning to face me. "You agree, Audrey? Surgery or love?"
"Uh..." I swallow my food nervously, risking a glance over at Jackson to see him staring at me intently, waiting for my answer like everyone else. "I guess, I mean if I had to choose... I would choose surgery."
"Thank you! Why is that so hard for everyone to say!" Cristina exclaims in triumph at my answer but I can't help but feel the weight of Jackson's stare.
"Because it's crazy," Izzie speaks up and we all turn to her. "Surgery; it's just a job. It's the thing you come home from, not the thing you come home to. If you lose your job, you get another one, cause there's always another one. If you lose your love..." She trails off, glancing at Alex. "Then suddenly, nothing else matters."
"This is what you guys talk about during lunch?" Jackson asks in confusion at the intensity of the conversation laid out by Cristina. I think part of him was trying to diffuse the tension created by Izzie and Alex's pending relationship, but it doesn't help.
"I'm with them," Alex says, gesturing to Cristina and I, solidifying the divide between him and Izzie. "Love comes and goes. Surgery doesn't."
Before Izzie can respond, both Alex and Cristina's pagers go off, signalling the end of their lunch. Unfortunately, I have nowhere to be so I continue to sit in the increasingly awkward room. Izzie turns to me, looking like she wants to say something when her eyes travel down toward my neck.
"That's pretty." She says softly as my hand goes to my neck instinctively, touching my new necklace. I forgot I was even wearing it. "I've never known you to wear jewelry."
"Thanks, uh, it was a gift," I answer her, becoming painfully aware of the fact that Jackson is listening to my every word. Izzie's eyes widen in excitement at the comment and I reluctantly give her a smile. Before she left, she would have been the first person I'd talk to about this, but I can't help but feel a twinge of anger and betrayal every time I look at her.
"From who?" She asks, trying to start us on some girl talk but I shrug. It takes everything in me not to turn a gage Jackson's reaction.
"A...friend," I mutter, slapping myself internally but keeping a filtered front. Izzie nods slowly, unconvinced but aware of the fact I'm not going to open up with her. Once I know she's looking away, I take a quick glance at Jackson to find he's looking straight at me, an unreadable look on his face.
"Yes!" Meredith cries while pumping her fist in the air, snapping both of us out of our trance. "I just did a perfect dissection without lacerating the portal vein!"
"You gonna do that little fist pump in surgery, too?" Jackson jokes as Meredith lowers her hand sheepishly. I give her a playful wink when she looks over at me in embarrassment.
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Those couple minutes spent scrubbing in and out of surgery are bliss. Just a couple of minutes where nothing else in the world matters but the water running down your arms and the soap in between your fingers. Occasionally it's interrupted when another surgeon or scrub nurse is scrubbing beside you, but mostly, it's peaceful.
I'm currently in that happy place, scrubbing out from a Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy in an empty scrub room. My problems seem so far away until the door pushes open and I sigh to myself, not bothering to look over my shoulder.
"Oh, hi," Jackson says and I turn to see him in the doorway. "Are you done in here?"
"Yeah, we just finished. You need it?" I ask him, the professional conversation strange on our tongues as we continue to avoid the inevitable conversation.
"Bailey does." He says and I nod, turning back to the sink and rinsing my arms up to my elbows. I realize the door hasn't closed so he's still behind me. "Did you mean what you said?"
"About what?" I ask him, grabbing a towel from in front of me and drying my hands.
"That you would choose surgery over love?" He asks and I tense up. Part of me knew this was going to happen so I suck it up and look at him. "I mean, I would understand if you just said that cause she's your friend..."
"Surgery is the one consistent thing in my life," I say honestly and he goes quiet, watching me with interested eyes that make my stomach turn in a way I can't control, but I push on. "Nothing good in my life has ever lasted long enough for it to become comfortable. No relationship has turned ever into love and people leave before I even have a chance to trust them."
"So, you're saying that-" He starts, sounding like he's genuinely trying to understand me as he lets the door close behind him, creating a little soundproof room for the two of us
"I'm saying that no one has ever made me feel a fraction of the way surgery does," I say and watch as his shoulders drop slightly but after a beat, I continue. "Until now."
"Oh?" He breathes after a moment of silence between us. He seems to be at a loss for words, similar to me in an encounter not long ago.
"I have... feelings for you, Jackson. I don't know what they are and they scare the shit out of me, but they're there." I conclude and a smile spreads across his face as he looks down on me.
"I have feelings for you too." He says softly, taking a step forward until our chests are practically touching. He leans down until our lips graze each other, his breath fanning across my chin. His hand goes to my cheek, brushing my skin lightly with the pad of his thumb but just as he's about to close the gap, I pull away, taking a step back.
"But, I'm not ready for people to find out," I say, still close to him but far enough that his intoxicating smell doesn't draw me in again. He contemplates my bargain for a moment, but he nods slowly.
"That's okay." He says and the corner of my mouth twitches up into a grin which he returns. After a moment, I break the connection between our eyes, looking away. I step forward, pushing his arm lightly.
"You need to get ready for your surgery," I say, shattering the tension built up from being so close to each other.
"Oh, yeah." He mutters as if he forgot he had a surgery to begin with. I laugh, moving around him to get to the door. "I'll see you later."
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After a long day, I took a cab home because everyone at the house was working into the night. The house feels strange when it's empty, too big for its own good. Only right now, it doesn't feel empty and as I make my way upstairs, I realize why. The light in Izzie's room, which we never had the heart to clear out, is on and Izzie is walking around, frantically collecting her things.
"What are you doing?" I ask her and she jumps at the sound of my voice but doesn't stop packing. Nearly all her drawers are empty, a couple of shirts still hanging in the closet, waiting to be taken away.
"Packing." She says simply, shoving a pair of pants in her duffle bag.
"What happened to trying? Alex said you were applying to a job in Tacoma. That's not far from here, you don't need to pick up and leave again." I argue, walking forward to try and get her to look at me.
"I can't." She mutters, not making eye contact.
"You can't? You can't what, Izzie?" I ask her but she turns and walks over to her closet to collect the final shirts. When she doesn't answer me, I turn to her duffle bag, pulling a couple of shirts out and throwing them on her bed. She looks up at me in annoyance but I don't back down.
"Really? Don't be a child." She mutters, walking over, grabbing the shirts and putting them back into her bag. I don't hesitate to grab more of her stuff and throw it on the floor.
"I'm the child?! You're the one who retreats the second things get hard! You can just leave, Izzie!" I yell at her as the cycle of pulling out clothes and packing them again continues. She's getting more frustrated the more I unpack until she throws down a hangar.
"I can't stay, Audrey!" She yells in my face and I finally stop. "I can't be here anymore! Please try to understand! I have to start over!"
"You have a husband here! A family! You can't throw a whole family away!" I rebuttal but she shakes her head, looking down.
"We're signing divorce papers." She states and I freeze. "I didn't get the job in Tacoma. I didn't get the husband I came back here for. I didn't get any of it."
"So, you're just leaving?" I ask with a laugh in disbelief. "You're a lot of things Izzie Stevens, but until now, I never would have considered you to be so selfish."
"That's the best you got?" She asks quietly, obviously done with the conversation, none of my words breaking anything down inside her anymore. "This isn't my home anymore. It's just a place I worked, and I can do that anywhere."
"Unbelievable." I mutter, backing away from her bed and letting her throw her clothes into her bag. "You were my best friend. My sister."
"Well, things change." She mutters, but a crack in her voice tells me she doesn't believe everything she's saying. Part of this hurts her too, but I have no pity. She's choosing to leave and I can't believe I'm really losing another one. First George died, and now I'm losing Izzie. There really is nothing consistent in my life.
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There have been a lot of rumours flying around the hospital, and with a staff as big as ours, there are bound to be some misconceptions. Some people are saying that Chief Webber retired, others say he was fired, some say that Derek went to the board and stole the job right out from under him. In all honestly, we don't even know if Webber is out of a job at all.
People I've never talked to before have started asking me questions about all the drama as if I would know something. Granted, I am technically roommates with Derek Shepard, but I genuinely don't know anything. All I know is that he and Meredith were fighting about something that had to do with Webber.
I got paged from the lockerroom this morning to the lobby and most of the residents were in the locker room at the same time, all receiving the same page. After changing, most of us started walking there as a group. Alex, Lexie, and I walk side by side while a Mercy Wester pack builds behind us. I make a point of not standing near Jackson, worried someone would pick up on something.
"Any of you know what this big meeting's all about?" Jackson asks the three of us as we walk, seeing as we all live with Derek, but Alex rolls his eyes at the question.
"I heard there was a coup!" Reed speaks up from behind me, sounding excited with all the drama building up.
"We don't know that," I mutter, taking bigger strides to keep with the pace.
"Webber's out. Shepherds in. Is that true?" Charles asks from behind Alex.
"We know what you know," Lexie answers for all of us but I know that no one is going to believe that.
"Bull. Your sister's married to the guy." Jackson says and I roll my eyes. "You expect me to believe you don't know what's going on?"
"Don't you have your own loser friends to talk to?" Alex shoots, trying to get the Westers off our backs.
"I also heard Shepherd plans to clean house. Maybe he'll start with you." Charles says to Alex with a disgusted frown.
"Dude, I'm safe. The guy is my roommate. You're the ones who should watch your backs." Alex says with a slight smirk.
"Why? What do you know?" Reed asks desperately and I scoff.
"Is that even a question? Shepherd hates the merger, you are from Mercy West." I say, watching as Reed recoils, taking in my words.
"Exactly, it's simple math. You're toast." Alex finishes for me but Lexie breaks our point.
"Derek's not gonna fire people just because they're from Mercy West. He's not like that. He's loyal and fair." She explains, sounding very sure of herself but I don't buy it.
"Yeah, tell that to Webber," Jackson says and I can't help but look over my shoulder. I lock eyes with him and he gives me a shrug with an amused look before we all file into the lobby. There is a very large crowd of attendings, interns, nurses and other staff members all collected around the main staircase where Derek stands with cards in his hands.
"What's with the tie?" I mutter to Lexie with a smirk and she shrugs, trying to hold back a laugh. Under his lab coat, Derek is wearing a blue shirt and a matching tie, something he's never worn to work before in all the time I've known him.
"I want to thank you all for being here." Derek starts after clearing his throat, capturing our attention. "I know you're busy, so I'll try to make this quick. As you may have heard, I have been appointed the new interim Chief of surgery. It's my personal goal to make this transition as smooth as possible. I know we've had a rocky few months-"
"Here it comes," Alex mumbles in my ear and I shove him away.
"Shut up." I hiss, trying to listen.
"-mistakes have been made-" Derek continues his speech, not hearing our commotion.
"He's talking about the merger," Alex says, a little louder this time so our group can hear him, including Jackson and his friends behind us. Lexie shushes him as we continue to listen.
"-I intend to right those wrongs, and bring this hospital back to its former glory," Derek says and suddenly the mood shifts.
"Former glory?" I mutter, turning to Lexie and she shrugs.
"We are so screwed." Jackson groans from right behind me and I honestly worry for him. This is not sounding good for the Mercy Westers.
"Yes, you are, sucker," Alex says with a grin on his face but before anyone can comment, Reed speaks up from the back of the pack.
"Check it out. Chief Webber." She mumbles and we all turn to see Webber walk into the lobby with a couple of board members behind him. He looks absolutely pissed. Maybe one of the rumours was true and he was thrown out on his ass. Derek seems to notice the gaze of everyone shift because he looks over and spots Webber in the crowd. He seems to lose his place in his speech, trailing off as he looks at Webber.
"Uh, what I meant...by that is-what I'm trying to say is, I want to thank you for your support in advance." Derek stutters, trying to continue his speech under the deadly glare of Webber. "That's all. Let's get back to work."
Everyone starts to move around to get where they need to be when one person starts clapping suddenly. I look to see Arizona clapping with a smile plastered on her face, looking around desperately for people to join her. We all hesitantly obliged and start clapping for Derek's speech. We're about to disperse when Arizona pushes through the crowd to get to us.
"Alex Karev, I hear you're the future of peds." She says with a bright smile on her face.
"Excuse me?" He asks her in confusion.
"Yeah, a little birdie named Bailey whispered it in my ear." She says and I can't help but chuckle to myself. "I want you to work with me today so I can see if she's right."
"What did she say?" He asks her, obviously confused at how he got this foreign reputation.
"That you're the best babysitter in the hospital," Jackson says with a smirk, leaning forward and I try not to return it.
"Shut up." Alex bites back, but I notice Arizona glaring at Jackson, a look on her face I've never seen before. She takes a threatening step toward Jackson and I watch as his smirk falters.
"You don't think peds is hard-core?" She asks, a little gleam in her eyes begging for a challenge from the man in front of her. "Because you could say that to my face, Avery?"
"N-No, Ma'am." He coughs, looking down in intimidation and she nods.
"Don't let the roller skates fool you. Peds is nothing but hard-core." She grins before turning back to Alex. "Rounds in ten."
Hesitantly, Alex gives her a nod and she turns away, the little wheels in her sneakers popping out and allowing her to roll down the hall. I chuckle to myself and turn to see Jackson leaning forward again. "Peds. Who's the sucker now?" He whispers to Alex now that Arizona is out of earshot, but Alex just rolls his eyes, walking away.
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After an exhausting day of working with Bailey and trying to convince a patient that woke up during a surgery last night to not sue us, I started packing up to go home. The lockerroom is alive with conversation, everyone changing and getting ready to leave for the night. I tentatively strip of my scrub shirt, quickly pulling a light sweater on before the door to the locker room opens and Derek walks in.
"Hi." He announces his presence and everyone in the room turns to him. "I know it's been a long day, and you're all anxious to get home. But I feel like we got off on the wrong foot this morning. I don't expect to win your trust overnight, but I want each of you to know you have mine. Which is why I felt it was important to personally come in here and apologize. I am neither pro nor anti merger. From this point on, everyone has a clean slate. I am not focused on the past. I'm looking to the future and to all the promise this hospital has to offer. I plan to honour Richard Webber and his legacy, not undo it. Which is why I'm both humbled and honoured to be your new Chief of Surgery."
"Now, that is an applause-worthy speech," I mutter to Meredith who sits on the bench beside me, looking at her husband with twinkling eyes. I guess the rest of the room agrees with me because a light clap erupts around the room with a couple people voicing their support. Maybe this merger and new leadership won't be so terrible after all.
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Anyone paying attention at all would know that I hate holidays; Halloween being the only exception. Which is why I volunteered myself for a night shift on Valentine's day after a full day of dodging all the pink and hearts and roses. The whole holiday confuses me. Most of the time people just talk about how miserable they are because the day reminds them that they're alone. Personally, I think the whole thing is a cash grab for the chocolate industry.
To my dissatisfaction, Callie has not dropped the subject of Jackson and I have been trying to avoid her all day. This holiday is only making things worse with her since she won't quit asking if I like him that way and for details from that night at the party.
"Audrey." Her voice sings as she leans against the nurse's station in the pit where I'm trying to discharge patients. "There are four hours left in this day, take advantage."
"Stop it," I mumble, risking a glance to the side to make sure no one is listening. Of course, no one is because it's the ER and it's a holiday. The ER is always flooded during holidays because of human stupidity.
"What? I'm just teasing. Which is getting difficult because you won't tell me anything. I just want to help you." She grins and I look up at her, holding a stare for a moment before picking up five patient clipboards and shoving them in front of her.
"Then help me discharge patients. We have a massive in-coming trauma and we need the space." I say, looking back down at my work as she groans, walking around the counter to sit beside me.
"Fine, but I still think you should talk to him. He's attractive, you're attractive, it wouldn't hurt to, you know, test the waters." She mutters in disappointment as I continue to scribble away. I'm about to dismiss her again when the sound of heavy feet can be heard approaching. We look up to see some residents entering the pit, clearly waiting for the incoming trauma. My eyes immediately lock in on Jackson as he runs over to grab a trauma gown. As he pulls it on, his eyes scan the room, falling on me.
"He's totally checking you out," Callie smirks, leaning over while looking at Jackson with me. I quickly look away from him and back down at the page in front of me.
"N-No, he's not." I stutter as Callie clicks her tongue.
"Mm-kay, well he's walking over so-" She starts and my head snaps up again to see that he's, in fact, strutting over to the table.
"Hey, I hear we got incoming?" He asks, his eyes not leaving mine as if he doesn't notice Callie sitting next to me. I nod quickly, trying to diffuse the tension his gaze is creating in my chest.
"Yup. Restaurant ceiling collapsed. Should arrive any minute." I say calmly as he nods, about to walk away but Callie speaks up.
"Avery! I have these patients that need discharging, but I'm being paged, so..." She stammers, standing up and shoving the files into Jackson's chest.
"You're not being pa-" I start but she's quick to stand in front of me, stopping me from finishing.
"Take a seat." She says to Jackson, gesturing to the chair she just stood up from before quickly disappearing into the crowd of people in the ER. I roll my eyes, suppressing a grin at her attempt to set us up. Little does she know we've passed the awkward introduction stage.
"Is she-" He starts to ask as he sits down, sounding very amused with the scene that just unfolded.
"Onto us? Yes, definitely." I laugh and he leans back, looking at the files and starting to fill them out with me. "You don't have to do those. I only gave them to her to get her to stop talking."
"I don't mind." He says with a shrug as he continues to help me. After a moment of silence between us, he starts to speak up. "Hey, I was wondering if-"
Suddenly, the doors to the ER burst open, multiple gurneys pilling in one after the other, forcing us both to stand in alarm to help with the commotion. I give him one apologetic look before running into the mess of people. As I'm running to the ER doors, I notice both Derek and Hunt walking through wearing suits. Meredith had grudgingly told me she and Derek were going on a double date with Cristina and Hunt. I'm sure she's thrilled to be back at work. Derek, however, doesn't look so pleased that his evening was interrupted.
"What have we got?" He asks me when he spots me running over, waiting for me to give him the rundown.
"Restaurant ceiling collapsed. On the phone, they had a penetrating abdominal injury, a sucking chest wound and a massive head wound. That's currently in trauma room-" I start to break it down for him as he listens eagerly, but I'm interrupted by the annoying shrill voice of April Kepner. Yesterday she was hired back onto the staff by Derek since he thought she was unfairly fired.
"Dr. Shepherd!" She calls out, running over to us with a clipboard in hand.
"Oh, you're still here?" Derek asks her without giving her a second glance. He already sounds tired of her and we don't slow our pace.
"If you're here, I'm here." She says with a grin. "There's an OSHA investigator waiting in the lobby, and there's also two TV crews who are asking for a statement. I told them to wait for you. They're setting up outside."
"We cleared the OR board. I paged everyone, Bailey, Sloan, Nelson, Altman. Who do you need?" I start, speaking over the end of April's sentence and she shoots me a quick glare before talking over me again.
"Stop!" Derek interrupts both of us. "Who do I see first?"
"Skull fracture, Trauma 1," I say loudly at the same time as April.
"The OSHA guy." She says with me before we both give each other the same glare. Derek gives us both a look before pushing through the trauma room door and into the patient's room. I give April a winning smirk which she returns with pursed lips.
"Are you a surgeon or an assistant?" I ask her, raising my brow in amusement as her mouth drops to rebuttal but her words are choked back.
"I'm just helping." She manages to say and I nod with a laugh.
"Okay." I hold my tongue, turning to walk away but I can't help it. "I'll page you if I need you to pick up my dry cleaning."
"I am a surgeon!" She calls out after me down the hall but I don't respond, instead, I just laugh to myself.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
I've spent the past hour in the pit in different trauma rooms, trying to tirage as best as I could with the limited ORs in this situation. There are more casualties than there are doctors so it becomes a massive game of hot potato. I finally decided to take a moment away from the suffocating ER and collect some more supplies. On my way to a supply closet, I spot Jackson leaving a patient room. I was going to continue my journey but he stops me.
"Hey, Audrey." He calls out, walking over to meet me halfway. "Crazy day."
"Yeah, gotta love holiday idiocy." I laugh as he places his patient chart on the nurse's station.
"Earlier I was trying to ask if I could take you out, but conveniently, the subject keeps getting avoided." He says with an amused smirk, his eyes twinkling as he looks down at me.
"Yeah, sorry, the..." I trail off as I notice someone past Jackson's shoulder turn the corner down the hall. My eyes widen when I realize it's Alex and I look around frantically before speeding over to an on-call room, Jackson at my heels. "Get in."
I'm quick to close the door, breathing out a sigh in relief knowing Alex didn't see us. This is nothing short of humiliating but I'm not sure what else to do. There is no way that Alex or my friends would accept me and Jackson.
"Is there a reason we're hiding in an on-call room?" He asks me and I turn to face him sheepishly.
"I saw my brother," I mutter and he nods in understanding.
"Well, now that I have you with nowhere to go. Dinner?" He asks and I sigh. My eyes fill with admiration for the man before me but the dread of accidentally pushing him away haunts that feeling.
"Jackson, I-" I start but he nods, already knowing what I was going to say.
"That's a no to dinner. What else can we do to celebrate Valentine's day?" He says with a smirk as he steps forward.
"I don't celebrate Valentine's day," I say smartly and he rolls his eyes with a laugh, closing the already small gap between us.
"Of course you don't. Humour me?" He asks softly and I nod once, letting his head fall forward slowly and capturing me in a deep kiss. His hands immediately go to my waist, fingers sneaking their way between where my shirt and pants meet, skin meeting skin. Our lips mould together, not taking a break to come up for air as we inhale each other.
My hands find themselves on either side of his jaw, pulling him closer as his tongue sweeps my lip, asking for permission. One of his hands leaves my waist, making me whimper in disappointment before I hear the click of the door lock. His hand returns, bringing warmth back to me before they both drift down to the underside of my thighs, tapping twice before pulling me up.
My legs wrap around his waist as he holds me, never once breaking our kiss. He walks over to the bed in the on-call room, laying me down gently and hovering above me with his arms braced on either side of my shoulders.
"There are other ways to spend Valentine's day, you know?" He mumbles, lips breaking apart for the first time. I take the opportunity to take in a large breath of air.
"Maybe this one I can get behind," I smirk before pulling his lips back down to mine desperately.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
My hands fix my hair frantically as I walk down the hall, eventually settling on pulling it back in a ponytail. While making sure my scrub top is smooth and not crinkled, I turn the corner and bump into Meredith. She seems a little disoriented, like myself, but I don't pay it much attention as I'm too focused on seeming normal myself.
"Oh, hey, Audrey." She mumbles, giving me a smile once composed and I return it, following as she walks behind a nurse's station across from the ICU.
"You okay?" I ask her as she leans on the wall behind the desk. I sit down in the wheely chair across from her, swaying from side to side.
"Yeah, I just didn't think being the Chief's wife would be this ridiculous." She mumbles, crossing her arms over her chest in annoyance and I laugh.
"What's wrong with being the Chief's wife?" I ask her and she rolls her eyes.
"The dinners and the breakfasts and the shaking hands. I mean, seriously, why does he need his wife at a stupid breakfast anyway." She rants as I frown in confusion.
"You lost me," I say honestly and she groans.
"Kepner is running around like his little puppy, choosing dresses for me to wear as if I'm not a surgeon myself." She says and I can't help but laugh. I guess April is still playing the role of secretary and assistant instead of doing her actual job as a surgeon. "What about you?"
"W-What?" I stutter, composing myself once again as she changes the subject.
"You look...flushed." She says, tilting her head slightly as if studying me.
"I'm great. It's Valentine's day. Everything is great." I say, trying to brush her off and she frowns.
"You hate holidays." She points out and I clam up.
"Yes, I do, but, holidays mean traumas. I love traumas." I rescue myself from impending doom but I realize she doesn't look convinced.
"You still seem-" She starts but I'm saved as Alex walks over, cutting her off and stealing her attention from me. "OOH, thank god! Where'd you get those?!"
"Patient room," Alex answers as he holds open a large box of chocolates for us to take. "Guy's in a coma. He's not gonna miss 'em."
"Gimme," I mumble, leaning forward to pull a couple out of the box, but stop when I hold them in my hand. "Bites have been taken out of these."
"Yeah, now you can see what they are," Alex says shrugging and I frown, looking at the half-eaten chocolate. He is right though, I can now see exactly what flavour chocolate they are.
"That takes the fun out of it," I mumble as he shoves another in his mouth.
"Then don't eat them." He says nonchalantly but I lean back in my chair.
"I'm hungry." I pout before shoving one into my mouth and marvelling over the delicious chocolate.
"Anything happen?" He asks Meredith, looking into the ICU room right behind me.
"He's still asleep, but she wants to say something," Meredith answers as I swivel my chair around to follow their line of sight. In the double ICU room, an old woman lies awake, looking at a man who sleeps.
"Who are they?" I ask, trying to follow the story.
"She's married but has known this guy longer than she's been married and just found out he's always loved her. We're betting on if she loves him too." Meredith answers as I watch the old potential lovers lie in their beds. I shove another chocolate into my mouth and nod slowly.
"Okay..." I trail off in laughable shock that this is the only thing those two can find for amusement.
"Oh! I am starving!" Cristina runs over, looking into the box but hesitates before grabbing one. "Ew. These are all half-eaten."
"Now you know what's in them." Alex sighs, annoyed with our disgust as his half-hearted gift. Cristina shrugs, obviously too hungry to care before grabbing a couple and eating them whole.
"What are we doing?" She asks us as Alex and Meredith stare into the ICU room.
"Stalking," I mutter but Meredith swats me.
"We are not stalking." She hisses at me and I kick her away playfully, the wheels moving me back slightly.
"Her boring husband's in surgery. This dude's been in love with her for 15 years." Alex answers Cristina honestly.
"But she just found out, so we're waiting to see if she says something." Meredith finishes for him and he shrugs.
"Or to see if her husband croaks." He says, handing me the box so I can take another.
"But it's okay if he does because they're miserable. I mean, is this what marriage turns into? Running out of things to say and changing who you are?" Meredith asks desperately as we all nod.
"Probably."
"Yeah."
"Most likely." The three of us answer her at the same time and she frowns.
"Well, I didn't marry Derek to be the Chief's arm candy. I'm a surgeon." She says proudly and Cristina nods.
"Yeah, you married him for the great surgeries."
"I didn't do that either." She says as the three of us give each other unconvinced looks. "Oh, look, she's gonna say something!" She whispers, moving forward to get a better look into their room, but as she walks, a monitor can be heard from inside.
"Oh, shit," I mumble, moving the box from my lap onto the counter as we react.
"She can't breathe! Get a crash cart!" Meredith yells as we watch the woman begin to suffocate. I'm quick to move to the phone, paging cardio to the ICU as Alex and Meredith run to her aid. So much for the happy ending on Valentine's day.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
This morning, Derek called all interns, residents, and attendings to the lecture hall at the hospital. I would honestly rather do anything else, but now we have to sit all day listening to people speak. Apparently, they used to have a lecture series years ago where doctors would talk about past patients on stage and Derek is trying to bring it back.
Maybe I would be more enthused if it weren't for the fact that my craniotomy was cancelled for this presentation. I only got about three hours of sleep after getting home from the Valentine's day-night shift but Derek wouldn't let me miss this. While carpooling to work with him, Alex, and Meredith, he would not give up any information on what presentations were going to be taking place. When we got to work, Alex, Meredith and I joined Cristina outside the lecture hall.
"Why do we have to do this?" Cristina asks with a yawn, stretching her neck after the night shift she never went home from. Chances are she's just going to sleep through this. Alex is leaning against the wall with his eyes closed, obviously exhausted.
"Apparently it will be good for our education." Meredith tries to keep a positive attitude but I scoff, crossing my arms and leaning on the wall.
"You know what would have been good for my education? Scrubbing in on my craniotomy." I say in annoyance as I watch other staff members make their way to the large doors. "What are we waiting for?"
"Oh, Lexie's joining us," Meredith says with a shrug and I nod, leaning my head back on the wall before I hear a familiar laugh. I open my eyes to see Jackson walking down the hall with Charles and I stiffen up. I haven't seen him since yesterday when we... did something for the first time. He locks eyes with me almost immediately, letting a smile present itself on his face, not even caring to conceal it. I give him a quick smile before turning back to my friends. They're too tired to notice anything.
Once Lexie joined us, we all filed into the lecture hall, finding our seats in one of the middle rows, Jackson sitting directly behind me. Meredith brought string for us to practice tying surgical knots, which we tie around our thigh as an anchor. We sit, waiting for it to start, Alex practically asleep to my right and Jackson's eyes like lasers in the back of my head.
"Good morning!" We all hear the booming voice of Derek as he walks up to the podium on stage. We all look up, many returning the greeting up to the front. "I'm excited. Are you excited?" Derek asks with a smile but after no answer, and a yawn from Alex, he continues with his introduction speech. "This is a teaching hospital. We learn a lot by doing. We can also learn from other people's experiences. Their losses will save you losses. Their mistakes will save you mistakes. Their victories will inspire yours. Let's pay close attention. This is gonna be good. Dr. Miranda Bailey."
Applause erupts from the crowd as Bailey makes her way onto the stage, the first person to present a case. I give a slight clap before going back to my knots in front of me.
"Good morning, everyone!" She says with a grin and people return it. I hear her sigh before suddenly, I feel something hit my face. I recoil, touching my face where I was hit while noticing a hardened bean sitting innocently in my lap. Cristina also makes a surprised noise and I look up at the front to see Bailey looking at me with an amused look on her face.
"Ouch," I mutter, picking up the bean.
"Morning Dr. Karev, Dr. Yang," Bailey says with a grin before throwing another bean which Cristina manages to catch. "If I have to stand here, you have to listen. Eye forward. Answer a question right, you get a chocolate. Doze off, you get beaned in the face. Ask those two, my aim is exceptional."
Laughing can be heard from many doctors as I throw the bean on the floor with an amused huff, letting my knots fall apart and setting my eyes to the front. Bailey gives me a little smile, seemingly satisfied before she walks over to her computer.
"2003. I'm three days into my intern year. Patient workup showed multiple gallbladder stones and wall thickening." She explains, images appearing on the projector board at the front of the room for us all to see. "What is the single most important step in the treatment process?"
"Physical exam," Jackson says loudly from behind me but Bailey shakes her head.
"Nope. No chocolate for you." She says with a smirk and I can hear him slump in his seat which makes me have to hold back a smile.
"Lab and radiology evaluation!" Cristin says from beside me, seemingly now interested in the presentation, likely out of a want for chocolate.
"Oh, come on, people. Now you're embarrassing me." Bailey sighs and I raise my hand, she points to me and I speak up.
"Patient history," I say proudly and she nods, pulling a little chocolate out of the bag in her hand.
"Thank you! Catch!" She says, throwing the chocolate across the crowd at me and I manage to catch it with both hands. I grin, opening it and turning my head slightly to make eye contact with Jackson, putting the little treat in my mouth. He shakes his head in amusement, smirk evident on his face as I turn back around to the front to listen to Bailey, who has continued with her presentation.
"Successes or failures, which teaches you more?" Bailey asks, Cristina's hand shooting up but Jackson speaks first.
"Failures." He says and everyone laughs as Bailey sighs.
"Yeah, but that was a gimmie. Don't get too cocky." She grins, throwing him a chocolate that he catches with one hand. "After surgery to remove the stones, patient was discharged, and a month later, she was back in the ER in the middle of the night. She had right lower quadrant pain, fever, vomiting, symptoms consisting with?"
"Appendicitis!" Meredith calls out and Bailey nods, grabbing a chocolate.
"You get a chocolate, cause that's what I thought. But don't eat it yet. Pay attention." She says as Meredith catches the treat, holding it in her hand. "I diagnosed my patient with appendicitis, and Dr. Webber decided that the appy was going to be my first solo surgery. Unfortunately, when we opened her up, the appendix was perfectly healthy. The first surgery for this patient with unrelenting abdominal pain, fatigue and muscle pain. Now what?"
"Test for zebras? Uncommon diseases?" Cristina suggests, having to yell over all the suggestions erupting from around the room. People have started getting really invested in this presentation.
"Okay." Bailey agrees, throwing a chocolate at her.
"Do an ANA for lupus?" I suggest, throwing my hand up, some others in the crowd slumping in disappointment that I said it first.
"Lupus, yes." Bailey nods, throwing me a chocolate as hands continue to rise.
"What about lead? You test for lead?" Jackson calls out from behind me.
"Good! See, sometimes it's not easy. Sometimes you have to be your patient's advocate and push to get things done." She continues with her speech for what seemed to be an hour, explaining all the dead ends, walking us through every surgery and test. "All my research didn't help. Dr. Baylow, my resident, sent the patient home. So I thought it was over. I thought maybe I wasn't cut out for this game. But a couple of months later... she was back. I noticed the urine in her drainage bag was dark and stopped them from taking her to surgery."
"Wait, you cancelled your resident's surgery?" Lexie asked in disbelief. "Isn't that a little bold?"
"Well, she was worried about adhesions, right?" Cristina asks with confidence before standing up, arms out. "Give me candy."
"No adhesions. No candy." Bailey laughs with the rest of the lecture hall at Cristina's puppy-like want for a treat. "It wasn't bold, Grey, it was stupid. But in this case, it was also necessary. She had porphyria."
∞∞∞∞∞∞
Bailey started off the day strong with her presentation and also filled the stomachs of many people with chocolate. If everyone else can match her confidence and captivation, this might not be such a bad day after all. Next up to the stage is Callie, who currently stands in front of her laptop, trying to start her presentation while shaking in fear.
"Is she shaking?" Meredith leans over to ask Cristina and I as we watch her up at the front. She leans over her computer, trying to get it to load while we all wait.
"She's definitely shaking," I mutter, feeling bad for her already. Cristina looks up from her phone and spares a glance up at the stage before her eyes widen.
"Oh, she's doing her pee dance. She does that when she has to pee." She says as Callie's legs continue to shake as her computer loads. Fortunately, the crowd seems to be fine waiting for her, as light conversation can be heard around the large room.
"Okay, well, is she gonna pee right now?" Meredith asks worriedly but before we can answer, the projector turns on, presenting a rather large image of Arizona and Callie. The hall starts laughing at the sweet picture while Callie looks mortified.
"Oh, no. That's not the right..." She mumbles, trying to change the image. When she clicks a key on the computer, the image changes to an incredible, but painful sight. The picture shows thin legs bent at an unnatural position, impossible to walk on. Murmurs of interest can be heard from around the room and I straighten in my seat, very interested in the story of this patient.
"In my third year as a resident, I was-" Callie mumbles, barely reaching a volume barely above a whisper. Obviously, she is not a very good public speaker and this crowd is making her nervous.
"Can't hear you!" A man yells from the audience and Callie stops, taking a breath before starting again. "In my third year as a resident, I was presented with a patient named Sunder Atluri, a 28-year-old grad..." She reads off of her cue cards, flipping the next one. "...student from India."
She goes to turn another card but accidentally drops all of them, card scattering across the floor, losing their order completely. I sigh in worry, not wanting her to bomb her presentation that she spent so long preparing for. She bends down, trying to collect her cards in a panic, the room suddenly becoming very awkward, some even leaving the room altogether.
"This is getting hard to watch," Jackson mutters to me, leaning forward to speak in my ear. I'm not sure what we can do for her, but before I have a chance to react, Arizona speaks up from the row in front of me, trying to help her girlfriend.
"Just talk." She says loudly, Callie looking up to find her in the mass of people. "Just tell us what happened."
"Okay..." Callie says, breathing in and standing up. "There was this patient. He wanted to get his clubfoot fixed, but I had a different idea. I said that I could make him walk...which was stupid to promise but I knew I could do it. We went to surgery, but his heart started to fail...I didn't want to close, but we had to. We took, uh, the patient...to surgery again...wait, no..."
"You were there. Help her." Arizona whispers, turning around to look at Alex beside me. He looks around, a little on the spot before sitting up in his chair.
"That's when we saw the dude do the thing with his foot," Alex calls out from the crowd, Callie finding him and nodding once, thankful for the encouragement and help.
"Yes, uh, after the first surgery, he was able to move his toes on his left foot." She says, a little smile present on her face. "But, we had hit a wall. His heart couldn't withstand the anesthesia in the surgery, but he wanted us to try again..."
"We planned a number of procedures." Alex helps her as she continues to look at him for guidance. He nods along, helping her through the speech.
"But, uh, then..." She tries to continue.
"Then I gave you that rousing pep talk," Alex says and the audience laughs, me grinning along with them. A smile spreads across Callie's face at the memory, her shoulders starting to visibly relax as the crowd becomes less tense.
"You totally did." She says with a grin as the laughter dies down.
After half an hour and some help from Alex, she was able to captivate the audience, more specifically me. I was amazed by each procedure she explained and the precision of it. The way she was able to make something from almost nothing.
"We did a series of shorter surgeries so his lungs and heart could withstand the anesthesia." She explains, now very engaged in the presentation as we all listen eagerly. I'm practically on the edge of my seat as I listen to her talk about the surgery. "It was gruelling for the patient but worth it in the end."
"Show them the x-rays," Alex calls out from beside me and Callie lights up.
"Oh, yeah!" She grins, walking over to the computer and hitting the next slide. "These are the before, and these...are the after."
"Oh, my god," I mutter to myself, leaning back in my chair and looking up at the x-ray of the foot. In the before scan, his foot is rolled in on itself, completely immobile but in the second, it's a perfectly straight and healthy foot. Almost instantly, the entire crowd starts applauding for the amazing surgery pulled off my Callie.
"Yeah, it was amazing." She grins from ear to ear as we marvel over the surgery.
∞∞∞∞∞∞
"Hey, Callie!" I call out, trying to capture her attention. After the presentations were over, everyone left to reschedule their surgeries but I had to find her. I manage to catch her before she disappears into the attendings lockerroom. She turns around to see me and gives a small smile, walking over to where I stand in the hallway.
"Afternoon, Karev." She says, holding a coffee in her hand, probably not her first cup of the day since she was so nervous about the presentation this morning.
"I just wanted to say how incredible your presentation was." I start as she frowns in confusion, obviously not thinking it went as well herself.
"Really? I kinda felt that I tanked it." She says and I shake my head quickly, shooting down that idea as quickly as she brought it up.
"Not at all. I mean, the public speaking could use some work, but those surgeries you performed...you made a man walk." I laugh and she smiles, appreciating my gesture.
"I did." She says softly. While she may not be very good in front of a crowd, she is a kick-ass surgeon.
"I was wondering if I could be on your service today. Maybe get a better feel for ortho?" I ask her and I watch as she tries to concealed her shocked expression.
"Are you serious?" She asks, surprise evident in her voice.
"Dead serious."
"Yeah, uh, okay. I've just never had someone interested in ortho before. This is gonna be fun." She laughs as I nod excitedly. "I just need to change. I'll meet you in the pit."
"Great." I smile as she walks into the change room. Most residents know exactly what they want to do and how they want to do it. Take Cristina for example, she is riding the train all the way to cardio and nothing is going to stop her. They all have everything planned and have a specialty waiting for them. I'm still not sure what I want to do, but that presentation has sparked an interest and I want to see where it goes...