When I was sixteen, I had someone I thought I could trust tell me "living like a Youngblood hurts too". I didn't understand what he meant originally. The adrenaline being a Youngblood always pumped through my veins was enough to cover up the pain inside.
You had to be numb to live this way anyways. The pain didn't hurt anymore. I was immune every time someone stabs me in the back. The tequila would have filled the void and I wouldn't feel it anymore. I was a Youngblood. I was untouchable. Nothing hurt me.
Until I met him. He left me in pain not even alcohol or adrenaline could fix.
I didn't trust them originally when they told me living like a Youngblood hurt. The devil was once an angel too- you can't trust anyone in this life. But I trusted the devil himself, and he was never an angel.
This is the story of how I lived like a Youngblood.
And the story of how it almost killed me.
My name's Anastasia Hemmings, and I am a Youngblood.
——-
Friday, June 19th- 11:07 p.m. | summer before junior year
"Annie," he slurred his words through the phone.
I drove quickly down the streets of our small hometown, watching as the houses flew past on each side.
"Luke," I mocked back, waiting for him to continue his sentence. He's drunk, but what's new?
"Annie," he started again, trying to gain the mental stamina to form the whole sentence. I drove silently awaiting the rest of his words. "I need you to come get me."
I groaned below my breath. "Luke, you do this every week. I can't keep being your cover story."
"Would you rather me drive drunk?"
Even drunk, he still had an attitude.
"Fine," I finally sighed, slowing down as I realized I would have to turn around at any moment. "Where are you?"
"Ashton Irwin's party," he told me quickly.
"No way!" I quickly told him, speeding back up to go home. "You know how much I hate that kid."
"Annie! It's my Hem's lifeline," he slurred. "Get over here."
I sighed, contemplating his words. I couldn't even get my answer out before he spoke again. "I'll see you in ten?" he asked before someone started trying to get his attention on the other end of the line.
"Luke!" I reprimanded, trying to keep his attention as I made my decision.
"I'll be out front. Bye, Annie."
"Luke! No!" I yelled through the phone.
I hated Ashton. He was Luke's best friend and every time I had ever met him, he had treated me like I should be worshiping the ground he walks on. Actually having to enter the ground he walks on was not something I wanted to sign up for.
But I was met with the dial tone, meaning Luke had hung up on me and I had to drive to the house of the one person I hated most.
I huffed out an angered breath as I threw the car into a u-turn, driving in the direction of the hell I didn't know I was walking into.
Sadly, I knew where he lived. This hadn't been the first time I'd received one of Luke's drunken phone calls. We agreed when Luke got his first car to have a 'Hem's lifeline' with each other. That meant if either Hemming's sibling was in a situation we didn't feel comfortable in and needed the other, we came. No questions about why we were calling. No questions about how we ended up in that situation. We would be there.
I just never used mine like Luke did.
When I pulled up in front of the house my 'Hem's lifeline' had sent me to, Luke was nowhere to be found.
I put the car in park and looked around frantically. I wanted to go into that house as much as I wanted to stand in front of oncoming traffic, but Luke needed me.
I pulled the key out of the ignition and angrily fumbled with my door handle to get out. Listening to the beeps of the locking mechanism as I walked up the path, I reminded myself all I had to do was find Luke.
How hard could that be?
I walked as fast as my legs could take me, wanting this to be over with before it even started. Racing up the steps, I opened the front door uninvited and walked myself inside. My senses were overloaded by the sound of music, the smell of alcohol, and the feeling of the bass shaking the house. The low lighting barely allowed me to see anyone around me.
It wasn't like I'd know any of them anyway.
I led myself through the living room, ignoring every sexual comment I heard flying through the air about me. If I listened for too long, I would have pummeled one of them.
I was pretty close to actually pummeling one of them too when some guy double my height walked up behind me, his hands landing on my hips. I immediately elbowed him in the stomach, barely turning around to see who had fallen to the floor after. I scoffed at his uncalled-for action, shaking my head and walking faster through the throng of people.
There was no one here I would have wanted touching me anyways.
I walked into the kitchen with still no sign of Luke. I reached for my pockets to grab my phone, only to realize I'd left it in my car during my angered exit.
I did one last quick look around before turning back towards the living room. But just my luck, the attitude bottled up in my small body managed to run me straight into someone else.
And of course, as I looked up, I met his curly, dirty-blonde hair and his hazel eyes that burned through my soul- the same ones that had been cursing my life since the first day I met him.
"Woah there, Princess," he quickly said, bringing his eyes down to meet mine.
God, I hated when you called me that.
I could feel the anger boiling in my veins. This boy drove me insane. Never once did I optionally put myself in his presence, and right now was certainly not a time I wanted to change that.
I wish I'd never met him.
I stepped back as fast as I could, watching his eyebrows raise as he watched my motions. I mocked him, raising mine with a pissed-off look on my face.
He just laughed under his breath. "Someone's a little firecracker today."
"Yeah, and you're drunk, making you even more repulsive than normal. Leave me alone, Ashton," I told him as I moved to step around him, trying to refocus on my task at hand.
"Woah, wait up," he quickly grabbed my wrist, stopping me. He spun me around, holding me in place. I quickly writhed my way out of his grip, crossing my arms over my chest, waiting for whatever he wanted me for.
"Now what brings Luke's little sister to my house?" he smirked, his whole presence just irking me.
"Who else? Luke," I stated quickly, wasting no time staying and dealing with him. "Where is he?"
I watched his eyes leave mine as they travel down my body. "Why do you need to know so bad?"
Before his eyes even left my lower half, I turned to walk away. "Fuck you, Irwin," I called out as I walked to search the rest of the house.
"Yeah, you'd like to, wouldn't you?" he cockily replied, ignoring every other girl throwing themselves on him.
I flipped him off over my shoulder as I continued walking, back on the search of who I came here for.
"He's upstairs," a voice finally called from behind me. I wasn't sure who it was but it was the best lead I had so far.
I didn't respond, just walked faster toward the stairs with a location in mind now. I took them two at a time, wanting to be out of here more than anything. As I reached the top step, I pushed past all the couples all over each other.
I jiggled the doorknobs as I went by, figuring Luke's door would be open, and if it was locked, I only just gave the hookup inside a little adrenaline rush.
Eventually one of them opened. I pushed my way into the room, calling Luke's name as I went. I heard no reply though as I entered further. The room was dark, so I flipped on a light to reveal an empty bed.
I huffed under my breath as I realized no one was in here, and I was still yet to find my target. I turned back towards the door I entered through, jumping back when I saw a figure in the doorway.
"Sorry, I'm just looking for someone," I said quickly, getting ready to walk out past them.
"Don't be sorry," the figure said as they walked farther into the room, pushing the door shut behind them.
I felt my instincts spike when I watched the door close behind him and I realized just how much bigger than me he was.
"He's not in here," I tried to keep my voice steady. "I think he's in another room."
"He can wait," he continued, continuing to push me back until he had me cornered. "I'm sure he's fine with someone like you looking for him"
"Get off me," I quickly pushed back only to have his hands pin my wrists to the wall behind me. "Just leave me alone."
"You're okay," he whispered, evil shredding through his vocal cords. I watched as his eyes trailed down my body, his knee slipping between my legs to limit my defense. "I won't hurt you."
His free hand started roaming my body and I hated every second of it. I writhed in his grip, wishing just for a moment he would let me go.
"Let go of me," I cried out as I felt the tears begin to swell as reality sunk in. I knew where this was going and it was nowhere good. "He's looking for me too. He's gonna walk in any minute."
I tried every method I could think of to fend him off. I couldn't physically overpower him since my arms and legs were pinned by his body, and apparently, my 'scaring off with another guy tactic' wasn't enough either.
"He must not be very good at his job to leave someone like you alone," he continued as his lips met my neck.
I pulled in shuttered breaths as my panic set in, my mind truly realizing I had no exit.
"Please, just leave me alone," I pleaded again, trying everything I could to get him off me.
I shook my head back and forth in hopes of him letting me go but it wasn't enough. He just pushed against me more.
"Shhh," he whispered between kisses.
I felt the tears starting to trail my cheeks, adrenaline pumping through my veins- and not the good kind.
"Help!" I finally gained enough courage to yell.
His hand quickly covered my mouth before I could get another call out, completely restraining all my exit resources.
I was stuck. If I could have used my first ever 'Hem's lifeline' in that moment, I would have.
I tried to push him away as much as I could, praying eventually he would become discouraged, but nothing was enough.
He didn't stop until the door opened.
My glance flew to the body entering, praying someone would help me. His hand stayed over my mouth, restricting my last hope.
I truly felt hope in my body when I heard that door open, but it all left when my eyes met the same cursed hazel ones I never seemed to escape.
"What're you doing, Andrew?" Ashton asked from the doorway, stopping whatever girl was behind him from entering further. I could hear some form of apprehension in his voice, making me think maybe he could see the pleas from behind my eyes or the little bit of fight left in my body.
"Nothing," the man in front of me continued. "Luke's little sister's just a kinky one," he added on, covering my mouth tighter and pushing me farther against the wall so I couldn't show any pleas for help.
"Huh," Ashton said, still standing in the doorway. His eyes flicked over to me, my tears invisible from the large hand over my mouth and all movement cut off by the force at which I was being held.
I just had to pray at that moment that the devil inside him had a bit of angel lost somewhere too.
"You alright, Princess?" Ashton quickly asked, looking right at me.
I tried to shake my head, or yell, or anything to say no. I didn't care how much I hated that nickname, his voice was the one thing I wanted to hear at that moment.
"She's fine!" the man with all his force against me answered for me. "Now find your own room so I can finish what I started."
Ashton's eyes never left mine, but apparently, it wasn't enough to break through to whatever kind of heart he had.
"Fine," he finally said, turning around, pushing the girl behind him out, and shutting the door behind him.
Andrew let out a sigh of relief now that Ashton had left, focusing all his attention back on me. My panic rose farther, the tears falling down my cheeks, and my scared screams being muffled by his hand. I fought his grip with every ounce of energy I had left.
"Shhh," he said again. "I've got you all to myself now."
I cried more as he yanked me off the wall, dragging me over towards the bed in the room and throwing me down. I tried to scream in the select few moments his hand left my mouth but my body wouldn't even let me.
I couldn't move. I couldn't yell. I couldn't fight back. I couldn't even breathe.
When all the fight left my body, he quickly took advantage of it, reaching for the button on my shorts to pull them down my legs.
All I could do was cry. It felt like I was watching myself from a third-person perspective, like the girl laying on that bed had no soul left in her. She was simply a body.
That was why when the conversation started in the hallway, it felt like I could hear it like I was standing out there with them.
"What the hell's going on in there?" a guy's voice called down the hallway.
"I don't know. Not my girlfriend, not my issue."
Ashton.
"I swear I heard her yell for help," the other guy continued.
Please, just open the door.
I couldn't see him, but I knew Ashton just shrugged it off and went back to kissing the new girl he had found for the night.
"What the hell, Ashton! You can't just let this happen," the same boy continued.
Just open the door.
When the door flew open, I felt myself switch back to the girl thrown down on the bed with a guy on top of her, his hands everywhere they shouldn't be.
"What the hell are you doing?" the new guy continued to yell, moving farther into the room than Ashton had.
A rush of adrenaline flowed through me, giving me enough energy to muster out a "no" and writhe under his grip.
"What the fuck does it look like?" Andrew yelled back. "Get out."
"Mate, she just said no and she has tears streaming down her face," the guy continued as he got farther into the room.
My glance immediately flew to him as he came into eye view. His dark brown eyes read the pleas in mine, the angel in his soul showing through.
"Get the fuck off of her," he finally yelled as he grabbed the guy on top of me by the collar and threw him backward.
As soon as the pressure left my body, I curled into myself, wanting nothing but comfort in that moment.
"You're a dick, Hood! You know that?" Andrew yelled as the new guy threw him farther out of the room. "No one likes you anyway."
"Yeah, but at least I didn't just try to rape a girl," my savior called as he slammed the door behind himself.
I heard the knob lock as the doorknob jingled, allowing me to relax knowing that Andrew was locked out. Even if he was trying to get back in, he was locked out in this moment.
"Are you okay?" the voice I now found comfort in asked, gradually getting louder as he paced closer to me.
I wiped my eyes quickly as I reached for my shorts on the ground, pulling them back on in hopes of forgetting everything that had just happened.
"I'm fine," I quickly said. "I just need to find Luke."
"Oh, are you his sister? Ana or Ally, wasn't it?" the dark-haired boy asked from his place in front of me. It felt like he was trying to calm us both in that moment, like he was just as scared as I was.
"Anastasia, or Annie, whatever you want to call me. I don't care. I just need to find Luke," I fumbled out as I started to pick up everything I had lost to leave.
"Hey, hey," he said as I continued frantically roaming the room. "Here sit down. You just need a minute."
"I don't have a minute," I continued, feeling the tears pricking in the back of my throat. I refused to break down in front of this guy I'd just met and practically had watched me get assaulted.
I didn't even know his real name yet.
"Here," he whispered, holding out his hands as he sat down against the wall to invite me down beside him. "I'm Calum by the way."
I tried to hold it together, just simply nodding to reply, but everything came flooding back to me all at once.
All of it- the way this all happened over a 'Hem's lifeline'. The way I ended up at the house of the one person I hated most. The way that same person almost let me get raped because he was too focused on getting some of his own. The way the only reason any of this stopped was because of this guy in front of me.
Calum pulled me into a hug as I collapsed onto the floor beside him, not being able to breathe as I thought about what had just happened.
"It's okay," he whispered into my ear as he held me close. "Living like a Youngblood hurts too."