Esmeray felt like the lamest person at the party.
She was tempted to head back upstairs and continue working on all the ways she could try and kill Klaus, but she didn't want to be a coward and walk away without first trying everything.
Approaching the beer keg, she poured herself a bit to drink and downed it, making a face and coughing before going to throw her red cup away. She went to the table with the jello shots and popped one into her mouth. These were more pleasant to chew on, and she took a few, though it did absolutely nothing to excite her, it simply put a more or less delightful taste in her mouth.
She'd forced herself to go onto the dance floor, which was a lot emptier than it had been before. Many of the attendees had already got home with their dates to either rest or continue the celebration in a more intimate setting. She saw Caroline and Tyler dragging each other out the door, she saw Jeremy and Matt stumbling over the porch to get to Matt's truck, and she heard a faint argument upstairs before Elena was gone, too. Though she felt more nervous at the realization that now, she really didn't have any familiar faces to rely on, she had a greater sense of comfort because everyone would be too drunk to remember if she messed up, and either way, there were less individuals who might be judgmental.
Moving her body to the beat, she slinked along the wall, looking for an opening, and hoping that she didn't look stupid with the way she was moving her arms around. Her eyes fixated on one of the more attractive girls who was dancing with her friends on the opposite corner, all of them too drunk to know that Esmeray was a stranger to them.
"You look so hot!" the girl told her, pulling her close and giggling. "You're my best friend."
Esmeray half-smiled. "Sure, I can be your... friend."
"This is my bestie!" the girl squealed, pointing at Esmeray and making the other girls around her cheer. She turned herself around and started to press her bottom against Esmeray's front, which made the hybrid's face heat up. Uncertainly, she put her hands on the girl's waist, rolling her own hips forward to meet hers, which apparently was the right thing to do, because all the girls started to cheer again.
The girl then stood back up. "Your turn!" she told Esmeray, turning her around. The hybrid blushed and tried to do the same, albeit a lot less professionally because she had never done it before. The girl seemed to enjoy it, and giggled, which made Esmeray's entire body feel significantly warmer. She wanted so badly to turn around and just kiss her...
"You're so sober!" the girl slurred when Esmeray stood back up. "Hips don't lie about that."
"Um, yeah, they don't," said Esmeray, not knowing what she was talking about. She hadn't yet learned who Shakira was. "What's your name?"
"You can call me Ash," the girl told her, pulling her close and grabbing her face. Esmeray squeaked a bit, finding herself now sandwiched against the girl as another person came up behind. "Dance!"
Esmeray gave her an awkward smile and started to sway her hips a bit more, putting her hands on the girl's shoulders. "Am I doing it right?" she asked nervously.
"Your hips are so nice," Ash said, which Esmeray guessed was a good thing. "So sway... sway... they move a lot like... curves."
"They're good at swaying?" offered Esmeray, making Ash nod. "Swaying," she confirmed, pulling her close. She smelled of alcohol, and Esmeray made a face, but Ash didn't notice.
"You wanna kiss me?" Ash asked loudly as she pulled Esmeray closer to her.
Esmeray wanted to. She wanted to kiss her and take the girl to her room, because she needed relief and she needed it now. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. The girl was drunk and it felt wrong. So rather than leaning in, Esmeray pulled away and sped out of the crowd, ending up in the kitchen, which was surprisingly vacant. She grabbed herself another water bottle and then moved up to her room, feeling mortified.
As the evening wore on, she heard less and less voices each minute. She didn't emerge from her hiding place until she heard every last person leave. It was the early hours of the morning when the music stopped, and all that remained was the debris created by all the drunk teenagers that'd been in the house.
She'd gone down to start cleaning up. Picking up a plastic bag, she tossed all the cups inside of it, waving her hand every now and then to clean up smaller bits of trash that were harder to get all at once. The carpet had several beer stains, and she'd moved the keg outside to prevent any strange smells accumulating. She popped all the balloons and threw them away too, taking down the streamers and moving the furniture back to its original place. She felt tired, but she wanted to finish at least this task, because in around fifteen hours, she'd be succumbing to yet another painful transformation, meaning she'd be MIA for a few days, and she didn't want to leave this mess to Damon or anyone else.
Esmeray felt crappy. The whole point of having stayed throughout the night was to try and get some relief after feeling horny for months, and she hadn't even succeeded at it. Taking care of it herself wasn't the same— she wanted someone, anyone, to do it instead. Her lack of confidence held her back, and now, she was resorting to playing maid in order to distract herself from the desire to hump everything in sight.
Suddenly, she heard a loud series of crashes upstairs, which was a very substantial distraction. Looking alarmed, she used her wolf speed to get back to the landing where the rooms were, and saw Stefan's bedroom door was open. She went inside and found Damon throwing objects around, growling angrily and making a mess of the room, breaking objects and overturning tables to spill books on the floor. He picked up a guitar and was about to slam it down when he stopped himself, realizing that Esmeray was there.
With a gulp, the hybrid wove her hand, and the broken objects began to repair themselves. He set the guitar back down, but didn't turn to face her, as if he was ashamed of what he'd done.
"What happened?" she asked quietly.
"Stefan killed Andie," he muttered, flexing his fingers as if he still had the urge to do more damage.
Her breath hitched. "Damon... I'm sorry."
"There's nothing you could have done about it," he said plainly, brushing past her and heading to his room. She followed after him, feeling worried. "Damon, do you need to talk about it?" she asked.
"No, I don't want to talk about it," he snapped. "Elena made a big deal about finding out that I've been tracking Stefan, and I just don't need this right now." He stopped in the doorway, letting out a shaky sigh. "Just go to sleep. I'll be fine in the morning."
"You don't sound like you'll be fine," she said, crossing her arms. "I'll leave if you really want me to, but it might help you to talk about it."
"What do you want me to say?" he yelled, whirling to face her. "Do you want to hear me rant about my guilt? I killed my brother's best friend and she was the only person who could have gotten him back on the wagon. He killed someone I cared about— it doesn't matter that Andie was only my fake girlfriend, she was also my friend, and I didn't want to see her get hurt. I want Elena, and I want to be happy with her, but I can't do it because I know I'm moving in on my brother's girl and that's not okay. She makes me feel like I matter even though I'm a fucking monster."
He turned away again, walking into his room, and she went inside before he could close the door, hugging him from behind, which made him tense. "What the hell are you doing?" he said lowly, as if he wanted to shove her off and toss her off the staircase.
"This is what my mother used to do when I felt overwhelmed," she said softly, resting her head against his back. "I used to lose control and tear our house apart and she would never be mad. She'd just hold me until I felt even slightly better. Sometimes, we just need a hug and we don't know it. I'm sorry, Damon. I know how special Andie was and I know that you care about Stefan and I know that Elena means a lot to you... I want to tell you that things will work out but I don't know if they will. I just want you to know that you're not alone. I don't think you're a monster."
He started to tremble as if he wanted to cry, but wouldn't allow himself to. "You don't know me, Esmeray. You don't know the things I've done."
"I don't judge you based on your past," she said simply, rubbing her hands over his chest to try and soothe him. "You've been nice to me. Sarcastic, yes, but nice. You let me stay here when I had nowhere else to go."
"That doesn't make me a good person. You have to understand that."
"Maybe you're not a good person. But you're certainly not a monster."
He shook his head, looking down at her hands and taking them, prying them off of him. "Go to your room, Esmeray," he said weakly.
"But you're hurting, and I want to help you," she said, looking up with puppy eyes. "I can do a Calming Spell, or I can make you some food—"
"Get out of here," he insisted, nudging her out of the room. "Before I use you as a distraction."
She paused, looking up at him, and raised her eyebrows. "Like I said, I want to help you."
Damon shook his head. "Absolutely not. Not happening." He shut the door in her face, and she frowned, crossing her arms. Sensing he hadn't moved away, she said, "Well, I'll go bring you a bottle of bourbon, then."
He opened the door back up again and glared at her. "What part of 'get out of here' do you not understand?" he demanded.
"It doesn't have to mean anything," she pointed out, her emotions not letting her walk away from this opportunity. Since she'd met him, she'd never felt that sort of attraction, but in this moment, he was exactly what she wanted. "You need help. I need help. I want to help you. Do you get it?"
"Don't tempt me, because I will do it," he said, his eyes already blazing with lust. "Go away, Esmeray."
"I'm not leaving until you tell me how I can help you."
"You know what I'm going to say. You know that I'll tell you to get in here and..." he shook his head. "I'm just going to hurt you. You can't want this."
"You don't get to tell me what I can or can't want," she said sourly. "I'm not scared of you. I don't know how much longer I can deal with these heightened emotions without hurting someone."
He stepped forward, holding her hips and bringing her against him, making her breath hitch again. "Last chance to back out," he said, bringing one hand up to her chin. "You have to know... you are absolutely insane if you want your first time to be with me."
"I don't want to back out," she whispered. "I trust you."
Damon brushed his knuckles over her face. "Why are you so fucking stubborn?" he muttered as he brushed her hair away from her neck. She didn't get to answer, because he dipped down and dug his fangs into her neck, making her whimper in pain and hold onto his arms to steady herself. He growled, pressing her harder against him and pulling her fully into the room, the door slamming shut behind them. She felt herself growing lightheaded as he continued to drink, and yet, she didn't feel frightened. He pressed her against the door, grinding his hips into hers and pulling away only when he felt that she was going slightly limp in his arms. Knowing her healing process was slow, he bit into his wrist and offered it to her, letting her drink as she looked at him, the pupils in her hazel orbs already dilated.
He put his hand on the back of her head and pressed his lips firmly onto hers, making her gasp slightly, which made him disconnect immediately. "That was your first kiss, wasn't it?" he asked, looking guilty.
She turned red, remaining silent, and he slid his hand down her side. "Well, did you enjoy it?"
"I did," she said, tiptoeing a bit to kiss him again. He couldn't hold back. He picked her up and used his vampire speed to put her on his bed, pinning her beneath him. She started to tear off his clothes while he did the same to her.
She brought her legs and arms over herself nervously, and he moved them out of the way as he trailed more kisses down her chest. "You look beautiful," he whispered, understanding that she was feeling self conscious.
He eventually captured her mouth in his again when they started, muffling the initial noises of discomfort. She held onto his shoulders tightly, arching her neck back for him to kiss her there. He was more gentle than she imagined he'd be, which left her feeling thoroughly satisfied and unafraid. Once she got used to the feeling, she began to make the choices, which he didn't mind in the slightest. It was a thoroughly erotic experience for him to feel her pinning him down and to see her eyes roll back in ecstasy as she moved over him.
"I get it now," she panted as she pulled his sheets up to cover herself, her legs shaking hard by the time they were done. "Vampire-wolf sex is awesome..." she turned to face him, since he was laying on his side and watching her to make sure that she was okay. "It's like my mind is finally clear. I'd been needing that since April."
"You could have asked," he said, wiggling his eyebrows and gesturing at his body. "This is always open for business."
She blushed. "Let me remind you that I wasn't ever made to feel like I had the mental stability to be a good partner for anyone. I didn't think you'd be interested anyway, you're head over heels for Elena."
"Your Pack was stupid, then. You're a brat, but you're not undesirable. As for Elena, well, I'm not with her, so I'm still available."
"Do you feel better?" she asked him as she got up, holding the sheet up to keep her body covered so she could gather her clothes.
"The question is, do you? I wasn't the one ready to bang a couch armrest."
She rolled her eyes. "The feeling dissipated. At least tonight I'll be at ease..." she cleared her throat. "Well, I'll be headed for the quarry again."
"You could just stay here," he offered as she put her underwear back on. Her dress, unfortunately, needed to be fixed before she tried to wear it to another event. "I mean, you won't hurt anyone. At least you won't be covered in dirt when you come back."
"No, I have to go out there," she said sheepishly. "All the pain causes a release of magic and if I don't go to an open area, I might cause some major damage without realizing it. The fallen trees by the quarry are all my doing. The broken rocks? Also me."
"All I'm saying," Damon told her, sitting up, "is that you don't have to be alone."
"Being alone feels better now. I'm still learning to go through it by myself. I don't want to be dependent on anyone else. I'll be okay. You don't need to worry."
He put his arms behind his head. Of course he worried. She was his friend and he didn't like to see her suffering, especially when he knew there was something he could do to help her. He'd never admit it aloud, but he'd grown to care for her, and he didn't want to see her hurt. "Just make sure you remember what you said," he told her a bit sternly, changing the subject. "You're the one that says this doesn't have to mean anything. I don't want you to—"
"Don't worry," she insisted, holding up her hands. "I know it was just a meaningless one night stand. You don't have to be concerned that I'm going to catch feelings. If you ever need a distraction, you'll know where to find me. I'm not looking for a relationship, just stress relief. Besides, all this Elena pining makes you grumpy. If sex is a way to keep you from being an overly sarcastic dick, then I'm going to pitch in."
Damon quirked a brow. "Doesn't sound like a one night stand the way you're saying it."
"How about... potentially spontaneous hookups when we're both horny or just in a foul mood?" she offered.
"Hmm." He pursed his lips. "Well, then, you better get back here."
She stared at him. "I need to sleep."
"Round two, witchy," he said, patting his lap. "I'm not in a 'foul mood' anymore, but I'm horny, and you'll feel better during the full moon if you're completely asleep."
That seemed like a good arrangement to Esmeray.
She understood that this was just a mutualistic relationship, and she didn't mind it. They could never love one another as more than friends, but they could certainly appreciate the comfort and release the other brought. After the second round, she remained in his bed, too exhausted to move, which was fine by him.
Once she woke at around ten o'clock, she went back to her room and showered, gathering her clothes for later and putting them in the little backpack she used. Downstairs, she found Damon drinking and reading a newspaper.
"Good, you're up," he said, getting to his feet. "I have to go."
"Where to?" she asked, furrowing her eyebrows.
"The Smoky Mountains," he said dramatically. "Ric and Elena are headed up to try and find Stefan. You be a good puppy and stay here."
"If you're going to go confront Klaus, I want to come," she said, crossing her arms.
He snorted. "The point is I'm going to try and bring Elena back before she gets herself killed. You've got your hands full with your transformation tonight."
"Damon!" she hissed as she started to walk to the door. "I want to go!"
"Nope!" He made his way to his car. "Stay here."
She sped to block his path. "If you don't take me with you, I'll just end up following along after," she snapped, making him roll his eyes.
"Fine," he said. "Go get your backpack."
She raised an eyebrow. "What, so you can abandon me?" She stretched out her hand and waited before the backpack flew into it from inside the house. Esmeray cast him a cheeky smile. "Now I'm ready."
Damon huffed as she climbed into the passenger's side. "Have I mentioned you're a stubborn brat?"
"Yeah, you have, and I don't care."
He started to drive, and Esmeray leaned back in the seat. "So, what's the plan?"
"The plan is to convince Elena to come back here and not be an idiot," he said. "Maybe you can do some magic to mind control her, because she's almost as stubborn as you."
"I'm not going to mind control her."
"What happened to 'My specialty is Mind Spells,' huh?"
"It is my specialty, but it doesn't mean I'm willing to do it just because she's trying to find Stefan. I know it's dangerous, but the four of us can get him back and take down Klaus."
"Don't get ahead of yourself. You're going to start transforming in just a couple of hours, and I know damn well you're going to be pretty useless when that gets underway."
She made a face, and he smirked, knowing he was right. "So," she said, changing the subject. "Just to confirm... Elena's not supposed to know about what happened between us, right?"
He frowned. "What makes you say that?"
"I just assumed you wouldn't want her to know, because you're kind of trying to win her over."
"Okay, then she doesn't get to know. You didn't tell Caroline, did you? Otherwise, this won't stay a secret."
She chuckled. "No, I didn't tell Caroline, I know better. I think she was too busy with Tyler last night, either way."
He stuck his tongue out. "Care Bear and Lockwolf sounds like something straight out of a cheesy young adult novel."
"What? It's cute! She's been supportive of his wolf journey and it was bound to happen. I think they're good for each other."
"Personally," said Damon, "I'd never stoop low enough to go with Lockwolf."
"Caroline's pretty," said Esmeray thoughtfully. "And Tyler's not bad looking. You encouraged me to bang him, didn't you?"
"Uh, yeah, because of the wolfy part, not because he's an Adonis. You were the one who said people are hotter nowadays, so I just assumed even someone like Tyler Lockwood or Matt Donovan would be better looking than whoever you were used to a thousand years ago."
"You're so mean," she chided, playfully smacking him. "They're perfectly kind."
Damon wiggled his eyebrows. "Let's ask the real questions, though— would you bang them now that your mind is cleared of horniness?"
That shut her up. "Well, I suppose..."
"Knew it," he laughed. "Come on, you can't tell me you think Caroline Forbes is hot and then also say you'd be willing to bang them. You're good looking, you get to be picky."
"Question," she said, tucking her legs up. "Why Elena? Isn't it weird? She has the same face as Katherine, who did you dirty and ruined your life multiple times. How do you un-associate those memories when they have the same face? Also, I genuinely want to ask Stefan— just because you haven't slept with Elena yet— is it exactly the same? I mean, I understand the personalities are different, but if they're doppelgängers, does that mean...?"
Damon pretended to knock himself out on the steering wheel. "I never want you to ask me that again," he groaned, as if she'd induced an existential crisis.
Esmeray smirked mischievously, remaining satisfied for the rest of the ride.