[Picture of a quote I found on Google at the side. *I do not own the picture*]
☓☓ chapter eighteen ☓☓
The rest of the ride was silent, with both our minds consumed by our own thoughts. However, the quietness was something I was quite thankful for though.
I don't really think I'm ready to receive the news yet.
What am I saying?
I don't think I would ever be ready to accept such news. No one would be.
In fact, no one deserves to be receiving such gravely news.
When the car came to a halt, I opened the door for her and we headed into her house.
It looked exactly the same as it was when I first came over the other time.
Beige colored walls, wooden floor and very color oriented furniture.
It looks really homey and inviting.
"So, to my room?" She suggested, pointing at the stairs.
"Your room? Sure thing." I smirked, wriggling my eyebrows at the same time.
"I'm not talking about that, you pervert." She laughed lightly, bumping into my shoulder playfully.
"Whatever you say, cupcake." I winked, before climbing up the stairs with her.
Her room looked exactly the same as before, minus the balloons.
I wonder if she has already played with the helium from the balloons.
If you want to know the answer just ask her, idiot. Right.
"Have you played with the helium from the balloons yet?" I inquired, after making myself comfortable on her bed.
Ah, it's so soft.
"Nope. It's stored in my closet. Maybe we can all play with it together tomorrow, before they deflate?" She suggested, earning an excited nod from me.
After we settled down, she sat crisscrossed across me. Hey that rhymes!
"So where do I start from?" She asked quietly, looking down and fidgeting with her fingers nervously.
I, on the other hand, looked calm on the outside, but was internally bubbling with nerves.
I'm not even the one breaking the news, yet I'm so jittery.
I must be losing my mind.
"Maybe from where you're comfortable with starting from, or simply the beginning?"
She pondered for a minute before sighing lightly.
"Alright. I'll start from last year then. In around March, I suddenly had a really high fever, and started vomiting and having frequent diarrhea. It got so bad that I actually fainted after visiting the washroom in the middle of the night. Mum and dad was so scared that they sent me to the hospital immediately. When I woke up, I was in a ward, with different tubes running through my body. My parents walked in with the doctor shortly after I was awake, and their eyes were visibly bloodshot, whereas the doctor was offering me a sympathetic smile. At that moment, my instincts already told me that something was wrong with me."
She stopped to catch her breath, and I took this moment to take her hand in mine, squeezing it as a form of encouragement to continue.
"- and I was right. He told me that they've ran a few tests on my body when I was unconscious, and found more white blood cells than red ones in my system. In other words, he was trying to convey the message to me that I have leukemia. He then further explained my case to my parents and I, but I was barely paying attention. I... I was so scared, Asher. I didn't know how to react, let alone know what to do. So, I broke down. I was shaking so badly that my parents had to do all the talking and questioning for me. The doctor then informed us that since my cancer was still in its early stage, I could rely on medication first. So I did. In fact, I've been on medication all these while, even after moving here."
At this point, silent tears were rolling down her cheeks. Hell, I could even feel my own tears pricking at the edges of my eyes, and let me tell you - Asher Grayson never cries.
So you should be able to see how much this is affecting me. I can practically feel how vulnerable she felt at that time, and it really sucks.
I started rubbing circles on her palm with my fingers, as a form of distraction to stop the tears from leaking, but it proved to be futile. A mere second later, I could practically taste salt on my lips.
If Am was here right now, she would make sure to use this against me for the rest of my life.
But since this is Sky, the girl that I like, or maybe even fucking love, that we're talking about, I don't really care.
She wouldn't judge me, right?
"-A few days after moving here, I checked in at the local hospital and they ran tests on me every other week. That's the reason why I don't hang out with you guys on Sundays. You can also say that's how Am found me in the hospital last week, and know about my condition. Maybe Chelsea overheard our conversation too. After I moved over, medication was no longer able to keep my condition at bay. It suddenly deteriorated drastically. That was why after fainting, again, during gym, my parents forced me to visit the doctor. That was when he told us that something else has to be done, and medication alone isn't enough any longer. These few weeks, I can literally feel my body weakening and I don't feel like myself anymore. I think my time is going to be up soon, Asher, and I'm really scared, that's why I didn't tell you guys. I don't want to be a burden to anyone as I think my time is up soon. I think I'm going to -"
I planting my lips on hers, effectively silencing her. I didn't want to hear what she was about to say, because I refused to believe it.
She's not going to die. She's going to get well soon. She's going to live to a ripe age. Maybe even longer than me.
Her lips tasted salty, just like mine, but they were still addictive and soft.
"I forbid you to ever say that again." I whispered every word softly, yet authoritatively, in between each kiss, while she just sat there, too lazy or too shocked to move. I prefer to take it as the latter.
At least she didn't push me away.
That reminds me. I'll have to ask her if she likes me too sometime later. That can wait for the time being.
"So, is there... You know, is there a cure?" I asked silently after we pulled apart, both afraid and curious of the answer.
Even though we were apart, we were still pretty close to each other. With just a tilt of my head, we would be kissing again.
"There is. The doctor says that I can undergo a bone marrow transfusion, which is normally 70% successful."
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion. If it's normally successful, then why isn't she going for it?
As if reading my mind, she continued to explain. "They've actually already ran some tests on me and my parents. My dad has the same blood type as me, and they're suitable for my body, so they're currently planning when to do the transfusion."
Oh. It sounds so... Easy. But why is it that so many people actually die due to leukemia?
"Is it safe?" I asked quietly.
"That I'm not entirely sure either. Some people recover fully after the transfusion, whereas other less fortunate ones suffer from long or short term side effects. Those really unfortunate patients might just suffer from a relapse and never wake up again."
Never wake up again. Those four words alone managed to scare the living daylights out of my body. I stared at Sky with glossy eyes, tears occasionally rolling down. I just stared at her silently and nothing else, for our eyes showed everything.
Pain and fear.
I couldn't take my eyes off her, and neither could she. The connection had to be held, it just had to.
If it broke... if it broke even for a mere millisecond, I was afraid that I would lose her forever.
I've never felt so vulnerable in my life before. Ever.
Okay, maybe that time when my dog, my former best friend, died, I locked myself in my room for days, sobbing to no end, but that's different.
This time, it's a human being, that we are talking about. I'm not trying to say that my dog wasn't important, so no offence to you, pal.
Like I was saying, I've never felt so defenseless and so...
Useless.
It pains me that I can't do anything for her. At all. It hurts even more to see her suffering, but there's nothing that I can do to ease her pain.
Another pang shot through my heart when it finally dawned on me that she has been keeping this to herself all along, and I've not even noticed anything different about her.
"Hey, don't look so passive. I'm fine." she muttered in a low voice, sending me a wobbly smile.
I don't know whether the latter was meant to comfort me, or herself.
Either way, I still shot her a similar looking smile. She's so strong. Stronger than anyone I've ever met. For that, my admiration and affection for her just grew fonder.
With an inaudible sigh, I lunged forward for the second time today, and engulfed her in a tight embrace, never wanting to let go of her.
"You're a warrior, cupcake. God would watch over you. No matter what happens, I'll always be there for you. You don't have to go through this by yourself, okay? You'll be fine, and I won't allow you to say or ever think otherwise."
No matter what happens, I'll always be there for you, cupcake, because I may or may not have just realized that I really love you.