KWON JIYONG
She begins to loosen her hug, and I instinctively pull her to my chest again. She surprisingly flinches but somehow manages to embrace me around.
"I always love you, too," I say through her hair, trying to force my mind to myself.
We hug for a while without any words pouring from our mouths.
"I better go." She finally breaks off and walks herself to the doorway. "Bye, Oppa." She stares at me while holding a door handle, as if to remember me for one last fucking time.
"Bye." The word falls from my lips.
We stare at each other for a brief second. She smiles at me with her eyes full of moisture, still, it doesn't fall from hers just yet. I force a smile back, and she eventually leaves.
I stand in front of the door for two hours later. I just think at least she'd come back as I saw her last look. Waiting for her like a puppy dog waiting for its owner.
But she never comes.
Even her shadow never shows up.
And I am now a complete orphaned puppy.
* * *
"You alright, Jiyong?"
I feel a tapping on my shoulder and look up to see Ahjumma standing over me. Her eyes full of absolute worries. Mine full of tears.
"No." I decide not to lie, because I can't pretend everything's fine when it's not.
The more she looks at me, the more I feel so pity. She exhales pitifully before sitting beside me against the door, pulling my head to rest on her comfortable shoulder.
"It's okay not to be okay, honey. Thank you for admitting that you're not." Her fingers run through my hair. And I begin to sob.
"I've been trying my best, but I'm fucked up. I think I messed everything up, Ahjumma."
"Of course you're not," she whispers above my head. "If you did your best, then you can't be disappointed because you tried your best."
"I hate being the same, I'm still right where she left me."
She cups my jaws up to look at me directly. It makes me weaker when I found out her eyes are bloodshot like mine.
"Listen, Jiyong. I don't think anyone ever left you as long as you expand your world for them to stay." And she pauses, inhaling. "Bona went away because she needed to catch her dream that it never ever came true like you before. Well, long story short. But have you ever thought about joining her journey so that you can be together again?"
My forehead creases. "What do you mean?"
"Well..." She clears her throat. "The backstories of both of you have been messed up because you two needed to separate to grow up and do whatever you had to do during in its eras.
But whichever era never lasts forever. Eventually, you somehow have to retire something you've been clung to. Like some people have said 'we can't hold on to something to stay long.'.
So what I'm trying to say is...if you have successfully caught whatever you dreamed of enough already, isn't it the right time for you to settle down with someone you love and intertwine her dream and yours together?"
"What's exactly your point, Ahjumma?" I'm so confused. "You mean—I go get her back to be hurt later with me?"
"Not exactly." She shakes her head. "All I'm saying is, you go get her back, but"—she raises an index finger up—"but tell her that you're ready to lower your guard, you're ready to go wherever her dream stays. You're ready to fix everything alright."
And I hesitate, thoughtfully.
"...You think so?"
"I dunno, my love." She shakes her head again, beaming sincerely. "Ask yourself whether you're really ready to be selfless for her. Five years ago, you let Bona decide it. Now it's your turn."
Blinking thoughtfully, then I immediately jump to my feet. Almost got head rush.
"I think I'm ready." The decision pours out from my lips. I think no matter how many times I have to reconsider, the answer is still the same.
And Daisies is my answer.
"Yes, I'm totally ready," I repeat again, but this time sounds stronger and more precise as I manage. For an instant, I just realize that... "I need to find out where she is. She might have gone back to her country before I catch her, now." And I try to concentrate precisely.
"Shouldn't she stay at some hotel or take off today?" Ahjumma assumes herself. I begin to panic with her assumption.
"I dunno." There's sweat occurring around my hairline. "I need to call her but I don't have her number. We seem to have changed ours after the past years. What should I do?" Fuck, I think I better hurry.
We're hesitant for a brief fucking second. Later on, as if someone just switched the channel in my mind, and it pops up a right one for me.
"I think I know whom I should call," I say with a grin.
* * *
"Hyung. This is an urgent. I know you're upset, but I need you to do me a favor right away."
Hurriedly climbing into my supercar, I switch the phone call into CarPlay. I pull it into the road in less than seconds, though I don't even know where exactly I'm going.
"I'm not drinking with you today. I'm busy living on my own. My father just got buried, okay?" T.O.P snaps and about to hang up.
I immediately cut into the main part, "I need you to call Daisies that I'm on my way to meet her."
"What on earth are you doing with her?" After a little pause, he begins to mutter.
"Listen, Hyung. I gave up on everything. I love her. From now on, I'll go wherever she goes. I have to tell her before she left. The problem is I don't have her fucking number and I changed mine last year, but I know you have. You've been communicating with her for the past years. So give me her goddamned number right now!"
There's a small silence he gives me for a while, and I want to punch the steering wheel to beat him up through the line.
"Easy, dickhead." At least he speaks before I do. I hear him sigh sharply before continues, "I'll text you. Is there any help you want?" His tone is calm and soft, they all are completely beyond what I ever expected. I thought he's going to resist my stubborn idea.
"Th...thank you, Hyung. Seriously, thank you."
"Whatever you say," he scoffs. His voice begins to be more serious at the mid-track, "But you better hurry. As I remember, her flight back to America is today at five."
I glance at the clock on the dashboard and begin to be anxious. "Wait. She's leaving in 45 minutes? I can't even make it to the airport by car in 30," I spit, pulling into the expressway instantly.
"I told you. You better fucking hurry if you want to catch her."
"I AM. I'm fucking driving," I dare snap. "Anyway, thank you so so much, Hyung. I'd better hang up. I need to call her."
"Bruhhh. Whatever." He makes an annoying sound. "Go fucking get her. Don't waste any more time. You two've wasted for five whole fucking years. I'm already sick of these stubborn kids as hell. Bye now." And he swiftly hangs up before I even tell him that how much I love him.
Less than thirty seconds, my phone screen pings—showing T.O.P hyung's message. I quickly type Daisies's number that he just texted on the dashboard screen's keypad, and call her immediately.
Later on, what drives me more mental than actually driving on this long road right now, is the failed calls I get. Daisies doesn't pick me up for all of my 18 outgoing calls. I think I'm going to be a crazy moron.
Afterward, I finally can manage myself to be at the airport within 10 minutes. Don't ask how many tickets I'm going to get later.
I keep calling as picking up my pace almost running inside the airport. Some of the people begin to notice me and raise up their phone to snap me a bunch of pictures. But do I even fucking manage to care, though? As long as I can't find my girl and tell her how I can't live without her anymore, I won't stop my reckless paces. Still, Daisies yet doesn't pick up my phone, and I'm going to be really rawly crazy. All of the sudden, I begin to hear some passing-by folks chatting about spotting Daisies and Fucking Marco at the corner of the G8 gate. I smirk and speed up to be there in less than two minutes.
And God blesses me at such a right time. As I emerge to the G8 fucking gate, Daisies're lining up to get her boarding pass.
"Dais..." I call as soon as I reach her.
"Oppa!" Daisies surprisingly exclaims, eyes widen locking on me. "What are you doing here?"
"I...err.." I stop as being interrupted by whatshisname—her manager.
"You came here for me?" If I didn't get it wrong, I think Daisies is unconsciously, excitedly smiling.
I'm about to admit her, but then whatshisname bloody interrupts me again.
"Aren't you trying to make a scene?" he snaps, narrowing his eyes on me. Fuck, I want to punch him in the face like hell.
"It's fine, Marc." Daisies palms up at him with a look, then turns to me with many stars in her eyes.
"I...err," I begin to mutter. Words are helplessly stuck at my lips. I take a deep breath and step up towards her. "Listen, Dais. I need to tell something really important to you. I lov—."
"OMG! That's Jiyong oppa and Delansey Kim!!"
We all turn to the yelling groupies gathering around us. The sound of taking pictures and screaming simultaneously shatter towards me and Daisies.
"Dais. I think I still lov—."
"I think you should leave." Again with Fucking Marco.
I stare at the distance between us, clenching my fists between either side of my hips. "I'm not fucking finished," I say through my teeth—to this jerk, while I'm never breaking eye contact with my girl.
"Whatever you say. You're making such a huge scene. You know it's not good for Kim."
"I don't mind people taking my pictures," Daisies immediately protests.
For an instant, there're a few of airport bodyguards approaching towards us. They actively begin to dog each of us, and I got some of them pulling me off. Daisies tries to flick a look back at me as being separated.
We are being separated from each other.
For one last time before Daisies being swallowed into the zombie of bodyguards like I am, I see Fucking Marco emerging himself towards her. He takes off his jacket and covers up Daisies's head with it, and both of them eventually disappear together.
Crestfallen standing, I then push bodyguards away from my way. As fumbling myself back to my car, Ahjumma's quote begins to pop up in my head again. 'If you did your best, then you can't be disappointed because you tried your best.'
Apparently, I am not finished trying my best, so I reach into my pocket and manage to keep on trying as best as I can.
KIM BONA
So the bodyguards securely brought me and Marco out of the crowd successfully. Now, we're queueing up to the baggage loading area, plus some of the guards still dogging next to us.
I grip my luggage handle and touch my temples with my free hand. Headache is all I'm mostly having since I haven't eaten anything properly since the morning, and I'm now fucking exhausted. Also, it's a heartbreaking for me to see GD having tongue-tied in front of me; as if he really had something important to inform me like he just told, but, out of the blue, being disappeared. I am certainly curious and anxious about what he was going to tell me. Today is truly such a long hard day for me.
"I'm going to get a cup of coffee," I tell Marco, breaking off the line.
He swiftly grabs my wrist. "Where? I'm coming with you."
"I'm not your little baby, Marc." I glare at him, tearing his hand off of me, and walk off with a bodyguard.
As I'm almost at Starbucks, I just realize that I'm taking my handbag with me. All of my stuff here is with Marco ever since when we were at the Church. I sigh, throwing hands in the air, and fumble my way back to Marco again.
"Marc, I forgot my handba—," I'm speaking as getting near him at the baggage loading area. He's turning his back towards me, listening to something on his phone. It sounds like familiar and mysterious to me at the same time. So I stop and wait to hear it out.
'...I know I'm fucked up, Dais.'
It's GD's voice. My legs freeze.
'But I love you. I have. I've still got you all over me for five fucking years. And it's been like a hell for me not being able to touch you, love you anymore. I miss tucking your hair behind your ear when it blocked your view. I miss whispering I love You in the morning when you were asleep on my chest. I miss fighting with you about stupid stuff and making up in the same day. I miss hugging you, kissing you, even touching every part of your skin that once they were all mine. I miss listening to your laugh, your voice, your beautiful singing. I miss everything about you, Dais. I love all of them including your flaws.
For five damn years, I've been searching you in every woman I've met. And I know there's only one soul that exists in one and I could not reach it...I can't.
Please give me one more chance to prove to yourself that how much I love you. I'm giving up on everything, Daisies. I'll go wherever you go. I'm not stopping your dreams anymore because I'll be catching them with you. I'm done being selfish. It can't be just me anymore. There's gotta be you and me together.
So please, my little one, please come back to me. If you're thinking the same as me, until your flight doesn't leave just yet, I'll be waiting for you at—.'
And the mid-track was interrupted by the sound of a plane announcement. I hardly catch up with what GD's talking about next, and he seems to have finished already.
"What on earth was that?"
Marco flinches as turning to me with my phone in his hand and my handbag in another.
"Nothing, " he lies.
"Wasn't that GD?" I glare at him, expanding my hand to catch my phone. And he raises it out of my reach.
"It was just a stupid voicemail. You better get ready for the plane."
I try to snap it, but he keeps resisting.
"Give. It. To. Me." I hold his arm.
He shakes his head. "It's useless, Kim. You and he are too different. You're apparently better off without that twat."
"Don't you dare even call him like that." I am now perfectly mad at Marco. He's awfully crossing my line too much. "Please give me my goddamned phone. This is me warning you for a very last time."
No matter how excessive I try to be hard on him, he never listens. And it drives me more freaking mental like a crazy moron, Marco shoves my phone into my luggage. Then, he breaks the line of some tourists and emerges himself to the conveyor belt, placing my luggage on it.
"What the fuck are you doing!?" I confront him. Not even care if I'm making a stupid scene one more time.
"I am trying to help you forget him. He's not good for you. You're wasting your time with him," he strongly insists, reaching for my arm. "Please go back to your home with me. It's nothing to be here anymore."
Pacing backwards, I hold up my hands in the air. "You know what, Marc?" I pause, lifting my chin defiantly. "You can have all my stuff if you want to. Take them all with you. I don't care. I'm done having this conversation with you. I'm done everything there about my career. And I am not going anywhere, this is my home. There's no need to stray somewhere else anymore. I am home. Goodbye, Marco." And I turn around, storming my way back into my home.
"Kim, get back here!"
I hear him calling after me, but his voice fades away as swiftly as I keep running.
* * *
As I'm at the doorway of some airport gate, I'm quite not sure what I suppose to do next for few minutes straight. Feeling absolutely blank, I hardly try to focus and make a brief plan to find GD.
"Kim?"
I turn around, unbelievable it is really, "CL?" And her name falls from my lip. Unexpectedly surprised.
"Are you alright?" Standing on the footpath a few feet away, she narrows her eyes on me.
"No," I quickly run into her, feeling strange but kind of glad that she's here. "Are you taking off?" I ask as soon as I reach her.
She looks at me, sort of examines. "No. I just got off from Japan." And she pauses, eyes tracing me in puzzlement. "What's wrong? You look...you know, kinda awful."
"I need some help, CL," I quickly muse, gasping.
"What do you want?"
I take a quick breath and begin to sum up. "GD and I just broke apart minutes ago. And we...err...I kinda realized later about how much I love him. It's...I dunno, I need to find him." I pause to gasp and catch my breath hardly. "Listen, I think he's still nearby around here. I need to find him before he leaves and I—."
And I stop, breathing faster and more frequent.
She touches my arm in worry. "Easy, easy. I'm listening to you."
"I need to see him right now, CL. I need to tell him that I love him." Tears start to stream around the corner of my eyes.
She thoughtfully hesitates for a brief second, then leads me to a Volvo car parking on the road beside the footpath.
"Get in my car first. There're lots of people here." She opens the driver-side door, and I stay put in surprise. Climbing into half of her seat, she pops her head outside and shouts, "If you want to find him when you still have one more chance, GET IN THE DAMN CAR and bring the old Jiyong back to the world. I'm sick of seeing him being a ghost for five years!"
Her words definitely beef up my pace to emerge into the car.
"So what do we do next?" she asks as I'm still closing the door.
"I dunno. You have his number? I don't even have my phone with me."
CL shakes her head. "No. We've lost contacts for years. I did try to get him, but he obviously cuts me off."
"Oh.." I hesitate for a second, then continue, "So how can I reach him now? He said in the previous voicemail that he'll be waiting for me somewhere before my flight leaves, but I couldn't catch up." And I pause, glancing at the dashboard clock. "Sh—shit! It's just minutes left."
"Hey, hey, hey. You need to calm down." She holds a hand up; as if stops a taxi. "I think he'll be here a little bit longer. We still have time."
"So what are we gonna do?"
We're in a thoughtful hesitation in her car for a moment. Then, she raises an index finger up with a winning grin on her face.
"I knew what we're gonna do."
"What's it? Whadda you want me to do?" My forehead creases.
She smirks.
"No. You don't have to do anything. Just let me be on my way." And then she pauses, eyes full of seriousness. "But after this, we'd call it even, okay?" I gradually nod. "You know, for my terrible backstories with you."
KWON JIYONG
"Dammit. Fuck!"
Hitting the steering wheel hardly, I settle my back against the seat and start to pull myself together.
Her flight is just flown off as I see...and she still doesn't show up here like I told her to in that fucking voicemail. So does it mean she actually abandons me?
I'm panicking, being bothered, and pissed off.
This yet is not the end. I am not trying my best enough.
I jump off of my car in the airport parking lot, and hurriedly emerge to inside again.
"The fastest departed flight to New York is about to take off in 18 minutes. Are you sure you want to book one right away?" asks a reservation officer.
"Yes. I'm in such a rush. Please hurry up." In eighteen minutes? This is too fast than I expected and even prepared myself. But it's not that bad, it's good, by the way. I'm thinking; maybe I could drop by some country on the way and buy some clothes there.
Less than minutes, I finally got my ticket to New York, I then hurry almost jog to get on the airplane. On the way down there, T.O.P hyung calls.
"What, Hyung?" I snap as soon as I picked up.
"You guys've gotta be shitting me, right? I told you my dad just got buried today. Can't you just leave me alone?" he immediately complains. I wonder what he's talking about as walking in the corridor to the airplane.
"I'm hurried, Hyung. Be quick. What do you mean?"
"CL just called to get you"—I begin to wonder how CL is appeared during now, out of the blue—"...she.... told me to...." His voice is cut off irregularly, as if we're being broken off by the reception.
I lower my phone to look at its screen, realizing the problem is not the reception. My phone is very nearly getting out of battery. Damn it. When will I get it charged again?
"Hello, Hyung? You hear me? I'm going off to New York to catch Daisies."
"...don't...Bona is wai—." And his line is cut off as my phone's finally dead.
I shrug unenthusiastically and keep jogging to my way. As I'm over at a jet bridge and some of my passengers begin to spot me more further including the air hostesses and stewards, I pretend to not make attention and give them a brief smile as I could manage.
The air hostess who checks my ticket, she keeps glancing at me with tons of stars in her eyes. And she accidentally tears my ticket in two.
"Oh, my God. I am terribly sorry, GD oppa," she says apologetically in shock.
"It's fine. It's fine." I can't help rolling my eyes. "Where's my seat, anyway?"
Having been hurrying in these minutes, I completely forgot even to take a look at the details of my flight.
She studies the torn ticket and then looks at me in disappointment. "My apology. I just unintentionally tore off over the box of your number." I secretly sigh. "Would it be okay for you if you wait here until all of the passengers have taken their seats, so you could correctly peer yours later?"
"Yeah. Guess so."
She returns my ticket and keeps apologizing to me for like ten times. I impatiently manage myself to the waiting bench, pulling my hood up so that some folks would ever recognize me too easily.
Seemingly, when most of the passengers are gone into the plane, the same air-hostess finally approaches towards me and politely leads me into the fucking stupid plane.
When I'm walking in the jet bridge, all of the sudden, there's an urgent announcement comes on from the loudspeaker. I helplessly stop.
'Attention, please. This is an urgent separation happening...'
I shrug and keep walking.
'...Miss Kim Bona is looking for her lover...'
And I immediately stop pacing more steps as hearing the name, my legs froze. The air-hostesses stare at me confusingly.
'She has separated from a true soulmate for five years. Will anyone be so kind bringing him to an XC60 black Volvo car over the front second gate where she is patiently waiting to get home with him.'
I instinctively turn to the loudspeaker as nearest as me standing, and it's repeating the same announcement again. All I extremely peer my ears towards is Her Name and the dialogue of Five Years separation.
Repeating in my head for a moment until my stupid mind becomes clear. "Sh—shit! That's me!"
I quickly turn around, running off of the plane, and hurriedly emerge to the front second door as fast as I could. There're the air hostesses calling me from behind, their voices no longer long and fade away quickly as my paces receding away from them.
As soon as I reach the front gate, the XC60 black Volvo is pulling off the footpath.
"Fuck! Stop!!" I shout, running after the car along on the footpath. I don't care whether I'm making such a huge scene.
"Stop!" Bending over, I grip my knees and try to catch my breath when I reach at the end of the footpath.
The Volvo is driving off—out of my apparent sight. A tear slips down my cheek.
"Oppa?"
My heart almost stops beating as hearing the familiar voice shouting from behind. When I turn around to meet that gorgeous blond, I stand frozen. I shake my head and try to believe if it's really her.
This is surreal. Literally unbelievable.
...but nice.
"I th...I thought you were gone...forever." Words irregularly fall from my lips. I raise a thumb backwards behind my ear, never break the eye contact with my girl—as if she would be disappeared any second if I blink.
"CL is just moving her car. We're not allowed to park here for 15 mins max," she explains, and my puzzled memories begin to assemble correctly—about why T.O.P just mentioned about CL, and especially about all of me and Daisies finally being able to return one another again.
Even ten feet away on this footpath that we're apart right now, I still can see those dazzling, moist eyes looking at mine so clearly. She looks exhaustedly horrible, but still gorgeous ever for me.
We're frozen looking at each other on our ground for a minute. This is way harder than singing on the stage amongst a hundred thousand people. We have a speech, but we're speechless.
She begins to step towards me first, and I quickly pace each large step of mine to get her faster than she could manage to.
Daisies's cleaned off the ground as I'm picking her up. I hug her so hard, squeezing her until she bursts out laughing.
"It's gotta be you. It has been," she whispers to my ear, sniffing and keep repeating her words over and over. "Don't we ever do that again."
"I'm sorry, little one. I'm so sorry. I was such a complete moron. Shouldn't have been selfish letting you leave alone." I put her down on her feet, still embracing her waist in my arms. There's the sound of simultaneously clicking shutters round up me and her. But we never manage to break our eye contact.
Daisies tightens her arms around my neck. "I am selfish, babe. Not you. I shouldn't have left you to catch that stupid dream," she protests.
"It's absolutely not stupid," I correct her, our forehead nuzzling. "I gave up on everything, Dais. From now on, it's gotta be you and me wherever you desire. Is that okay with you?"
She chuckles with tears, nodding rapidly. "Yes, baby. Yes and yes. I need you more than anything. Saranghaeyo, Oppa."
"I love you, too, Daisies," I say, tightening my arms round her.
"Kiss her, Oppa!"
We turn to some groupies shouting on our other side.
I giggle, wiping my cheek sloppily before turn to Daisies. It never gets old about the way I instinctively manage to translate for her. It's in my blood, and I never ever get tired of doing this.
"They meant me kissin—."
"I know," Daisies cuts me off with a beautiful grin. Then, she turns to the groupies and speaks with them. "Would you mind if I take your Oppa to be mine from now on? I promise I'd take care of him as well as I could."
Dropping my bottom lip, I couldn't believe what I'm hearing. Daisies is speaking English and especially Korean at the mid-track? Even her smooth-spoken accent makes me adore her than I ever do already.
"Please take him and don't ever split up," replies a red-haired girl.
"If it wasn't her, we wouldn't take anyone. Jiyong oppa, please take care of her as well!" adds another girl, and I nod in absolute agreement.
"We love you both!"
In the meantime, Daisies and I turn to one another again, a big grin stretching over our faces. I gradually cup her cheeks with the palms, lowering my head towards her, and plant a kiss on her lips. We kiss like we've never done it before. Her lips and her touch always give me all the same vibe.
Daisy vibe.
I squint as hearing the engine dropping behind the crowd. I give that Volvo thumbs up as kissing Daisies. For a brief second, it drives away from our ground—as if we just shared the air quotes to each other, it's like me saying 'thank you' and CL replying 'whatever'.