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TW - death, abuse
Feeling loved. Love.
That was a feeling Kenma hasn't felt in a very long time. Well ever since his mother died there wasn't really anyone who gave him this kind of affection.
The day his mother died. He still remembered this day like it was just yesterday. When the doctors came inside and told him to wake her up, she didn't. She was gone and she was never coming back again.
Small Flashback.
"Hey little man." Said one of the doctors, while coming inside the room. Kenma, who was currently laying on his mother's chest, raised his head and smiled at the older man.
"IS it time for dinner?" asked the little boy and the doctor nodded at him. Kenma crawled out of his mother's grasp and turned around to wake her up. "Mommy wake up." Said the little boy and shook his mother's body, but she wasn't waking up.
"Mommy?" Kenma began to pull on her arms, desperately trying to get the woman to open her eyes. Slowly the doctor began to notice how pale the woman looked and how lifeless her body laid there on the hospital bed.
His eyes widened and he pulled out his pager calling one of the nurses inside the room. When she finally got there she whispered something in his ear and then gasped.
By now Kenma also saw how pale his mother looked and how her body was so limp and lifeless. He is a twelve year old boy, yes he knows about death but no she can't be gone. Not her, not the one person he loves the most, not his savior.
"Mommy." Kenma whispered and slowly took her hand in his. Her hand was so cold, it almost felt like he was touching ice. Tears slowly ran down his cheeks as he tried to warm up his mother's hands.
"I love you mom." Said the little boy as his tears were now falling onto her hands. The doctors slowly went to the boy and put their hands on his shoulder. "We are so sorry."
Yes this was the day Kenma's mother, his savior, became his guardian angel, always looking down at him from above.
Flashback end
"Kenma!" screamed the girl as she tried to wake him up and this time the boy actually began to move. "Ugh." Groaned the boy as he slowly set up and looked around.
Suddenly he was being dragged down again and tightly hugged by someone. For a second he didn't know who that person was, but then he realized that it was actually Y/n.
"Omg you are awake I was so worried about you and." The boy cut Y/n off by hugging her back tightly. He just wanted to cherish this moment. The way she hugged him made him feel warm inside.
He didn't know why it did, but he felt comfortable in her grasp. He hasn't felt very comfortable when people hugged him, but with her it was different. She was different from all the others.
"I'm okay, don't worry about me." Suddenly the girl pulled away and looked at Kenma angry. "Are you serious? I shouldn't worry about you? Kenma you just collapsed because your body couldn't take it anymore."
In a matter of seconds the girl stood up softly pulling the boy with her as she went to the entrance of the ice skating rink. Kenma became confused not knowing what Y/n had in mind. "Where are we going?"
Y/n looked at the boy as she was helping him walking in his tight figure skating shoes. "Well at first we will go and take of these stupid shoes and then we will go to your dorm room."
"Why?" Y/n turned her head to him and smiled softly. "I'm going to take care of you Kenma. You can't continue like this. Your body can't do this anymore and I won't watch you destroy yourself for whatever reason. So from now on I will take care of you."
Kenma felt his heart skipping a beat as she said those words for him, the last time someone, other than Kuroo and the five boys actually cared for him was such a long time ago.
He smiled at her and both of them slowly went to the bench where his bag laid.
At the moment Kenma was sitting on his bed waiting for Y/n to come back. She said she will get something and will be back in a minute, but it has already been about five minutes.
Maybe she just left him like all of the others, she probably was just trying to be nice to him only to get away from him afterwards. Sighing Kenma stood up groaning as he felt the pain in his rips and legs.
But before he could take another step his door opened and Y/n stepped inside with a small back in her hand. The girl's eyes widened as she saw Kenma standing in the middle of the room.
"What are you doing you idiot. You should be sitting on your bed, not walking around." Said the girl and softly pushed him back onto his bed. Kenma was confused. Why did she come back? Does she actually care for him?
The girl quickly took her bag and took out some of the things that were inside. Kenma could see that there were different kinds of food and drinks but also some kinds of pills.
"Here take this. You will feel better soon." Hesitating for a second Kenma took the glass of water and the little white pill Y/n held up for him and drank it. "What was that?" asked the curious boy. "Pain killers. What do you think it was, drugs? Do I look like Kageyama?" asked the girl with a sarcastic tone, making Kenma grin.
Slowly Y/n sat down next to Kenma with the food and drinks between them. She took one of the drinks and opened the bottle, drinking a bit from it. Kenma decided to also take one of the drinks and put it in his lap.
When he looked back at the girl, he saw that she was already looking at her with a worried face. "What?" asked the boy as he took a little sip from the drink he had in his hand.
"I want you to tell me what's going on. Why are you doing this to yourself?" Kenma gulped. Could he really tell her the truth? Is he able to trust her? Shifting his body he looked at Y/n and he saw something in her. He saw the worry in her eyes.
Was she actually caring about him? Gulping another time Kenma tried to be brave and sat back up now facing the girl completely.
"I just, I want to be enough for everyone. I want people to be proud of me, I want them to be here, to be proud of me. To love me." Y/n's smile faded as she heard Kenma say those words.
"You probably don't know this, but my dad hates me, he always did. Ever since I was a little kid he beat me up, till I had broken bones and cuts everywhere. But there was this one person who always protected me with her whole entire life. That was my mom.
But then she died, while I was laying in her arms. I couldn't do anything against it, she was just gone. I felt so useless for not being able to help her. After she died I shut myself away from everyone. My friends, my family, just everyone. That was actually the time I discovered video games. But then I fell into that deep hole and no one was there to push me out of it.
Everyone left me. MY friends left me as soon as I distanced myself from them. Their "I am going to be here for you forever" turned into a lie and I was alone sinking into that hole deeper and deeper. That was until Kuroo came and pushed me out of it. He helped me cope with a lot of things and I will always be grateful for him. He is my best friend and I love him.
And then I got into this school and met the other guys. We instantly clicked, all of us having emotional trauma made us become a very strong group. At that time I had to choose between a sport and for some reason I chose figure skating.
I wasn't the best at first and I didn't really care about it until I saw the other five guys getting so much attention from all of their fan girls. And I didn't. No one was looking at me or acknowledging my existence. And then I thought that maybe if I became better maybe someone would give me their attention as well.
So I started to work hard on getting better. I practiced every day after school till 1 am. I tried so hard to finally get someone who actually loves me, but no one was there.
So I became what I am now. This ruthless monster who doesn't care about anyone you know? That's my reputation right? I am a monster Y/n and no one will ever acknowledge the real side of me. They will always see that ruthless monster and no one will ever give me that feeling of being my home, no one will give me those butterflies, no one will protect me from my dad, tell me that I should stop overworking myself, no one will ever love me Y/n, because I am a monster just like the others.
By now tears were streaming down Kenma's face. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to get everything out and now seemed like a good moment. As he began to cry more and more he suddenly felt someone softly grabbing his cheek, making him look up at them.
"Kenma, you aren't a monster." Said the girl with a soft voice, but the boy only shook his head. "No I am I am I am." Y/n's felt so bad seeing the boy breaking down in front of her. She didn't know what to do, whatever she would say, he wouldn't listen anyway. Then Y/n got an idea and she softly took Kenma's face in her hands and pushed him forwards towards her.
Kenma's eyes widened as he felt her soft lips on his own. After a second he melted into the kiss never wanting it to end. He could taste the drink Y/n was drinking just a few minutes ago.
Softly Kenma put his arms around Y/n's body and slowly pushed her onto the mattress and when he felt that her body was touching his bedsheets he put his arms away from her back and put them next to her head, so that he was now hovering above her.
When they pulled away to finally breath Kenma looked at Y/n with pure adoration and love. He didn't want to make the same mistake as last time. When they were in the library, he didn't want to make her uncomfortable or hurt her in any kind of way, he just wanted her to feel special.
"I- Is this o- okay?" asked the boy with a shaking voice. Y/n smiled at how adorable Kenma was at the moment. She softly wiped away his tears and put her hands on his cheeks and pulled him in for another kiss but he pulled away quickly.
"No, I want you to say it. Please I can't make the same mistake as last time." Y/n smiled at him again, knowing what he meant.
"Kenma, it's okay. Yes this is okay and I want to do this with you." And with that Kenma smiled again and pulled Y/n in for another passionate kiss which soon turned into a kiss full of lust.