Having cancer is like dying from the inside out, you dont know how or why you're dying, you just know you are. I was diagnosed 6 months ago with breast cancer. I'm fourteen and since I was diagnosed my life has been nothing but closed doors and hospital beds. I always thought I could go somewhere with my life, but when I found out I had cancer that went away. Now, everyday its almost the same thing unless something big happens like I get to have a cat scan or i get to go home for a day until they find something else wrong with me. Its a bunch of missed opportunities. I could be in school right now or skipping to run away with my boyfriend. All I have is the tv that they allow me to use for 5 hours a day and my parents. Its hard handle until you get used to it and you don't expect anything better. Right now, I'm currently in the middle of watching a doctor Phil show where a girl has had been stalking her teacher, why would you waste your life on that? No one understands what its like to be so isolated and no one understands how good of a life they have until one day they get a letter saying that you have to be in the hospital for the next 7 and a half months. I know I can beat this but I've just been so wore down. Luckily, they don't have me in bad chemo so I am lucky enough to have my hair. "Renee are you ready to go home?" My nurse said walking into smiling. She was my favorite. The sweetest, kindest, most generous person you'd ever meet. Her name was Miss Jen. She was African American with the brightest uplifting smile you've ever seen. She walked with a jump in her step and she loved every second of her life, which I admired. Her laughter filled the room like she was Santa and I loved everything about her 4'11 stature and beautiful curly hair. "I get to go home?" I questioned smiling. "Yeah girl, you do!" She said whipping her clip board back and forth beginning to write a slip. "Yeah yeah yeah girl you getting out of here, you get to life you life! Go love it!" She said ripping it off her notepad and smiling back at me. I jumped out of bed hugging her and running out the door. I ran to the receptionist telling her that I get to leave as she called my parents. I watched as my parents pulled up in their raggedy SUV but I loved it. I loved that I got to ride in it and finally be free of the dirty hand sanitizer smell and free of seeing the poor kids walk up and down the hospital floor with days to live. I was happy I was alive and finally free, I could be who I was. But I was so captivated for so Long, I don't even know who I am.
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