chapter xxxviii.
❝ You can rest now, Jay... ❞
baghdad, iraq
july 12, 2008
TAKING THE pen from the nurse's hand, Liam signed his name on the paper where he consented to pulling the life line that kept Josiah alive. Shakily handing it back to the nurse, Liam took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. Blinking rapidly, he prevented the tears welling up in his eyes to drop.
"We'll give you some time to say goodbye..." the soldier avoided the sympathetic look she was sending him.
Walking back to the private room the nurses had moved Josiah, Liam sat himself down beside his best friend and reached for his limp hand. For a while Liam didn't say anything. For the moment all he wanted to do was sit in a peaceful silence with his friend that will no longer be by his side as soon as he calls for the nurse. Sighing, Liam lifted his head to look at his friend's bruised face. Tears welled up at the corner of his eyes, but he managed to hold them back.
"I-I don't... I don't know if I'm doing the right thing by letting you go..." Liam started, not taking his eyes off his best friend's face, "I've been trying to think of what Mary would say in my situation. And it feels wrong that I've taken your life's decision away from her. She should be the one sitting by your side... holding your hand and fighting with everyone in this hospital to keep you alive."
His voice wavered as he thought back to the mother figure in his life. "But at the same time... I would never have wanted her to be in this situation. Watching her eldest son lay, motionless, in front of her. No sign of waking up..." rubbing his thumb on the palm of Josiah's hand Liam continued talking, "I believe... that you wouldn't have wanted her here as well. Or anyone to have the chance to see you in this condition."
Taking a deep breath, Liam took a moment to simply look at his friend. Hoping and praying for something to happen. For Josiah to wake up. But the beeping of the machines keeping his friend alive for a second longer was the only thing happening in the room. "I-I... I don't want you to go," Liam's voice wavered and silent tears made their way down his face, "I know I already signed the papers and everything but... please Jay... please wake up. It's probably stupid of me to be begging after what I did but... I'm trying to give you a chance here... to fight."
Nothing changed. Josiah's eyes remained closed and the beeping of the machines continued. His grip on Josiah's hand tightened as his head hung low, fighting back the sobs threatening to spill from his lips, "I want you to live."
He took a deep breath to calm himself, releasing his hold on his friend's hand but not letting go. "I want you to fight like hell to stay with us. With Paul, Mary, and Leah. As well as everyone else back in La Push."
Looking back up, Liam's wiped his eyes with his free hand, "But... with everything that has happened during your deployment. All the men you've lost... all the suffering you've witnessed... it might not be something you want anymore. It might be too hard for you to keep fighting."
With his voice cracking, Liam managed to say the next thing that absolutely broke his heart, "So... if you want to go... I want you to know it's okay." Liam's bottom lip trembled as he whispered, "It's okay... it's okay. I-I understand."
"You can rest now, Jay..."
The room remained silent. Liam's quiet cries being the only thing being heard. It would be his official goodbye to the person he considered his brother. Liam didn't know how long he was left seated, weeping for his friend before the door to the room opened and a nurse stepped in. Her face said it all: it was time.
Nodding Liam stood up, gave Josiah's hand one last squeeze before gently settling it back down on the bed. He wasn't going to stay in the room. He wouldn't be able to handle it. The nurse understood and let him leave the room before continuing.
Liam began walking towards the exit of the hospital but his body gave out before he could reach it. Sliding down the wall, Liam broke down. Sobs shook his body and tears rushed down his face. He was crying so hard he wasn't able to catch a breath which caused him to start hyperventilating. Trying to quiet down, Liam covered his mouth and shut his eyes. He couldn't believe what he just did. He is letting them kill his friend, and he was doing nothing to stop it.
What kind of friend was he?
He wanted to get up and stop the nurse, but he physically couldn't. Sitting by himself, Liam's brain seemed to want to make the suffering worse for the young soldier by making him think back to all the moments and memories he made with Josiah Lahote. Minutes passed and although he had managed to quiet down, the tears didn't seem to stop.
He didn't know how long he remained seated on the cold white tiles. All he knew and felt was the aching feeling in his chest. Staring up the ceiling, Liam felt numb and his head was blank― not thinking or feeling anything else.
"Mr. Henderson! Corporal!"
At the sound of his name, Liam glanced over to see who was calling him. All he wanted was to be left alone and grieve.
"Mr. Henderson!" The nurse came to a sudden stop and hunched over to catch her breath from running around trying to find the soldier.
The said soldier simply stared, no emotion showing in his eyes. Was she here to tell him his best friend was gone for good? He didn't want to know.
"You need to come with me right now!" The nurse seemed excited as she tugged on Liam's arm to get him to stand up. "It's Corporal Lahote."
At the mention of his friend, Liam's eyes watered automatically. "I know..." Liam muttered looking down and pulling his hand from her grasp, "You don't need to come and tell me that he's gone."
"No," the nurse kneeled down in front of his hunched form, "Your friend... he woke up."
Time seemed to stop. Did he hear her correctly?
"W-What?"
The nurse's smile was big as she grabbed his arm again, "Josiah Lahote is awake."
Her smile seemed to rub on him as he felt himself smiling as well and small tears dripped onto his hand— this time happy tears. With her help he was on his feet and running down the hall towards the room he had left believing he would never see one of the most important people in his life again.
Standing outside the door, Liam found himself hesitating in opening it. Fear crept inside of him making him think twice before bursting inside the room with happiness. What if the nurse got it wrong? What if this is all a dream?
A warm hand grabbed onto his own and gave it a gentle squeeze. The nurse had followed him and was smiling up at him, encouraging him to open the door. Everything was okay. And Liam desperately needed that because as soon as he took a deep, he was able to open the door and walk in.
Seeing Josiah sitting up in the hospital bed where just an hour ago, or so, he had seen him unmoving and sleeping had Liam frozen on the spot.
Josiah gave him a tired smile, "It's good to see you again Pim."