I stay up all night,
tell myself I'm alright,
baby, you're just harder to see than most.
I put the record on,
wait till' I hear our song,
every night I'm dancing with your ghost.
- Dancing with your ghost : Sasha Sloan
{Levi pov}
2 weeks passed in a flash, and soon I was back in Paris. I stepped in our house for the first time, without her voice calling me from the kitchen as always.
"Levi, is that you?"
I would back hug her, with her shoulder tucked under my chin. "Yes, your boyfriend's back home."
"Levi, move." She would scold me, and I would playfully irritate her further.
I put my suitcase in the room, our room, taking in the place one more time, everything feels so different, so empty without her.
After freshening up, I got ready to clear out her things and I didn't realise how much more painful this was compared to burying her.
I sat down at the usual side of the bed where she normally sleeps at, opening the drawer beside the place. I saw a vintage leather book, more like some sort of journal or diary. The first few pages were just scribbles about her to-do lists for the day, all filled with her handwriting. I flipped the pages and just as I thought there was nothing more, there was a folded beige-coloured paper right which she placed in between of the pages.
I opened the paper, and it was messy, like she kept erasing it, and rewrote it multiple times.
Dear Levi,
If you're reading this, which I hope not, it must mean I'm gone. That's honestly such a scary thought, isn't it? Oh God, I really hope this note doesn't find you, but if it did, then I'm really sorry, Levi. I don't know what exactly I should write in letters like this. Damn, even writing that confession letter was so much easier than this one.
Levi, I just hope that no matter what happens, you don't blame yourself for any of it. I know I've been trying to get you to promise me that you'll find someone else if I'm gone, but honestly I'm not sure too, I feel like the world has something against us, like she doesn't want us to be together at all. But, I think that's what made us fight for our love even harder.
Do you think that maybe the world might give us another chance in another lifetime? Maybe we'd find each other earlier then, maybe we could have happened, Levi.
I was thinking so hard where I should place my goodbye gift for you, so that you won't accidentally come across it, and my closest thought was the drawer beside your bed, which you never open.
Before I end this note though, I just wanted you to know that I will always love you, whether I'm still with you physically or in the sky looking over you, I love you.
(p.s. I love you calling me 'sweetheart', by the way.)
I leaned against the drawer, closing my eyes, memories of her flashing through my mind. After some time, I got up and walked to the other side of the bed and opened the drawer, I saw 7 cassette tapes stacked up.
The first one said, 1- After I'm gone.
Followed by, 2 - The stars.
3 - Happy birthday, Levi.
4 - Happy birthday, Echo.
5 - Your favourite recipe.
6 - Us.
7 - Dance with me.
After I'm gone, was her saying it's going to be okay and she will always love me.
The stars, was her talking about her favourite stars to look at, which ancestor she wanted to talk to most, her mostly joking.
Happy birthday, Levi, was reserved for my birthday, her wishing me, stating different wishes for each year, and saying she misses smearing cake on my face.
Happy birthday, Echo, was reserved for her birthday, her saying that her only wish was for me to be happy, to move on, to smile and her asking me to wish her a happy birthday to the first star I see.
Your favourite recipe, was her telling me how to bake a cake, literally. My favourite cake, with mint chocolate chip ice cream on the top or as frosting, which she made best.
Us, was different, it had both our voices together, I remembered her recording this, we were talking about our future, the future we dreamed of having.
Finally, Dance with me, my favourite. She whispered, "Dance with me, as she played all the songs we loved dancing to, from the 70s to the present.
I read her diary once more, and found a note for Layla, sending it to her, as I kept the diary in a safe place.
I put the cassette tapes, beside my stereo system, pressing play on the Dance with me, to hear her voice say "Dance with me" and then I paused it, going to my stereo system, playing our favourite songs softly, while I pretended dancing with her.
I held the cassette tape in my hands tightly, whispering into the void, "I love you, sweetheart."
I was dancing with her ghost now, and yet she felt so real.