Trigger Warning- Due to the last chapter having sexual assault in, there will be mentions of it throughout the next few chapters. Reflecting on what has happened. Flo is gonna to explain her feelings which includes self-hatred and blaming herself. This is not true. No victim ever deserves or is at fault for SA. No matter clothes, age, relationship with the person, how much you have drank, your sexuality, whether you agreed to other sexual activity and the list goes on and on. I will never condone victim blaming, however from personal experience sometimes you blame yourself. Love you guys x
Flo's Pov
Rushing to get my clothes back on I wipe my face clear of tears, to show no sign of weakness. After searching for 5 minutes I can't find my panties so I just grab the clothes that I brought into the changing room and buy them, so I could get out as quickly as possible. I know I will never wear the lingerie set again but I couldn't leave it there either. I have to bin it or burn it or cut it up. It just needs to go.
As I leave the shop with my purchases I force a smile when I say the boys stood waiting for me.
"Hi!" I grin out, waving at them as I approach.
"Ohh bought some nice stuff Kitten?" Lawrence asked taking the bags from me, Tristian grabbing my hand to walk with.
"Yeah there was some really good things".
"So where to now Princess?" Adrian asked his smile never failing to raise my spirits even when I am so emotionally destroyed right now.
"Home, I'm kind of tired".
The drive back was silent as the boys peacefully listened to the radio while I was tortured with the events that had just unfolded replaying in my head. Pushing down the tears that wanted to spill out my eyes, trying to remain calm so they didn't suspect anything. Our home was just as we had left it but now I felt like a different person going in, like I was going in for the first time.
I wasn't safe anywhere.
Telling the boys, I needed a shower I grabbed my towel heading into the hot steam. This morning I had been aroused by the warm water hitting my skin, loving my body and soul. Relishing in the moment how wonderful I felt which lead to some intimate moments with the people I love.
Now I was scrubbing my skin raw, washing my body over and over and over again to get the feeling of his hands off me. But I couldn't. His touch imprinted in my flesh, leaving his mark as little bruises decorated my hips. How scarily they blending in with the ones the boys had left when they held me. My dominants may touch me aggressively and satisfy me with pain, but everything is based on love and a mutual trust.
I don't even know the name of this man and he possessed my body, and I was powerless. Weak. A silly little girl who couldn't fight back. Not long ago my father called me a whore, said I was just like my mother. This is karma, my father always told me to wait until marriage ,settle down with a man when I am ready to be a mother. For dating four men and sleeping around was this punishment?
I wept at the water splashed off my skin mixing my salty tears with the stream. I deserve to feel like this. This is all my fault.
"You okay in there Angel?" Tristian shouted from outside the bathroom.
"Yes I'll just be a second", abruptly turning off the shower and wrapping a towel round me, my skin painful from the temperature of the boiling water, I guess I hadn't realised how hot it was, I think noticing my skin covered in a bright red discolouration. Before leaving the bathroom I change into my pjs, not wanting the boys to see me naked and notice the new markings on me. Red little crescent moons on my waist where his nails had sucken in were the most noticeable, but hopefully the first to go.
There the boys sat in the living room calm and happy watching a film, not knowing what had happened. Not knowing the danger, I was in, but I still couldn't bring myself to tell them.
"I'm going to get an early night for college tomorrow".
"Are you sure Princess? You need something to eat." Adrian paused the tv, slightly turning his head in confusion to why I wanted to go to bed at 7pm.
"I'm shattered from today and I'm so excited for college I don't think I can eat. But I will have a big breakfast in the morning". I beam trying to persuade the boys to let me go to bed now.
"O..okay princess if you are that tired." Raising of the couch he kissed me on the head, and I walked round allowing Tristian, Jay, and Lawrence to do the same thing.
Finally, I shut the door to my room, letting out quiet sobs as I slid my back down my door hitting the hard floor. I felt no physical pain just emotional; I feel like I could be beaten and wouldn't feel it but inside I had been brutally attacked.
Ping!
My phone went off, standing up on wary legs I take my phone off my windowsill, dreading seeing who the notification was from.
Unknown number.
My gut drops knowing who is on the other side of the phone I unlock my screen to see the message.
- Hi Pup, did you get home safe? x
This was getting worse, I thought the boys had found a way to block this number, I couldn't text back. I didn't want to, again the flashbacks invading my mind.
- Come on puppy answer me, I know you are there x
How, how could he possibly know?
- This is the last time, Florence, did you get home okay? X
Panic set in, I'm unsure of what he is capable of doing, how much more he can hurt me and the ones I love. He keeps me unsettled constantly.
- Yes I got home safe.
- Next time pup, tell me the first time, and I don't want to tell you again call me Daddy x
- Yes Daddy.
-
I miss your little body already. I couldn't help but steal your pretty pink panties x
I could vomit, the thought of him with my underwear doing perverted deeds with them had me sick to my stomach .
- Now you have college in the morning, get some rest. Night Night my puppy x
- Good Night Daddy
Throwing my phone down against the bed I pull at my hair in worry and frustration, I don't know what to do. He knows my name, my number, my college. What else could he know? Wrapping myself in my duvet I tightly grip my stuffies to receive some comfort, but nothing happens. I lie crying, tears staining my pillow only comforted by the sweet release of sleep.