|| small tw: mentions of abuse (non-descriptive) ||
Hiraeth; a longing for a home you can never return to, or that never was.
【 ϟ 】
Amora
September 27th 1997
The Nott family manor was a very cold place.
Through her childhood years she had gotten used to the cold. She'd just accept the ice deeply rooted in her bones.
When she first got to hogwarts it felt like most of the time she was on fire. At that point she'd almost forgotten how cold she'd been all those years.
At hogwarts she was finally warm.
Out of the many, many reasons she despised the manor, the frozen temperatures summed it up.
It wasn't all physically cold. Mother was cold. Deep deep down in her bones, indebted every space of her being, mind, and soul she was cold.
Father never spoke to her, he was Theos burden.
But mother, mother was hers.
Amora's mother was the type of person that never really went away. She was at every corridor, over every shoulder, behind every smile. She'd hiss cold words in Amora's ear, hiss was always the right word to describe her voice.
Low and raspy yet high pitched, sometimes Amora thought she'd prefer a literal snake.
So when Amora thought the coldness was the worst part of being back, she meant it.
That was before the war. That was before she met someone, something worse than mother. For every corridor mother was at The Dark Lord was at three. His eyes pierced her very soul, splitting her mind. His voice killed more than a Mandrake's.
He was dramatic, arrogant and disgusting, but still utterly terrifying to young seventeen-year-old Amora Nott.
Now, watching him kill at the end of the very table she preformed her first spell, all she wanted was the warmth of the red haired girl she never seemed to stop running into. For the past two weeks all she wanted was to avoid the girl. She was simply too light. She'd just been reminded of what darkness really looked like, and she reckoned she could use a bit of light at the moment.
Be brave, be okay.
She blinked and straightened her black dress.
"Why aren't you wearing your corset?"
Her throat ran dry as she heard her mothers thick voice behind her.
"I'm sorry mother."
"The dark lord is arriving with the Malfoys soon, if you're not ready when he gets here, I will have to let him choose your punishment."
"I'll be ready mother."
At that moment her mother turned on her heel and exited the room.
She might have let herself cry as she tightened her corset if she wasn't so terrified the dark lord would notice. Amora sighed as she tied her hair into a neat bun. She didn't know how much longer she could play double agent. Years ago, she'd promised herself she would keep her true allegiance from everybody until she couldn't help that way anymore. She told herself that no matter what, she'd suck it up. But now, now that she couldn't see a way where she would end up on the right side of everything in secret, it was all the more horrifying.
As Amora trailed carefully down the stairway she realized she might not be that person anymore.
"The dark lord has arrived, you must greet him."
Her mother hissed at the end of the stairway.
"Yes mother."
Amoras heart raced as they entered the dining room. Her dining room was like most obnoxious purebloods were. A long wooden table filled with death eaters. The malfoy family sat at the far left, the left end held the biggest chair, the dark lords chair.
"My lord."
Amora said, careful to pronounce everything clearly. She carefully sat next to Draco. Her throat felt like a plastic straw, so small that if she held her breath any longer it would explode.
"Ah, Amora... Nott."
Amoras head pounded as she tried not to show her disgust. It took everything in her not to nervously turn the rings on her hands, or to shift in her seat. She sat perfectly still for what must have been two— maybe three hours. He had started the meeting by announcing everybody's name at the table, staring at them in such a way that we all knew that if we even dared to stand we were as good as dead. The rest of the meeting was an agonizing run down of their duties as current— and future— death eaters. He said more, but Amora sort of tuned out after an hour or so as to stop herself from crying.
Suck it up.
【 ϟ 】
Ginny
September 27th 1997
It wasn't that she was looking for Amora.
She just wanted to know where she was.
Day after day she would turn her head left and right, the Nott girl nowhere to be found. The only time she did see her however, was in the great hall. She'd catch Amora gaze fixated on her, taking her breath stunning and angering her at the same time. How dare she look at her like that? How dare she look at her as if she expected her to snap at her.
How dare she?
She didn't think much of it, as she stepped into the room of requirement, the Nott girl's disappearance.
The room of requirement was nearly the only place she felt safe nowadays. It wasn't much but it, to them, was a community. Decorated with hammocks, books scattered around the wooden floor, all kinda of pillows and different little trinkets, it had a small fireplace on one side that warmed the entire room.
"Ginny!"
"Fucking shit what happened?"
Ginny ran over to a very much blood soaked Neville. He didn't even really look like Neville. His hair was all over the place and it was hard to tell where all of his wounds were exactly, all Ginny really saw was blood.
"They cursed him."
Luna stated calmly, healing his wounds.
"I refused to crucio first years."
Neville said, flinching. His breathing was heavy, almost like gasps for air.
"Bloody bastards," Ginny paused for a beat "When'd we get murlap essence in here?"
"Amora bloody Nott gave it to be a couple days ago, thought she'd gone mad bloody hexed it or something."
Neville nearly shouted through gasps.
"She claims to be one of us, I don't trust her."
"I don't think we have a reason not to trust her really, she's already helped us."
Luna added in response.
"There's something off about her."
Luna just shrugged, it looked like Neville wanted to put his input but was almost to tired. Ginny felt a surge of anger nearly blind her as she realized how deep Nevilles scar was. It was deep, merciless, it sliced right through his freckles.
"I'll start the meeting."
Ginny whispered, trying to soften her expression.
The meeting was okay. Most of the students couldn't quite perfect some of the more advanced charms but for the most part they could hold a decent battle. Ginny couldn't help her overwhelming rage as she desperately tried to comfort some first years affected by the cruciotus curse.
The world was so fucking cruel.
She wasn't used to taking shit from anybody. Now sometimes she had to, for the safety of others. She spoke up and helped whenever she could but it never felt enough. She needed him gone, everything that comes along with him. She didn't want to feel like she was loosing her mind all over again.
Days passed without any DA meetings.
And soon, Amora Nott was back.
She was different. The girl still avoided her, but she'd get glimpses of her eyes. So tired. She never looked quite there. Ginny hated sympathy, but looking into her eyes it overcame her. Amora was pale. Her lips stained a horrible blue. Sometimes as she saw her, it almost frightened her, the sudden change of her face.
Nobody else seemed to notice.
【 ϟ 】
Amora
September 31st 1997
She still had nightmares.
Even when the dark lord wasn't there, she still had nightmares.
The beds at hogwarts were the warm type, you sort of sunk into them. Even then, she woke every night with a jolt, nearly electric ice freezing her veins.
It hadn't really sunk in completely for her, snapes control of the school, until everyone started walking in neat uniform lines. Without a word. If you spoke, you were hexed, if you stepped out of line, you were hexed.
Rather ironically, slytherins and gryffindors usually had to walk alongside one another. Amora tried to stay as far away from Ginny as possible, but in times like these it was inevitable to run into each other.
They walked alongside each other, Amora didn't dare to even glance her way.
Ginny occasionally glanced at her, almost daring her to look back.
Their hands brushed lightly, again and again.
She didn't mean to hold her hand. She swore herself to it. She didn't want to feel the wave of relief wash over her as Ginny didn't pull away. She didn't want to admit how much lighter the corridors looked. Her stomach fluttered as she finally looked at her, their eyes locking only for a couple seconds.
For the first time in a long time, Amora was warm.
【 ϟ 】