Chapter 17
⋆.:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆
Applejack
"After her sister's death, she went crazy. She told me there were voices in her head she couldn't control. And they were telling her to do things."
I sat on the edge of the curb, staring at the cloudless sky. Ever since I had connected the pieces, I had been completely paralyzed.
After all our hard work we were finally back to our normal lives. We sacrificed everything just so we could get back where we are now.
Where I am now.
There was no more Rarity in this.
"A day before she died, she told me she could fly. Then I found her on the side of a building dead."
The memory left a lump in my throat.
Mom's life ended because of herself. She killed herself.
"We were too late."
She killed herself.
Pops had already failed to save someone from ending their life. At any point, he could have given my mom the help she needed. But because of his absence in doing so, she doesn't exist anymore.
His family hated him, his wife was dead. The world had done everything in an attempt to defeat him. And in a way, the world did win.
It was useless to dwell on the past like this. Mom was dead, and there was nothing anyone can do about it.
But Rarity. I still had a chance to save her.
With that small burst of confidence, I was able to regain my ability to move again. Standing up, I slowly turned back to where Rarity's house was. I heaved a sigh. The most I could do was wait for her.
Before our last death, Rarity had mentioned multiple times how much I changed her life. In truth, she had given too much credit to me, all I did was exist. What really shaped her were the deaths that had followed us everywhere. Having to die multiple times can really change a person.
The Rarity here never had to go through any of that. She was someone completely different. Innocent almost.
My thoughts were interrupted as soon as I heard a door slam. I looked over to her house, where she stood in front of the front door angered. Luckily, I was at a point where I was well hidden enough that she wouldn't find me.
Rarity swung open the door again. "If I get run over by a car out there, it'll be your fault!" she screamed. A part of me cringed when she spoke about death like that.
"I told you Rarity, it's too early for me to go out there. We spend a lot of money sending you to that preppy school, you should appreciate us and take the bus," a distant voice from inside responded.
"You-," she paused her voice breaking. She took a sharp breath in and looked back at the person inside. "I hate you," she hissed. She slammed the door and started to weakly walk off.
After hearing that interaction, it made me wonder if Rarity had actually died — that would have been the last thing her family heard from her. The cold stare of someone you loved, muttering three bitter words to you. Having that as your last memory of a loved one would cut deep, the weight of guilt would be on your shoulders wherever you would go.
It only took a few steps and her phone ringing until Rarity completely broke. She threw the device onto the ground, stomping on it with her foot until it stopped making noise. After the realization of what she did hit her, she knelt staring at the broken pieces.
With one deep breath, her walls broke down. Tears streamed down her face as she gasped for air. Her hair covered her mascara-covered face as she sobbed. I watched from a distance not knowing what to do. I couldn't walk up to her, that'd be awkward, but I also couldn't leave her alone.
It was obvious she was acting like this because Twilight broke up with her. Rarity had never mentioned it all the times we were together, but from what I could see - Twilight meant a lot to her. The way she managed to hide all of this from me was heartbreaking. Sure, she was dramatic but I had never seen her tear herself apart like this.
After her breakdown on the driveway, she slowly stood up, completely silent. She tied her purple hair into a sleek high bun. She walked away from the remains of her phone, without even taking a look back.
Rarity left her driveway as if nothing mattered anymore. More than anything, I wish I could've known what was going through her head.
✧
It had been at least a few hours since her meltdown. Rarity was sitting on a park bench, numbly, not doing anything but watching. She stared out into the forest in front of her, I sat on a play structure from a distance.
I also didn't have a clue where she was going with this. To my knowledge, she was going to arrive at school late, but she never mentioned how late. How long was I supposed to stay here, awaiting worriedly for her next move.
Unless I were to completely change her future now.
'There was no better time than the present,' some say.
Taking a deep breath, I stood up from the structure, and slowly made my way to the broken girl. I only had one chance to do this, if I fucked up, everything could end. There were no redos anymore.
As soon as these realizations coursed through my mind, a new feeling of nervousness hit me. It felt as if someone had given a vicious twist to my stomach.
Taking deep breaths, while walking towards her, I thought about what I would say. Just staring at her figure made me realize how much I missed her. The painful feeling of being without her had gotten worse as time went on.
"Hey, sugar cube?" I spoke with my softest voice when I was next to her bench. "Are you alright?" As soon as I asked those words, this toxic feeling within me seared through my chest.
I said the wrong thing, I said the wrong thing, my mind repeated.
Upon hearing my voice, I expected her to look up at me, cuss me out, and run. What she did instead was the opposite of what I expected.
Instead, she slowly looked up at me, her eyes completely puffy from the nonstop crying she partook in. Her face was dry from the tears and ruined makeup. "No," was all she responded.
"Is it- Is it okay if I sit next to you?" I asked attentively.
She didn't bother to say anything, she simply scooted over. The thoughts of me saying the wrong thing still swirled in my mind, but they were much quieter than before after this action.
I sat down, both of us on the other side of the bench, feet away. She wasn't doing anything but staring at the forest in front of her. I didn't know what else to do or say, so I joined her.
I had seen this day tons of times, but never from this specific angle. In front of this bench was a whole forest. From every corner, you could hear the birds chirp, the small breeze that would come through. From the distance, I heard water flowing down a creek. Everything seemed at place here, it seemed like everyone belonged.
And together, we sat, no words exchanged between us. Just silence between two 'strangers' as we stared out into the world.
"Who are you?" she finally asked after a few minutes passed.
I turned over to Rarity, her blue eyes still focused on the forest. "I'm Applejack."
She hesitated before giving me a response. "Rarity."
I spent a few seconds thinking of a response. I had to act like I didn't know her. I had to act like I didn't know what would happen to her in only a few hours. "Why are you here?" I finally spoke.
She opened her mouth to respond, but immediately closed it. "Actually... I don't know why. I just wandered down the road. Next thing I know, I'm staring at the forest." Her voice sounded dull and numb. She was saying a lot, yet nothing sounded right. She turned her head to me. "What about you?"
"I just didn't want to go to school, and I ended up here," I blurted out.
Thankfully, she believed my little slip up without asking questions and nodded looking at the ground. "Yeah, that too..."
The thoughts of me saying the wrong thing was quiet, they had been washed over by the serenity of this place. I hoped the same was for Rarity if she had been nervous at all. I doubted it, she seemed to know what to say at all times.
We spent a few more minutes in the silence. I didn't mind it being so quiet, especially in this situation. I was never one to be anxious, but this was a whole new feeling. Someone's life was in my hands and what I did now could change everything for her.
She slowly turned her whole body towards me as if she was about to say something. Naturally, I did the same. Looking at the girl in front of me, I saw another side of Rarity. It looked as if she had given up and was done fighting her battle against the world.
"I can't do this anymore," she whispered her voice much weaker than before. "Every time I try, I fail. I relied on her for everything. And this morning she told me she didn't love me anymore. That I needed help, that she had been suffering the whole time." She took a pause, her eyes shining from new tears. "I just want the pain to stop."
It had seemed as if she had mirrored the effect onto me, I felt my eyes start to water. I rarely showed emotion like this, but seeing her so beaten down felt worse than all the deaths I had gone through. I blinked, tears daring to escape. "Stay," I was barely able to choke out.
She was obviously surprised by my response, but she looked too weak to really question it. I was still a stranger to her.
I took a deep breath, preparing myself to say more. "Sugar cube, I promise there's a whole 'nother world out there that you've never seen. By you ending it, you're just getting rid of the possibility of anything ever getting better."
"What happens if it never gets better?" she spoke weakly, her voice changing pitch at the end.
"You won't know if you don't try."
She looked at me, then at the ground. She took a deep breath, biting her lip as if to prevent tears. "Why are you being... so nice to me?" She paused, her breathing becoming unsteady. "I don't recall your-" She covered her eyes with her hands, shakily. She couldn't finish the sentence without completely breaking.
I scooted over to her, placing my hand on her shoulder. "You can cry."
And just like that, she broke yet again. She let out a weak sob, slowly curling into a ball after every breath. When she removed her hands from her face to look at me, tears trickled down her dress. She didn't bother to wipe any of them away as they stained more of the fabric.
Her face was completely red and scrunched up, her blue eyes bloodshot. I felt a sharp pain hit my chest seeing her so broken down and I couldn't take it. I scooted over, wrapping my arms around her as a hug. She took it, placing her head on my shoulder and crying.
"I just don't want to be in pain anymore."
I closed my eyes, holding her tight in my arms, never wanting to let go. The smell of tainted perfume filled my lungs as I hugged her. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I remembered.
—
She let go of the hug, taking a step back, about to say something. I hadn't expected Rarity to hug me like that, the past loops she had been nothing but mean to me."I-," Rarity's gaze dropped to the ground, "I need to tell you something."
I raised an eyebrow.
"It might have to do with why we're stuck in this," she quickly added. I crossed my arms, waiting for her to say more.
"I killed myself," she blurted out.
Immediately, my expression changed. My hands dropped to my sides, not exactly sure of how to respond. She killed herself?
"My first death, I swallowed a bunch of sleeping pills. And I-" she paused her voice about to break, "I'm so sorry."
And right after she said those three words, she stopped, tears rolling down her face. These realizations were coming in small waves and I wasn't sure how to react. She ended her life, just for it to be repeated. Immediately, I pulled her into a hug. All she wanted was a way out, and that was exactly the opposite of what she received.
"It's alright sugar cube. It's alright," I said to her.
"I'm the whole reason we're in this mess," she whispered. And after she said that, another set of sobs tore through her.
She was out here, living the worst day of her life over and over again. It was as if the universe was punishing her for what she did - and she was stuck with me. Rarity's reality piled up on my shoulders, hitting me all at once, and the only thing I could do was cry along.
We stayed like that for a while. When she stopped sobbing, our hug didn't end. We just stood there, silent tears on both our faces.
After almost a whole minute, I moved my hands from her back and onto her shoulders so I could see her face. "You're crying," she pointed out.
All I did was chuckle as a response, keeping my gaze on her. It felt as if that moment had lasted forever. And if I could, I would've stayed with her like that, forever.
Never, in a million years, would I have expected to lose her in this way.
—
"Please," I spoke, my voice barely a whisper, "Stay. It'll get better, I promise." She continued crying on my shoulders.
"I knew someone like you," I continued, my voice becoming raspier as I spoke. "She said the same things as you did. She wanted to end her life. She said she'd do anything to get out of this world."
"Then one day, she disappeared out of my reach. She's gone now. And I spend every second in this painful world, wishing she were here with me right now. And I just- I don't want the same thing to happen to you."
After I spoke, she took a minute, her sobs becoming quieter as the seconds passed. Until she was finally silent, she broke the hug, her hands remaining on my shoulders. "I don't want to be alone anymore."
"And sugar cube, I promise you won't be. I'll do everything in my power to make sure you ain't alone," I promised. "Just please, don't leave me again." A silent panic arose in me as soon as I said the last sentence. Again? I was so close and for me to screw up it now would tear me apart.
Luckily, she paid no attention to that and slowly nodded. "I'll stay just a little longer," was all she said.
Out of pure happiness, I pulled her into a hug again. That was all I needed. I promised myself that I'd never leave her side. "Thank you."
And at that moment, I couldn't help but think of the Rarity in the loops. All the memories we had together, all those moments only existed in my mind. They might not be true in this reality I sat in, but they were real to me.
The Rarity in front of me, let go of a hug, giving me a small grin. This was the first time I've seen her smile this whole day. No words were exchanged between us, we embraced each other in silence.
I love you.
— World Count : 2775
— First published : June 18, 2021
— Final version released : June 30, 2021