Oakland's POV
"What the fuck!"
I was startled awake by my sister barging into my room. I had my forearm resting over my eyes, laying on my back, and not moving from the position I fell asleep in. I barely even remember falling asleep, but after the eventful morning I had, it was much needed.
"Huh?" I responded in a groggy voice, not moving.
"You disappeared! And Harry is missing too!" she seemed pissed, but rightfully so, since I really did just up and leave briskly. "I had a heart attack, Oak. I thought you were kidnapped or something."
I finally sat up, resting my back against the headboard. "I'm so sorry, Harry and I got in a really bad fight- wait Harry is missing?"
"Yeah, Sarah just texted me saying that he wasn't back at their house, so I thought he was with you, but he isn't. What Happened? Y'all just disappeared." she said, putting her head in her hand.
"L-long story." I ended up saying.
"Are you okay? Peanut, Your eyes are red and puffy." She finally looked up at me, her eyes wide and full of worry. She rushed to my side, saying in distress.
I guess I still look as rough as I did when I got back. "Yeah, I guess I'm fine..." I looked down at my hands, and shook my head. "No.... no I'm not fine." I responded, feeling my bottom lip start to tremble again.
She climbed onto the bed right next to me, "hey, hey what happened?" she asked, taking her energy down into a calming whisper.
"Ha-Harry was u-using me." I tried to spit out, but my emotions got the best of me, and I began to cry again. I feel like an emotional wreck, and I never let myself show my feelings, so this felt very rare for me. I am so disappointed in myself for letting it all out. This is so embarrassing for me.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and softly rubbing her hand up and down my arm.
I sat there for a few seconds, collecting my thoughts. "I saw these texts between him and his manager, saying that I should be kept around for his album." I finally calmed myself down enough to say.
She sat there with her eyebrows knit together while I glued my vision to my hands in my lap. She didn't speak for a moment, finally piping up, "that might not be what he means-" she tried to play devil's advocate, but I cut her off.
"B, I always had a sneaking suspicion about that being true. Jeff said it to my face basically a few days ago." I rushingly said, still analyzing the event that happened in the living room not so long ago. "I just don't even know what to think right now. My brain feels like it turned into mush." I complained.
"I know, I know..." she said, soaking in all of my words.
We sat there in silence, staring at the wall in front of us. She has been here for me through everything, so just per presence somewhat lifts my mood, even if it was only a centimeter.
"hey, maybe writing down your thoughts will help you sort through them. I know you got that journal from the store." she finally spoke and offered. I nodded, and she patted my shoulder before standing up. "I'll go grab you some water, let me know if you need anything."
She left the room, and my heart swelled at how caring she is. She is my best friend, and I couldn't imagine going through the things I have without her.
I leaned down next to me, pulling my backpack up onto the bed from the ground. I reached in, pulling out my new notebook. I ran my finger along the engraved saying on the front, 'running through the garden where nothing bothered us.'. I thought back to the dream I had last night, but this time it was plagued by the image of Harry.
My shook my head, ridding it of the thought, and reached in to grab the pen. I shuffled my hand around for a few seconds, realizing that it was nowhere to be seen. I furrowed my brows, pulling open the bag all together, seeing that it wasn't there. It must have fallen out, so I grabbed another from the dresser.
I began writing, and writing, and writing. Every thought, emotion, and feeling was poured onto the pages. My heart broke deeper as I relived the events, seeing how sorrowful he was wrecked me, because I never wanted to cause him any pain, but what I was feeling was so much more hurt than I'd ever felt, so I couldn't think long enough to ration his emotions into everything.
Byerly came in after a few moments, setting down a glass of water, drawing open the blinds to let some light in, and going back to her room. I looked out the window, seeing the clouds cover the sky in an overcast. The grey view darkened the scenery around, putting how I'm feeling into an image.
I picked up my phone, something deep inside of me hoping there was a text from Harry, but nothing was on the screen. I felt so hopeless in this moment, not knowing what to feel. I am shattered to know that the man I grew feelings for let me down, but something inside of me wishes that he would reach out.
The brokenness I am feeling isn't even fully on Harry. Yes, he really hurt my feelings, but I am more disappointed in myself for ever letting myself dive this deep with him in the first place. Ever since Lucca, I told myself that I needed to put up a wall to protect myself from anyone ever again, but after meeting Harry, and experiencing things with him that I never thought I would again, the barricade came tumbling down.
I did this to myself.
I jumped over to Spotify, playing Loved The Ocean by Emilia Ali, after I connected my phone to my speaker sitting on the bedside table. The lyrics flowed through the room, speaking exactly how I am feeling, and painting a perfect picture of my thoughts.
I wrote more down in the journal, filling a few more pages with where my mind is at right now. I feel worried from earlier, my sister saying that Harry was missing, and wondering what she meant by that. I hope he is safe and okay, and that I didn't cause any harm to him. I would hate myself if he was in any danger because of me.
I poured all of my emotions into the pages of the notebook, so I couldn't feel anything anymore. I feel like the shell of a person, hollow throughout.
I shut the cover of the journal, and stood up to go take a shower. I fell asleep, so now I am feeling extra gross after laying in my own filth for so long. I brought my speaker into the bathroom, hoping to play some music that will lift my spirits up at least a little, but Only by RY X played, so clearly the universe wants me to be sad for at least four more minutes.
I got in, staring down at my feet as I watched the water cascade down my body. I turned the water to the hottest setting, hoping to feel something, anything.
Even the water didn't burn like it usually does.
I had zero motivation to clean myself, so I stood there until I felt the water get colder, using up every drop of the hot water. I then rushed through my routine, watching the past day go straight down the drain. I was so happy yesterday; like I was at my peak.
I guess I'm on the other side of the mountain now.
I finally got out after much too long, wrapping a towel around my torso, and stopping at the sink to take in my features. I stared at my bright red skin, not even phased by it, but meeting eyes with my reflection sent chills down my spine.
I look so sad.
I haven't looked like this in so long.
Not since I felt my heart get ripped out by Lucca, and even then, I knew he didn't have the same feelings as me the entire time, so there was a piece of me that told myself that I was stupid to be heartbroken over him.
Now... now feels ten times worse.
I believed Harry. I believed that he had the same feelings for me as I did him, but I guess he just put on an amazing act to keep me around.
I ripped my eyes from the mirror, and moved into my room. I threw on pajama shorts and a hoodie, pulling the hood up and the strings tight, wanting to do nothing but lay in bed for the rest of the day. I shut the curtains that my sister drew open, lingering my gaze outside quickly before.
It began to rain.
The last time it rained here, Harry pulled me from this room and took me to the ocean. That's where I told him about my feelings. That felt like ages ago. Oh how such little time can change things.
I shut them closed, and slumped into the bed. I didn't even bother to do anything but stare at the wall. I laid on my right side, looking at the cream curtains I just closed. My head feels so full that I can't think straight, so I turned it off.
No feelings. The light is out.
I laid there for hours, not moving a muscle, even when my sister came in to check on me. She told me that I needed to eat, but I said I wasn't hungry. She then came back with a sandwich and some veggies on a plate, but when I didn't eat it, she left it on the table next to me.
It's still untouched.
I could see the light that shined through the shades grow darker and darker as the rain hit harder on the roof. My breathing was so slow, and I melted into the bed, becoming one with the mattress.
I heard my parents come home, their muffled voices coming through the door. They said that they got stuck in the rain, and that they were sad that we were trapped in the house because of it. I don't mind though, it can be an excuse to lay in bed.
The footsteps that I recognized as my mother's walked down the hallway, but right as she got to my door, they stopped, and I could hear Byerly try to whisper to her. She told her not to come in, but not mentioning why, just that I was under the weather. B knew not to tell my mom about my personal life. It isn't that I don't trust her, it's just that I don't feel comfortable opening up completely to her; only to B and Aspyn.
God, what I would do to have Aspyn here with me. She would always drag me out of these depressive states by taking me to a party or doing anything to distract me until I forgot about it. The things I would do to be doing shots with her in a random guy's basement.
I heard my mother's footsteps disappear after a few short moments, and my sister's door shut. I am glad that Byerly got my mother off my back before she came in here. I really couldn't deal with her right now. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death, but I couldn't put on a 'happy' mask right now.
I laid here for forever, listening to the subtle raindrops hit the patio right outside my window. As much as I am completely exhausted right now, not a single cell in my body could seem to rest. They were bouncing around my body, but my brain was shut off.
I began to hear the soft tune of a guitar, thinking that my sister was playing music from her room. Either that or it's in my head. It was muffled, sounding like it was coming through the wall. It began to grow a bit louder, and I couldn't recognize the song.
The next thing I knew, a figure emerged outside the window.
His silhouette.
"Sweet creature,
Had another talk about where it's going wrong,"
I laid there, not knowing what he was doing.
"But we're still young,
We don't know where we're going,
But we know where we belong,
And oh we started,
Two hearts in one home"
I sat up slowly, furrowing my brows as I heard his heavenly voice.
"It's hard when we argue
We're both stubborn
I know,"
I felt like I was trapped in ice, unable to move when I realized that he was singing to me.
"Sweet creature, sweet creature"
I finally stood up, my hood still on and looking like a hooligan. I moved over to the window as slowly as I could, unable to bring myself to pull back the curtains. I stared at his outline, wrapping my hands around the edges of the blinds, keeping them closed. I know he can see me standing here, but I couldn't bring myself to finally look at him.
"Wherever I go, you bring me home."
With those words, I finally pulled them back, revealing Harry, drenched head to toe from the rain shower. His guitar was hung off his shoulder, also getting pelted with water. I felt every ounce of air get ripped from my lungs the second my eyes met his. They looked darker, like the color and life was sucked right out of them.
I froze. The last words he sang ran through me like an electric current. My mind felt an overflow of information, throwing me back to the day I had Harry over, and I was wearing the shirt I had just gotten that has that embroidered across it. He pointed out that he liked it, but I never realized that it stuck with him. After he sang that lyric, I realized that he had written this song. He wrote it about me, and is actually letting me hear it.
I was snapped out of my thoughts, and quickly slid open the glass door, not wanting him to be trapped in the monsoon outside. He stayed put, shaking his head when I gestured to him to come inside. He closed his eyes, and just kept singing.
"Sweet creature,
We're running through the garden,
Oh, where nothing bothered us"
With that line, the switch turned back on. I felt every emotion that I thought was rid of my body come flooding back. I shot my head in the direction of my journal, seeing that he took the lyrics from the cover. I then looked back at him, and there was an overflow of tears in my eyes. They came pouring out, and I threw my head back in hopes that they would disappear.
"Two hearts in one home."
I couldn't hold it back, I felt like I was punched in the chest. I looked at him, and saw water dripping down his face, onto his guitar. I didn't realize it at first, but amongst the rain that was running down him, a single tear slipped from his eye. I crouched down, and put my head in my hands.
"Sweet creature,
Wherever I go,
You bring me home."
I feel so embarrassed and like such a wimp. I haven't cried like this in so long, and I am so disappointed in myself. I want to stop; stop caring this hard. I can't though, because I have never felt this way over someone.
I thought I did with Lucca, but now that I know what these feelings truly are, I know that there is no way that I felt them with him. Harry has made me feel things ten times stronger than I ever have. With every boost of happiness, the fall is ten times harder.
I stayed crouched down, listening to how the guitar faded into nothing. There was a moment of silence before I heard his shoes hit the hardwood of the interior of my room.
I stayed put, hearing the voice I never thought I would miss this much. "Love."
I shook my head, keeping my face in my hands. "Please." I heard him say almost silently.
I finally looked up at him from my kneeled position, and pinched my lips together to make them stop quivering. I stood up, breaking our eyes to look at my feet. I watched him step a little closer after setting the instrument against the wall. He lifted his arm, and I expected to feel his touch that I so heavily missed, but he wavered his hand, not touching my arm like I thought he would.
I finally felt him, his touch igniting a thousand flames inside of me. His broad hands grasped my cheeks, tilting my head up to look at him. My vision was blurred due to the tears, but I could still make out the concerned look strewn across his face.
"I thought you weren't going to let me hear your music." I spoke, my voice wavering.
A broken smile grew on his face, not meeting his eyes. "I realized that if I wasn't going to ever see you again, I wanted you to hear that one."
I let out a sigh, looking back at my feet. I didn't want to imagine not seeing him again, since we only have a few days left, but after knowing his intentions, I was left with no choice but to be without him.
He lifted my head up again, and took my hood off, running his hands through my hair. He then removed his fingers from my body, leaving them to hang down by his side. I am still so upset from him, but there is just something so intoxicating about a single touch from him. I still yearned for it, even with the emotions he has made me feel within these past few hours.
He looked down, seeming to want to hide his face from me. I heard him sniffle, "please, let me expla-" his fragile voice spoke, but I cut him off with my actions.
The next thing I knew, I was throwing my arms around his waist, burying my head in his chest, still sobbing. This time though, it was because I could see how broken he was also. He looked exactly how I do; exhausted but not tired. His eyes spoke the same words mine do, the ones I saw in the mirror after my shower.
Heartbreak between us both. I could feel that he was hurt by this morning like I was, and with that, a small seed was planted in my head, telling me that my assumptions were wrong.
At first, I didn't feel his grasp around me, but after a few short moments, he wrapped his arms around me as well, resting his head into my shoulder. His clothes were soaking, sticking to his body, and dampening mine, but I didn't care whatsoever.
He pulled back, resting his hands on my shoulders as I dropped mine down by my side. "Oakland," he spoke out. He shook his head as he continued. "You know I would never do that to you. I want you to know that I would never, ever use you for my benefit,"
Every word, every phrase he spoke, I absorbed it like a sponge, not allowing myself to skip over anything he said.
"Yes, if you haven't noticed yet, you are the muse behind my music," he said, and I let out a soft chuckle. He tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear, and I led us both to come sit on the bed. "I know what you saw, and how it could come across, but just keeping you around for my gain was never my intention. Jeff wanted you to stick with me right now, because it is his job to manage my music, but for me personally, you mean so much more to me than a silly song. The inspiration that I get from just being in your presence is even more than I have ever had, and that is just a plus of falling for you, Oakland."
I stared at him, unable to find the right words to say.
"I'm falling for you."
He said the last sentence again, and I will have it engraved in my mind forever. I watched his lips move, speaking the words I never thought I would hear him say. I was so naive to think that he was putting on an act to keep me around, and I have my over reactive brain to blame for that. I always seem to jump to conclusions, leading me to completely destruction of my emotions.
I shook my head, trying to speak, but nothing would come out. "I'm so sorry, Harry. I should have heard you out. I was being selfish." I finally said, hoping he wasn't angry at me for reacting the way that I did.
"My Love, don't be sorry. I would have acted the exact same way." he spoke, resting his palm on my cheek. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."
"Don't be sorry, Harry." I said, resting my hand on his cheek as well. I brushed my hand down to his neck, instantly wrapping my arms around his neck, hoping he would do the same. I melted into his arms when he did as I did, pulling me onto his lap to get even closer.
I felt his wet clothes on my dry ones, feeling bad that he was just getting showered on, and that his guitar was probably soaking as well. my heart realigned itself, connecting the pieces back together. It swelled bigger as I thought about the fact that he just played me one of his songs.
One I hadn't even heard snippets of. I heard Ever Since New York, Sign Of The Times, and a bit of one about an angel, but finally hearing one that was about me made me feel a type of special that I've never felt before.
I loosened my grip around his neck, moving to look at him. "Do you need a towel?" I asked, since he just stood outside in the pouring rain.
He shook his head, softly laughing. We both stared at each other's lips for a split second before I crashed them together. He inhaled deeply, not expecting it, but softening his muscles once he melted into me. He laid back, keeping his hands softly on my waist under my sweatshirt, tracing small circles on my skin, causing goosebumps to grow.
His lips tasted even sweeter than usual, molding to mine like melted chocolate. I ran my hands through his damp hair, not having a single care in my body over the fact that he was soaking wet on my bed. I usually would have a come apart over that, but In this moment, everything felt at peace. As if the waves on the ocean stilled, and I could hear the rain come to a halt.
I separated our lips, staring deep into his eyes. I am so glad to be able to see the greens of his eyes again, they seemed to disappear when I first saw him at my window. "Harry..." I spoke. "wait, what is your middle name?" I asked.
"Edward."
"Harry Edward Styles... I'm falling for you, too."
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Oh thank God it got resolved. I couldn't bring myself to drag that out any longer because it was wrecking me to even write.
But besides the point... HARRY AND OAKLAND SAID THEY ARE FALLING FOR EACHOTHER!!!! (that is even farther than just having feelings)
I hope you enjoyed this chapter:) and next week is spring break so I'm not sure if I will have an update during that time... but I will try to get one out before:)
Sending all my love<3<3<3