We didn't exchange a single word on our way to the Great Hall. Even if he asked me something I don't know if I could've answered.
The words 'I have to kill him or he's gonna kill me' ricocheted around my skull. It made my head throb. I could feel my brain scrabbling to erase the last five minutes; to break free of the suspended agony. Just break. But I couldn't. It was there and it was the only thing I could think of.
As we entered the dining hall my gaze shifted towards the Gryffindor table. There was a small crowd gathered around Fred and George, whom I suppose were doing another one of their magic tricks. Everyone around them seemed very joyous when I was suffering inside.
As we approached the Slytherin table, I caught a glimpse of Claudio sitting alone with Pansy.
Since when did they become friends?
Of course Pansy has to go throw herself towards any guy that she finds attractive.
Claudio's back was turned against me and Pansy eyed me as if she was going to attack me any second.
I don't know where this hate comes from, but it's mutual. Everything about her irritates me. I get triggered the second she even looks at me. I despise the way she styles her hair, carries herself, how her hair falls just above her shoulders.. Just everything about her and I have no logical explanation for it.
Claudio's back muscles stood out with stark definition from his white shirt. His whole body was hard and angular, without even the hint of softness. He didn't really seem like he was a bodybuilder but he definitely was fit. Which made me think how many hours a day he had to workout to have been able to maintain such a physique that showed even underneath his clothes or if it was solely genetic.
It was probably genetic considering the fact that Akoni's body was built identically to his. I know that they're twins, but it's impossible to have a body like that without working out. So they either have the same workout routine or they're just blessed, or there is a spell that magically gives you an eight back that I'm unaware of.
I should probably go do some research on it in the library or ask Hermione, because it would be nice to have abs and defined back muscles.
At the end of the table sat Theo and Blaise. They look like they were arguing about something.
"No, we can only do it this weekend-" said Theo.
Blaise cut him off "Draco" he called from afar, as we were about to take a seat. He gestured for us to come sit with them.
We got up and neered where they were. Draco sat next to Theo and I took a seat next to Blaise across from them.
"I still feel pain in my chest, since you rejected doing an act of kindness. Don't know if I could ever recover" jocked Theo.
Both Blaise and Draco looked confused.
"Piss off" I rolled my eyes. Even if I didn't want to admit it, I kind of liked Theo's sense of humor.
"Not very friendly" he teased.
"Anyways" Blaise tried to change the subject "Where have you been mate, haven't seen you in two days" he asked.
"Been here and there" Draco kept it very vague.
I wanted to know where he disappeared all the time as well. I wondered if it had to do with the last letter I read.
With the person 'he had to kill'.
"Right.. But seriously mate, ever since the start of term I barely see you anymore" he insisted. Draco was getting frustrated.
Blaise glanced at me with a smirk "Or has he secretly been with you all this time" he went on with a sarcastic tone, elbowing me. I looked down and shook my head indicating 'no'.
"No. Just leave it. It's nothing of your concern" he snapped even if he tried to stay calm and collected.
Blaise furrowed his brows, he looked confused by the blonde's reaction.
"Okk.." said Theo as he shoved a cauldron cupcake in his mouth. I grabbed one myself and nibbled the frosting, feeling awkward in between the tension.
Theo opened his mouth to say something but then quickly shut it. I presume he was going to try to lighten up the mood but he was unable to find something to say.
Instead someone else cut the silence. Someone that shouldn't have.
Claudio.
He sneaked up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders. He bent down to whisper into my ear loud enough that the four of us could hear "Want to see the other endless marvelous things I can do with a knife"
Theo choked on the last bite of his cupcake and Blaise pressed his lips into a thin line and looked over at Theo with wide eyes.
Draco shot up from the table so abruptly, that it made the whole table shake a bit and my glass of water spilled everywhere. This caused Theo and Blaise to get up as well to not get wet.
The blonde wizard shoved Claudio's frame to the side, causing his grip on my shoulders to vanish. Draco's grip on his wand was tight and as he was about to cast out a spell or a curse, when the italian wizard disarmed him "Expeliarmus!" causing his wand to fly across the room.
Claudio had a smirk plastered on his face, he was glad of having the upper hand and seeing Draco defenseless.
But little did he know, the blonde didn't care.
He was about to go in for a punch when someone with the most unique voice that has ever come across this earth exclaimed "That's enough!"
That voice was the most recognizable voice on the planet. I bet everyone was familiar with Snape's voice.
By now, every pair of eyes in the Great Hall was on us and the festivities around the Gryffindor table had calmed down.
Snape disarmed Claudio as well and held both of their wands in his grip.
Draco's eyes were burning into Claudio's, he looked furious from not being able to connect his knuckles with the italian's jaw.
Why does Claudio have to do this? I don't mind when he does it when we're alone, but why especially in front of Draco.
Boys will be boys I guess.
How did I get myself into this mess in the first place?
"Come with me" Snape ordered the pale blonde. Then he looked over at Claudio "You'll receive your wand within a week this hour"
The young dark haired wizard didn't look content about it "Are you serious?"
Now that is the worst possible question to ask Snape..
When Snape says something it's final and you can't argue his decision, let one make a single remark.
"Three weeks," Snape disclosed and walked away with Draco, who was cursing under his breath.
Claudio studied me for a bit. "The offer expires in 72 hours" he continued.
I sighed "Not interested" I shut down his offer, even though I was slightly interested, when I reminded myself of how good I felt when he teased me with a knife.
"Bonus the ice cubes" he smirked down at me and left.
"That was quite the show" remarked Theo. Blaise and I both turned facing him "Not now" we said at the same time, then looked at each other and burst out laughing.
I honestly don't know how I managed to laugh after this whole chaos. It was one of those unexplainable moments where you were so frustrated that you reacted to it with laughter.
The only thing I know is that it felt good even if it was just from a brief moment.
I wonder why Snape escorted Draco out. His relationship was kind of interesting with Snape. I observed their relationship from time to time during class and Snape treated Draco differently than the rest of us.
He didn't treat him better but just differently.
As if they were familiar with each other.
Which made me think, does Snape know?
About him being a death eater and treats him with empathy because of it?
I doubt Draco would ever tell Snape about such a thing though. He wouldn't have told me if I hadn't bothered him about it on many occasions.
Or maybe I'm just over analyzing it too much like I always do and as Draco says 'I am trying to find the deeper meaning in everything when there isn't really anything out there'
Why did I have to be cursed with a brain that constantly overthinks everything?
I always ask these rhetorical questions to myself but never actually try to answer them.
Maybe this could be the first step of my recovery to fix my mental illness. To wonder about my own thoughts and try to answer them. Or maybe it would be the total opposite and this exercise would cause me to develop an even severe illness.
I wish I had a therapist or something, but also I don't really feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with a complete stranger.
What if one day I become famous in the wizarding world and they pay my therapist to reveal all my darkest deepest secrets and desires or my past. And the person that my therapist reveals all of my personal information after getting paid, black mails me and demands all my wealth in exchange for not revealing anything about me to the press.
And there it is. I'm overthinking again.
On that note I'm going to play it safe and let my thoughts be.
....
After that whole incident, Theo, Blaise and I, walked back to the common room and talked for hours.
At first it was a tiny bit awkward because we didn't really know each other and were merely acquaintances, but as the night grew older we grew more comfortable with each other.
I really started to like both of them. They were really fun to talk to and hang around, which made me feel good, since I didn't really have many people I hang out with in Slytherin.
Except Draco and Claudio of course. But I don't even think I can really call Claudio a friend. My relationship with him is solely based on my sexual desires with him.
I don't even know if I have genuine feelings for him, like I do for Draco.
I admire Claudio's charisma and the way he makes me feel but I don't know if it goes beyond that.
Theo snapped me away from my thoughts "During winter break one day, Draco, Blaise and I snuck into Buckingham palace and chatted with the Queen. She thought we were journalists and we asked her the randomest questions like 'Do you fancy goblins' and such and when security arrived we" he couldn't stop laughing "we.." now Blaise was practically crying out of laughter "we ran away. They couldn't catch us"
"You should've seen her face when we asked her the questions. She looked so disturbed" Blaise continued.
At one point the three of us couldn't even breathe for ten minutes from the stories we told each other.
It felt good. It took my mind off the letter.
Every now and then the sentence 'I have to kill him' whirled around my mind but they always distracted me with their stories.
It also made my feel like I was growing closer to Draco. Hence, he never really talked about his past or things he's been through, or told me his most memorable memories from when he was younger.
....
Sunday morning came and I was dining alone at the Gryffindor table, when Harry sat in front of me.
"Hey" he gave me a warm smile, but he looked slightly tense.
"Hey Harry. How are you?" I asked.
"Been better" he replied as he grabbed a piece of toast and spread strawberry jam on it.
"Same" I took a bite of my crepe with nutella spread on it.
He sipped his tea and inquired "Are you feeling better from you know.." he paused, "That night"
All the memories came flashing back.
I felt Akoni's hands grabbing me without my consent. The image replayed over and over.
"No" I looked down and felt the smallest tear appear in the corner of my eye "The images are still there" my voice was dry.
He looked at me apologetically and came to sit next to me. He slightly patted my back as I wiped the tears with the back of my hand, when I saw Draco enter the Great Hall.
Our eyes met, but then he quickly glanced over
Harry's hand that was positioned on my back to comfort me.
He didn't react this time and sat at the Slytherin table. He didn't eat anything, he only sipped some black coffee while we wrote something in this book.
I remember that book from fourth year, he always had it with him and would constantly write things in it.
What I would do to be able to read what was written in it. But I guess one at a time. I already read his letters which I really shouldn't have and I feel slightly guilty about, but I wouldn't have known that his life was at risk right now if I hadn't done so.
How can he act as if nothing is going on when his life is in danger? I want to help him, but I'm afraid that he would never talk to me again if he finds out that I went through his personal belongings.
I really don't know what to do and it tortures me inside.
Harry was still patting my back in silence and my tears slowly came to an end.
"I never really asked you this, but how did you find me that night?"
I was curious. Classroom eleven wasn't just some typical class. It was barely used for closes, practically deserted and it was past curfew, not that it's a problem for him because he has an invisibility cloak.
"Oh.. Right. Well I was looking at what Malfoy was up to, when I saw your steps on the map" he paused and looked over at Draco who was still writing stuff in his I guess you can call it somewhat a 'diary' then shifted his gaze back at me "I got rather curious and saw you go into a place I didn't even know existed. So I decided to follow you and well you know the rest.."
If Harry hadn't shown up, I honestly don't know what I would've done.
"Oh.. Well honestly I'm really glad your curiosity got the best of you and you decided to follow me. Thank you, really. I don't know even want to think about what could've happened" I gave him a half smile.
"No problem. Try not to think about it much" replied the wizard and sat back to his original seat.
Hermione joined us shortly and talked about how much she despised Lavender and asked me a bunch of questions on what had happened between Claudio and Draco yesterday during dinner.
I got inside the Slytherin common room and saw Claudio reading the Daily Prophet by the fire.
The front cover said '5 MUGGLES KILLED BY THE DARK LORD'S LOYAL DEATH EATERS'
Which made my wonder had Draco been sent to that mission?
To commit murder.
The word didn't sit right with me.
He looked up from the papers "56 hours left" he reminded me and I ignored him.
....
Evening rolled by and I was debating on whether or not I should go and talk to Draco. Whether or not I should confess about going through his stuff.
But where would that lead me? We would probably argue again and he would never trust me again. Even if not ever, it would take a million years to earn back his trust and he would still doubt me from time to time
I had to approach him in a clever way. Make him want to share it with me. That's the only way I could help him.
I needed to help him, from both of our sakes. Even if it's selfish, I didn't want to lose him. I still somehow felt attached to him.
And above all, I really wanted things to go back to like it was before.
I got out of my room and knocked on his door.
I saw the door knob move and the door opened by itself.
He was sitting on the couch with a thick book placed in his palm.
"We need to talk," I said as I stepped foot in his room and shut the door behind me.
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New fast update as I promised !!❤️❤️
Please vote if you enjoyed the chapter!
Also super random but I received these notifications back to back yesterday and I thought it was kind of funny.