• n o o r •
"I love you."
His words kept ringing in my ears as I rushed downstairs. A smile seemed to have permanently etched on my face and I couldn't shake it away. My whole body felt warm and fuzzy because of what just happened, and my knees were moments away from giving up.
Instead of going into my room, I went to Maheen's instead. She was lying on her stomach, her eyes fixated on a disgusting diagram in her Anatomy book.
"Hey." I said and lay down beside her, propping my head up with my elbow.
"Hey," she said in a distracted voice as she highlighted a paragraph. "Why is your face all red?"
"Is it that obvious?" I bit my lips to stop myself from smiling.
"Yep." She said.
"It's nothing." I said and hid my face in the pillow. For the next few moments, I imagined going back to the terrace and continued where we left. With our Nikaah getting closer, he wasn't the only one getting impatient. Something about him makes me want to be close to him and the thought enough was embarrassing. Astagfirullah!
"Maheen," I raised my head. "I met Usama on the terrace."
Maheen's eyes widened and she closed her book. "That explains your blush." She said, winking at me. "What did he do? Did he kiss you?" She asked.
"Oh my God, Maheen. What are you saying?" I slapped her arm. "Why would he do that?"
"Because you both are getting married." She said in a duh tone.
"Well, we aren't married yet, are we?" I groaned. "I swear this Netflix has spoiled you. In our culture, we don't do such things before marriage."
"You are so boring, Noor. I feel bad for Usama Bhai." She said and I rolled my eyes. "Okay, then what did you talk about?"
"He said," I bit my lips again, not sure how to tell her. "He said, he loves me."
Maheen gasped and then sat up straight. "He said what? What did you say in return?" She asked excitedly.
"I... Um... I ran away." I replied and she slapped her forehead.
"Ya Allah! Give some sense to this stupid woman." She closed her eyes and prayed.
"Maheen! What was I supposed to say?" I asked.
"That you love him too. You do love him, right?" She asked.
"I... I do." I whispered, playing with my fingers. "I mean, whenever I am near him, I feel happy and excited."
"Of course you do. He is the first, not to mention the only man you ever had a connection to. But the thing is, is this love?" She asked.
"I... I don't know." I whispered. "I mean, I don't have anything to compare it with. How would I know?" It was true, I never had any male friends and I never talked unnecessarily to my male classfellows. Even all my cousins were either female or too young for me. Usama was more or less the only man of my age that I have interacted with.
"Hmm." She tapped her chin.
"I want to say it back to him." I said, blushing.
"Then go." She said.
"At this time?" My eyes widened as I noticed it was close to 11. Going to his room at this time of the night would be scandalous. Not to mention, what will Usama think of me?
"Stop being a scaredy cat, sis. He deserves to know what you feel about him. Think from his perspective. He must be hurt that you didn't reciprocate to his feelings." Maheen said, confusing me ever more.
"But what if someone catches me." I asked.
"All the elders are in the lounge, watching news and gossipping. I'll go and make sure they don't leave the room." She said as she stood up in a determined manner.
"Okay." I stood up nervously. "I'll go."
Leaving Maheen in the lounge, I climbed up the stairs and turned towards Usama's room. I knocked on the door gently and waited for him to open it. My mind painted different scanarios of how this could go wrong. I was about to turn around when the door finally opened and Usama appeared in front of me.
He looked like he had taken a bath, his wet hair sticking to his forehead in an unruly manner. He had changed out of his kurta into a black fitted T-Shirt that hugged the contours of his chest, making me gulp nervously.
"What is it, Noor?" He asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Nothing. I... I should go." I said and turned around to leave but before I could, he gripped my wrist and tugged me into his room.
"Usama," I whsipered, too afraid to say anything or move. I was inside his room, at this time of the night, alone. If somebody catches us here, it will be in the 9 am news bulletin.
Abort. Abort. Abort.
"I needed the say something." I said.
"Say it." He smirked and stepped towards me. I took a step back but my back met with the wall instead. Usama was standing close to me, so close, that he could just lean a little and our foreheads would touch.
"Um... Well... You see..." My heart pounded inside my chest and I felt like I was going to have a heart attack any minute now.
"Say it Noor." He said.
"I love you too." I blurted out and then clamped my hand on my mouth.
His smile deepened and he took my hand off my mouth, lacing his fingers with mine. I could feel his hot breath on my forehead and it caused my own face to flush. The heat radiating off his body was enveloping me, creating a mayhem inside my stomach.
"Will you be mine, Noor?" He asked and I nodded, too surprised at myself to say anything. "Forever?"
"Forever." I whispered and pushed him away with all my strength so that I could finally breathe. He chuckled as I straightened my dopatta and rushed out of his room, shutting the door behind me.
My lungs seemed to have forgotten how to work. It felt like there was something bubbling inside my chest, making it harder for me to breathe. I rubbed my cheeks which were probably redder than a tomato and then looked around.
And that's when I found Faaris standing in the balcony to my left, his eyes towards me while he talked to someone on the phone. His eyebrows were drawn closer and there was a scowl set on his mouth. Shaking his head at me, he turned around and continued talking to the person on the other side of the phone.
Ya Allah! Faaris saw me coming out of Usama's room at this time of the night.
What do I do now?
°°°°°°°°°
The next morning, all the ladies were gathered in the kitchen, helping Mama make traditional Pakistani breakfast. Mama was frying the Puri, Aunty Afshan was busy making halwa and Dado was making Chickpea curry to eat with the Puri. I on the other hand, was failing in making something as simple as Lassi.
"Will you help me?" I glared at Maheen who was sitting on the counter, eating strawberries.
"It's just Lassi, aapi. Not exactly a rocket science." She said and went back to eating.
"Is everyone outside?" Mama asked as she served the last Puri on the tray.
"Everyone except Faaris Bhai." Maheen said. I shifted on my feet nervously as soon as I heard his name. The memories of last night rushed inside my mind, melting me into an embarrassed puddle.
"Noor, can you please go bring him?" Aunty asked.
"Me?" I asked. Mama glared at me from the corner of her eyes and I immediately added, "Sure."
I nervously made my way upstairs to Faaris' bedroom. I knocked on it and waited for him to respond. "Come in." He said after a moment.
Pushing the door wide open, I stood near the doorframe and said, " Aunty is calling you for breakfast." I said.
Inside his room, he was sitting on the bed, his eyes focused on his laptop. Usama was right; he really was a workaholic. "Okay." He said without casting me another glance. I wanted to turn around and leave but another part of me wanted to clarify him about last night.
"What is it?" He asked when he watched me still standing.
"About last night, Usama and I... Will you tell anyone about it?" I asked.
At this, he finally put his laptop away and stood up. As he walked over to me, I noticed how tall he really was. Tall and lean, with proportionate amount of muscles on his limbs. His face resembled Usama a lot but unlike him, Faaris' face was a lot more angular.
"Why do you think I am going to tell anyone? What happens between you and your fiance is your private matter." He said, stopping few steps away from me.
"Thanks." I said and turned around to leave. But then, my eyes widened as I understood the meaning of his words and I turned around again to face him. "About that, I assure you Faaris, nothing unethical happened between us. Usama and I, we just talked."
"Hmm?" He cocked his head to a side, as if he didn't believe me. "Like I said, it's the least of my concerns. You don't have to justify anything, Noor."
Nodding, I started to leave but the anxious part me forced me to turn around once again. This time, I hadn't noticed he had starting to walk behind me so I ended up bumping against him.
I heard him groan, after which he cast me an annoyed glance. "What is wrong with you?" He said, stepping away.
"I... I am so sorry." I said, cursing myself internally. "I know I don't have to clarify but I just want you to know, I am not that kind of girl. I know my limits and I'd never cross them. We just talked."
"For the last time, I don't care." He said, looking a little pissed this time, and walked past me towards the stairs.
"Jerk." I said before I could stop myself.
For a brief moment, he stopped in his tracks and I slapped my forehead for saying that out loud. Thankfully, he chose not to turn around and made his way down the stairs instead.
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Noor said it back. Yay.
Vocabulary:
• Astagfirullah: A phrase often said to seek forgiveness from Allah.
• Halwa: a kind of sweet dessert
• Puri: a puffed up deep fried bread
• Lassi: A sweet drink
• Aapi: used to call elder Sister