The music was loud in his ears. It was already very late but they decided to stay a little bit longer. Well, Sapnap was the one who decided that.
Quackity was currently on the dance floor with Sapnap, while George and Dream were somewhere else. Karl had seen them walking outside half an hour ago but they were currently still outside somewhere, doing something nobody wanted to know about. And they really had said "we can keep an eye on him". Yeah, I see. Now Karl is the one that has to take care of him.
While everyone had fun, Karl was just standing aside. He was having an eye on everyone, just making sure that everything and everyone was alright and luckily, they were. Well, to be honest Sapnap was getting more drunk every minute but as soon as Karl tried to stop him from drinking another drink, he told him that he's just having fun and that Karl should be more relaxed.
Sapnap had tried to give him a drink but he respectfully stopped as soon as Karl told him that he wouldn't drink anything, that he didn't want to.
Sapnap was the opposite of that.
"Sap, this is enough now", Karl walked over to him and took his drink out of his hand.
"I'm fine! Give it back now", Sapnap stood up on his tiptoes and tried to reach the red cup in the taller boy's hand.
A smirk sneaked its way onto Karl's face and he enjoyed watching the smaller boy in front of him. Every time he tried to reach up higher, their bodies pressed tighter together. The brunet felt his cheeks getting hotter, just like the air around them. Sapnap didn't feel any of that, all he had in his mind at that moment was his stupid drink in his friends hand. He didn't feel any of that until he heard a soft giggle escaping Karl's lip. His attention shot back down onto him and their eyes met instantly, just like the taller boy's giggle stopped instantly. It was like Sapnap searched something in the blue eyes, his green eyes were just scanning him for a whole minute. He was getting lost in Karl's eyes, the look behind them was so soft and understanding, yet there was worry. A heavy sigh slipped through Sapnap's lips. His heart dropped to his stomach as he saw the blue eyes falling down on them afterwards.
Sapnap stumbled back immediately. He needed to get hold onto the kitchen counter behind him, to stop him from falling. The boy in front of him reached forward instantly, ready to help him as always. There was genuine worry in his eyes, something that made Sapnap somehow feel safe and cared, yet he felt uncomfortable for some reason.
It was not usual for the smaller boy to be cared about. All he had felt in his life was pain and betray. His mother tried to reach for him, tried to love him and Sapnap wanted to accept that feeling, that feeling which he was so scared of. Whenever he didn't swallow that feeling down deep into his stomach, he'd get hurt. He'd be vulnerable, something that he didn't want to be. It was always a fight for him, he had tried so long to shut out the words his dad had screamed at him. Sapnap was lucky that his mother was there, that she comforted him sometimes but he couldn't dare to let that affect him, to let that affect his heart. Because at the end of the day, she'd watch him getting punched by her husband. She'd watch it in the corner of the hallway, tears running down her cheeks. It didn't care how much she said sorry to him afterwards, the hurt in his heart was inevitable and unbearable.
That was probably the reason why he was always running away from the taller boy whenever he felt that feeling creeping up on the inside of him, creeping up his throat. He was afraid to say it to him, the three words that weren't even as big as 'I love you'. But still 'I like you' was obviously a way to admit his feelings, to admit the love that was building up inside his heart. It was hard for Sapnap to admit his feelings because whenever he did it, he'd get let down.
He couldn't do it.
He needed to get away immediately, away from Karl.
Sapnap didn't think that the taller boy would hurt him but it was still possible. Another thing that was possible was Sapnap hurting him, which was even worse. That thought was always running through his mind. Pictures of tears escaping the beautiful blue eyes just because of him.
He was afraid that even if he would accept his feelings, that it would at some point still be too much for him, the fear of him leaving.
Sapnap needed time.
Time to think.
Time to accept his feelings, accept the fear that everyone has whenever they feel love.
The fear of losing a loved one.
"Are you alright"?, his voice is almost desperate, but still the worry woven between the words shines through. It brings Sapnap back into reality, back to where he was. In front of the boy who's driving him crazy, the boy who's driving his feelings crazy. Something that shouldn't happen.
Sapnap tries to get his words out. He tries to swallow the lump in his throat, to not avail. He can't get himself to say something, his mind is full of thoughts. Thoughts that are telling him to leave immediately, to leave everything behind. Especially Karl.
And that's what he did.
Sapnap pushes himself up from the counter and walks quickly out of the overcrowded house. He hears the loud music echoing in his ears, creeping up in his already way too loud head. His eyes feel heavy and he blinks a few times, to try and get rid of the blurry view he had.
The second he reached the foreyard, he took a deep breath. His green eyes fell shut instantly, just like his head that fell back into his neck. He ran his hands over his sweaty face, a sigh leaving his quivering lips afterwards. Way too much feelings were bubbling inside of him at that moment.
"Sapnap?".
He tilted his head down again and didn't turn around. He knew exactly who was running after him and he didn't had the guts to look into his face again. It'd only make everything worse.
"Sap, seriously. Are you alright?", his voice was still filled with so much worry.
"Karl...", the smaller boy's voice was just above a whisper, yet it was full of pain and fear.
Fear of what was coming next.
"I can't do this anymore", Sapnap breathed.
Karl frowned. "What?", his tone was so quiet, the pain within to reach.
"I think this might be too much a-and I think that not seeing each other for a while would be the best for us", words ran out of the smaller boy's mouth, words that he didn't even think about before. But luckily, the words were perfect for what he had wanted to say.
"I don't understand...", Sapnap heard footsteps coming closer to him and he immediately walked forwards, away from the scent of the brunet.
"Sapnap? Why are you walking away from me?", Karl sounded so uncertain, somehow so innocent.
Sapnap felt an unfamiliar pang of emotion tug at his heartstrings, something that prove him again that this was the right thing to do.
"You heard me, Karl".
And with that, the smaller boy walked quickly down the street. Karl took a step forward, he tried to reach for Sapnap again but he instantly stopped walking. It would be useless. His lip was quivering and a warm tear was running down on his flushed cheek. He quickly wiped it away, taking a deep breath afterwards.
The cold air was hitting Karl in the face, just like Sapnap just did. Not with his fist, no it was worse. He had hit him with his words, words of rejection. The brunet formed his shaking hand into a fist and opened it a few seconds later.
Sapnap was already gone in the light fog of the night. It was hard for Karl to get back inside. The feeling of hurt wasn't the only feeling that was telling him to run after him. He was also worried about him. Sapnap was walking around alone in the night, inebriated and maybe he felt the pain as well, Karl didn't know.
What Karl also didn't know at that moment was the long version of Sapnap's story, of Sapnap's book. He did know that his parents were abusive, he wasn't dumb. His swollen side wasn't from a wardrobe. Maybe his mother believed it but not him. Well, he didn't really think that even his mother believed it but still...
If Sapnap wasn't ready yet, he needed to accept it.
Even if Sapnap would never be ready, he'd need to accept it as well.
So that's what Karl did. He swallowed down the sob that was creeping up inside his throat and he walked back inside the house, to find his friends.
And for the first time ever, Karl got drunk.
--------------------------
Hey, thank you for reading chapter fourteen! I hope you like it :D Stay healthy & ily <3
Twitter for updates: Cyleedd