VOTE bitches because it's chapter FIFTY!!! & this one is a BLOCKBUSTER!!
If you want, listening to Ava by Famy makes this chapter hit so fucking hard. I linked it above (:
This chapter is dedicated to new era H 😈
Norah
» Landed. Call me whenever!!
I sent the text as soon as we arrived at the airport in Boston. Winter didn't get back to me until we were unloading our luggage from the back of the crew van at our hotel.
"Hey, how are you feeling?"
Winter sighed heavily into the phone. "Vomited this morning. Jared just thinks I have the stomach flu. I swear to god, men are so dumb."
"Wait, did you already take a test? Are you pregnant?"
Gia came up and handed me my hotel room key. Her eyes went wide at my question. I just gave her a smile and graciously accepted the key card. Luckily, we didn't have roommates at this stop, so I could speak freely to Winter without disturbing anybody. I didn't have a clue how Winter would react to whatever news the pregnancy test told her.
"No. I bought two tests. I haven't taken them yet. Jare went into work today, but he'll be home in a bit. I think I'm gonna pee on them now."
I walked through the revolving doors of the hotel and headed towards the elevators. "You're going to pee with me on the phone?"
"Yup. Hold on, I'm gonna put you on speaker phone."
I laughed. "Oh, Jesus."
All the way up the elevator, I listened to Winter struggle to pee on the first stick. "Oh, fuck. Wait, shit. Do I have to stop peeing, get the other stick and pee some more?"
I tried to keep my voice as quiet as possible because I was standing next to a couple other crew members. "It's up to you. You can do that or chug some water after you pee on the first one and then pee again after."
Kacey's hair stylist and I made eye contact. I shared yet another awkward smile with her.
"I think I'm gonna pee on both right now. Because like what if one stick is faulty, or like I didn't pee right on one, you know?"
I laughed quietly. "I don't think that's how it works, but go off. Sounds like a plan."
The elevator stopped on the fifth floor. Half of those on the elevator, including me, got off while the rest of the crew headed up to the next floor.
"Okay, I'm done. That was so hard. Ew, the pee is touching my fingers," Winter said, followed by a retching noise. I held back my laughter.
"How long do you have to wait?"
"It says three minutes."
I stopped at the room number scribbled onto the slip of paper with the hotel key folded in it. I waved it across the scanner. A red light flashed back at me. I waved it again, but slower. The light stayed red. I checked the number to the room again. Yup, I was at the right one.
"What?"
"What?"
"My key's not working."
I pressed it against the pad for a few seconds, but the result remained the same.
"Damn it. I don't wanna go back downstairs."
"No way you're whining about your all-expenses paid hotel room in Boston while I'm sitting on the toilet waiting for my pregnancy test results."
"Hey, hey, hey. Let's stay calm. We're on the same team here."
I really didn't want to lug my backpack and suitcase all the way back downstairs. Could I just leave it here? No. Bad idea. Stupid idea.
"Who's the other team?" Winter asked.
"Uh...the...baby?"
"Well, what if I want to be on the same team as it?"
"That's up to you, Win. Either way, I'll be by your side. That's a no brainer."
The room behind me opened their door. I winced. I was probably being way too loud right outside their room.
A woman shuffled out, not sparing me a glance. I vaguely recognized her from Harry's team running around backstage, but I couldn't guess what her name might be. I lifted my hand in a polite wave.
"If I am...pregnant, I think I want it. I know Jare would be surprised, but he'd want it, too. I'm sure we'll be fine."
I smiled, pride filling my chest at her trust in both herself and Jared. "He would. And your child will have the most amazing aunt a kid could ever have."
"You're talking about June, right?" June was her older sister.
I dropped my jaw. "Uh, try again, bitch."
Winter laughed.
"Norah?"
As much as I wished it to be, that wasn't Winter answering back to say I would be the most amazing aunt ever over her sister.
"Harry," I replied back.
He was striding down the hallway from the elevators. He looked like he was just coming back from a run, wearing a headband, running shorts, bright green running shoes, and a t-shirt.
Me, myself, and I decided last night that we wouldn't bring up Camille's comments to Harry. After my ranting session with Winter, I faced good 'ol morning clarity when I woke up. It would seem too...douchey or like I was trying to get in between the two of them if I said something. So, while the flames of anger and frustration towards the two of them were still smoldering, it was best I just get over it.
"Harry?" Winter exclaimed.
"Winter, give me a sec."
"Bitch, put me on speaker!"
Harry reached me and looked down at my luggage. "Having trouble with your room?"
"Key's not working."
"Hi, Harry!" Winter's voice screamed into my ear. I turned the volume down instantly, but with our proximity and the smirk growing on his face, Harry definitely heard her.
"Come to my room and we can call the front desk?"
My answer was immediate. "Yes, please."
He picked up my backpack and started off to his room. I followed him, dragging my suitcase behind me.
"Oh my god, oh my god, it's almost time," Winter said frantically.
"It's okay. No matter what the result is, we're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine."
Harry stopped at a room three doors down, at the end of the hall, and sent me a puzzled look. I gave him a very faint nod telling him without words that I'd fill him in when I could.
He opened up his room, a whiff of clean linen hit me in the face along with the faint smell of something familiar and comfortable—Harry's cologne.
"Okay, it's been four minutes. Should I check now?"
Harry gently set down my backpack and I rolled my suitcase right next to it. He bent down and grabbed a water bottle from the fridge offering it to me. I shook my head.
"I'm with Harry right now by the way. If you give me a minute, I can go out onto the balcony—"
"Hell, just put him on the phone, too."
"Are you sure?"
Harry pointed to himself then to the door, his face asking the question if he should leave. I shook my head again and held up my hand.
"Yeah, he's full of wise, inspirational quotes," Winter replied. "I think I'm gonna need them."
"Hey, I'm pretty wise, too—"
"Norah, just put me on FaceTime!"
I did as she said and she accepted the FaceTime call. I muted myself and looked over at Harry. "Winter might be pregnant. She's taking a test right now. Our job is to contain the emotional explosion that's about to happen. You up for that?"
"Okay, I'm gonna check now," Winter announced, her voice shaking ever so slightly.
I was still looking at Harry. Surprise covered his features before a hard concentration quickly set it. He sat down at the foot of the bed then guided me by the elbow to sit down beside him. I held the phone between us so we were both in frame. Winter sat on the floor of her bathroom with the phone propped against the wall.
Without thinking, I grabbed onto Harry's hand and he squeezed it in return. Winter reached over to the sink and grabbed the test.
"Oh my god." Her hand went up to cover her mouth.
I gripped Harry's hand tighter. "What does it show?"
"Pregnant."
"You're sure? How many lines?"
"There are no lines. It's the test that just tells you, and it's telling me I'm fucking pregnant."
My jaw dropped. Despite my gut feeling, to hear the confirmation that my best friend was pregnant was a complete and utter shock.
"What are you thinking right now?" I asked her.
"I don't know." Her head fell into her hands and her shoulder shook with quiet cries. I started tearing up, too.
"Love, everything is going to be just fine. I know it seems scary right now, but everything is going to work out as it should," Harry spoke evenly.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. God, I wish I could hug her right now.
Harry released my hand and pressed his hand to the middle of my back, rubbing up and down gently. He picked my hand back up with his other and squeezed it.
"And whatever you're thinking right now, Winter, it isn't wrong," I added. "Whatever you choose is the right decision, okay?"
Her shoulders continued to shake, and my heart broke some more at the internal turmoil she must be enduring. But when she dropped her hands from her face, she wore a wide smile.
She was laughing.
She picked the test stick back up. "I can't believe this. I'm having a baby."
I laughed, sniffling through my tears. "You're having a baby."
"And you're gonna be an aunt."
My breath caught in my throat. "I'm—I'm gonna be an aunt."
Harry laughed along with us, surely thinking we were as psychotic as I thought we looked. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to my temple, rubbing the side of my arm.
"Congratulations, Winter," he said. "I know Jared's gonna be over the moon happy."
"That fucker better be," Winter cursed. She took a few more deep breaths. "I cannot believe—oh, wait, I think I hear him coming inside."
"Should we let you go now?" I asked.
"Um, yeah, sure. I should get up off the floor and wash my face probably."
"Call me whenever, okay?"
"Thanks. Love you, Norah. Harry, I'll talk to you soon, you hear?"
Oh, absolutely not.
"Looking forward to it."
"Bye, bye." She hung up.
Oh, wow. Oh, boy. Oh my goodness.
I needed to stand up, so I dropped Harry's hand and did just that. He watched as I paced back and forth in his hotel room while the craziest adrenaline rush coursed through my veins.
I covered my mouth with my fingers. "Holy shit. Winter's having a baby."
"She is."
"I'm..."
I thought of my brother. The nieces and nephews I'd never have. The sister-in-law I wouldn't ever meet. The love he didn't get to extend to his own child because...
I stopped pacing. My hands moved to cover my face as the tears flooded to the surface and a lump formed in my throat. I heard the creak of the bed as Harry stood up. Hands gripped my shoulders before they carefully moved me into a warm chest. One hand supported the back of my head while the other held my back. He smelled like soap and sweat, but in that moment, there was no better smell.
"I didn't think I would ever..." My throat closed up. He pressed his lips to the top of my head and rubbed small circles into my back.
"I'm gonna be an aunt."
"You're gonna be an aunt, sweetness," he confirmed. It was like he knew.
I pulled back and beamed up at him. My heart skipped a beat at his mirrored expression. He looked almost as happy as I was.
Winter and Jared were having a baby.
++
3 days later - New York, New York
Lights on the stage flashed red, and the steady beat of Sarah's drums rattled the arena paired with Mitch and Adam on guitar and bass. The crowd was amped.
It was my first time watching Harry's set. It was from a TV screen in the green room, but I was watching nonetheless. Nine shows in and I was finally letting it happen. But tonight was a special occasion—Harry at Madison Square Garden. Kacey had been absolutely bugging out earlier. I'd even dressed up in more than a t-shirt and jeans for the occasion.
It sucked I couldn't watch him from barricade or from the crowd, but I didn't want to push any of Jeff's buttons now that we had reached an understanding. Certainly standing next to fans for over an hour would push absolutely all of them.
The guitars got louder and Sarah picked up the beat. My entire body was vibrating with anticipation and from the intensity of the sound coming through the walls. Then the instrumentals ceased.
"She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes. Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect."
There was something different about him tonight. I wanted to pin it on the fact that it was the first night of his at Madison Square Garden, but that wasn't it.
"And all the boys they were saying they were into it. Such a pretty face, on a pretty neck. She's driving me..."
Definitely there was something more intense and emotional with him. I had half a mind to ask Jeff about it, but then I schooled myself on where I thought I had any right to ask about how he was doing anymore. No longer did I have the clearance to ask for that sort of information.
"Oh, I think she said, 'I'm having your baby, it's none of your business.'"
I couldn't take my eyes off of him. I didn't want to miss a thing—an air punch, thrust, a grind...
"You're drooling."
I elbowed Gia in the side. The warning look I sent her didn't do it's job because she only giggled at me.
That afternoon in Boston a few days ago was the true start of an acquaintanceship. It felt stupid not calling it a friendship because...well because I had literally sobbed in his arms at the fact that Winter was having a child. Never mind the fact that he sat with me while we both witnessed Winter find out. But there are things I haven't told him. Things I wasn't willing to disclose to him yet that a friend would know. So an acquaintance he would remain.
An acquaintance that was making me feel all hot and heavy with the confidence nearly dripping from his pores.
Ew. Okay, that was my sign to cut it out.
Kiwi ended powerfully, leading into his encore. He disappeared from the stage while the roars in the arena became deafening—even backstage. Minutes passed before he showed up back onstage beginning the end of the show with From the Dining Table.
Jeff waltzed into the green room, looking pissed off. We immediately locked eyes, and I got a semblance of the amount of frustration he possessed. I tore my eyes away.
"Norah."
Why'd it feel like I was being sent to the principal's office again?
"Yes?"
"Can I talk to you real quick?"
"Sure."
I followed him out of the room and down the hallway, a distance away from the backstage crew.
"Do you know what's up with him?"
"'Him' like Harry?"
"Yes."
I shrugged. "No."
"You guys haven't talked at all?"
"Last I had a conversation with him was in Boston when my key card didn't work and he called the front desk for me." I only omitted a few details.
He rubbed a hand against his cheek and looked away in thought.
"He's upset," I guessed.
"He's a fucking train wreck. All yesterday and today he's been short-tempered, hard to work with yet absolutely submerging himself in work, and just...not himself."
My brows furrowed. "I really couldn't tell you what's wrong. But I also got that vibe from him just from watching him backstage and onstage."
He gave a heavy sigh. "I'm worried."
"I'm sorry." I shook my head. "I don't understand why you're telling me this."
"Because he's been like this before. After you two broke up."
I visibly flinched. "After we broke...are you saying you think he broke up with Camille?"
"I'm not sure. I...you're right. I don't know why I'm telling you this either. I guess I was hoping it had something to do with you, so his behavior wouldn't be such a mystery, but..."
"Would you mind if I talked to him?"
He laughed humorlessly and shook his head like he couldn't believe what he was about to say. "Honestly, go for it. I'll take whatever help I can get to break him out of this headspace."
"How'd he break out of it last time?" Last time after I broke up with him.
"It took weeks—months, and eventually he just faded out of it. He had acting classes, a movie to film, an album to write. I swear he wrote about a thousand songs. He just worked through it I guess. But with tour ending soon, it'll be one less thing for him to do, and I don't want him to...turn to something else to keep his mind off things."
Something else...like drugs? Harry wouldn't...
"I don't mean to scare you. Honestly, it's not as bad as he was when you two split. I just...I'm trying to learn from the past. Take preventative measures, you know?"
I nodded numbly, my mind spinning with the influx of information.
"Another thing," he added before I turned away. "I just wanted to say that I respect you, Norah. A lot. I know it seems as if we're on opposing sides a lot of the time, but you're strength is palpable. You're intelligent, passionate, and dedicated, and I apologize for coming across as thinking otherwise."
I closed my mouth which had popped open halfway through his words. He hit it on the nose. I was all of those things, and this apology was a long time coming. It wouldn't mend whatever weird relationship we had before, but it certainly signified a clean slate.
"I appreciate that, Jeff. Apology accepted."
++
I swear I heard a sharp intake of breath right before his hotel room door opened.
It was late. Really late. Around two in the morning. Jeff had texted me after Harry left a dinner with him and some friends. I waited thirty minutes, chugged some shitty hotel room coffee, and after I got the text that he arrived back at his room, went to talk to him.
He was still dressed in what I assumed he wore to dinner—black slacks, grey button-down, and boots. I, too, wore my outfit from earlier, but that was only because I knew I was coming to talk to Harry—what was his excuse for not settling down for the night?
"Jeff?"
"No, it's Norah."
I hardly got a twitch of the lips.
"I mean, did Jeff send you."
"You think Jeff sent me?"
He leaned a hand against the doorjamb. The muscles in his arms flexed, drawing my attention to the tattoos he was decorated with. Nope. Focus.
"Bastard's got some tricks up his sleeves."
"He did approach me," I admitted. I wasn't going to lie to him. "But if your mood got any pissier, I would've hunted you down anyways. Jeff just made it easy since he knows your room number."
He dropped his hand, hardly sparing me a glance as he went to shut the door. "I'm not in the mood."
"No, no, no. Please." Think. Think. Think. "I want to talk. You don't have to talk, just let me talk."
His stunning green eyes lifted to mine. A storm of conflict raged in them. There was something he was fighting and I wanted to help. It wasn't sadness and it wasn't exactly anger. But energy an radiated from him and it frustrated me to no ends that I couldn't figure it out.
Without a look my way, he opened the door all the way and turned into the room. I followed, closing the door behind me. It was much bigger than mine, equipped with a kitchen, a couple couches making up the living room, and another door leading to the bedroom.
He walked towards the couches, but didn't sit down when he got there. He turned on his heels and looked to me, his lower lip sucked into his mouth as he nibbled on it.
"You wanted to talk?"
"Um..." I hadn't thought this far ahead. "Well, I think Jeff doesn't hate me anymore."
"He never did."
"Okay," I replied sarcastically.
"I wouldn't have stood for it if he did."
His arms crossed over his chest. I didn't miss the way he subtly rubbed at his elbow. He was clearly anxious. I opened my mouth to speak, but he beat me to it.
"Why are you so awake at this hour?"
"I had some coffee."
"When?"
"Like an hour ago."
"So you could talk to me?"
"Yup."
He cursed under his breath and strode past me into the kitchen. He grabbed the tea kettle from the stove and ran it under the tap water.
"What are you doing?"
"Tea to help you sleep."
"Uh...the point of the coffee was to stay awake."
He ignored me and moved the kettle to the stove, turning it on so a light flame ignited beneath the kettle. He went to one of the hanging cupboards and pulled out a mug.
"You should make yourself one, too."
Silence replied back to me.
He turned his back to me, pulling out a drawer and digging through it for a few seconds before he took out a single tea packet.
Come on, Norah. This is going nowhere.
"How's Camille?"
He slammed the drawer shut.
"That good, huh?" I responded. An aggravated Harry was better than the shell of a man this was.
He tore open the packet with his teeth and set it in the mug.
"Did something happen with her?"
"Norah, please," he growled.
"What's the harm in talking to me?"
"Plenty."
What the hell?
"I don't believe that."
I expelled a sigh through my nose and walked back over and sat down on the couch. He could continue to give me couple word answers or the silent treatment for all I cared. I'd be sitting right here, talking to him whether or not he decided to join in the conversation.
"I watched your set today for the first time. Obviously, it wasn't from the crowd or anything, it was from a TV backstage, but if I had that much fun watching on a screen, I can't imagine how it feels to be in the crowd."
He opened the refrigerator and took out a water bottle. He drank down about half of it before turning around to face me.
I went on with a light laugh, "I have to say, it was night and day difference from the last concert of yours I went to."
His lips fixed into a frown and he moved the mug from the right side of the stove to the left. He was fidgeting now—distracting himself. If I could just get him to sit still, I'm sure he would open up.
The kettle started to whistle and he switched off the stove. He poured the hot water into the mug and stirred the contents with a spoon before setting the spoon down in the sink. He walked into the living room and placed the mug in front of me on the coffee table.
"Be careful. It's hot."
"Oh, really?" I joked sarcastically.
He mumbled something I couldn't pick up and sat down in the couch across from me. He propped the side of his ankle up onto his knee and sat back against the cushions. Shortly after, he adjusted his position again. His hand rubbed up and down his forearm.
When the tea cooled down enough, I held the mug in my hands and sipped in the peppermint flavor. Harry wasn't looking at me or addressing me in any way. He just sat there restlessly, looking around the room.
Maybe this was best. It was good enough that he just wasn't in this hotel room alone.
The caffeine from the coffee I had earlier was fading quickly from my system. My eyes were growing heavy, but I wouldn't retire for the night until I knew for certain Harry was okay.
"If I had a car, I'd ask you to go for a drive with me," I broke the silence.
"In New York City?"
I shrugged. "I drive the 405 all the time."
"That's very different."
"Well, I don't care. Maybe the danger of us dodging traffic would get you to talk to me."
"That's a bit crazy."
"I'd do anything to get you to open up to me if you were hurting."
That cracked him. I saw it in the way he'd finally stilled. His eyes shifted from dark and stormy to having a spark of fight in them. Like I'd given him the perfect opening to open up.
"I'm not hurting."
"I'd beg to differ."
"What if I'm hurting because I hurt someone else?"
"I don't think you did."
"I broke up with Camille."
There it is.
"Okay," I said gently. "People break up."
"I cheated on her."
Oh. Oh.
I had to find my breath before I spoke again. "You've been seeing someone else?"
He shook his head.
"Well, who'd you cheat on her with?"
"You."
I didn't even try to hold in my shock. My brows shot up and eyes damn near popped out of my head. I set my tea down onto the coffee table.
"Uh...I definitely don't recall that. I think it's safe to say you were dreaming. Don't worry, it happens to lots of people. Thinking something you dreamt happened in real life." I was rambling now. I laughed lightly. "Like when your significant other does something stupid in your dream and you're mad at them in real life because, while the event that happened was fake, the emotions you're feeling are real. It's not uncommon—"
"Norah—"
"—So, here I am to set the record straight. You didn't cheat on Camille with me. Go ahead and call her up and—"
"Norah."
"What?" I exclaimed.
My heart was beating frantically. I knew it for a fact. I was 110% sure Harry and I didn't hook up. I would remember it. Hell, it'd be all I thought about!
Harry had his elbows rested on his knees now as he looked at me through hooded eyelids. He didn't say anything for a while, just gazed at me—through me—while I became restless in my own skin. Was this how he had been feeling?
"It was unfair of me to keep my relationship with Camille when...even years later, it was blatantly obvious to me that I didn't feel an ounce towards her as I feel towards you."
I could hardly hear him through the sound of the blood rushing to my ears and the heavy staccato of my heart. Could he hear my heart beat from across the room? Because I wouldn't be surprised.
"The root of this is simple, really." He ran a hand over his face as he stuffed back the emotion evident in his voice. "Loneliness. It's something I've always felt. Just lonely. It's cliche—I know. 'In a room full of people, I still feel alone.' But that's how it is. It's like what I told you soon after we met. I never really know if someone is in it for the me the world sees...or me."
His eyes blazed into mine as he continued, "But it's never been that way with you. Ever. So when you showed up on tour, I was shocked, yes, but I was also angry. Angry that after all this time, not a fucking thing has changed. And it's not fair to Camille. I can't pretend she's...she's everything when it just isn't true."
"Harry—" My voice ran jagged as it broke.
"And I'm not trying to pursue you or anything, Norah. I respect you too fuckin' much. I know we have too much history between us now."
He wasn't wrong, but that didn't make it feel right either.
"I'm not going anywhere, Harry. I hope you know that," I said. "I know you say you cheated on Camille, but you did everything right in my opinion. You respected her enough to be honest and up front with her. And you never tried anything with me."
"I let it go on too long."
"When did you..."
"The day you came into my room with Winter on the phone." He reached over the table and picked up my tea, taking a long sip and then setting it down again. "After she hung up, you started pacing around like you were the one having the baby yourself." He chuckled for the first time. "Then you smiled up at me, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd ever seen you so happy. Couldn't remember the last time I'd ever been so happy to see someone else so happy."
"And that was it," I said softly. Pitifully.
He nodded. "That was it. That night, I called Camille and told her how I felt. I didn't mention you at all, but she...she admitted that she said something not too kind to you the other day. She sensed something was going on...on my side, and said she spoke in anger."
"And she took it well?"
"She did."
No matter the circumstances of their break up, it was clear Harry cared a great deal for her, and he was still hurt in the process because he knew he hurt her.
"I'm sorry."
His eyes held mine with an iron grip. "You've nothing to be sorry for."
"Just...this doesn't make you a bad guy. It makes you human. Emotions are messy and don't care about the boundaries of relationships or lack thereof."
He nodded slowly, dropping his head to look down at his hands in his lap.
"You know, you're different, but you haven't changed at all," I said.
"Yeah?" He asked. "How does that work?" His defensive cadence was gone, replaced with a gentle curiosity.
"It's like your outer shell is different, but the inside is just the same. Even through whatever experiences you've gone through in the past couple years, you're still the exact to the core."
He smiled softly and my mind began to wander. One day, I thought to myself, but not today.
"You look like you're about to fall asleep."
I straightened my head on my shoulders hearing his comment. I was entering into the 'knock out on the couch' zone for sure.
"What'd you put in that tea?"
"Oh, shut up. I drank out of it, too, remember?"
I shut my eyes and laughed. "Oh, right."
He chuckled and I heard him stand up from his couch. I opened my eyes as he approached me. He held out a hand clad with rings. Those damn rings.
"Let's get you back to your room."
"M'kay."
He brought the mug of peppermint tea with us while we walked to my hotel room several doors down from his. I slipped my key out of my back pocket and unlocked the door. Harry reached across me and opened it, propping it open with his foot while remaining in the doorway.
"Here's your tea," he whispered.
I grabbed it from him. "Thank you."
He cradled the side of my face and pulled me in, his lips pressing against my forehead gently. "Thank you, my love."
"Always."
...
This chapter was so fucking long omfg, but I did it cause I love y'all!! I hope you enjoyed!! Now it's time for me to finish a 10 page research project paper (:
Also the next chapter is gonna have so many people in it, I can't wait for y'all to see who shows up 🤩
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Stay safe! <3