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Chapter 45
Heart
My heart is weak.
I heard the doctors. I heard my parents.
Congenital heart disease is one or more problems with the heart's structure that exist since birth. Congenital means that you're born with the defect. It can change the way blood flows through your heart.
Some vague memories suddenly flashed back. All the hospital appointments, all the medications back when I was a kid... But I wasn't really aware of it. I always knew that my body is weak and that I need to be careful all the time.
That's why I don't go to school before, I was home schooled. I can't go outside, that's why I don't really have friends. Sabi nila sheltered daw ako masyado at spoiled. Maarte raw ako at hindi kagaya ni Kuya Kairon. But it's because I'm always sick.
"My daughter undergone Cardiac Catheterization procedure when she was a child," I heard my Mom's voice. "We regularly visited a pediatric cardiologist. At first, these visits happen often, perhaps every month or two. Later, it was cut back to just once a year."
"We need to talk to her once she's awake. We need to know how often these chest pains occur and when did it come back, so we could check what treatment must be done. The treatment for a congenital heart defect depends on the type and severity of the defect. She may have severe defect that require extensive treatment," the Doctor said.
My eyes felt so heavy. I tried to open them slowly and the lights hurt my eyes. I roamed my eyes and everything was so white.
"Cali? Oh my Cali-bear..." Mom cried.
Agad siyang lumapit sa akin at panay ang iyak.
"My Princess, how are you feeling?" Dad asked calmly.
Pinagpahinga muna ako ng ilang saglit bago kausapin ng doctor. I told them that the chest pains and the shortness of breath started when the kidnapping incident happen. After that, it became so often. I actually thought that they were panic attacks because of the trauma, but now I realized that it's not.
I will undergo a series of test so that we'd know what treatment or surgery must be done.
Mom was very emotional. Back on her teenage years, she suffered a heart disease and undergone a heart transplant. Alam kong sobrang natatakot siya para sa 'kin... I'm scared too. I'm really really scared.
But I'm praying that mine won't be that severe. Iniisip ko pa lang na ooperahan ako, parang naiiyak na ako.
Si Daddy naman ay hindi umaalis sa tabi ko. Alam ko na he's trying not to show that he's sad because he want him to be our source of strength.
"Where's Kuya?" I asked my parents.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit tinanong ko pa.
I know my Kuya so much. I know that he's sad and mad about this, kaya hindi 'yon bibisita. Hindi ako no'n kakausapin. Kuya Kai hate to show his weakness. Gano'n siya. He'll only visit me once he had recovered from his feelings.
The longer I stay here in the hospital, the more I feel weak. Why do I feel like this? I don't know if this is just a mindset, but I never felt my body this weak.
I woke up hearing some familiar voices. My eyes were still closed and they felt really, really heavy.
"Why it had to be my sister? Why it had to be Cali? Ako na lang sana..." I heard my brother's voice.
"Kai, don't say that."
Hindi ako sigurado, pero mukhang boses iyon ni Ate Paige.
"I can't lose another sister... I can't," Kuya's voice sounded hoarse.
Kahit nakapikit ako ay nararamdaman ko ang tubig sa mga mata ko.
"You won't lose her, Kai... She'll get through this. Let's pray that it wasn't severe."
"Cali has a bright future ahead of her. She's bright and she knows what she wants... Kaya nasasaktan ako na bumalik 'yong sakit niya. Kasi alam kong marami pa siyang gustong gawin, kapatid niya ako. Alam ko," I can feel the pain in Kuya's voice that I can't help not to cry.
I'm ugly crying while my eyes were closed!
"I'm not gonna die, Kuya! Come on!" I opened my eyes and spoke like a b.
Kuya even brought me a lot of alpacas... Stuffed toy, I mean. In different colors and sizes! Pinuno niya ang hospital bed ko. Ginagawa niya talaga akong 7 years old!
"May kailangan ka?" he asked for the nth time.
"Go home and rest, Kuya. I'm fine, seriously..."
Kuya looked at me like he's not okay with it.
"I only have two sisters, Cali. I didn't have the chance to take care of the first one. Let me take care of the second." His voice was very deep.
Ever since the day I fainted, I haven't felt any chest pains that much. There's a little to none. I think it's because of the meds.
I really hope that my condition wasn't severe. I want to comeback and study too.
The Doctor said that I cannot go out of the hospital roughly for a month or two. It means that I cannot enroll by the next semester, which will be two weeks from now. Mom told me that they will send a letter to the academy that I cannot enroll for the next semester. Para naman hindi ako mahuli sa class, I'll be guided by a private homeschool teacher. Mommy said that she already hired one.
I'm going to miss school a lot... And my friends... And Jax.
Yes, Jax.
I wish him all the best. And even if we're not together anymore, my love for him stays. And I promise to be better. I'll come back better. Wait for me, Jax.
"Kuya, please don't tell Jax about this..." I told him. "I don't want him to know."
No one in Sapphire Academy knows about my condition yet. And I preferred it that way. Gusto ko kasi na pagbalik ko, normal pa rin ang lahat.
I broke up with Jax so he could focus on his studies. Kung malalaman niya pa ito, then it defeated the purpose.
Ayaw kong mag-alala siya sa akin.
"Promise me, Kuya... Please," I pleaded.
Kuya took a deep breath. "I promise, okay?"
Jaxith and Kuya Kairon have the same circle of friends... Jax will probably know about it one way or another if the word spreads. Kaya naman kailangan kong sabihan si Kuya.
"Bumisita pala si Chance... Sinapak ko," Kuya said with a hint of guilt in his voice.
My eyes widened. "What?!" Hindi talaga ako makapaniwala sa kapatid ko. "He's the one who carried me when I fainted!"
Chance is the only one who knew that I was rushed in the hospital. Kaya naman kahit papaano ay natuwa rin ako nang nalamang bumisita siya.
The next day, he went back to visit me with a blackeye. Alam ko na agad na si Kuya 'yon.
"I'm so sorry!" sabi ko agad.
How violent Kuya is every time he see Chance? May galit talaga siya roon sa tao! My gosh!
Chance gave me a bouquet of flowers and fruits. Napangiti ako roon.
"Nag-abala ka pa... Thank you," I said and got all excited with the sweet scent of manga.
"Kumusta ang pakiramdam mo?" he asked.
"Getting better," I told him.
He crossed his arms and looked at me weirdly. Na para bang may bagay na nag-aalangan siyang sabihin sa 'kin.
My forehead creased. "Why are you looking at me like that?"
"I-I know abour your condition, Cali... Ang tsismoso ko, sorry. Your doctor is a close family friend and I literally beg him to tell me."
Hindi ko alam pero natawa ako roon.
"You're the only person in the academy who know it then... Can I ask a favor?"
"Yeah?"
"Can you keep it that way?" I asked him. "I don't want anyone else to know it yet."
Unti-unti siyang tumango kahit may pag-aalangan pa rin.
"Especially Jax... I-I don't want him to know. I don't want him to be worried."
Chance nodded again.
Weeks after, I started to have my lessons with my private teacher. All of the lessons where also based on my course curriculum. Kaya naman pag okay na ang lahat, makakabalik din ako sa Sapphire Academy and I'll still be on the same year. I can't slack off if I want to go back in Star Sapphire Class. Pwede raw 'yun if I did very well. I'll just need to reach the GPA.
Kuya was always there by my side. Kaya tuwing bumibisita si Chance, kinakabahan ako lagi kasi baka magka-blackeye na naman.
Chance never missed a chance to visit me. Kahit no'ng mag-start na ang pasukan. Binibigyan niya ako ng notes minsan, kaya lang hindi ko maintindihan ang sulat niya.
I was so shocked the next time he visited when Xuriella Ocampo was with him.
"How dare you not tell me about this, Calixta Gonzalez?!" she screamed on top of her lungs.
Agad akong napatingin kay Chance. Did he tell her?
Sinugod ako ng yakap ni Xuri at umiiyak pa.
"I didn't tell her!" sabi ni Chance at marahas pang umiiling. "She is stalking me!"
My eyes widened while hugging Xuri. At kailan pa siya naging stalker?
"I missed you! We have no idea why you did not enroll! Akala namin dahil sa break-up nyo ni Jax!" she sobbed.
"H-How did you know?" I asked her.
Xuri wiped her tears and looked at me. "You know about me and my crushes, right? So... This Saavedra guy is the creme of the crop this semester. And I kinda stalked him!" Dinuro-duro niya pa si Chance.
Umuwang ang bibig ko. Did she just blatantly announce that Chance is her number 1 crush this semester? And she stalked him?!
"I don't think that's 'kinda'..." pasaring naman ni Chance sa gilid.
Xuri rolled her eyes. "And then ayon sa sources ko, lagi siyang nagpupunta sa hospital. Naisip ko na, uh-oh I can't have a crush on a sick guy! So, I did my research and now I'm here."
I just can't. I just can't with all of this!
"Did anyone else know?"
Xuri covered her face looking all guilty. "I didn't know that you don't want to tell anyone so I told Gelo!"
Ilang saglit lang ay may kumakatok na. And then the door suddenly revealed Angelo Darius Tan. Oh my God.
"Sis!" Gelo ran to me. "Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa 'min? Okay ka lang? Anong nararamdaman mo? May masakit ba? Ano, may kailangan ka ba? Kailangan mo ng dugo? Magbibigay kami ni Xuriella!" sunod-sunod niyang sabi.
Umiiyak na silang dalawa ngayon.
"Hindi ka nag-enroll tapos hindi ka rin nagpaparamdam. Akala tuloy namin, sinusundan mo ang yapak ni Cat!" iyak pa ni Gelo.
I really missed my friends and I kinda thank Xuriella for being such a stalker.
Silang tatlo na ang nakakaalam ngayon. Tuwing bumibisita si Chance ay nakabuntot na iyong dalawa.
Both Xuri and Gelo were still in Class A. They are helping me also to cope up with studies.
"H-How about Jax? Is he doing good?" I asked.
Agad na nagtinginan sina Xuri at Gelo.
"I'm just curious..." I asked in a small voice.
It's the first time that I asked them about Jax. We've never talked about him since the first time that they visited me. Siguro ay ayaw din nilang i-open up ang topic about kay Jax because of my condition and because we broke up. Hindi talaga nila binabanggit si Jax kaya wala akong idea kung kumusta na siya.
Kuya never spoke about him too.
"He's still the Top 1," Xuri simply said.
Tapos ay tumango-tango si Gelo. Pagkatapos no'n ay wala na silang sinabi pa.
My hospital room is very spacious. The interior were changed a little to make me feel at home. I also have my own television, mini ref, and basically everything that I need. But I still got bored most of the time.
I spend my time studying and shopping online. Last time, I checked out like over twenty things that I don't need. Nagugulat na lang minsan si Daddy kung bakit may sumasayaw na stuffed cactus sa bedside ko. It's actually a stress reliever! My stuffed cactus can even sing!
A nurse told me that I can go at the top floor if I wanted some fresh air. I got so excited and asked Nana Medring to come with me. Ang tagal na rin na hindi ako nakakalabas!
"Saglit lang tayo, Hija, at malapit na ring humamog," aniya habang tinutulak ako sa wheel chair.
"Yes, Na–" I was about to agree with her but I stopped when I saw a familiar person from a far.
It can't be...
"Jax?" I whispered to myself.