Daxton~ December
I wait, respectfully, on the other side of a door that I have a key to. When the door finally opens, I greet Brielle with one giant red velvet cupcake—her favorite—and the happy birthday song. I stop immediately when I notice her red puffy eyes and tear stained face. "Cheese?" I frown down at her and gently wipe away a freshly fallen tear.
"Sorry. Thanks" she takes the cupcake and walks back over to her couch. I follow her until a body on the couch stops me in my tracks. "Hey babes, scooch over" she says to the person whose face I have yet to see. From the built, I know it's a guy, though. Who would she have over while she's in nothing but a bralette and sweatpants; her swollen belly exposed to the world? The man looks as if he is startled out of his sleep, like he's awoken from a bad dream.
"What?" Oh, good. Dalton. "Thank God, you're here! I can't take another one of these chick flicks" my little brother rushes over to me, but not before kissing Brielle's cheek and telling her happy birthday. After giving me several warning glances, he makes a run for the door.
"Wait! Dalt, what about the pregnancy photos for your art project?" Brielle calls after him.
"It's fine. I'd want both of you in them anyways. You've got two more months left anyways, right?" Dalton grips tightly at the door knob.
"Really?" Brielle sighs. I can see in his face, that even if he did want to, he couldn't refuse her either.
"It's fine, Cheese. Let him go" her eyes haven't left Jack and Rose floating in the ocean yet, but she feigns sadness. We all know that she didn't want to stop her movie to take photos anyway. Dalton probably wanted to gift the photos to her and get an A on his assignment. Without a second thought and before I could turn around to wave goodbye, my baby brother disappears. I at least wanted to ask him about how art school's been going? It's not official, but he's transferring after winter break. That girl he met from the school introduced him to some chill professor who's helping catch up.
"Oh, no!" my attention is brought back to Brielle, who is racing towards the bathroom door. I quickly follow her and find she's bent over the toilet, puking the cupcake I just gave her. I rub soothing circles on her back and hold her hair back. "This isn't fair. They're taking away all my favorites. No more danishes. No more red velvet cupcakes. No more anything! I hate you for doing this to me"
I just stare at her with a goofy grin. Since we broke up, I haven't been able to see all these little moments. I didn't even know that the danishes made her sick now. We've been communicating better since my birthday, but still, I wish I knew. She rolls her eyes at me and scoffs. "What?" she scolds, clearly annoyed with me.
"You're beautiful," I gently brush some curls from her face, my voice barely above a whisper. I didn't mean to say it, don't want to freak her out and go backwards. Too late to take it back now, but maybe there's a chance she didn't hear me.
"No. I am not. I'm huge. Fat! Fat with a capital F" she heads back to the living room and, of course, I follow her. "My back hurts, my boobs ache and I can't see my feet. Yesterday, I almost fell trying to wash my feet in the shower. Oh, and good thing the twins are winter babies because I couldn't shave my legs even if I wanted too. Last week, I really wanted fried chicken. Like a good piece of fried chicken, but I was practically stuck in bed. So, now I sleep in the couch...sitting up. That way I can call for takeout when I want and you know how much I hate eating on the couch."
"Why didn't you call me?" I cross my arms over my chest and stand in the frame between the hallway and the living room. She looks away from the TV and up at me guiltily.
"It was 4 in the morning" she shrugs off.
"Why? Didn't? You? Call? Me?" I persist
She looks down at her belly and rubs it, "I'm a single mom, now. I have to get used to doing things on my own."
Instead of arguing with her, I shake my head and sit beside her on the couch. "Come here," I prop one leg up on the couch so she can sit between my legs. I gently, yet firmly, massage her back and shoulders. "I could help you; you know. Wash and shave and cook your food" I can hear her swallow and feel her tense up a bit. I still make her nervous. Good.
She licks her lips, "no. You can't" clearing her throat, she speaks more assertively, "you don't live here."
"I brought a house."
She turns abruptly, as abruptly as she can with the twin belly, and give me evil eyes. "We can't live together!"
"We can. At least—"
"Yeah. Yeah. Until they're five, then what? Ruin their routine and me struggle to get a new one? You don't think I'd get content and settled into our play family?" she snaps at me. I fully anticipated this.
"Cheese, my kids will have the best. A house, with a yard and however many pets they want. We both need each other. I'll have clinicals and then residency and you'll have law school. Then you'll be at the firm. I want to see my kids as much as I can and the best way to do that and help each other and have a healthy schedule is to live together" I tell her. I can see those tear ducts working and maybe I was a little too aggressive in how I said it, but I'm tired of going back and forth about this.
"Ignore the tears. I'm not sad, that's just a new reflex. I told you that I'm trying to work out my feelings before we get into anything serious. That I want to focus on being good parents" she sniffles. "Crap! Ignore the tears and my shaky voice, okay. Take me seriously, Daxton."
"I do take you seriously."
"I don't trust myself" she sighs. "I'm a vampire, Daxton. Even right now, that's why I'm crying. It's what I do when I crave...blood"
I tried. I really did, but I can't help laughing. She purses her lips and smacks my arm "sorry. But Cheese... what are you trying to tell me? You crave my blood? That's a bit drastic don't you think?"
"Ugh" she rolls her eyes at me. "You forgot. Well, that makes it a little less embarrassing, right. Don't have to worry about rejection because I'm fat and swollen and hideous. Nope. You just forgot about me." She wipes at her face as I try to piece together what she's talking about. "The house makes sense. With our schedules and stuff"
"Good. That's not why I'm here, though. Back when we were together, I planned this getaway in Aspen. I know that's too couple-y and don't worry, I'm done pushing the couple thing. So, I invited our friends to come along. I think Maya and Heather need a little vacation, being cooped up with the babies for. I mean, they'll bring their babies seeing as though their only two months old, but I think we all need this" I explain to her.
"Sure" she doesn't sound happy about the idea. "You're right. Gen's been stressed trying to get pregnant anyways. We all need a break"
"Don't go if you feel forced" I offer her a way out. I know she's tried; I wouldn't be mad if she just wanted to relax for her birthday.
She takes in a deep breath, "you'd go without me? On my birthday?" I think she's teasing, so I go with it.
"I don't know... I could use a vacation from you" I smile at her and head back to her bedroom to pack. "We have to leave in two days, so I'll help you pack while I'm here."
***
"You're hot... like super-hot. You have a fat Meg Thee Stallion booty, like...just hot" some scrawny teenager is flirting with Brielle as we check into the resort. Does he not notice her pregnant belly? I mean, her stomach is the largest thing on her and it can be hard to tell when looking at her face to face.
She sucks her teeth, "um... thank you?"
"Can I get your number?"
"Sorry, she's taken" Gen places her arm around Brielle.
"Cool! I'd be into that" the kid says.
"No. I'm expecting" Brielle puts her hand on her stomach and turns to the side.
"Woah, Dude! It's like barely there when you stand the other way. You're still hot."
Brielle, with a mixture of shock and confusion on her face, walks over to a chair to sit down. Heather tells her that she should take the compliment because they're scarce after the baby comes. Something about constantly looking worn down. The girls giggle and the guys try not to give me awkward looks. I walk over to the teen and get the room keys.
"Sorry. We have to share; it was too late to change it" I explain to Brielle as we walk into the room. She shrugs and gives me a quant smile. As she looks around the room, I can see the panic on her face. "I could room with my brothers if that'll make you feel better."
"No. It's fine. Gotta get used to living together, right?" she gives me a real smile this time. Her smile is contagious and I can't help but return it. I have to keep reminding myself not to freak her out. Just. Co-parents.
"Yep. As co-parents. Completely platonic friends. Almost like a sister to me..." why did i say that.
"What?"
"Eww, I know. I'm just trying to say that you don't have to worry about me trying anything because I don't see you that way anymore." I am an idiot. She nods slowly, clearly judging me and I mean, I'd judge me too. "I'm gonna go hit the slopes with the guys, okay?"
"Mhmm, go ahead. I'm tired anyway."
"You did what!?" Declan laughs at me after I tell them what I said. I don't know it's difficult territory, she won't even let me be her friend.
Now that we have a pretty steady relationship, I don't want to lose it again. Not to mention that kid hitting on her, I'm not jealous that he did it. I'm just annoyed that he can and she won't even like me say she's beautiful. They laugh at me and make incest jokes but it doesn't matter because I dusted them all on the mountain. It was a little weird at first with Mikey being there, but he has been hanging around us a little more lately. Heather wants me to make friend with him. I don't mind doing that for her, she's done a lot for me these past few years. Besides, Mikey's not a bad guy.
When we return from the skiing, Johnny, Axel, Kolton, Cade and I go to the sauna room. It's been years since it was just us five hanging out. Like years. Axel came without Beth, his model girlfriend, no doubt hoping to hook up with Catalina. I wonder if we'll ever stop living as horny teenagers. I mean our high school years were great, really great, but maybe that's why most of us are sucking at relationships. Maybe, Brielle really does want me to let her go and I'm suffocating her. Then again, John and Kolton are doing pretty good.
Conversation comes up about John and Gen considering adopting after they exhaust IVF. Kolton talks about how he's enjoying being a father and how scary it was when Maya was having complications during the birth. She wanted to go natural, but they had to give her an emergency C-section. He says he's been smothering Maya and baby Kori ever since. We ask him if he's thinking about marriage, but he says that Maya thinks it's a misogynistic construct designed to oppress women. Or something like that. I think he's forgetting that half of the girls are my sisters, practically sister-in-law and baby mama; I know things. I think he's just chicken.
After the sauna, I head back to the suite. When I get in, I can hear Brielle talking about me. Instead of letting them know I'm here, I hide out near the door where they can't see me.
"You told him you were a vampire?" Gen giggles
"Do you think he even remembers what that means or that conversation?" Catalina asks
"Well, you two do. He also said that he sees me like a sister now. A sister" it sounds like she's more upset than she is mocking me.
"Oh, honey. That's bad" Gen consoles her
"You've been pushing him away! What did you expect?" you can always count on Catalina to tell it like it is.
"I expected that he felt the same way about me that I do him. I don't know, that we'd always be in love with each other. I didn't want him to get over me, I just wanted time to think about what really happened between us and why it still hurts so bad" I can see Brielle waddle to a table of food, so I decided to move back, closer to the door.
"Isn't it enough that he just loves you?" Catalina asks
"No! You can love more than one person at the same time equally. The exact same. You can't do that with someone you're in love with. You can only be in love with one person. If I'm burdened with that then he should be, too" I chuckle a little under my breath. It can be infuriating, but she's also really cute when she's being bratty.
"You sure you don't just feel all these extra emotions towards him because you're pregnant? That happens, you know. Maybe it's not real" Catalina offers. She's really starting to piss me off.
"No. It's real, I don't know a time where I didn't love him. Even when I hated him"
"So, why'd you break up anyway?" Gen finally asks, something I always wanted clarification on. Just as she's about to answer, my phone starts ringing. I open the door and close it, pretending to walk in for the first time. Then I speak a little too loudly on the phone as I walk pass them and straight into the bedroom of the suite, waving at the girls on my way back.
THUD.
"Ahh!" I'd been on the phone with my mother for maybe ten minutes—she wanted to make sure we arrived safely. I don't when it happened or why, but I'm starting to see more of my mother from before she found out about the affair and Genevieve. I rush off the phone and in the direction of the noise. When I open the bathroom door, I find Brielle naked and struggling to get up off the shower floor. I want to laugh, but it looks like she hurt herself when she fell.
"What happened?" I ask her, turning off the shower water and reaching down to help her up.
She quickly tries to cover herself, "don't look at me, Daxton!"
"Come on, Cheese. Quit playing" I attempt to help her again but she fights me.
"Don't. Look. At. Me." she scolds me through gritted teeth.
"Girl," tired of her games, I scoop her up and carry her to the bed, bridal style. "You, okay?" I bend down beside the bed to look her over. She rolls away from me and hides under the blankets. I walk over to the other side of the bed to examine her stomach, but she scolds me and says something about washing her feet. I'm so frustrated with her that I start yelling at her about how I need to make sure the babies are fine.
"They're fine, Dax! Kicking me like always. Now, please get out so I can get dressed" the shaking in her voice tells me that she's crying.
"Should I ignore this as a reflex or are you in pain?" she ignores my question and begs me to get out. Walking out to the living room of the suite, I make myself busy by eating whatever is left of the room service she ordered earlier and watching TV. I'm too angry to talk to her without yelling anyways. I just busy myself with the sports channel for an hour and a half, but I keep the volume low in case she calls me.
After the hour and a half, I go back into the room to go to bed. Out of habit, I cuddle up next to her and spoon her under the covers. I place my hand on her belly, I'd only felt the twins kick a few times. Sure enough, there they are, strong and powerful little kicks. I feel my way down her belly, where the strongest kicks are, and realize that she's still naked. Maybe I'm being crazy, maybe her Pj bottoms are just on low. I gently use my finger to trace where the waistband of the pants would be. She's not wearing anything.
"Don't..." she places her hand over mine and guides it to her soaking wet center. "Don't stop, please."
"You'll hate me if I don't."
"I'll hate you if you do" she says, her breath already hitched.
"You just fought my like I was some kind of pervert for trying to help you up" I counter, still drawing lazy circles around her bud. She's so wet, waiting for me to enter.
"I didn't want you to see me all fat and pregnant. I wanted you to remember the way I was" that gets my attention and I pull away from her. "Don't read into this, Dax."
"What do you want, Brielle? I can't do this hot and cold thing with you. I mean, have you figured out why you won't marry me? Why keep pushing me away, unless it's for sex..." then, it suddenly dawns on me, "vampire."
"You remember?" It was her way of telling she was horny without actually saying it. Brielle had always been shy about telling me when she was in the mood. I sit up in the bed and then help her as she struggles to sit up with me.
"Have you ever really been comfortable with me?" I ask her.
"What? That's ridiculous! I've never not been comfortable with you. Please, don't close me off, I know you aren't into me that way anymore. Just..." she stopped talking and let out a frustrated sigh. Then she picked up the pillow and screamed into it. "Don't you remember? How we broke up?"
"I remember begging you not to end us. Just because we were going to different schools didn't mean we wouldn't last" the pain in my chest still fresh.
"You'd started pushing me away again, not as bad as before but something had changed. Then, suddenly Heather and them other hoes started flocking around you. We weren't having sex, but I don't know...I guess I just let my insecurities get the best of me. Then Rosemary started dropping hints about the girls sneaking in and out of the house. She warned me that if we continued, you might resent me. That we should experience other relationships and grow into who we're meant to be. To be honest, it made sense to me; the more you pushed me away, the more lost I felt. I didn't like that I needed you to define myself. That's not how I was raised. I needed to reconnect with me" she explains.
"I understand that, baby. Your independence is one of the things I love most about you. I'll admit that I wasn't mature enough to handle being your friend. To me, I was finally able to be free of my dad and we could have a real relationship without the stress or added pressure. You do know I never cheated on you, right?" I gently take her chin in my hand and turned her face towards me. She closes her eyes; a tear sheds and she nods her head.
"At the end of it, I thought we were okay. You kissed me—I mean kissed the life out of me—and told me that you understood. That you still loved me, but then..." she stops and takes a deep breath.
"Then what, because that's all I remember. After that the guys took me out because I was sad. I got hammered and then the last thing I remember is being told that I beat my father into the hospital. When we went away to Europe later that week, you weren't talking to me at all. Wouldn't even look at me. The only other time you talked to me after our break up was when I came to visit you for your birthday freshman year" I seriously ponder over the events, trying to remember something.
She takes a deep breath "you called me later that night, when you were out drinking. You were yelling about how you never loved me and how I didn't matter to you. You used me for my body. You...you..." she bursts into tears. "You only stuck around to see how big of a hoe I was..."
"Shh..." I kiss her, repeatedly, all over her face. "Baby, I never said that to you. I could never..."
"That's what I thought, but then, I got text saying the same exact thing" she pulls away from me. I told her that I did say it, but not to her. She couldn't believe me; I can see the hurt in her eyes. It's all still fresh for her. I want to hold her throughout the night, but she asked me to sleep on the couch. I want her to be comfortable so I do. I feel like a part of her knows that I would never do something like that to her, but I can understand now, why she has her guard up.
***
"Heather, did you send Brielle a text from my phone on graduation night?" It had taken me until the last day of the trip to confront Heather. After talking with Brielle and her finally telling me what was hurting her all this time, she kept her distance. It was difficult but I'm glad she did because it forced me to think back on that night and ask my boys what they remembered from that night. With all of us together, we reached a final conclusion.
I had said those things that night, but not to Brielle. I'd never say any of that to her because that's not how I feel about her. Besides, everyone knows that no matter how angry I get, I never say something hurtful or disrespectful that's untrue. i mean if it's true I'd probably say it, but not in a disrespectful way. Growing up with an abusive father taught me that verbal abuse is just as bad as all the others, maybe even worse. My mom still carries some of the scars and now, Brielle does for something that I didn't even say to her.
We're all in the lobby, packing to leave the resort and head back home. Mikey steps between Heather and I, clearly able to see how upset I am. Everyone else is watching us very intently. Brielle breaks through the crowd and stands beside me "I don't know what's going on here, man but don't approach my wife like that."
"Relax Mikey, no one's trying to hurt your wife. She did something that still affects me, so yeah, I'm angry. But she's not in any danger" I tell him, standing my ground. I look to her, waiting her answer. "Graduation night, did you text Brielle from my phone?"
"Yeah." she admits in a hushed voice. "You said hurtful things to me and I honestly can't understand why."
"You had no right! Do you know what you put us through?" I snap at her
"Hey, man!" Mikey yells back
"I love you! I was perfect for you...and what is she, some nigger whore!" Heather admits, screaming throughout the resort.
"What?!" Mikey turns to her in rage
"You always wanted everything I had. I was a good friend to you, Heather. You always knew how I felt about him, why would you do that?" Brielle lunges for Heather as soon as she said the N word. I had to grab her, which was a little difficult because I'm trying not to put pressure on her stomach.
"Because! You niggers don—" don't know how, but Brielle got loose and punched Heather right in the nose.
"The baby!"
"Brielle, you're pregnant!"
I pull Brielle off Heather and bear hug her, leading her to the travel bus we rented to drive out here. "Calm down, now!"
"Did you not hear her call me a nigger...twice! Do you have any idea how traumatized I was? How much I hated myself for sleeping with a jerk who'd say those things to me? For carrying his baby? For still loving a sick, abusive mother—" Brielle snaps at me. The bus begins to fill up with our friends, Brooklyn trying to check on her sister.
"But I didn't. You didn't! What you need to do though, is calm down. You're pregnant you can't be out here fighting and stressed like this, Brielle!" I scold her.
"My FACE AIN'T PREGNANT!" She stands up and starts hitting me so I move out of her way. Our friends yell at her to calm down. She doesn't. "Move!" she stops hitting me and starts trying to calm the seat. With her globe of a belly, she really isn't getting far. Like she can barely lift her leg in the shower. So, I let her tire herself out. Then, Heather and Mikey get on the bus with their baby. "Aye, yo Brook"
"Yeah, B?" Brooklyn edges closer to the front of the bus, towards Heather.
"Grab the baby, because I'm about to beat her—"
"SIT DOWN!" I reach for her again and she punches the mess out of me, right in the jaw. I mean, I had to remind myself that she was the pregnant love of my life and not a man. The bus got so quiet and I just feel darkness creeping over me. My chest swells and I move closer to Brielle, she doesn't look afraid but she doesn't look confident in knowing what I'm going to do. The first one to walk towards me is Dalton, but I check him so fast and warn him not to touch me. I take both of Brielle's hands and sit her down myself. Her eyes widen at my force, but at least she's sitting.
I look to Kolton and tell him to drive the bus, "they are going to ride back home with us. They have a baby and the resort kicked them out; I won't leave a baby in the cold. Everyone sits down and shut up! Don't even breathe for the rest of the ride home. Kolt, they get off first."