Sweetheart What Have You Done To Us – Keaton Henson. Beautiful song
Quick Author recap: DEBBIE KNOWS ABOUT HER AND EDDIE. LIVS FREAKIN’ THE HELL OUT ABOUT HER CAREER. The end lol enjoy.
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“Happy Birthday!”
My eyes strained over the group of people I loved then to the drink I’d bought fifteen minutes prior to their arrival. Even Alisha was here, this must be their version of an intervention. Here’s me only expecting Miranda.
“Liv,” Alisha approached me as if she were approaching a wild animal. “How are you?”
Once again I looked over Randy, Jake, Mack, Alisha and – those idiots – even Mikhail. He was peaking curiously over Mack’s shoulder with a small frown marring his face. “Well, how would you feel if your career went down the shit hole right before your birthday and Valentine’s Day.” I countered.
Randy huffed from behind Alisha and edged her way forward. “You need to snap out of it.”
“How can I when she won’t return my call?”
“It’s your birthday.” She argued. “Tell me you haven’t spent all of today moping around your apartment.”
Actually, I spent today and yesterday moping around my apartment. Since Wednesday, I hadn’t “snapped” out of it since I’d seen Debbie nod and walk away. The only time I’d communicated with anyone was when Randy was getting restless about my big news and even then I couldn’t help but burst into an onslaught of tears because of what happened. She asked if I’d talked to Eddie about it and… well, I haven’t so I told her so.
In fact I’ve sort of been screening my calls. But nevertheless clearly Randy has taken it upon herself to tell everyone about my radical problems.
“No. But thanks by the way for gathering everyone in my time of need.”
She simply shrugged. “You need us more so than ever. Even Mikhail.”
“Spasibo, Miranda.”
“Anyway it’s your damn birthday and dammit you’re going to damn well enjoy it.”
“Easy.” Jake chuckled. “But she’s right, Liv. Come on, let’s order a couple of desserts, a few drinks and just chill out. I mean really, you want to spend your whole birthday alone?”
I frowned into my almost empty glass of wine and shook my head. I wanted to spend it with Eddie celebrating. But that’s not going to happen now. Especially since he’d stopped calling last night.
For the first time I wasn’t at Chase’s in fear of Grace calling him and telling him where I was. Nope, tonight I was at Purbirds.
Mack and Alisha grabbed us a table larger than necessary and ordered an assortment of desserts. My tired eyes flickered over my friends clearly trying to cheer me up and I suddenly felt thankful and lucky to have people like these in my life. Even Mikhail was grinning at me and trying his hardest to make me laugh which he was slyly succeeding in.
Last night, I was weak and tried calling Debbie. I didn’t know what overcame me but all I could do was stare at my phone and hover over the call icon. Thankfully, it rang for the appropriate amount of time - meaning she didn’t decline my call meaning she may have just stared at it – and went straight to voicemail. I was brave enough to call but not to leave a message.
Alisha, who was sat beside me, placed a hand on my forearm with a sympathetic smile. “You okay?”
I shrugged. “As good as one can be after watching someone walk away with their future.”
She frowned. “Why don’t you just call the studio to send you another copy of your contract?”
“Because it has to go through my manager which right now is Debbie and she in turn has to check it out for any knits or bugs, send it my way to sign and then send it back.”
“Is that really necessary though?”
“Apparently so. I’ve already asked. I mean, I can go down to Salon with a lawyer but I don’t want it to come to that unless it really has to come to it.” I looked down at my untouched apple pie and sighed.
With a pat to my arm and a swipe of her spoon toward my pie, she said, “It might be the only way to go.”
Yeah, I know.
Once again I looked over my friend’s only then realising what day it was. I looked over at Jake and Miranda and said,“What are you all doing here anyway, it’s Valentine’s Day. Randy it’s your first one married.”
“I’m married every day. Valentine’s Day is just another day, Liv.”
I shrugged a little at her reply thinking that well, I’d want to spend my first Valentine’s Day with whom I married with, well, who I married. Then again come hell or high water I would be anywhere, anywhere, for Randy. And I guess that’s what she’s doing for me now.
"You know she had no right to walk away like that, Olivia."
"But what would you do?"
Miranda's annoyed sigh almost blew the candle out between us. "You say they haven't been together for years. He is his own person and so is she and so are you."
"She was shocked."
"Why are you defending this? Do you want her to end this? Do you have no hope at all?"
"Would you?" I countered suddenly feeling annoyed. "You didn't see that look in her eye like after seeing us together everything made perfect sense or something. So no, I don't really have that much hope at the moment especially since she hasn't responded to my missed call.”
Miranda’s frown was answer enough. Clearly she didn’t know what she would do and even if I was in Debbie’s position I wouldn’t know what to do. Sure, maybe I’d be a bit awkward at first but I would at least call back or put the poor girl out of her misery. I felt like I was waiting for the jury to come back with their verdict.
And as my eyes strayed over to the opening door with two very familiar faces I realised I was extremely guilty.
I watched as Eddie and his sister, Phoebe, walked into the restaurant both of them clearly looking for someone. Must have been Miranda judging by the way she waved them over.
“Thanks a bunch, Miranda.” I sighed.
“He wanted to see you. I couldn’t very well say no, it’s your birthday after all.”
I caught Eddie’s wonderful eyes but quickly averted them, shoving down the feeling of utter content to the very pit of my stomach. I wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms for as long as I could think of and wish away all the secrets, all the lies. But life wasn’t that easy now, was it?
“Happy birthday, Liv!”
I blinked and stood automatically, wrapping an arm around Phoebe in a quick hug. “Oh, thank you. I’m surprised to see you.”
“Surprised happy or surprised angry?”
I glanced at Eddie doing his rounds and back to his sister. “A surprised happy.”
“Well good!” She chirped shining a smile my way and then at everyone else. “Now, who is everyone here? Actually I think I’ve seen you somewhere.” She said pointing to Jake. “At Chase’s swallowing a 8oz burger.”
Jake’s cheeks warmed and Miranda started laughing. “Good memory.” He grunted.
As Phoebe started to introduce herself to everyone, Eddie stepped beside me and sent me a very small yet cautious smile. “Can I talk to you outside for a second?”
Talking about what happened was inevitable it seemed so I obliged. Eddie’s hand enveloped mine as he led me out of the restaurant, his thumb brushing back and forth against the inside of my palm and I couldn't even try to ignore the way it made me feel.
“Did Miranda tell you I was here?” I asked avoiding a couple walking into the restaurant, stopping beside the restaurant window.
“I wouldn’t blame her, she put up a pretty decent fight with me. Said you were pretty much shutting yourself in and wouldn’t talk to her.”
I shrugged for the third time tonight, crossing my arms over my chest almost using it as a barrier between us.
“Happy birthday, Liv.” He said.
“Thanks.” I replied tenuously. “Eddie, I don’t think I’m ready to talk abo-“
“I want to show you something if that’s okay. Your birthday present in fact.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know I didn’t have to but I wanted to. You’ll have to come with me. Leave here that is.”
“I can’t just come with you now,” I said glancing through the window at everyone. “I took my car and everyone just got here.”
“Okay then I’ll wait.”
Back inside, we re-joined the group. Phoebe was too easy going not to get along with everyone so I wasn’t all that worried about the girls meeting her. They liked her on sight. I was mindful of Mikhail and Eddie for less than breath; they were talking like old friends. Misconceived photographs and Mikhail’s way of being nice by being a little touch-feely aside, the two of them looked like the best of friends.
Everyone I cared about was here right now, everyone I… well everyone I lo-
“It’s getting a bit late, I’m going to have to take off.” Phoebe interjected stopping my train of thoughts. “I’ll see you soon, Liv. It was nice meeting everyone!”
I hugged Phoebe and thanked her for coming and turned to the rest. Eddie eyed me quickly before leaning over to Miranda and whispering into her ear.
“Are you okay now, Olivia?” Mack said standing up. “Or will you be okay?”
“I hope I’ll be okay.” I glanced between Miranda nodding at Eddie and back to Mack. “I’ll let you know what happens straight away, okay.”
“I’m going to be in the city for a week so don’t even think about hesitating to call me.” Alisha said joining Mack. She kissed the top of my head with a small smile. “Love you, Livvy happy birthday.”
“Thank you, love you too.”
“Right,” Randy stretched upwards and yawned. I narrowed my eyes at her fake yawn and watched her circle the table to hug me. “I’m off too. Have a good night honey.”
“Yeah… you too.” Her hug was a bit too long for it to be even a polite hug or even a hug for friends as close as us. She let go, sent me a wink and wandered off with Mack and Alisha. With a quick hug to the others I waved them goodbye and turned to Eddie. “Now-“
“Let’s go outside and we’ll decide how to do this.”
Not feeling up for arguing, I walked out behind him and scanned the street for my car only to find it gone from where I was pretty damn certain I parked it.
“Where’s my- what the hell?!” I growled watching as my car rolled in front of me with Randy grinning like a maniac in the front seat.
“You’ll thank me later love! See you soon!”
With my jaw probably touching the ground I watched Miranda drive happily around the corner, Jake shaking his head at me in their own car behind her. Well. That sorts that out doesn’t it?
**
“Where are we?” I frowned. Despite it being probably only a ten minute walk from my street, I don’t think I’d ever been around this small business district before. I suppose I didn’t need to, it was the complete opposite direction of where I usually needed to go and there was nothing here for me anyway.
Yet he didn’t answer. Instead, he stepped out of the car and came to my side to help me out. All of the buildings were dark except one nearer the end that looked a lot like apartment buildings. Eddie led me not to that one but to the one beside it. It wasn’t that tall; it had a quaint look to it but judging by the door it was probably almost new with long windows on all three floors.
“Maybe this is where you kill me then?” I murmured as he pulled out a key.
“If I didn’t kill you in my own studio why would I kill you in yours?”
The smile wiped completely from my face as an icy wave of shock surged through me. “What?”
He only continued to the process of unlocking the front door. Warily, I followed him into the building, the bottom floor only an elevator, a staircase and a locked up reception desk. The brick walls were painted white and the floors a shiny greyish blue.
My thoughts were running a mile a minute as I stepped into the elevator with him. And then another bout of thoughts entered my mind at the similar features of this elevator compared to the one that unknowingly affected both of our lives six, well almost seven years ago now.
I exhaled a shaky breath when he pressed the second floor. Hell it even moved like the elevator from school. And judging by the way he took my hand and the little blush on his cheek I just knew he was thinking exactly the same.
On the second floor there was a hallway with two doors; one closer to the staircase than the other and the other one on the opposite wall. Eddie walked straight to the one at the end.
“Eddie,” I started when he stuck another key into the door. “You can’t be serious.” Still, he didn’t speak a word. “Please don’t.” I begged a little because to be honest he was plucking on my heartstrings like a Greek god’s harp and I couldn’t take it anymore.
But like usual, he ignored me and opened the door. He looked back at me – I probably looked like an alarmed kitten with my hackles raised – and slowly pulled me in. The room was pitch black, not a crack of light in sight. That was until he switched the lights on.
Lines of light illuminated the room and I lightly gasped. The windows were covered with long thick curtains, the floor space – damn the floor space – it was almost the same size as my classroom. It was the same décor as the reception area. White brick walls and a shiny but slightly worn greyish blue floor. It was more so long than wide. It was in fact the perfect studio space.
God I hated this man. I hated him for how much he made me adore him. Love him. Yeah, dammit I loved him with everything I had and it scared me. It scared me to the tips of my toes and… suddenly I realised I didn’t know what to do. Not about this studio but about everything. Because I would jump right into unemployment for him, jump out of a plane for him. I’d do anything. It actually hurt, that’s how much I was deeply in love with him.
And that wasn’t healthy right? Wanting to do so much for a man? Having it actually hurt to love someone?
Stepping into the middle of the room I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand and faced him. “You shouldn’t have done this. Why? Why did you do this?”
“Because I wanted to.” He said approaching me.
But something made me step back from his perusal. He paused but of course, it’s Eddie, so he carried on anyway. “This must have cost so much money.”
“No, not really. The building’s almost new, they take tenants really easily.”
“How long have you planned this?” I ignored. “You don’t just suddenly rent a space this must have taken so long.”
“It took long enough.” His fingers traced along my jaw and I had to shut my eyes just to stop myself from falling even deeper into the hopeless chasm they described as love. “I wanted tonight to go so differently Olivia, but with what happened and with you ignoring me… I wanted you to see this place before you decided what you did.”
It wasn’t healthy right? “What if what I decide isn’t what we both want or even what you or I want?”
I watched the muscle in his jaw tense a little in frustration but he said, “Then I’ll accept and respect whatever you decide.”
“Why?”
I was met with silence, his fingers still skimming along my jaw, my neck as if he were memorising every inkling of skin he came across.
“Eddie, why?”
“I’m not going to say anything if you’re going to go to Debbie and come back to me and end what we have.”
“Tell me what we have.” I demanded, wrapping my fingers around his wrist and lowering it. “And how would you know that would happen?”
“I already know what’s going to happen. It’s in your eyes. I know your career means everything to you, this is your dream Olivia. You’ve landed Salon 94 and you have artists like Petrov and Bennett behind you in the industry already. And now that there’s this bump in the road you don’t know what to do. For the first time, your head can’t think of a solution out of something and you’re frightened. I’m a distraction, Liv. And up here,” Despite my death like grip on his wrist he still curled a finger around a lock of my hair. “Up here you know I’m just that.”
“Stop putting words in my mouth.” I scowled moving away from him. “You don’t know how I feel about this.”
“Then tell me. For the first time tell me how you feel Olivia.” The frustration was rolling off of him now, his grey eyes darkening to a dark charcoal. “Tell me what you’re thinking, tell me what you want.”
Everything in me was shouting, telling me to love him, telling me to just live everyday as it comes, to stop being such a wimp and embrace everything there was about him…
But he was right. I was scared. Always have been. Probably always will be.
“I…” I love you, Eddie. Say it. He’ll walk away if you don’t.
Maybe it’s best he does…
Love like this is one of kind, no embrace it. Swallow it. Keep it.
“You’re thinking right now, Olivia. Every time you tug on that lip every time you look like you’re having a battle with yourself it kills me. It kills me not to know if one day you’re just going to walk away. I’m too much-”
“I can’t.” I interrupted. Hell, I was frustrated with myself. I wanted to, I needed to hear him say the words but on top of knowing how I felt for him, there were too many turns, too many potholes. I was weak and I wasn’t even ashamed to admit it. “It’s too much, all of this, everything. I just… I’m so sorry, Eddie. Please don’t…” When I approached him, he was the one to step back this time. And that hurt a million times more than loving him. “Don’t do that.”
“Like you do to me? Physically and emotionally step away from me?”
“Don’t. Please.” I pleaded, my eyes welling up. “Right now isn’t the best… the best time for this-“
“It never is.” He said sounding just as broken as me. “I’ll take you home.”
The air was too pregnant to interrupt it. I was too broken inside and out to argue or even defend myself anymore because I knew what I’d done. “You don’t have to.” I whispered.
“It’s late.” Was his answer before he turned around effectively leaving me in the room alone. He walked away because of you. You fucked it up, Liv.
In the elevator together, it was like we were two strangers. His body was tense, he looked angry and I expected him to fight, to be as persistent as his usual self. But he didn’t. Not a word to the car, not a word when I shut his car door and watched him drive away.
“Yeah, Liv.” I croaked to myself on my way up to my apartment. “You fucked it right up.”
Happy Birthday and Valentine’s Day to me.
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I know everyone will be royally pissed with this chapter but I’ve somehow found my ball and started rolling again. This just came out of nowhere and on Valentine’s Day nonetheless LOL call me bitter guys ;)
Enjoy! Have a wonderful Valentine's day/evening!