REAL LIFE !
jungkook had no idea what time it was as he stood on joonie's doorstep, all he knew was that it had definitely passed 3 am - he knew that hours must have passed since he left the hotel room - he knew that he was definitely still drunk, not as drunk as he had been, he could feel his senses coming back, inviting a major headache with them. and he knew that walking into joonie's apartment would be a bad idea, he knew they would all be in there somewhere, he remembered that much. and perhaps that's why he had been standing on the doorstep for probably at least 15 minutes, contemplating on whether or not he should walk in. he had been there for so long he hadn't even bothered to stand anymore, already after 5 minutes had passed he had slid down the door - his back resting against the hard frame.
everything on his body hurt. everything inside of his body hurt - everything hurt. even his fingers hurt as he took his phone out of his pocket, he struggled to click on a picture in his camera roll - and he struggled to both type and spell as he poured his heart out into another caption on his feed.
INSTAGRAM !
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foreverjk: i dranj 20 shots of vodka and i still mansged to remember youe name before i remenbered my own. too bad i didn'r remenber it before i let myself go to the placrs i told myself i'd never go to. now i can only sit back and hope it never reaches you.
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REAL LIFE !
almost an hour had passed, the sun was starting to come up - and jungkook's vision was still blurry, especially as he lifted himself up from the ground, weak in the knees. jungkook wasn't sure if the others had gone to bed, or if they were still up. but he'd figure that out soon enough, all he had to do was open the door, and face what appears to be his worst nightmare, at the moment. he knew that he was probably in his worst state of mind at the moment - that he was messed up, and completely off the rails. but if they couldn't handle him at his worst - did they then even deserve him at his best?
jungkook let out a deep breath before grabbing the key that he permanently had in his wallet, and unlocking the door - letting himself in. jungkook heard the room go quiet, his back still facing whatever people were left in there. no one said a word, as jungkook locked the door again. he wasn't sure if it was because they were shocked with his appearance or if it was because they could tell how far gone the youngest was. jungkook didn't even bother to hide his shaking hands as he turned - he didn't look up at the others, just walked straight past them, into the bathroom - and once again jungkook was faced by his own image.
aggressively he grabbed something to remove the lipstick stain on his bottom lip - he didn't want any of the others to see that. his face had been turned towards the ground, so he knew that none of them had seen his face yet. and that was probably a good thing. jungkook hadn't even realized he had been crying before he saw the dried tear stains on his cheeks. jungkook wiped them off as well. he didn't bother to fix his hair or his clothes. jungkook cringed at himself as he noticed the hickey again. he wanted it to be gone. jungkook knew it wouldn't work, but still, he couldn't stop himself from violently scratching it, to a point where his neck almost started bleeding. jungkook flipped himself off before leaving the bathroom. he needed a new shirt - the one he was wearing was crumbled, and smelled of vodka, perfume and cigarettes.
still no one said a word as he silently walked past them again and into joonie's room, sliding his t-shirt over his head, replacing it with one of joonie's clean t-shirts that were laying nicely folded in his drawer. and then he realized, that he had no more excuses to not just face them. so that's what jungkook did, he plastered a lazy smile on his lips. before walking back out into the living room - all of them were there. jungkook felt his heart speed up, he felt the way his hands were starting to get sweaty - he felt himself shaking. the alcohol not making him as brave as he had hoped.
"i thought i had imagined you, for a second. welcome home, bunny," joonie said with a big smile, looking away from jin to face his best friend - only then realizing the state of the younger. jungkook hadn't looked that bad since - well, since that night. namjoon took a step forward to look the younger up and down - to make sure that he wasn't hurt anywhere. he didn't appear to be. namjoon almost winced as he made eye contact with jungkook - his eyes seemed blurry, they were so empty - so nothing? he was used to him being expressionless, but still, tonight it appeared so much worse than normal. "are you high?" he asked, jungkook threw his head back - laughing. flashing the hickey for everyone to see. namjoon looked over his shoulder, only to be met with tae - his eyes directed on jungkook's neck. fuck, what had jungkook done?
"nope," jungkook mumbled, popping the p as he tried to calm himself down. "just fucking drunk, the vodka hit a bit harder than i expected it to, i'm sorry, i know i told you i'd call you, but i didn't want to ruin another one of your nights - i thought i'd be okay on my own, i really did." jungkook muttered, leaning forward to rest his head against the elder's shoulder, for a second forgetting that they weren't alone. joonie sighed, wrapping his arms around the younger - it fucking broke his heart to watch jungkook like that. and then suddenly jungkook remembered they weren't alone.
"oh yeah! hi jin," jungkook said excitedly manoeuvering out of namjoon's grip, only to wrap his arms around jin for a second. jin send a panicked look to namjoon as he wrapped his arms around the younger, unsure of what to do. jungkook had never really hugged him before, other than that one time while they were dancing. "what happened, bubba?" jin asked softly, letting his hand rest on the back of jungkook's head, slowly brushing his fingers through the youngers' hair.
"they still didn't want me - they only talked to me because they still thought i had a girlfriend, you know? and i think it might've opened some old wounds - and old expectations of me, because suddenly i had downed 20 vodka shots, and my hands were on a girl and all i could do was wish that my hands had been on him instead, and then i left her alone in a hotel room - fuck i'm such an asshole, i hate myself jinnie - don't tell that to joonie though, i love him so much, i don't want to worry him more than i already do. he doesn't deserve th-," as jungkook spoke his eyes closed - his breathing slowed down, and before he had even finished speaking completely he had fallen asleep. jin's breath hitched as his eyes met joonie's. both of them with tears running down their cheeks. no one in the room said anything. joonie just quietly walked over to jin, scooping jungkook into his arms, before making his way to the room jungkook normally used whenever he slept over. namjoon placed a kiss against his forehead. "i'm sorry i didn't notice you were off earlier, bubbas. if i could i would take all of your pain," namjoon whispered softly, one of his tears landing on jungkook's cheek. and then joonie turned around and walked back to the others that were still just standing in the living room - taehyung now with his arms wrapped around jimin, he needed the support right now.
"i knew he was in pain - but, i - fuck. i didn't think it was that bad, i said so much shit to him -" taehyung just whispered softly before he was hit with a new wave of sobs. jimin just shushed him, before rubbing his back softly. "you didn't know, taehyung. it's okay, shh." and suddenly namjoon was taken back into time - to the night where it all went down. he had been standing just like that, with jungkook on his arms - as he had begged jungkook to put down his bottle.
"i failed him," namjoon whispered into the quiet room, thinking out loud. and before he could even count to two, jin's arms had been wrapped around him. "no you didn't, you couldn't know, joonie, you can't always know. you were perfect - you're perfect, and jungkook knows that," a few minutes passed in the silence.
"can i?" taehyung asked, pointing towards the room joonie had left jungkook in. namjoon just nodded, he trusted taehyung to not do anything. taehyung nodded - thankful, he was thankful. and then he made his way to the room jungkook was in - as he walked in there was no trace of the lost boy that had been startingn in front of him 20 minutes prior - on the bed laid a peaceful beautiful boy, that seemed to have no worry in the world. his soft hair was laying messily on top of his head - his eyes were closed ever so slightly, so peacefully. and his lips were folded in a small smile. taehyung cried out, covering his mouth with his hand. the words that had left jungkook's mouth earlier had broken taehyung - and he couldn't help but feel like he had pressured jungkook too much - that he was partly guilty for the pain that the younger was feeling. taehyung dried his tears before walking forward into the room, closing the door. he slid to his knees in front of the bed. with a sigh he turned around, resting his back against the bed. leaning his head back so it was laying on the bed. and then he raised his hand, and let it wrap around jungkook's slightly smaller ones. and he didn't let go, not even as he fell asleep.
authors note !
thx for 3k babies. <3
updates will probably slow down a bit, i've been a bit unmotivated lately, i'm sorry