A/N- Cedrics been quite lately, wonder what he could be up to...
- Olivia -
Do you ever just forget, but on purpose. Cause it hurts to much to think about it the only thing you can do is just let it go, put it in the past and make your mask so tight that you pretend everything is fine and normal. When in reality your dying, dying so bad that everything you do is fake at this point.
Your smile, your laugh, the okay look on your face.
Anything that you do or say there is still the lingering image or thought of what happened, haunting you, keeping you on edge. Not allowing you to be free, holding you on a tight leash.
That's what I was doing, and had been doing since the moment I got back two weeks ago. At first I was raw, showed my frugalness but I couldn't act like that forever. I had to be strong, appear strong.
Dumbledore let me back in school after I found out about my so called transfer, I hadn't heard from my mother but every owl or door opening in class my heart stopped thinking she was here to drag me back.
Narcissa told us she is doing everything she can to fix the arrangement and for us to not worry, but that's all I could do. Without Draco I might as well crawl back into my cell with one meal every other day. I told myself I would never be a girl that only lived for a guy, but I had nothing else left but him.
Pathetic, thats what I was.
"There's no point in even trying anymore, he is impossible to please. I even drank an improvement potion to help me but still I only got half the fucking marks" Pansy groaned crumpling up her potions easy and tossing it at some fifth years head.
"Aww it's alright babe no one can please Snape but his little pet" Blaise teased tossing an arm around her shoulder as he sent a smirk towards Draco.
"Ha-ha-, i'm dying laughing on the floor" his tone was plain, rolling his eyes he laced our fingers together and tugging me closer. He always had to have a hand on me or our bodies touching. It was like he was making sure I stayed here, that it was real and not his imagination.
"I'm not his class pet, I'm just better then you lot-" I narrowed my eyes at him as his smug look dropped kissing my forehead "Except you" I nodded approvingly, teasingly.
"Maybe I should lock you up then and force you to do my work" Pansy said, sounded more like a threat than a joke.
My body tensed at the mention of locking someone up, I pushed back the thought and swallowing down the vile that threatened to spill out.
I gave a dry laugh covering up my tenseness. "You know or you could get I don't know smarter" Theo said shrugging, Pansy huffed annoyed. She grabbed my hand and tried to pull me away from the group, Draco's hand tightened not easing up.
"I'll bring her back Merlin" she sighed dropping my hand for a moment. He pulled me into a bear hug glaring at her over my head "You better" he snarled and placing a kiss on my forehead.
"I will be okay" I assured looking up at him.
/*
"But that's not the point" she defended hopping off the window ledge, we sat in the abandoned part. We always come here just to talk, just us.
"I know" I sighed glancing out the window, it was almost dinner and the sun was almost completely behind the mountains.
"He can't hold onto you forever, you need to be able to do things on your own not with him clinging onto you" what she said was valid, but I didn't mind Draco always wanting to stay close. Made me feel safe.
"I guess-"
"Liv can we erm' talk" we stared at Cedric as he ran a hand through his hair waiting for an answer. Pansy looked back at me sending me a suggestive look.
"I'm heading off to dinner, watch her Hufflepuff-" she blew me a kiss and walked past him but stopping to mumble something to him. "If you comes back with even a scratch on her you will really see what makes me a Slytherin" she said.
With a bright smile she skipped away.
My feet had a wave of pain as I jumped down landing flat footed. Stumbling over to him "What's up" I said, he turned and we started to slowly walk.
"It's just you were well gone for a while and I just wanted to see how you were" he cleared his throat, while mine got tight. Gulping I threw on my best okay face, " Oh yeah I had personal matters but everything is good" I lied.
Slowly nodding he took a big step in front of me as we came to a stop, looking down at me he frowned but it was almost like he was hiding a smirk. "I heard about Draco and Astoria" his soft gentle voice sounded like screaming in my ears.
"Yeah well that won't last for long Narcissa is fixing it" I cleared my throat staring down at my feet.
"But what if she doesn't" he brought up the thought that I tried so very hard to not think of. His hand found it's way to mine softly, carefully. My eyes snapped up to him taken back by his action.
"Would that be the worst-" my eyes widened at his words. My jaw dropped the speak but he before I could even think of how to respond he said,
"I'm mean we could try again" his eyes snapped to the ground before looking back at me, the only thing I could do was let out a small chuckle pulling away from him.
"Cedric there never was a we, it was just a few hook ups" I calmly said the truth. There wasn't an us and never will be an us, he was just a close friend. And I thought he knew that.
"There was more to just fucking and you know that" he spat, his tone made me take a step back. Not in fear just worry.
"We were just Messing around" his eyes began to fill up in anger. In a quick motion he grabbed my arm pulling me to him.
"I know you can feel it too, what's between us you can't ignore it" he said as I tried to get out of his grip.
"Cedric your hurting me" I groaned bitting my teeth together at the pain. "I'm so much better then him I can be the man you need, you deserve" he pleaded but with a strong voice.
I gasped as I stumbled out of his grip almost landing on the floor. Looking down at my wrist I could see the bruising already appearing.
Pulling down my robe sleeve to hide it "Liv I'm-" I huffed not noticing the boy that stood before me. Cedric would never hurt me.
"Save it" I spat and walked away leaving him behind.
Dinner didn't sound good anymore, it normally didn't but I forced down the food to avoid questions on why I didn't want to eat.
I wasn't sure was the thing. Maybe from the lack of food I was given at the manor, my body adjusting to that. Or the stress of hiding what happened from Draco or Pansy or Theo or Blaise, anyone in this matter.
I trusted those four with my life yet I couldn't come to terms to tell them my suffering.
"Hey there you are"
Slipping his hand into mine his soft smile brought me peace. Sighing I sinked into his arms, looking down at me he kept a soft smile.
"Everything okay" he asked.
Wordlessly nodding we started to walk to dinner, hiding my bruised arm slightly behind my back.
"Aren't you mad" a voice chimed as we walked in the great hall.
"No, he can have his fun. He will come running back in no time-" my grip on his hand tightened at her words trying my best to ignore her.
"He always does" she finished, I snapped and turned back but his hands held my shoulders holding me in place as rage spilled out of me.
He calmly stood there as his firm grip was holding me back from rushing over and punching her into next week.
"Leave it she wants a reaction" he mumbled as I held a strong eye contact with her smirking face.
"Well if she wants one she'll get one" I tried to yank out of his grip but he didn't budge.
"Don't believe her words, she doesn't know shit" his words sounded mad now.
Her words bothered me so much cause in some fucked up way it was true. In some way he always ended back to her, leaving me to watch as he did.
Huffing I gave her one last death glare before turning to the table and stalking away with him in follow. "Fucking bitch she's going to get it one day watch" Pansy spat.
"I hope so"
Draco watch me from the side as he piled food onto his plate and I just sat there. "Are you going to eat" he questioned taking a bite of bread.
Shrinking down I shook me head, he held out his piece of bread in front of my and gestured to take a bite. Sighing I took a bite sending him a smile with a stuffed mouth.
"Thank you" he muttered as I swallowed my bite.
I kept my hands tucked under the table careful for my robe sleeve to not creep up. He scooted closer to me as Cedric walked by eyeing me with a sorry look.
"What are you looking at Puff, wishing you had more Polyjuice to look like me" he snickered darkly.
"What?"
They all gulped looking down as if they were hiding something from me. "This prick decided to turn into me that's who you saw fucking Greengrass" Draco sneered.
Suddenly I felt my throat tighten and sweat take over my forehead. But shouldn't I be happy it wasn't actually Draco.
"And you didn't tell me" I spat shooting up.
I shot a angry questioning look at Theo who I knew always cracked under my gaze. "We didn't want to tell you cause you came back looking like you went to hell and back, you seemed to forgive Draco and let it go so we didn't want to stir anything cause you had been through enough" he ranted in one breath.
Betrayed, an all to familiar feeling that took permanent residence in me. I felt it from Diggory, and Draco, Theo, Blaise, Pansy. It would have helped in so many ways if they just told me.
Put some of my mind at ease.
"So you thought just letting me think he actually slept with her was better then telling me he didn't just because I 'moved on' and then you let me talk to him like he did nothing wrong" everyone at the table was looking over at us.
"Liv we didn't mean-" Pansy started but before she could finish I cut her off.
"I've had enough today, let's hope I don't see you kissing your fiancé again" I said out of pure anger, regretted it once it left my lips but I wasn't taking my word back right now.
Before I could walk away Draco grabbed my wrist that Cedric had bruised. It was like when he grabbed the wrist he hurt but this time I hurt a little less.
I hisses trying to hide it, "that's not fair" I hate that word. With a burning passion. I tried to keep my face straight but he could away see when my pain was at the surface.
Slowly letting go he lifted up my sleeve "who did this cause I know I didn't just now" he tried to contain his anger but I could see it leaking out of him.
My eyes flickered to Cedric who was still standing there watching "no one" I spat attempting to walk away again.
He grabbed my waist pulling me back as he was still seated.
"I'm tried I'll see you tomorrow" I sighed retracting from his grip. He reluctantly let me walk away, "what the fuck are you all looking at" Draco voice boomed through the hallow hall.
Getting back to my dorm felt like a year longs journey yet quicker then I could blink.
"What the fuck are you doing in here"
Jumping at me voice she turned around with a mischievous smile she crept over to me. "Sorry Pansy said I could borrow her book" she shook a book I cared all to little to look at.
"I doubt that but whatever just get out" Daphne skipped out and I slammed the door behind her.
I prayed to Merlin that tomorrow was going to be a better day, only he knows I need as many good day I could get.
A/N- wonder what book she took.