Unknown Snow Temple
Blue Grunt 1: "Hey Reds! We're guarding the shit outta this wall, you suck!"
Red Grunt: Your wall's easy to guard, try ours!
Blue Grunt 2: "You don't even have a roof up there, you suck. What're you guarding it from, birds?
Red Grunt: "You suck."
Soon the second blue grunt joins in.
Blue Grunt 2: "You suck."
Blue Grunt 1: "You suck."
Red Grunt: "You suck."
Blue Grunt 1: "You suck."
Blue Grunt 2: "You suck."
Blue Grunt 1: "You suck."
Red Grunt: "You suck."
Blue Grunt 2: "No you do!"
Red Grunt: "We suck. No you suck." He corrected himself.
Blue Grunt 1: "Okay never mind."
Blue Grunt 2: "You suck!"
Tucker: "Oh, those guys? How did they get here?"
Caboose: "Shush. Tex and Ash told us to be quiet."
Tucker: "Caboose, we're three hundred yards away. I don't think they heard us."
Red Grunt: "I think I heard something."
Tucker: "...I'm sure that was just a coincidence."
Tex and Ash arrive inside the temple. A patrol of two blue and red grunts are nearby as they quietly approach them.
Andy: "Alright. After she takes out those four one by one, we probably stand a chance."
They approach one of red and blue grunts. Ash was using his mag boots to stick to the sealing while cloaked and snapped the red grunt's neck killing him. Tex starts beating on the Blue grunt guard to a pulp while Ash watches dumbfounded.
Blue Grunt: "Ow, what the fuck, that hurt! Ow!"
Andy: "Or maybe not."
Blue Grunt: "Ow! Ow! Jesus! Ow! Stop it!"
Ash: "..."
Tucker: "Uh oh."
Blue Grunt: "What the fuck? Ow, ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!"
Second Blue Grunt: "Heugh... So, did you watch the game last night?" He said oblivious to what's going on.
Red Grunt: "Yeah, go Red." He said equally oblivious.
Second Blue Grunt: "Fuck that, Red sucks."
Blue Grunt: "Now you're shooting me! Give me a break, this sucks! What the fuck did I ever do to you?! COME ONNNN!"
Tucker: "What the fuck, are they deaf?!"
A sniper shot hits behind Tucker and they start to run for cover when one of the grunts gets on a turret.
Tucker: "Oh right, that you heard?!"
A plasma grenade lands on the Blue grunt at the turret and blows him up.
All the Grunts: "Huh?"
That First Blue Grunt: "What?"
They turn around to see Ash and Tex. Tex with two SMGs and Ash has his assault rifle.
Tex: "Hiya fellas."
They then point their guns at the grunts.
Ash: "Who's next?"
All the Grunts: "Charge!"
They charge, and Ash and Tex mow them down with their guns, proving once again that they're total badasses.
Tucker: "That went well. So much for a sneak attack."
Blood Gulch
Donut was telling Grif and Sarge his arrived version of what happened at Blue Base.
Donut: "And that's how I rescued you both, and saved the day. The end. Any questions?"
Grif: "Donut, that was the longest story I have ever heard. And I don't think I believed a word of it."
Sarge: "And quite frankly I found the showtune in the middle to be a little over the top."
Donut: "Every word is absolutely true. It was the best military operation that you two ever slept through."
Grif: "If everything went so well, where's Shadow?"
Donut: "Oh she's just taking time for herself."
Grif: "Then where's our jeep?"
Donut: Well, I have a song I'd like to sing about that."
Grif: "Forget it." He quickly cut him off.
Meanwhile with Church and Blue Simmons spying on the Reds through Church's sniper rifle with Shadow.
Church: "Okay, that red one? That's Sarge. He's their leader, which is lucky for us because... well he's not that good a leader."
Simmons: "Okay."
Shadow: "You can say that again."
Church: "And the one next to him is Donut. I like Donut, he's pretty harmless man, I, I don't think he'd hurt a fly."
Simmons: "Yeah, plus he's a little..."
Shadow: "A little, what?"
Simmons: "You know."
Church: "No I, no I don't know."
Simmons: "You know, he's kinda into, girly stuff like ...feelings, and... da- you know."
Shadow: "Uh what?"
Church: "Uh, I think you might be projecting, there."
Simmons: "I'm not projecting, I'm just stating an observation."
Church: I don't know man. You seem pretty defensive for somebody who's not projecting.
Simmons: "His armor is pink."
Church: "Pink, I wouldn't say pink, maybe... you know, slightly less red, but-"
Simmons: "It's pink, trust me. I know pink when I see it."
Shadow: "Agreed."
Church: "Uh yeah, I bet. You wanna talk about it?"
Simmons/Shadow: "No."
Church: "And last is the orange one, that's Grif. He's really lazy, and really annoying."
Simmons: Yeah.
Church: "But, at least he's smart. In fact I think he might be the smartest one of the bunch. Well maybe besides Shadow."
Simmons: "You mean smarter than all of the ones there now."
Church: "No I mean all of them put together man, there's this other guy, who hangs around, in maroon armor? I haven't seen him in a while but he's a freakin' know-it-all man. He acts like he's smart, but he's really not."
Simmons: "What?"
Church: Yeah he walks around like he owns the place, and, you know he- you know, but nobody listens to him, and they always make fun of him behind his back.
Shadow: "What do they say?"
Church: "Oh just how he's not good at stuff, and how he's dumb, and how the stuff he likes is dumb, and also that, you know, he's not as attractive as other people are."
Simmons: He starts to sniff and holds back tears. "Man, he sounds like a real jerk."
Simmons runs off to the blue base.
Church: "Hehey, where ya goin'?"
Simmons: "I have to use the bathroom."
Church: "Well, u-hurry up man, I wanna finish your orientation before you have to make me dinner."
Sheila: "...You do know that's Simmons, right?"
Church: "Oh yeah."
Shadow: "Why didn't you just shoot him then?"
Church: "Thought I'd mess with him and use some skills Ash showed us all awhile back."