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[𝟿:𝟹𝟿am]
[unedited]
❦༒❦
[𝚢 / 𝚗'𝚜 𝙿𝚘𝚅]
❦༒❦
I thought I had lost my mind.
His voice echoed through the apartment.
The slight Scottish accent mixed with the heavily American one. It certainly brought me back.
But he was there, he was real. I looked though the peephole and the he was.
I debated just ignoring him and going back to my day but he sighed and smiled. "I know you're there, darling."
"Don't call me that." I whispered. It felt like poison to my skin, my blood ran colder. The nickname felt like cold, liquid gold when Clay said it - soothing the toxicity that came from the man outside.
"Just open the door." He grunted, pushing against it harshly.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, fed up already. "Just go away."
"Make me."
I raised an eyebrow at this, quickly running upstairs and into Sage's room. I knew exactly what I was looking for and where it was. The bat.
I grabbed it, not intending to actually use it but copying Sage's body language and swinging it over my shoulder. I exhaled shakily and opened the door.
He took one glance at me and chuckled nervously. "Woah there darling, you would never...hurt me." It sounded unsure as the words spewed from his mouth.
"What's stopping me?"
He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I'm just here to talk...please." Jason seemed desperate enough.
I knew I shouldn't have but I just lowered the bat and leaned on it. "Ten minutes..." I set a timer on my phone and set it on a little table by the door.
"I need you..."
"No you don't...you used me."
"I don't think you understand..."
I laughed. "Oh I understand alright...I've had three months to understand." Looking him in the eyes, I sneered. "Do you know how much of a hell it was to sit alone at night thinking I wasn't good enough?!"
"You're good enough to me! I always told you that you were the better version of me..."
"Did you? I can't remember a single time I heard that." Now he was just lying to me. I discarded the bat to the side of me, the dense metal crashing to the ground, he jumped slightly.
He swiftly changed the subject. "I'm still madly in love with you."
"Then why cheat."
He looked like a deer in headlights but his eyes were apologetic. "I don't know...I don't know..."
He repeated it. Why did he seem genuine?
"Why did you have to beg for me back when I fell in love with someone else?"
"I had time to think too, y'know...These past months have been hell." He sighed and ran his left hand through his hair. His left hand is slightly bigger than his right and he was a tiny scar on one of the fingers. "He doesn't love you like I do!"
The words were sharp and felt like they cut a line across my throat as I tried to speak.
"And how do you know that? Huh, Jason?"
"Because he...he wouldn't sacrifice the world for you."
"But I'd sacrifice the world for him."
He frowned and sighed.
"You stuttered."
"What?"
"The other day when I asked you if you wanted me or my money. You stuttered."
Why did I pay attention to something so small?
A small tear slipped from his eye. "I was taken aback...I promise I still want you."
"Stop...just stop." If I lost control of my longing, god knows what would happen.
He did stop, he listened. Jason stood and just stared longingly.
"Stop looking at me like that, please."
"Sorry..."
I couldn't help but think he was manipulating me again but he seemed so innocent. God I hate this...
"I'll leave you alone then..."
"I think that's best." I said, the timing was perfect as the timer beeped.
"I wish you the best."
It felt like goodbye. "You too."
He turned back around to face me and leaned in close.
"What are you doing?" I grimaced.
"I'm sorry, I just want to feel you again..." and with that he planted a rough kiss to my lips.
It felt like poison, rotting my body.
But drugs are also poison, drugs are addictive...
I softly kissed him back, tears falling down my cheeks before I shoved him away.
"Go."
"I'm sorry."
"Go!"
Jason did as I said and left, leaving me a pile on the floor.
The alarm still rang in my ears but I didn't bother to turn it off.
Why did I kiss him back?
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[𝙹𝚊𝚜𝚘𝚗'𝚜 𝙿𝚘𝚅]
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I know it was wrong.
I know she had another.
But I couldn't help it, she was my drug and I was going into withdrawals without her. I still had the sound of the alarm in my ears as I kissed her soft lips. The taste of mint from her toothpaste.
It felt good but the feeling after was terrible.
I saw as she crumbled to the ground, tears staining her cheeks.
It felt like shit.
"I'm such an ass..." I mumbled.
I saw him get out of the Uber, bags filled in hand.
He passed me with a curious gaze but it's wasn't hateful. And that just made it so much worse.
I wanted him to hate me, acknowledge how shit I really was, but there was nothing.
"Jason?"
His voice was muffled through his mask.
"Clay..."
He just laughed goodheartedly, "you got it right this time!" His eyes crinkled up and even with the black fabric I could tell he smiled. "What're you doing around here?" His tone was a little suspecting but he grinned nevertheless.
Why did he have to be so friendly?
"Just passing by." I lied through my teeth.
"Oh, uh have a good day then." He walked away.
I sighed and stood in front of the apartment building after I got out.
I want her so bad.
I had her before I decided to ruin it.
I liked their attention.
I want her back.
I...can't have her back, can I?
Oh but I can.
The thoughts were conflicting in my head, my heart yearned for her, pushing to overcome the logical side of me.
If I can have her, then no one can!
❦༒❦
[𝙳𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖'𝚜 𝙿𝚘𝚅]
❦༒❦
I stared back at Jason with such curiosity it could kill me.
What was he actually doing here?
I shook the possibilities out of my head and just walked back to (Y/N)'s place.
I could hear an alarm going off as I approached the apartment. I sped up.
"(Y/N)?" She was a crying wreck on the floor, her knees tucked under her arms. "What happened?" I leaned over her to turn off the obnoxiously loud alarm.
She just stared at my eyes. (E/C) met green. She had little tears at the side of her eyes. "I'm...I'm so sorry..." I could barely hear her through her hushed whispers. Placing the bags down, I knelt beside her.
"Bubs, what happened?" I softly placed a hand on the side of her head, her hair tickling my palm.
My heart throbbed when she gently swatted it away.
A tear rolled down her cheek. "I kissed him..."
My eyes widened. Out of all things, that was it?
"You...you kissed him?" Even I could hear the hurt in my own voice.
She just nodded.
I pinched my lips together into a tight line.
She just apologised again.
She knows...she knows how it feels to be cheated on. So why did she? With the guy who betrayed her trust the most.
Thought technically we're not a thing...
"Did...did you kiss him first?" I hesitated to asked, paranoid for the answer.
"No...but I kissed him back..."
I just nodded. "I...I need time to think." She let out a small noise of protest but didn't seem stable enough to properly stop me. "The shit in the bag is for you."
And with that I walked out.
I shouldn't have because she wasn't in the right mind at the moment but the heat of my jealous and broken ego overwhelmed me.
I'm sorry for trusting you.
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[𝚢 / 𝚗'𝚜 𝙿𝚘𝚅]
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I knew I fucked it all up when he walked out.
He was usually so patient with me and he trusted me.
I broke that trust.
I slowly leaned my head back so it was leaning on the wall.
I should've followed him, but I respected his privacy and space.
My eyes travelled to the filled bags on the floor, it was stuffed with my favourite snacks and a few little gifts like stuffed animals. My heart hurt even more.
I knew who I needed to call, she would know what to do.
I slowly picked up my phone and found Sage's contact.
The phone rang, tauntingly long before it disconnected and went to her voicemail. "Hey, uh this is sage, if you need me then leave a message I guess.." followed by a pretty giggle.
I called again, and again, and again before giving up.
My eyes travelled down my recent calls and fixed themselves on one in particular.
My phone rang again but instead of it disconnecting once again, they picked up.
"Hello?"
"Will..."
"What's up?"
I paused to think - something I did either too often or not often enough. "I...I think I fucked up."
He hummed slowly. "With what?"
"Clay...I think I fucked everything up."
He didn't respond.
"Wilbur?"
"Yeah I'm still here, just thinking...where is he now?"
"I don't know, he walked out. Do I follow him?"
Will sighed from the other side of the line. "I...I really don't know him well enough to know this, Irony, I'm sorry."
I slowly nodded even though he couldn't see me. "It's okay, thanks though. Sorry for bothering you."
"It's fine I have time, you're not a bother at all. I like talking with you."
"You're alright as well, I guess." It was a sad attempt at a joke but he politely laughed anyway.
"I really fucked it up didn't I?" I mumbled, not thinking he could hear me then I realised he could...
"What did you even do?"
"My ex...he came over and he kissed me and I kissed him back but...god damn it..."
"Why?" He asked. "Why did you kiss him back?"
"If I knew I would tell you, if I knew I'd shout it out to the world, Will."
"Wow, animatic mode activated hm?" He giggled. "Oh! Speaking off! I know why I called you last night."
"Yea?"
"I kinda write some of the lore for the SMP and I need to know if you wanted to be part of it?"
"I told Clay I would think about it. I said that I'd just log on first and then play around a bit."
"Oh right." He hummed. "I think you should go."
"Pardon?"
"I was thinking about it and...you should go after him."
"You think?"
"Yeah..." he sighed and groaned softly, perhaps thinking he was out of hearing range. Odd.
"Alright, I will, thank you Will." He said a quick goodbye and hung up.
I could see how rough I looked in the mirror near the door. My hair was unstyled and messy, tears left tracks on my cheeks and my eyes were red. Oh fuck it.
I took the keys and left the house.
Getting in the car, my leg began to shake before I started the car.
❦༒❦
[𝙳𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖'𝚜 𝙿𝚘𝚅]
❦༒❦
I believe in second chances, I really do. Even third and fourth ones, but all I felt was hurt at the moment.
We weren't a thing but I just felt so lead on.
Does she not feel the same way I felt. Those kisses and late night cuddles meant nothing to her?
I don't know where I was going, I just walked. Walking in an unfamiliar area. Hell, I've never even been to California before this.
I flew out all the way to California just to feel wounded by her. I suppose she didn't ask for me to be here though.
It was peaceful, walking for more than two hours by now and I had found a small abandoned park.
The swings were all rusted and the slide dented but I sat on the swing anyway, feeling the rusted chain under the pads of my fingertips.
My feet began to hurt after walking this long.
Goddammit.
I sat there for god knows how long, the blue sky turning grey but it didn't rain.
"Clay!" Someone called out, I ignored it though, thinking they said 'hey'. "Clay, please!"
I turned to see the person I didn't want to at the moment. "Hey..." her eyes were bloodshot and tear tracks were visible, I must've not looked much better.
"I was looking for you for ages, did you walk here?"
I nodded. How did she find me?
"Why're you here?" It sounded colder than I had intended but I didn't apologise.
"To explain."
"You told me enough." I sighed. "You kissed him!"
"I know-"
"Was it all one sided?"
"What-"
"Were you just leading me on?" My voice cracked but I didn't care at this point.
"No! Of course not!"
"Then why? Why the fuck did you kiss him?"
"If I knew then I would tell you!"
"Of course you know!"
"Enlighten me, Dream." My heart cracked. This is the first time that she hasn't called me by my first name when we're not streaming.
Never have I hated the nickname so much.
Ignoring the hurt I felt, I stood up and walked closer to her. "Because, you're still in love with him."
"What'll convince you that I'm over him?"
"Block him."
She ran a hand roughly through her hair, strands coming out in between her fingers. Then she pulled out her phone, a minute passed. "Blocked, on everything."
She handed the little device to me, she trusted me enough with her phone. I scrolled though and I couldn't see a sign on Jason anywhere.
"Are you convinced?"
"Yeah...just a little confused."
"Can I clear a few things up for you then?" She walked closer to me, brushing the hair out of my bloodshot eyes. I nodded, "even when your eyes are red, they're still so pretty."
"How does this help?" My voice was barely above a whisper.
She leaned in closer, one hand resting on my cheek and the other on the back of my head. (Y/N) silently asked for permission and I nodded.
She tipped my chin down so she could kiss me easier. Her lips met mine and the same warm sensation filled me.
I brought my hand to her neck, controlling the kiss using it but gently.
"That's hot." She whispered as she gasped for breath.
"Yeah?"
She nodded, leaning back in.
After a while of making out in the park, I spoke, "we should go back to your car."
"Good idea."
The walk was short as she parked her car close.
We quickly got in and carried on what we were doing.
("Spice" warning? Idk I'm really shit at this.)
As it went on, the grip on her neck only became tighter and the kiss got rougher.
She swung a leg over to my side of the car, straddling my hips easily.
"That blush is awfully pretty."
"Guess who put it there."
"You're so hot."
"I know..." I smirked cockily.
"Shut your ego up."
"Ruin it for me then." She didn't respond, only taking dominance over the kiss - rubbing her hips closer to mine.
Then...
We did it.
In the front seat of her car...
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I DONT KNOW IF THAT COUNTS AS SOMETHING BUT AAAAA THERE.
BE GRATEFUL I DIDNT LEAVE YOU ON A CLIFFHANGER LIKE I ORIGINALLY PLANNED OK? 🙄