Kaykay
"I got a sandwich for you,"
"Thanks, Ash," I mumbled, taking it from him, "How is Isabelle?"
"Crystal should be taking care of her as we speak,"
"Good,"
"How are your burns feeling?"
"Sore,"
"You're being so brave," he said, kissing me. Both of my arms were burnt, and my forehead was a little bit too. I'd had cuts across my leg and face, but overall I was fine in that aspect. A little insecure, and sore, but no broken bones or concerning pain.
But the baby.
Our baby.
"Crystal said we have a couple of decisions to make," he said softly, "I figured we should talk about them,"
"Yeah,"
"Only if you're ready. I know this is all fresh, we can hold off for another day,"
"Are you ready?" I asked, "You don't have to pretend to be okay,"
"I am, yeah,"
He gave me a tiny smile, and I put my hand on top of his, squeezing it.
"We can get a certificate to acknowledge ,"-
"No,"
"No?"
"No,"
"Why? I think it would be good to have," he frowned.
"We didn't know. We didn't have a name. We didn't- it wasn't... I don't know. I am confused, and tired,"
"If they had been born, you know we would have loved them. I know it was only a few weeks into the pregnancy but if this hadn't happened we would have picked a name, and made a nursery,"
"I guess," I sniffed, "Okay, we can get one,"
"Do you want a break?"
"We can carry on,"
"Okay. She also mentioned that although we can't have an official funeral, we could have our own private funeral, or the hospital could cremate them,"
"I don't want a funeral, Ash. I'm sorry,"
"That's okay,"
"How did I let this happen?"
"It's not your fault,"
I bit into the sandwich he got me and he began to eat his own lunch, looking at me with dull eyes. His hair hadn't been done properly, and he wore a hoodie and sweats.
"I want to see Isabelle,"
"We can see her after lunch,"
"Thank you,"
"Maybe we can bring her home on Wednesday,"
"I want to bring her home forever," I sighed, "Not like mum and dad,"
"I know,"
"Talk me through her liver again,"
He explained Calum's decisions and surgery again, as well as the results and how she was now. I hated that I couldn't have been there for her, because surgery was scary and difficult.
Part of me still felt like a terrible sister, even though I couldn't help it.
"And someone is keeping her company all the time?"
"Not all the time, but most of the time I am sure,"
"You don't know?"
"Kay, all of our friends are looking out for her, so I am focusing on you,"
"Go and give her attention,"
"She's okay. You will probably be up and moving by tomorrow and can go and see her,"
"Can't we go now?"
"I think they're taking her for a scan,"
"Let me watch,"
"Kaykay, she is in good hands,"
"I need to see her,"
"You need rest," he said, "Please, Kaykay,"
"Okay,"
He tucked me into the duvet and gently put his hand on my stomach, brushing his thumb back and forth.
"Did you want a funeral?"
"No,"
"If you did then just say,"
"I don't," he said firmly, "You just need to focus on you,"
"Isabelle needs an eye test,"
"I will get her an eye test if you just relax,"
"I can't!" I said, wincing as I cramped up, "This sucks,"
"Mhm. Maybe have a nap, and I will check on,"-
The door opened and Isabelle burst in, Michael pushing her. She gave me a big smile and then stood, sitting on the chair beside Ashton.
"She refused to have a scan until she say Kaykay,"
"You guys give in soooooo easily," she sniggered, "I miss you,"
"I'll be out of here soon,"
"Good. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. Just making decisions,"
"What about?"
"Nothing you need to worry about," Ashton said, kissing her head.
I understood what he was doing, but I wanted to be completely transparent with Izz. If I was, maybe she would be, and that was important to me.
Considering she had surgery, she seemed perky, and in good shape. Knowing Cal was keeping tabs on her comforted me since he had clearly done a good job, and she was having a good recovery.
"They're about to scan my whole body, again,"
"We don't want this to happen again,"
"Hell no. I don't want another surgery ever in my life,"
"Well the good news is, we don't want you to have another one either," Michael laughed, "We need to go love,"
"I will come back after,"
"No, you won't. Kaykay is resting,"
"She can come, Ash,"
"I want her labs doing, please. Tell Lewis,"
"You're grumpy pants today," she pouted, "Get well soon, Kay,"
"I'll come by tomorrow, I promise. Who is staying over?"
"Sierra,"
"Great. I love you,"
"I love you too,"
As Michael took her out the room, Ash reached for my hand, but I took it away and put it on my lap, sighing. He pursed his lips and then sat back, folding his arms.
"What have I done?"
"Nothing,"
"Clearly I have done something,"
"I'm tired, Ash,"
"What did I say?"
"It's just... you hiding things from Izz, and making her have labs and scans to get away from me,"
"Kay, she needs the scans and labs,"
"Right this second?"
"I am watching her like a fucking hawk, Kay. Don't question my decisions!"
"Well forgive me if I am, but Calum felt the need to operate on her after your plan. Luke and Sierra operated on her after your plan. You are being too kind on this deadly illness, and I worry you might start being too kind to anyone who reminds you of Isabelle. Like Aimee,"
"I am not being nice, I was trying to consider what she can handle,"
"But you see her as your kid!"
"No I don't,"
"You do. You so obviously do. That is okay, but not when you're her doctor. And you can't keep lying to her, she has to know the truth about how I am feeling, and doing,"
"So what? You don't want me to be her doctor?"
"I don't know, Ash!"
"Kay,"
"She's like your little girl," I said, tearing up, "That is getting in the way. Take a step back, trust your colleagues,"
"No,"
"Ashton,"
"No,"
"I don't want to fight over this,"
"Me neither, but I refuse to step down,"
"If you become her legal guardian then you have to,"
"Then I will wait,"
"Why don't you trust your colleagues?"
"I do, but this is Isabelle,"
"And you have proven my point. You see her differently. As her legal guardian, I am requesting a new doctor,"
"Kay,"
"Get me a new doctor!"