Wakanda had lost its king, so Okoye had to be the one to tell the troops the bad news, but they already knew they lost from the way their friends had disappeared into thin air.
Katya had a hard time wrapping her head around it. It hadn't fully sunk in that half the Universe was simply gone. As if this was all a prank or a dream she would wake up from. As if her missing friends would jump out of the bushes and scream 'Surprise!'.
But Sam didn't come back. Wanda didn't come back. And Vision's grey body lay lifeless on the ground.
This couldn't be it. This couldn't be the end. They had to find a way to get them back, but where did you start when the only lead you had was a purple alien with Stones and you were not in possession of a spaceship or any knowledge of space?
Her eye landed on Vision, Steve on his butt next to him. A big gap in Vision's forehead where Thanos had ripped the Stone out. Next to the body, on the ground, a pile of ash, and an image of Wanda dusting away played behind Katya's eyelids.
Her eyes watered and her resolve broke. Ripping her hands out of Natasha's, she muttered an excuse. ''I'm sorry, I can't-'' It was too much, losing this many people in one day. A hundred people in her ledger was bearable, but how did you wake up every morning, knowing you killed trillions?
Katya ran out of the forest, in the opposite direction of the battle field. She stumbled and the world spun, making her nauseous. Or maybe she was nauseous in general. She thought about going into the city and finding a quiet corner to hide, but thousands of people would be crying for their loved ones.
With the victory of Thanos, the alien army had disappeared too, into thin air. But the barrier was still open and Katya felt the claustrophobia of the dome pressing on her shoulders. She ran down the hills, circling around the battle field because she didn't want to see others, splashed through the shallow river and slipped through the opening.
The woods were dangerous because trees had fallen over or been burnt, the chance that one would land on her head was big, so she avoided them and ran onto the meadows instead. She ran until her legs couldn't carry her anymore and the only thing she heard was wind and grass. There, she sunk down on the grass and lay down on her back, squinting her eyes against the bright sun.
What a lucky star. One of the only things in this Universe not affected, having no clue what had happened on the planets around it.
The waist-high grass hid Katya from anyone who would try and find her. Running away from her problems once again.
Her mind wandered to Tony, who was alone out in space somewhere. Did he dust? And if he didn't, how would he come back to Earth without a space ship to carry him this time? And Clint... she wanted to call him so badly, but her phone was on the jet and she was secretly scared of the answer.
She had expected to cry or yell or break down, but there was so much emotion it numbed her.
Should she have hope they could fix this? Maybe someone they weren't thinking of yet, would come to the rescue. What about Fury or Hill?
She lay in that field, fingers combing through the grass and the sun baking the blood on her face, until a zooming sound in the distance betrayed who was coming for her. Now she really wished she had ran into the forest instead.
The sound slowly came closer, the person scanning the area for any signs of the spy, until there was a thud in the ground behind her head and someone pushed through the grass.
''Come on, we're leaving.'' Rhodey looked down at his friend with sorry eyes, glad she didn't see it because she would beat him up for it.
''Where?'' Katya questioned monotonous, not taking her eyes of the white clouds in the sky.
''Home.''
The mention of the Compound should have had more effect on her than it did. Going home was the last thing she wanted.
When she made no moves to stand up, he continued. ''She needs you, Katya.''
Katya mentally slapped herself, trying to beat some sense into herself. What was she doing here, putting her own needs before Natasha's? They had made a vow the day they slid those rings on. To be there for each other for better or worse. This was worse than worse and Katya was sulking on her own.
So there in that field, with Rhodey looking down at her, she promised herself to be strong for her wife. Pushing aside her own pain and emotions and promising to be the one she could lean on.
Rhodey saw Katya's eyes change. A wall slid in front of her feelings, leaving her blue irises empty and devoid of any emotions. She locked the door on them and threw away the key. It terrified him how easily she was able to do that, and even more so when she rose from the field like nothing had ever happened.
He was just in time to catch her when her dizziness wanted to floor her again, but she pushed him away after regaining her balance.
Together and in silence, they walked back to the Quinjet, Rhodey keeping a concerned eye on his friend. But Katya didn't collapse again and nothing seemed to bother her as she nodded to Okoye and placed a hand on her shoulder as a way of paying her respects. Wakanda would need a new king now.
All remaining Avengers glanced up as Katya entered the jet, finding nothing else but her confident self. They had no idea what happened and how she had managed to collect herself so quickly. But as she sat down next to Natasha in the co-pilot seat, the blonde knew exactly what had changed. Disappointed and sad Katya had gone back to that tactic, she averted her eyes to the controls, lifting the jet off the ground.
Nobody said anything the whole ride back to D.C., and Katya didn't take her eyes off the sky in front of her. Her fingers itched to pick up the phone and call Clint, but she was afraid what she'd find. The woman next to her was hurting and slowly crumbling from the inside, but Natasha also knew how to hold on while everything went to hell.
The jet landed in front of an abandoned Compound. Katya wished it was night, but since they had been flying back in time, it was only a couple hours later than when they had left Wakanda. ''I'll get our stuff,'' Katya smiled at Natasha, who nodded thankfully and went to follow Rhodey out.
The Russian made sure not to glance at Vision's lifeless body in the center of the jet while she collected her and Natasha's bags. She had to use her foot to open the glass front doors of the Compound and tears welled up at the familiar homey smell. It would never be home again without the missing Avengers.
Katya swallowed her tears down and kept moving to her apartment, dumping the bags on the bed. The same bed they had sat on a mere day ago, when everything was still okay.
It felt wrong to be here. She didn't deserve any of this. They were the Universe's last hope and fucked up big time. She deserved punishment for that, or at least yelling, not a warm bed and safe home.
Slowly, Katya moved onto the bathroom and was shocked by what she saw. Blood splatters covered her entire face. Cheeks, chin, forehead. Even the front part of her hair was stained. There was more purple blood than skin.
With a shock, she realized she looked like a killer. A monster, a murderer. Katya spun around quickly, her back to the mirror as she took deep breaths to calm herself down. Ripping her clothes off, she stepped into the shower, ignoring how she had forgotten to grab shampoo and soap and using the water instead to scrub everything clean.
Luckily, they were prepared for bloody showers, so their towels were black as night. Looking in the mirror afterwards, the Russian at least looked like herself, but she didn't feel like that. It was like she floated above her own body, not recognizing the person in the mirror.
Slowly, she got dressed and forced herself to go downstairs. Everyone had changed out of their suits, nobody planning on sleeping tonight or any time soon. Even Natasha wore normal clothes. She must have snuck into the bedroom while Katya was showering.
A Hologram already floated above the small table in the ''library''. It displayed the Earth, next to it the number of missing persons and news feeds broadcasting the devastation in cities around the world. Not one town, one household had been spared. Everything was split in half and it was chaos. Pure chaos as people yelled for loved ones and vehicles smoked because they had crashed into each other.
Katya was about to step into the room and make her presence known, when the doorbell rang. This building had a doorbell?
Everyone inside the room spun towards the sound and also saw Katya stand there. She glanced over her shoulder at the front door. Who could that be? ''I'll get it.''
A very insecure and broken woman stood by the door. An agent of some kind. She was younger than Katya and looked like she wasn't familiar with this kind of work. But you had to improvise if half of your colleagues went missing. Her blue eyes widened in relief when someone answered the door. ''Miss Petrova, thank god you are back. Fury sent me.''
Hope flamed up in Katya's chest and she perked up so aggressively it scared the Agent. ''Fury? Is he still alive?''
But the woman shook her head and fixed her gaze on the ground. ''I'm afraid he got dusted. Agent Hill too.'' Then she seemed to remember why she was here in the first place, pulling something from her pocket carefully and offering it to Katya. ''But this is what we found at his location.''
The Russian looked at the small black device in her hand. A pager? Why did Fury have an ancient pager with him? A weird symbol, a yellow star with blue and red lines behind it, filled the small screen. She had never seen it before. ''What is this symbol?''
''We have no idea, Miss.'' The title annoyed her, and it was also the wrong one. But nobody knew Katya was married, so... ''We found it like this.''
''Thank you, we'll take it from here.'' The door got slammed into the woman's face rudely, but the time for being patient was over.
Katya stared at the weird item in her hand while walking through the hallways. Even after not being in the Compound for years, her mind knew exactly where to take a turn and how many steps it took to cross a hall.
''Who was it?'' Steve asked when Katya stepped back into the room. Everyone looked at her questioningly, nervous to see who had wanted to talk to the Avengers so quickly after disaster.
''Fury left something for us.'' She pressed the pager into the Rhodey's hands, not having the energy to deal with it herself. He looked at it just as confused as her.
''Left?'' Natasha knew what that meant, but needed the confirmation.
Katya walked up to her, leaning against the table with her arms crossed over her black sweater. ''Yeah, he's gone,'' she whispered softly. ''Hill too.''
Natasha's eyes turned to the floor as she tried blinking the tears away. This was the second time Fury had died, although it looked to stick this time. No secret dam base.
''What does this mean?'' Rhodey asked, holding the pager up to show everyone the weird image.
Katya shrugged. ''Said they found it like that. My guess is it's back-up, but I have no idea who that is and why it is wired to cover large distances.''
Pagers, Katya knew. They had been fairly simple to use and had been used until far in the nineties. She knew when it had extra wiring and this was a bumped up version of a normal one. It had been messed with.
Steve furrowed his eyebrows. ''You're saying it is someone not from Earth?''
''Have you seen someone with that symbol before?'' She nodded at it, not waiting for answers. ''I bet it was an asset Fury wanted to keep in reserve. For things exactly like this.''
''Where was this person when we faced the biggest threat of the Universe?'' Steve said angrily, clenching and unclenching his fists. Everyone had different ways of dealing with this, his was anger.
''Maybe he believed we could beat Thanos ourselves.'' Natasha's voice faltered a bit at the alien's name, like it got stuck in her throat. Katya had never heard her talk so softly and painful.
Steve scoffed. ''Yeah, well he was wrong.''
Katya was done with his anger and pushed herself off from the table, taking the pager from Rhodey again. ''Where is Bruce?'' She asked no one in particular. ''We need to keep this thing alive at all costs.''
''In the lab.''
And indeed, he was there, doing what he knows best to distract himself. He wrote with a thick marker on a glass board, writing formulas and stuff Katya would never understand even if she tried.
She walked up to him, holding the pager in front of his face. ''We need to keep this alive. I don't have time to explain, but Fury gave it to us.'' Bruce eyed her and gently took the pager, studying it from all sides. ''He is gone but whoever is on the other side of this... they could help us fix this. So please do your best to keep the signal going.''
Katya knew she was being kinda mean, but there was no energy left in her body to be patient. Luckily, Bruce noticed and nodded without saying a thing, abandoning his work and starting on a plan for the pager.
Satisfied he focused on the pager, Katya walked back to the others. Only then she noticed Thor sitting in the small internal patio they had in the Compound. With his elbows on his knees, he stared at the glass door with a hollow look. The weird raccoon she now knew was named Rocket, sat next to him, trying to talk to the god, but he ignored the outside world.
Katya understood his self-centered anger. He almost had Thanos, the axe pressed in his chest. If only he had aimed for the head, they would have won. Thor had failed, and took the responsibility for all of their failure, which was neither fair nor necessary. They all had failed, not only him.
She stopped in the doorway, catching Natasha's eyes instantly because they were always looking for her. Katya nodded to the hallway. Reluctantly, the blonde followed her outside.
''Have you tried Clint?'' Katya asked when she finally stopped by the lake.
Natasha dropped her shoulders, shaking her head slowly. All the pressure to act fine fell away. ''The fact that he's not here is not good.''
''You wanna go there or should we just call?'' Katya questioned, ignoring the dread in her stomach at Natasha's words. She was right. They hadn't heard from him or his family at all. The Compound would be the first place he would call.
Natasha shook her head, staring at the lake behind her wife. ''At least two members of his family got dusted, Kat. I'd rather not go there and meet more piles of ash.''
''Calling it is then.''
Katya got her cellphone out and with shaking hands, pressed on Clint's name. They waited in suspense, but nobody answered. Not Clint's cellphone and not the home phone either. But Katya wasn't giving up and pressed call again and again, until someone picked up.
''Leave me alone.''
Both Russians' hearts stopped when their friend's voice grumbled through the phone. ''Clint! Oh thank god,'' Katya breathed, wanting to be happy but keeping it contained as she knew he lost people. ''Who is still with you? Laura, Cooper...''
It was silent for a while, so long Katya had to check if the connection wasn't lost. But then Clint choked out, ''Nobody. They are all gone.''
Again, both their hearts stopped, but this time from sadness and pity. Tears spilled out their eyes as they imagined Clint seeing his own family disappear. ''I'm so sorry,'' Katya whispered. ''You shouldn't be alone. Come to the Compound.''
''Don't come looking for me.''
Natasha furrowed her eyebrows and bowed over the phone. ''What? What do you-'' But the connection got lost. ''Clint.''
What was he planning? Whatever it was, it couldn't be good.
''We have to go.'' Natasha wanted to stalk off in the direction of the Quinjet, but Katya caught her arm and turned her around.
''Nat, you heard him, he wants to be left alone, and we should respect that.''
The blonde was getting annoyed and angry, softly pulling her arm free. ''He's going to do something stupid. He needs his friends right now, Katya.''
''Yes, he does. And I want nothing more than to help him. But he can make his own decisions. If being alone is his way of dealing with this, let him.'' Natasha again started to back away, but Katya followed her closely, pleading her to stop. ''Babe, please, I don't want to fight with you. We need to stick together.''
''You shouldn't talk about processing,'' Natasha snapped, pointing at Katya's chest. ''I know you better than you know yourself. You stuffed it all away. That's not dealing with it, Katya. That's bottling it up until you explode. And I will not be a part of that.'' She shook her head sadly and turned around, moving in the direction of the Compound.
''You're right!'' Natasha stopped in her tracks as Katya yelled after her loudly. ''I don't know how to deal with it,'' she continued softly, hanging her head as her wife slowly spun on her heels. ''But if I let it all in, I will drown. I can't be there for you if that happens, and that's all I want. If you are sad, my world is black and grey. For me to be happy, I need you to be happy. You're the only thing I care about.''
She was sobbing at this point and Natasha couldn't help but have flashbacks to right after Wanda had messed with her head when they were fighting Ultron. When Katya was falling apart on the bathroom floor of Clint's house.
''The whole world is falling apart and I have to protect the one I still have in my hands before it slips through my fingers,'' Katya said desperately, standing in the field completely lost.
Natasha's heart broke and she closed the distance between them quickly, grasping Katya's hands, looking into her eyes with full conviction. ''I will never slip away. Because it is us against the world, together for better or for worse, remember?'' She asked, causing Katya to nod faintly, smiling through her tears. ''I won't give up on you and you won't give up on me. Just, don't keep everything inside. I don't care if you keep me awake crying or you spend your days in the gym, but you have to let it out.''
Katya swung her arms around her wife and buried her face in her neck, the only place she felt truly safe. ''I'm so happy you're here. I don't know what I would have done without you.''
Natasha was crying at this point too, letting her tears run down her cheeks as she ran her hands up and down Katya's back. ''I need you through all this.''
''I need you, too,'' Katya whispered back. Simply because it was the only thing she knew for sure anymore. The only thing she had always known through it all. That this woman in her arms was her world.
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A/N: a chapter on Wednesday?? I wanted to surprise you because you're all so amazing and I keep getting so many love. So enjoy this extra chapter :)