This is totally Cole right here. ^^
Words 2008
EMERY.
Fuck fuck fuck.
What do I do? Even my mom, out of all the people, is telling me I should go with him. I've lost my chance though, haven't I? I totally have. There's no way he'd say yes to me now, not after me telling him no the first time.
I wouldn't be surprised if what he was dribbling down inside of his room was a hate letter to me, or maybe even an anger-driven song he just couldn't hold in. Yeah, that's probably it.
And if that isn't what it is, then there has to be some sort of catch. Maybe this is all a joke. Or a way to get away from me for good. He was probably relieved when I said no. If I showed up to his doorstep telling him I changed my mind, he'll probably feel stuck— bothered is a better word. Bothered.
I absolutely hate bothering the people I care about. And he has made it very damn difficult to not care about him.
The ceiling fan is shifting through the air. I'm trying to keep focus on one fan blade but it's difficult. I'm focusing so hard that the back of my eyes are starting to hurt. I'm going to get a headache.
I keep taking glances out my window towards Cole's but he is long gone now. He left about nine hours ago. Probably back to that hotel we were in. He's leaving tomorrow— or this morning since it's 5:24 AM. He is probably leaving in the morning, but how am I supposed to know? See, even if I wanted to pop in uninvited, I couldn't. I don't even know when he's leaving the damn state.
I rub my eyes, trying to keep them open. I don't want to go to sleep. I have this odd feeling that if I close my eyes I'm going to miss something important. There's nothing to miss though. I've already fucked up my chance.
I jump when I feel my phone vibrate from under my pillow, making a loud ding sound. Fuck, why does that always scare me? I'm not used to people texting me and when I usually get texts it's just Chris being an annoying fuck. Thank god he can't do that anymore. I can't help but feel a small sting in my heart, knowing that he is no longer in this world anymore. It's only small and it's gone in less than a second.
I drag my phone out from under my pillow, squinting my eyes at the bright screen.
(555)-431-8191: if you change your mind, we're leaving at 6:30 for the airport, the plane is leaving at 8:30. Bring clothes 🤩
I huff out a scoff at the ending, as if this isn't such a big decision for me. He has no idea what he's doing to me, I'm sure of it.
I let out a sigh as I place my phone back on my chest. I can't. I can't do it to mom and dad. Even Auden, that little brat. I begin to list reasons why I shouldn't go,
One, I'm seventeen for fuck sake.
Two, my mom just got stabbed by a fucking psychopath a few days ago.
Three, I have stupid school that I need to finish.
Four, Cole's mom is probably a bitch and won't want me there— she is not actually a bitch but I seem to bring that side out of people after a while of knowing them.
Five, my dad will fucking kill Cole, probably.
Six, everything I've known is here.
I pause, slowly losing reasons. Maybe that's all of the reasons, although I'm sure there are more. And now why should I tag along with them?
One...
It takes me a moment to think,
One, mom will be fine without me. She has dad.
Two, I'll be eighteen in a month and two days.
Three, Cole's mom is actually a sweetheart— I cannot believe I said that but it's true.
Four, my dad won't be able to control what I do. No matter how much he wants it, I am not his little girl anymore.
Five, trying new things is good... maybe.
Six....
I don't know. I think for a while, my brain wandering to different topics. I tear my stare away from the ceiling and focus on the window. I smile lightly thinking of the first time I met him.
I open the window, and wait for him to say something stupid.
"Hi." He greets, and I try not to let out a laugh at his awkward smile.
"Hey, neighbor boy. What are you doing up this late?" I ask, although it's not late at all. It's 10:30. He just looks like the type to go to sleep and wake up at crazy fucking hours. Even though I saw him up last night, I want to tease him a little bit.
I await his reaction, and am disappointed when all he does is shrug, "this is normal for me. What's your name?" I lift my eyebrows at him, surprised that he's getting straight to the point. Maybe he doesn't know I was teasing him?
I laugh a little. "Emery Scott."
"Cole Matthews." He replies, and I smile softly.
I feel my chest explode with a tickling feeling and I take a deep breath.
Six, I really really want to go.
I feel my throat shut at my next thought and I bury it so far down in hopes to never think it again. It is a thought that will only come when my guard is down, a thought I would never choose to think, at least not now.
Seven, I love him.
Shit, there it is again. Fuck. I sit up, rubbing my eyes and throwing the blankets off of me. I really must be delirious. I need to sleep, but I don't want to. I can't right now. When I wake up, Cole with officially be gone.
In a way, if I go to sleep he'll be gone quicker. At least in my mind. I let out a breath, "okay." I breathe quickly, getting out of my bed and practically tripping over to my closet.
My knees feel weak, my arms feel like jelly, and my brain is racing ten thousand miles a second. My chest is aching from my heart pounding into my ribcage and my blood is pumping so loudly I can hear it. I'm doing this. Am I really? Why the fuck am I doing this? This is so dumb.
I can't seem to stop myself as I pull the suitcase down from the closet, opening it up and throwing in my clothes. This is fucking crazy. I'm going to regret it...
Either way I'm going to regret it. Might as well do what I want to do most. I don't even finish throwing my stuff into my bag when I dash out of my room and knock on my parents bedroom door.
Dad opens the door, rubbing his eyes at he stares at me. He's in his underwear, but he doesn't even seem to notice, himself. I suddenly feel my heart drop, and my palms get sweaty. Why the fuck am I telling them? I could leave out the window and be fine.
Fuck, "I'm going with Cole." I mutter, straightening my posture as I look up at my father. I'm so small compared to him, but not as small as mom.
He furrows his eyebrows, "who?" Suddenly a small hand appears from behind him, pushing him out of the way.
My mom has a small frown on her face and big blue eyes. She doesn't say anything, she just lets out a breath as she pulls me into a hug. "What the fuck is happening?" Dad questions, and I pull away from mom, hoping she can't feel my nerves.
"I'm going to New Hampshire..." I mutter, cringing at the face he makes. It's a big decision and it feels weird saying it.
"Why the fuck would you go to New Hampshire Emery?"
I hate having to say it. I hate having to be that girl who is making a decision based on her feelings. Usually a decision based on your feelings fucks you up. I should know. I make them everyday. "Cole asked me to go and I want to go." My voice is shaky when I say it, and he immediately starts to shake his head.
"No, you're not. Why the fuck didn't anyone tell me anything? That's fucking insane Emery." He curses, his voice raising slightly.
"Hardin-" My mom warns but he only shrugs her off, walking down the steps before I can.
He grabs ahold of my keys in the bowl by the door, holding them in his hand. "You're not going, Emery. You can't."
"Hardin, let her-"
"You want her to go, Tessa? You better be fucking with me right now because this is really fucked up." He says sternly, "I didn't wake up to be told my daughter is moving away from me. I won't let it happen."
"Dad-"
"No, Emery. No." He snaps, shaking his head. I stare at him for a moment, searching for any sign that he might let me go. Maybe he just needs some convincing.
"I love him, dad." I mutter, my voice cracking in the middle. It kind of hurts to say it aloud but once I say it I feel relieved. My voice is barely audible but I can tell he heard me when his face changes. I chuckle pathetically. "Never thought you'd hear me say that, did you?" I pause, watching as his face falls. "Neither did I."
He stares at me for a moment, his frown only increasing. "I wish you were still little. You were perfect when you were fourteen and younger." He smiles lightly, "I was the only person there to protect you. It's been my job to protect you for seventeen years." He pauses, letting out a breath. "You can see why it's difficult to let you walk out of here."
"You know what?" I ask, pausing. I don't actually know what. I have to think of something quick though... "I think..." I bite the inside of my lip, "I think you've protected me just enough for this moment right here. I could either stay here and... be a fucking wimp, or I can go out and explore the world. Just like you taught me... in a way."
He looks at me for a moment, silently thinking. I can see the gears turning in his head. He looks over at mom, who is at the steps holding onto the post. "You... um...." he pauses, gulping, "you're really okay with it?" He sounds judgey as if he's disappointed in her, but his face says something different. He actually seems curious, as if asking her permission.
She nods slowly, shrugging her shoulders. "I already talked to her about it. I don't really want her to go, but I think it'd be good for her. She's really happy with Cole."
He seems disappointed in her answer, as if he was hoping she'd say no and agree with him. He shakes his head, dropping the keys into the bowl. "Okay, but I'm taking you to the airport and I'm talking to this Cole kid. For real. This is serious shit."
I feel the excitement rise into my chest again and a smile spreads across my lips, ear to ear. I can't even suppress it. "Really? Fuck, okay. Now I actually have to." I say aloud, letting out a stressed breath. Suddenly I feel my father's arms around me and he's hugging me, and all I can do is sink into his arms.
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𝙰𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚛'𝚜 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎
Was this chapter too dramatic? I honestly loved this chapter. That's because I love drama, no surprise there.
What's going to happen? Should she go with Cole or should she decide to stay?
Chapter sixty three: Mar. 25, 2021